Topic : 12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Oh, I agree with all that.  I never married.  It was never anywhere near the top of my list of priorities, but then I never had kids, so it wasn't as important.  I think it's true that some people don't take marriage any more seriously than dating.  But for most women dealing with most men, there is hardly a way to measure the man's loyalty and good intentions and motives without having official commitment to use as a barometer. 

I certainly agree that way too many people marry too young.  I have always pleaded with all my friends who seem to just go from one living arrangement, whether it's roommate or lover, to try just living on their own by themselves for at least a year before they plunge into other arrangements.  I have seen in my female friends as well as male (but not as much) that those who feared being alone were the ones who made the most desperately wrong decisions.  Everyone needs to gain some confidence in themself that they can be alone without the world crashing in around them.   I just really don't believe a person fully develops all their facets if they haven't lived independently for awhile. 

Life is way too short to be unhappy. I have always believed that getting married should be harder and divorcing easier. To be harsh and direct with you, since you have no problem with it, I don't care if what I do honours your god or not. My marriages have no bearing and no impact on you, and if you think it does that is your cross to bear not mine.

You should never stay married if you are unhappy. Sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes people change, sometimes it was just a wrong fit from the beginning. Try and fix it, but don't live with something that is broken. Divorce is always an option. It's ridiculous and cruel to make people feel bad because they have failed at something. I am so glad that there is separation of church and state because of people like you. I sleep better at night knowing that no one can whack me with their bible or koran or whatever holy book.

Maybe you would like to live in a country where women have no rights or access to divorce. They have to stay in abusive, loveless, joyless, marriages with no voice. Oh Lord, that's something to advocate. They talk of god and what he wants too. It's dangerous, confining, stifling, grotesque, and inhuman. Women have fought for their rights with tears and blood; rights you enjoy whether you exercise them or not. You live in a society built on the backs of heroes and martyrs. And if you don't think your way of thinking doesn't impact me you need to become more aware.

Are you asking because you care what God thinks are you just asking for the sake of arguing your viewpoint?  I am grieved when people do things that are against God's way of doing things, why? because I know that doing things His way always produces good.  (and by the way God's idea of good is not man's idea of good) Man thinks that good means you will never have problems, not so.  Just because you marry doesn't mean you will not encounter all the same things if you are common law married.

The Lord tells us in His word that we are to obey the law of the land if it lines up with His word (the Bible).  The law of the land tells us that we have to have a piece of paper in order to be married.  Therefore, since marriage is an institute God created then God is all for making marriage legal, ie a piece of paper.  If God says marriage is good then it is good.  If God says to obey the laws of the land then we are to sign a piece of paper in order to be married.  In this country if you do not sign a piece of paper then you are not considered married.  Living together for a long period of time, having children together does not make you married according to the laws of our land.

That small piece of paper cements your committment and makes it legal.  It is a whole lot easier to walk away from a contract or committment when you do not have any binding legal paperwork tying you down.  Now for my own personal opinion--if you care to know....  People who do not have legal paperwork saying they are married are afraid of something and frankly cannot commit all of their hearts to that one person. They can have sex with them, have children (which by the way costs much more than a $50.00 marriage certificate), and live as a married person, but they can't seem to seal the deal with a marriage certificate....what's wrong with this picture?  And why are these people above the law anyway, if the law says in order to be married you have to sign a piece of paper and pay a few bucks to the government, so what.  The price of one's love has no price tag or so it shouldn't. 

We can agree to disagree.  My original point was to say that God is in favor of marriage and He is not in favor of living together. 

The wisdom of man is foolishness to God.  I am sorry that you don't care about God, but you know what He cares about you.  And while you were yet a sinner He died on a cross for you and took your punishment for you because He loves you so.  One day you might care what God thinks and if and when that day comes the Lord will bring back this conversation to you.  He will remind you how He spoke directly to your heart about things that matter to Him.  You matter to Him even if He doesn't matter to you. 

Your marriages have an impact on Jesus Christ and maybe someday you will understand why?  I hope for your sake. 

Happiness is elusive because it changes with our circumstances. 

If you enter into a marriage with divorce being an option then the marriage is doomed from the start, why would you ever consider marrying the person if there is even a hint that it could not work out?  There is nothing too difficult for the Lord, with God as the head of your relationship there is nothing that cannot be worked out. 

Separation of church and state does not really exist.  Read Thomas Jefferson's original dialogue on the separation of church and state and you will see that he never meant it to be separate.

