Topic : 12/20 Marry Me or Else!

If you get to know the person before you live with them, then you can work out the kinks when you live together.  It's about loving the person before you commit to sharing your lives together.

There are warning signs that red flag that you probably shouldn't marry that person.  And if you "try before you buy" so to speak, i think it creates the atmosphere where the guy has all the benefits of marriage, but without the commitment, which might be what the woman wants.  It sets up the woman to be manipulated and having the "marriage" carrot dangled in front of her.

If i believe it's "wrong according to God" i have every right to say it, because i believe it.  You might not, but it's your life.

I can see both sides to the issue of getting married. I agree that you need to leave him if he cannot commit to you after being together for several years.  My husband and I have been married for 14 years, 12 of which we have been getting divorced, we dated for 18 months prior to getting married.  My husband and I had gone through bad marriages prior to meeting.  He said he would NEVER get married again.  I on the other hand needed the trip down the isle.  We agreed to marry for 2 years, if it did not work we would go our separate ways.  We never had kids together being we already had children of our own.  This may have made our dicissions and decisions easier to live the life we have.  We have our separate checking/savings account (we both have access to) & a joint account for bills.  Everything we buy (furniture, cars, vacation packages, etc) we deciede who gets it in the divorce prior to buying it.  We even had two houses (now I have an RV and he has the house).  We live and love by the following which allows us to have our sense of independance and control:  1) Communication, even if it means yelling, screaming and even a night apart (alone); 2) Respect, each others privacy, opinions, space; 3) Loyalty, no or little jelousy, be true to each other, the door is always open, if you want to have an affair, pack your things and go, but don't come home.  Because of our beliefs, we are more in love today than when we married.

I know that Dr. Phil is a kind man.  Yes, gives people tough news, but I suspect he has a tough time being really, really straight when it comes to telling a young woman really bad news. 

When it comes to marriage it really is simple.  A man has to be really, deeply in love to want to do it.  Its not just a case of "getting the milk for free," though some men do marry when the milk is unavailable otherwise.  Its about loving a woman enough to believe that life can be infinitely better because she is in it.

This is so basic that people, including happily married people, sometimes forget it.  Love is sometimes not enough.  But without love, real romantic insane love--nothng is enough. Neither of these men were really in love with the women who wanted marriage.  And neither man wanted to admit this because the arrangement they have is so convenient.

If a man is twenty-five and not living with his girlfriend, whom he loves, some dithering is to be expected.  But if a man has lived with a woman for years dithering means he is waiting for the right one.  We have all seen it--time and time again.  A long time living-together couple break up, often because she insists on marriage.  What happens?  He meets someone else and marries within a year.  Why?  He fell in love.  Men are not afraid of commitment when they are madly in love.  A man who says he is "not that romantic" is just not feeling romantic about his current partner--and that should be a red flag to both parties.  These couples are fighting about the wrong thing.  Marriage?  No, love is the real issue.

Both of these women are lovely.  Both deserve to marry men who are crazy about them.  Right now that might now seem possible but it is.  Love, with somebody else, is possible.  Real love, in the current circumstances, is not.

Robin

   I was in the same situation when I was younger and getting married was the biggest mistake I ever made.

To you men, end the relationship and move on and never look back. Trust your instincts on this, there are reasons why you have not married her and do not let any woman, Dr Phil or his female audiences make you feel guilty so you will get marry.

Do anyone know if the first couple ever got married, since the show aired back in Sept. ?     

"Move on"...  to what???????  I can't for the life of me wrap my mind around this mentality...  If you're with the man you love, if he appears to love you (I assume you wouldn't still be with him, otherwise), if it's a happy and satisfying relationship...  If it ain't broke...  Don't fix it!!!  I know a woman who had all this and left the relationship because "it wasn't going anywhere"...  Well, let's see, they used to go: out to dinner, on vacation, to bed, hiking, sailing, to movies...  Where the heck did she want it to go?  To the altar.  Why?  Because "people were asking."  As long as women continue to regard marriage and The Big Prize at the end of the day (and make comments like "why am I NOT GOOD ENOUGH to be your wife," we won't have truly evolved...  Ladies, you treat yourselves like slaves (sex, household, whatever) when you make your "price" a diamond ring or half his pension or whatever it is you hope to gain through marriage.  If you needs society's stamp of approval, you haven't grown up.  And if you'd leave a good man over a piece of paper, I say you love the piece of paper more than you love the man.  Who's "shallow"?