Topic : 12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Excellent suggestion!  If the issue is financial, then a prenup would create an understanding of what is to be expected.  Anything that you and your spouse purchase AFTER the wedding is marital property.  Anything held BEFORE the marriage remains your personal property.  Sounds fair to me!

 

 

I had to do the same thing with my husband and he realized that it was either time to get married or call the realionship quits. He took the time he needed to think about what he wanted as I told him, I did not want to get married to him if he had any doubts but at the same time iwasn't gonna be dragged down playing the waiting game. I was ready at this point to settle down and I knew it was him that I wanted but no way as I going to give him any benenfits of being married, such as living together, sex, sharing of incomes, and whatever else. I have my belief system and I stuck with it, it was not an easy thing to basically walk away but a thte same time I had my self image, my goals, my life and I wasn't about to give it up for some one who oly wanted the benefits but not the whole committment. That was over 13 1/2 yeaars ago as we will be celebrating out 14th wedding anniversary in Feb. And we are happily married and with two beautiful little girls.

For us, it basically came down to the fact that my husband had a hard time makeing big committments, his mom dies when he was 8 and his dad died when he was 19 and he was having a hard time dealing with some issues in life and to to think about marriage was also about time to think about having a family and that thought scared my hubby to the point that he was avoiding the commitment. Chances are if a guy is avoiding marriage thent ehre are issues that he needs to deal with within himself and also guys and women do have a differnet thought process, therfore both need to learn to communicate na dbe honest with themselves as well as the one they are dating and women, step up to the plate and stick up for yourselves, don't be his live in playmate, if you fall for all this, then he will probably never make a committment. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saving yourself for marriage, if you take the role as wife then he will take advantage of that, when I went through this with my husband, I looked at him and said, "I deserve 100% of you and if you can't give that to me, I am done" and Ileft it at that.

I understand that marriage is a hard committment but it is a committment betweeen two people who love and adore each other and together they can make anything happen, it is possible to have a loving and lasting marriage regardless of ones background, experiences, fears, whatever, you just have to want it and take the plungea nd wotk together and as far as my marriage goes, It is wonderful though it has had its down times just like all marriages d but the committment is amazaing becuase we do love each other.

Men, don't play your girl friends, treat them with respect and listen to her, don't be playing games cause if you do, chances are you are gonna lose the game and women, we are not playmates, we deserve 100% from the guy we love and this can also be turned around as I have known women to put off the marriage committment as well.

I watched today's Dr. Phil with much interest since I gave my then boyfriend an ultimatum. Although he had been the first one to bring up the "M" word (marriage), every time I re-visited that subject, he would hem and haw.... He would tell me things like we would be getting married "someday" or "in 20 years or so." Well, since neither he nor I were spring chickens, I figured that could mean we would never make it down the aisle!  I finally (after three years) got to the point that I didn't want to wait any longer. I was ready to get married. I wanted a commitment from him by the end of that year or I would move out and on with my life. He proposed by the end of the year, and a year later we were married. I think you have to come to a point where you realize that you have to go after what you want in life -- that you are worth that. There wouldn't have been anything wrong with my boyfriend if he had said "no" and if he hadn't made that commitment. I would have just moved on. You have to be prepared to take that step, however. You have to know who you are as a person, that you are worthy, and have enough respect for yourself to make the choices you need to make. I wish both of the couples on today's show well.

So, why are you with this man?

 Goes to show that money doesn't mean everything!

I picked out a cheap ring, pretty but didn't cost mega bucks and I am still married to my one and only, and happily married at that. Quit playing the victim role and step up to the plate, There's a lot more to life then playing a role that you don't have.

As long as you stay with him and allow him to play you, then he will continue to do so.

it's ok to wait if both agree and are happy that way.

I think for some, especially women, they want the wedding and all the works that go with it. but for others, such as I, I wanted the 100% committment, I was not willing to play the role as wife but not have the committment. I didn't want sex and children before marriage, and I felt that if my boyfriend at the time couldn't respect that, then I didn't want to be with him and if he truly and honestly loved me and only me and eventually wanted to get married then he would step up and take the plunge and lucky for me, I stood up for what I believed in and he took the time to think about what he wanted and like I said already, we are happily married going on 14 years with no regrets, some people just need a little bit of a push and not all of us want that piece of paper just to have it but because we want the whole person and the whole committment.

it was my now husbands choice to come back to me and to set the date for marriage, Though it was not an easy thing for me, I had let him go and though it wasn't a long break up, it was long enough for me to realize that I didn't have to do anything that I didn't want to do and he didn't have to make a committment if he didn't want to, I left it up to him and when he realized that he needed to be with me, it was easy from there on, no, we didn't run off and get marriad that nigth though I wanted to LOL, but the date was set, and the committment was there which is what I wanted to know that the committment was there and several months later we were married, it was  nice, elegant wedding, not expensive and we are living happy lives together.

I don't believe a peson should be forced to do anything and I also feel that those who are ready for the committment have the right to that and that's when it comes down to communication and listening to one anotehr and going from there.

do these women have no self-respect? do they not realize what a horrible example they are setting for their children? the kids are learning that the way you make a family is first to bring a child into a situation that has no framework or agreement on what makes them a family - then subject them to the daily uncertainty of discussion around the fact that there needs to be some sort of a framework but nobody can agree on what that looks like. EGADS!

 

these men have been very up front about NOT wanting to get married - they should however stand up and be  real men by letting these women go and ending the relationships. The question still remains - why would he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?

 

I just finished Robin's book and boy do i wish I had this book when I was younger - I'd have made far less mistakes. She makes things so simple and it is all about self respect, making choices that are right for us, and knowing when to move on.

I don't get this. Who wants to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to them? I had a 3 year relationship with a man who clearly knew that ultimately I did want marriage down the line. After 3 years, I said, "You have had 3 years to get to the point of marriage. You are not there. I am out of here". Then he asks me over, fixed a romantic meal, dressed in his tux, gets down on his knees to propose. I said, "It is too late, you had 3 years" I don't believe in ultimatums, this felt too much like one.

The jury is still out on whether I will watch this episode or not.  I wen through the exact same thing with a former boyfriend.  after two years he finally bought an engagement ring, however he was really trying to buy more time.  I finally pinned him down to a date, only to have him tell me later why his Mom thought it was a bad idea.  This man was in his 30's for heavens sake!   I finally told him if I was good enough to be his girlfriend I was good enough to be his wife.  Shortly there after I cut my losses and moved on.  For the record we never lived together.  I met my husband one year later, and our relationship steadly progressed and we were married and year and half after we met. 

Please excuse me for having to be the Male Pig on this one, but, men have a much different view on marriage than women. For instance, women seem to strive for it. It's like they NEED the conformation of marriage. Men on the other hand are much more content with keeping their relationship a good one. Why ruin a good thing, right?  Please dont get me wrong, I look forward to marriage...but if a women were to pressure me into it, I couldn't be with her. She obviously doesnt care who she is married to...she just wants to be married.
 Women, please DO NOT tell your men to marry you or hit the pavement. Men cant be pushed into doing something, because he will regrett it and you will have no idea why or what is going on.