Topic : 12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Went together almost three years, got married July 29, 2006...separated on November 5, 2006...getting divorced.  What happened to the two people that were so in love???  I don't know but wish I had paid attention to the red flags sent out by my husband...he was not good husband material but I was needy and settled.  We had lots of fun together, but it was not a intimate, loving, honest relationship.  It was worse after we got married.  He became distant and I became hurt.  He became cruel and it ended ugly.  I'm 62 years young and thought I had found my dream man.  He has too many issues that he doesn't deal with and his anger came out on me and I allowed it until I couldn't take it any more.  Although I ended it, I am sad.  But I believe God has saved me from something by having this end so soon.  Really think about if both of you have the same values and desires for your relationship.  If not, get out.  Divorce is too painful.  Dreams die hard as the saying goes.....Merridy

While it's true that some unmarried people can have a stronger bond than married ones to whom it is just a piece of paper or a pedigree, it is also an unavoidable truth that being willing to commit marriage is the most easily identifiable way to measure whethr someone is ready to commit or not.  Commitment is marriage.  And good marriage is commitment. 

Thank you for giving me an opportunity to share about your topic.  My husband and I dated 5 years before we dated.  He couldn't tell me for over a year that he loved me.  He had a rough upbringing so he in turn thought the same would happen to him.  We are much older now and much wiser.  This is what I've learned.  I had to learn to happy myself that someone else can not give that to me.  I only focus on Scott's good traits not his bad traits and he does the same back.  Because we both have bad traits and we get along better when we appreciate each other.  I decided it wasn't important to have things my way.  The more I give to my husband the more I get back.  I love the statement from the movie Shall We Dance.  They wanted someone to witness their life.  It's about being a team and sharing their lives together.  Life isn't perfect and people aren't either.  I focused on myself and not him.  We have had to live with Shiftwork for 23 years.  Marriage is peaks and valleys.  But Scott and I have grown so much during the valleys and we appreciate the peaks.  The best is yet to be.  He's not scared anymore of marriage or telling me he loves because he only thinks about it all the time.  Thank you.

I would make a bet that for sure Mary has not left her "man" because all she did was smile most of the time on the stage and hold his feeble hand.  Even Dr. Phil was NOT buying the fact that she said she was going to leave.  Her self esteem is in the gutter, she is giving the milk away for free, and he knows it.  As far as I am concerned, she deserves another 8 years.  Come on Mary............who are you kidding?  Certainly not us.  Maybe yourself.  Your man has you all figured out, is getting all services for free, and it appears he has it pretty good with you paying so much of the stuff in the home, cooking, cleaning, running errands, taking care of the dog.....  So he pays the mortgage....big deal!  You would come out ahead by leaving him and renting an apartment and have some time for yourself to find someone who would love you.  But I don't give you much hope since you settled for so little for 12 years.

Rosanne, I got the feeling you were fed up.  And I hope you hit the highway and that some wonderful man out there saw you and contacted the show.  You do deserve better.  Don't give the milk away for free.  You DO DESERVE SO MUCH MORE.  Drop that baby and find a real man who will love you and tell you so.

I believe relationships need change, slow and gradual and growing change.

I met "Mr Saturday Night" through an online dating site.  He seemed like a really great guy, smart (an attorney), funny, kind, and many qualities too numerous to mention.

We met in the usual "online" way of meeting, a preagreed restaurant for dinner.  We "hit it off well, and started into a routine of dating.  We had dinner out every Saturday night, and early evening phone calls every week night. 

This went well for about eight months.   Then I decided that it was time for our relationship to "go further", to grow  a little.  I told him, in one of our evening phone calls, that I would like just a "little more" for our relationship. "Absolutely not!", he told me,  "I just don't have the time.  I'm way too busy, and I have too much to do."

"Well", I told him, " if we can't take our relationship just a litlle further, then I don't think it's going anywhere, and we may as well, not see each other anymore."

His reaction to this "threw" me.  He calmly said, "OK, if that's what you want, then alright."

I couldn't believe he didn't protest at all!! But if that's how he felt, I was glad to be rid of him. 

That was the end of it, until about six months later, when he appeared at my door!?!?!  I invited him in and in the course of conversation, as if he thought he would tell me an amusing anecdote, he said, "I was engaged to be married, and she broke it off already".

I really didn't think anything of it, I was well over him at this time.  He went on to explain that he was engaged to this woman, and when he went to visit her one night, she refused to come out of her room.  He told me that her parents told him, that she had done this before, as she had been engaged a few times before him, but she always broke the engagements!!  All I thought at that time was that, well, that's what you get for "messing with " someone "nutty" like that, but I said nothing, and merely smiled understandingly.  He seemed to think his story was somewhat humorous; I just thought he was "DUMB" !!

It was later, that I was thinking, and realized that he dated me for eight months, and was not inclined to take our relationship any further, and, in fact, seemed only relieved  when I told him we should "break up".   When I realized, that this sixty year old man, who had never been married in his life, was able to find the "love of his life" within just six months, after dating me for for eight months........... it dawned on me:  that was why he was so blah about our breakup!! and that was why he had no time to take our relationship any further!!  He already had her and was with her most of the time.  After all, he only saw me on Saturday night!!

I was a little angry, but I just thought to myself, I'm glad to be rid of him, especially since that's the way he REALLY was!! 

I was married for 22 years, and from the time we met, it seemed my husband could hardly stand to be away from me.  When we weren't together, we were on the phone, having long conversations (usually, he called me).  True, our relationship was kept alive, by changes beyond our control, but it was a living realtionship, and we conscientiously kept it alive and loved each other.  Sadly, heart disease took him, ten years ago, but I have happy memories of our love and life together, and I would not change a minute of those 22 years.

"Mr.Saturday Night" is back "online", with a profile on a different dating site, one which I happen to have a lifetime membership, though he told me he was though with dating, and would NEVER go online again!!!

So, though I'm still "available", I'm happy.......... yes, Mr.Saturday Night called a few weeks after our last meeting, and asked me to go to dinner ......... of couse!!......Saturday Night.  I did go to dinner with him.  He wanted to "pick up where we had left off".  I told him NO.  We would have to start all over again.  He simply left and I haven't heard from him since. 

What a jerk!!!  He could have had a wonderful life with me and he foolishly just passed it up!!!

HIS LOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!        :-D

You go girl !!!!

Love your attitude.

 I'm in the same boat as the ladies on the show. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years and still no ring. All our friends are married and also my cousins younger than me. I made him watch the show but we ended up fighting. I'm tired of just being the girlfriend I want more and I deserve more! I have tired to kick him out but he refuses to leave and tells me I have a surprise for you if you just wait. Like an idiot I wait and let him back in. Please give me advise.