Topic : 12/20 Marry Me or Else!

the one women - her boyfriend  had NEVER proposed and never said he wanted to get married.  He specifically said he didn't want to.  She was pressuring him.  Leaving "hints" around the house.  I think the specific topic is if you want to get married and they don't get the hell out and quit looking over your shoulder to see if they are following you, because they probably aren't.

You sound very lucky that your guy worked out, many of us do end up with great guys!  I have one myself.. It is truly a blessing to not only love your husband but like him as well. 

But as you said it isn't always the men getting the milk for free because in today's society many women would rather live in a household where she serves her own milk out of a bottle to him while he watches football in bed.  Nothing wrong with that as long as you know what you are doing and you are happy!!  I did that for years and ever warmed the bottle for him. To each her own as long as she goes in with her eyes open and doesn't blame everyone around her for what she is doing and then acts like she is surprised.

Take responsibility.  You did and you got what you wanted.  Good for you.  Don't take any crap!

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years.  He has been living with me for 2 of the years.  He has been in my daughters life ever since she was a year old.  She looks up to him like a father figure, since her dad is in and out of her life so much.  I have talked about marriage, I am 26 and he is 34 And i am ready for that family life again.  I was married once before and it failed due to a cheating husband.  The guy I am with now went through my divorce with me from begging to end.  I am ready to have a family, marriage and his family asks him when he is getting married, he tells them he is testing the water.  They tell me I will be nothing else but his girlfriend and that I should just leave him, but my daughter thinks his family is her family and both of us will be crushed.  I just don't know what to do.  I try talking about it and he say he wants to get married, but then we get deep in the subject and it just starts a fight.  Does anyone have an advise for me? Please help.

I just ended my two yr. relationship.  There were different circumstances then yours, but he couldn't figure out whether he wanted to get married.  And I wasn't going to wait around any longer.  I had to do it for myself.

You need to ask him what he really wants, by now he should have a good idea.  If he doesn't want to get married then you need to seriously consider moving on.  It's not healthy for you or your daughter.  You may need to move on before you or your daughter invests any more emotion into it.  It will only get harder. 

First let me say that I am not implying ANYTHING about your particular relationship and what works for you is your business.

But as far as nomarital long term relationships succeeding is concerned....

Sure it's EASY to happy with your relationship to your significant other when you basically wake up every morning DECIDING whether or not you want to be together!

And if you don't you can just pack you bags and leave in the middle of the night and the other person has no legal right to do anything about it!

A lot of us have "friends" that show up for the "party" and then we can't find them when we really need support.

But how intimate are we with those people?

You are in a dificult situation. I haven't been in that situation but I will try to help.

I suggest you buy the tape of this episode if it isn't rerunning soon in your area.

As I said in  a previous post, you just have to see the look on Mary's face!

It is very significant that this woman ( unlike the much younger other guest, Roseanna) spent a total of 12 years with her guy, 8 of them being engaged and now she may be too old to do some of the things she wanted to do.

She basically wasted her life and youth on this guy and she can't get that time back. It's like a bad nightmare.

Although you do have a child and you have been married once, you need to put yourself in Mary's place.  Are you going to be happy being in your 40's without getting married again?

Don't wait till its too late like Mary did only to hear the common sense reply (leave if he won't give you what you want) when it is too late to make a difference.

       As a woman, you may be feeling the ole "biological clock" ticking away or the "social clock" kicking around, but honestly what is more important in your own heart? 

Is tolerating the lack of commitment worth your own self-esteem or as a father figure would you REALLY have wanted to marry someone like your father who has been in and out of your life on a regular basis and leaving you with an interabadonment issue?? 

A strong loving committed companion whom you can trust in with your inner most thoughts, secrets and has EARNED his place in your heart and soul is what is more deserving than what you are "settling for".

You and your daughter should be the one and only concern for happiness, get balance and stability for the two of you through the two of you and maybe one day a real man will come and earn a place in your family.

Look to your heart and believe in what God tells you is right..he knows.

The laws must be different in the States when it comes to Common Law couples.

Here in Canada, a Common Law couple is cosidered married after six months of contiuous co-habitation, that means if you split after only two months and get back together, that period starts ALL OVER again.

My husband and I have been together almost 18 years, an neither one of us plans on going anywhere, our view was always, if you're going to split up, that piece of paper isn't going to stop you from going out the door.  Our two children have their father's last name, I'm really no different from the wife that keeps here maiden name after the wedding, and yes both children have the same father.

We are faithful to each other, same rules apply here, you cheat, God help you, we file our income taxes together , we can buy a home together, and raise our children.  If we split, there is still the lawyers fees of dividing up assets, and child support, or alimony, we have a joint chequing account, and joint savings, is this sounding any different from MOST married couples so far ?

Our pay cheques are pooled together, we are each other's next of kin, and executors not to mention power of attorney ( though I realize ANYONE can be given those roles) and we are each other's beneficiaries of any insurance policies, not to mention, I am also on his job's medical insurance.

So the difference, we chose another option that we were given, we couldn't justify the cost of ONE DAY, or the hassle for that matter.  Do I worry that he's just going to "walk out" no, because I know with or without the whole piece of Paper or ceremony, he could anyway, the divorce rate currently should squash those illusions

To some people, all the Bells and whistles are a necessity, and it is what they want, WONDERFUL, but you BOTH have to be on the same page, and no one is going to be happy if they feel like going down the aisle, is like that walk down death row, what it comes down to, COMMUNICATION, and figuring out what is important to you, if its marriage, be UPFRONT about that, and stick to a time limit.

My husband and I are happy with the status quo, and our kids are growing up healthy and happy, but like marriage, our relationship takes alot of work, and we are both too stubborn to give up too easily.

I just prefer to be the Bridesmaid, not the Bride.