Topic : 12/20 Marry Me or Else!

i dont know what the big deal is with getting married.  spending all this time worrying about a piece of paper which means absolutely nothing.  i dont get it.

What is wrong with wanting that complete thing...paper, flowers, family...the whole works...if he loves you it can come with a piece of paper and it is such a small deed to do for love...that is all I have to say.  Amen...

Why is everyone so afraid of a little piece of paper...we sign things all the time.  Checks...aren't we women worth more than a check ... or what?  It just makes me wonder why we are so afraid of it...leaving can happen but so can dying...don't you want to say I love you for all time on a little note...that is legal?  Love is more...when it is more than just from the heart...it is declared for all

time to all to see...you will be remembered on that paper by all future generations that you have to follow you...to see how much you loved...not just words but on a piece of paper...this is one subject that is my pet peeve...all the great poets are gone when no one wants to sign a little piece of paper.

I personally do not understand why people stay together when one doesn't want the full committment but the other does, been there but no way was I going to "play house" with the guy, he eiither wanted me 100% or he didn't. Love can be hard at times and certainly worth fighting for. Thankfully, everything turned out the way I wanted it to for me, but I was prepared for the worse, wasn't easy but I took the first step, and it got him to thinking about what he really feared and wanted in life.  No one should be "forced" into something they are not ready or doesn't want to do but at the same time, one should not be manipulated and expected to sit back with shattered dreams, gotta communicate and get to the root of the issue, figure out a plan and go with it.

Marriage is a big committment which unfortunetly isn't taken serious these days, sad but true for a lot of people, so it is understandable why some may not want to commit but I think it is more of a cop out then anything for some, they want the relationship, the live in whatever,but they don't want the 100% accountability, which really is a sad thing, for marriage is a beautiful experience when you truly are in love and want it to be loving and lasting, well worth the "I do's"

 It sounds to me like Tony and Mary want different things.  If Mary wants to get married, she should look for someone else because forcing a guy into a marriage he doesn't want is just going to cause resentment.  After being engaged for even a few months without setting a date i would have to cancel the engagement, or at least talk to him about what he wants.  A woman's biological clock only ticks for so long before it stops, and he wasted 12 years of them that she can't get back.  After a certain age it becomes dangerous to have kids (if that's what she wanted) and it's not fair to her.  It's not fair to pressure HIM either,  and if he wants to date around for longer, he should be able to do that, but they both need to be honest with each other.

 

If he doesn't want to get married, i think she should just move on.

  I think that people are afraid to get things in writing because it's legal and they can go to court and it's official.  But so is a prenup agreement if you want to cover your butt.

 

If you sign a piece of paper, it binds you to it, and it gives the other person the feeling like youre taking the relationship seriously because it's now public record.  Why would you want to hide your love in obscurity, anyway?  If it shows your spouse/fiance that you don't have any qualms committing to them, what better way to prove that to them? 

Maybe we should stop dreaming of that wonderful make believe world.  Marriage is hard work.  Not for lazy people.  You have to please and be pleased also.  It's not a 50/50 it's 200/200.  You cannot expect rewards at work for not doing it.  That is what marriage is...not just hearts and flowers...that is the beggining years.  I am married for 35 years.  It has been happy and sad sometimes both at the same time.  My husband is a better worker bee than I am.  Love is all we need.  There is not a word in our language that says what we have.  We are comfortable and

at ease with each other.  We are proud of our marriage and it's piece of paper.  I believe some people should just not marry.  Then also some people take advantage of another person.  The other person does not really matter.  Their parents do not matter.  I wanted my Dad and Mom to be proud of us...as well as My in-laws.  We would never hurt them.  Love is more than being about me me me...not a soul speaks about that anymore.  The real marriage is giving to your other half...and they give back to you.  if you cannot do this don't marry...but don't move in together either.    When there isn't any hope there isn't real love.  If someone hurts you when you ask for that piece of paper, they won't do that for you, do not stay.

They really will never give you true love.  I have been in love and out throuhtout our marriage...but we try to see the true picture.  That is where God comes into the marriage.  His ways are the way to go.  When you first marry it is hard to sacrifice...for each other... But that is true love.  Not one person winning.   He did for his people.  That is love.  Merry Christmas...

One of Dr Phil's rules is it takes two yes's or one no. You either come to terms with that, or you get out.

 

It is foolish to make one single choice of your partner the defining aspect of their love. Are you so flawless?

 

Marriage was never about the relationship between the two lovers and certainly isn't these days, it was for the benefit of those outside the relationship, the authorities, the extended family, etc. It should not impact the feelings between the two lovers one iota.

 

Check out Dr Phil's list of what makes a successful relationship, is having a marriage ceremony critical?

 

The things that make it successful are what you do to make your lover's day better, with no expectations in return. You can't give her or him marriage, it takes two yes's. So there is no point in getting out of the current relationship until you have come to terms with that, as chances are the next lover also won't want marriage. Why go on getting unhappy and frustrated, when in all other respects these are great people to spend your life with?

 

Read what BetteD55 had to say.

But why is it SO important, yes we sign things all the time, and like I said if that's what you WANT then by all means, DO IT, but not everyone wants that or feels they need it.

For some, yes it is fear, but I also said to be UPFRONT, What my husband and I are doing by the way ( see one of my pet peeves are people who judge us and get on us about that piece of paper) is PERFECTLY LEGAL in this country.

I love him and he loves me, and if no one else BELIVES that, well whatever, I make no justifacations or apologies for our relashionship, I was pointing out that there are those of us that really don't need witnesses to say that oh yes, they love each other, because it is naive to think that that paper really means much these days, again I point to the 50% divorce rate in BOTH countries.

There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!!!!

But NOT EVERYONE wants it, that simple.

And why exactly do people belive that common-law couples are "playing house" that really bugs me, we have the same problems and struggles of "Married Couples" and its no easier for me to leave than anyone else, to each his or her own.