I don't live in a country where women have no rights because God placed me here in this country so that I may exercise my free beliefs to whomever he places upon my path.  In God's eyes we are all equal, He does not see differences, He sees hearts, especially broken hearts. 

God does not condemn people for their mistakes, He seeks to restore them.  I also do not condemn people for their mistakes.  I realize that people marry the wrong person every day and feel that divorce is their only option.  What my point has been all along is that God values marriage and would rather us stay married rather than divorce. God would rather us marry rather than living together.

We both live in the USA, I am assuming so and this country was built on the principles of our Holy Bible and our Heavenly Father Jesus Christ.  Jesus Christ raised up godly men and women to fight for the rights of His people for yours and mines sake.  The real thanks goes to Jesus Christ. 

My way of thinking does impact you, maybe for now it angers you I realize that.  But hopefully later it will impact you in a different way. 

Your marriage may be a godless marriage, but it still honors God whether you acknowledge Him or not.  He, Jesus Christ, still honors you.  He is faithful even when we are not.  He forevermore loves you and continually speaks to you in your circumstances.  He speaks to you in that still small voice, waiting patiently for you to answer in your heart. 

You don't have to make any agreement with a supernatural deity for God to honor your marriage.  The fact that He honors marriage means that He honors your marriage. 

I am happily married and more in love than ever...

It maybe a little unconventional in the way we got there, but in todays world where divorce is so high, children are being raised by others, and values have changed, we have managed to find our way back to a happy and meaningful marriage (without all the jelousy and with a little self independance). I believe divorce is a factor when there is physical abuse in a marrage.  Maybe I am wrong, but all the therapy in the world does not fix an abuser or make the victim unafraid. You may forgive, but there is always that fear (and sometimes death)... 

 I don't expect everyone to understand, maybe just giving hope to those who have been hurt or are looking to have that connection (paper or just each other) in thier relationship.  Granted, my husband and I too have been through some rough spots, but after 14 years, the divorce issue is just a joke now...a possibiltiy? There is always a possibility of "anything" happening in life... it is what you choose to do with it that counts. 

I could totally relate to what these woman are saying.  My boyfriend and I have been together going on 6 years.  I have beautiful diamond RINGS (and yes there have been more than one).  He has even taking me to the jewlery store to pick out a ring.  Then when I heard it was in I went to get it and they wouldnt give it to me....I told the woman "Oh dont worry its not a proposal its just enough to show Im spoken for, I mean I picked it out...he just paid for it."   We have a beautiful family and home and yet he has told me countless times he cant marry me.  His reasoning:  You want a big wedding and I dont.  Ive even offered to go to the justice of the peace but still that dont motivate him either.  Ive had a wedding dress stored in my closet, Ive even announced it in the paper...yet that dont phase him either.  Sad part is my daughter asked me why my last name is not like her and daddys and he acted like he didnt hear her.  So I just gave her the excuse that mommy likes her last name. 

 My mother has told me, why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?  So as time goes on I find myself more and more not  wanting to marry him.  It has even come to the fact that I dont even like wearing the countless rings hes bought me over the years.  So Im done asking and mentioning it because its not worth it.  I will enjoy our family and keep loving him as I have been for the past 5 and a half years. 

You can't be serious!  "It creates the atmosphere where the guy has all the benefits of marriage, but without the commitment".  What???  Commitment can be marriage, or it can be living together or you can be just as committed and not even live together yet!  It is what it is for you.  I know that I am just as committed right now to my long-term boyfriend (yes, we live together and it's wonderful) as I would be if we got married.  I will feel no more committed the day I marry him compared to what I feel now.  I love him, respect him, we have faith and trust in eachother.  I do believe in marriage, but I'd rather spend my money on buying our new condo (which we just did) and going on vacations together, or with friends, and just having fun together while we are still young (mid 20's).  We are extremely committed, and that committment will remain, whether we are married or not. 

And why is it always the guys that get accused of reaping benefits, how do you know the women don't do the same??  That statement that I put in quotes at the beginning of my post is just so comical to me.  It truly makes no sense!  Can't women have all the benefits of marriage "without the commitment"???  What does that even mean anyway? 

That's great that you feel you know what god thinks is "right" and what he thinks is "wrong."  Personally, I do what is right for me in my life, and clearly you will too and that is fine.  But times have changed, so you may want to consider changing with them, but that is totally up to you.