Topic : 12/20 Marry Me or Else!

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Created on : Friday, September 22, 2006, 12:20:09 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/26/06) It’s do or die for the men today, as their partners tell them to either walk down the aisle or walk the highway! Tony and Mary have dated for 12 years, and have been engaged for eight. Mary wants to set a wedding date, but Tony says even after all these years, he’s not ready and still feels pressured to tie the knot. Does Tony fear getting married or getting married to Mary? Then, Rosanna has been dating her boyfriend, Dennis, for almost five years and says she’s tired of “playing house.” Dennis maintains that he told Rosanna from the start he didn’t want to get married. Should they just throw in the towel and move on? Plus, Robin shares some relationship tips, and the women finally take a stand and issue ultimatums for their men! Join the discussion.

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December 22, 2006, 8:40 am PST

Seriously?

Quote From: gwarrior6

If you get to know the person before you live with them, then you can work out the kinks when you live together.  It's about loving the person before you commit to sharing your lives together.

 

There are warning signs that red flag that you probably shouldn't marry that person.  And if you "try before you buy" so to speak, i think it creates the atmosphere where the guy has all the benefits of marriage, but without the commitment, which might be what the woman wants.  It sets up the woman to be manipulated and having the "marriage" carrot dangled in front of her.

 

If i believe it's "wrong according to God" i have every right to say it, because i believe it.  You might not, but it's your life.

You can't be serious!  "It creates the atmosphere where the guy has all the benefits of marriage, but without the commitment".  What???  Commitment can be marriage, or it can be living together or you can be just as committed and not even live together yet!  It is what it is for you.  I know that I am just as committed right now to my long-term boyfriend (yes, we live together and it's wonderful) as I would be if we got married.  I will feel no more committed the day I marry him compared to what I feel now.  I love him, respect him, we have faith and trust in eachother.  I do believe in marriage, but I'd rather spend my money on buying our new condo (which we just did) and going on vacations together, or with friends, and just having fun together while we are still young (mid 20's).  We are extremely committed, and that committment will remain, whether we are married or not. 

 

And why is it always the guys that get accused of reaping benefits, how do you know the women don't do the same??  That statement that I put in quotes at the beginning of my post is just so comical to me.  It truly makes no sense!  Can't women have all the benefits of marriage "without the commitment"???  What does that even mean anyway? 

 

That's great that you feel you know what god thinks is "right" and what he thinks is "wrong."  Personally, I do what is right for me in my life, and clearly you will too and that is fine.  But times have changed, so you may want to consider changing with them, but that is totally up to you.

 
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December 22, 2006, 10:18 am PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: purplepenny

Well that is where we disagree. I don't think divorce is the end of the world and I think divorce can be a very positive option for some people.

"I know you said that you used to believe in God but now you don't, but still even if you don't believe in God it will still honor Him and for that He will honor you."

That makes no sense...there is no God. Now, I know what you are going to say..."But I do believe in God."...well...that's fine, but don't act like my marriage honors any God. It does not. My marriage is a Godless marriage. God is not involved, invited or any part of it. My marriage is a legal contract between me and the government. I have made NO agreement with any supernatural deity.

You may not see this, but I agree with you, and thank you for taking some of the heat off me, it gets annoying to hear people tell me what to think and belive, and I'm with you that I wonder why it bothers people so much that belive it or NOT there are those of us who could really care less if they were ever married, not all little girls dream of their wedding day

 

 
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December 22, 2006, 10:55 am PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Okay, last word in,

Common Law marriages can and do work, it takes work and commitment from BOTH parties, and as I have pointed out before BOTH parties have to be in agreement, my advice to anyone considering this route, don't be fooled as many have pointed out, you have to check the laws and statutes in your area, make sure your name is on the deed to the house, in the will, and on ALL legal documents that you have together ( bank accounts, loans, medical and pension plans etc.), like with marriage, get all your ducks in a row FIRST, then if that's your plan, do it.

Marriage is the most wonderful thing in the world for some, that piece of paper seems to offer some type of security for some, and it is a wonderful tradition for others, if that works for you, GREAT, I never said I was against marriage per say, it just isn't for me ( and no its not because my parents are miserable they celebrate 39 years of marriage in June, and even with the rough spots of a military marriage or any for that mattr, they pulled through and have been happy together), but NO ONE is going to be happy if they feel forced or coerced into something they just don't want to do, it really is that simple.  By the way it wasn't necessarily my husband that didn't want it, it was a mutual decision, but with any life decision, you have to COMMUNICATE your wants and needs.

To the Christians, I respectfully agree to disagree with you, and I do thank those of you who have been tactful in your posts, yes it came through loud and clear that you do not agree, and hey, that's great, but you also acknowledge the fact that not all of us are belivers, and it is not up to you to try to make us so, to you Thanks, and yes I am much more willing to hear you than someone who does the unsolicited sermons, like one of you pointed out, its more likely to send someone further in the other direction than bring them to the fold ( not that I'm any closer mind you, like yourselves I am firm in my beliefs).

I think we all need to accept that we are NOT always going to agree or share the same beliefs, belive it or not, for most people that's fine, we accept that and move on, but as with anything whether it be politics, religion or marriage, there are few human beings who like to feel coerced or forced into anything.

Happy Holidays to all

 
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December 22, 2006, 10:59 am PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: jojobeaner

Are you asking because you care what God thinks are you just asking for the sake of arguing your viewpoint?  I am grieved when people do things that are against God's way of doing things, why? because I know that doing things His way always produces good.  (and by the way God's idea of good is not man's idea of good) Man thinks that good means you will never have problems, not so.  Just because you marry doesn't mean you will not encounter all the same things if you are common law married.

 

The Lord tells us in His word that we are to obey the law of the land if it lines up with His word (the Bible).  The law of the land tells us that we have to have a piece of paper in order to be married.  Therefore, since marriage is an institute God created then God is all for making marriage legal, ie a piece of paper.  If God says marriage is good then it is good.  If God says to obey the laws of the land then we are to sign a piece of paper in order to be married.  In this country if you do not sign a piece of paper then you are not considered married.  Living together for a long period of time, having children together does not make you married according to the laws of our land.

 

That small piece of paper cements your committment and makes it legal.  It is a whole lot easier to walk away from a contract or committment when you do not have any binding legal paperwork tying you down.  Now for my own personal opinion--if you care to know....  People who do not have legal paperwork saying they are married are afraid of something and frankly cannot commit all of their hearts to that one person. They can have sex with them, have children (which by the way costs much more than a $50.00 marriage certificate), and live as a married person, but they can't seem to seal the deal with a marriage certificate....what's wrong with this picture?  And why are these people above the law anyway, if the law says in order to be married you have to sign a piece of paper and pay a few bucks to the government, so what.  The price of one's love has no price tag or so it shouldn't. 

 

We can agree to disagree.  My original point was to say that God is in favor of marriage and He is not in favor of living together. 

"Are you asking because you care what God thinks are you just asking for the sake of arguing your viewpoint? "

Um...neither. You made a statement and I asked for clarification. That's it.

"It is a whole lot easier to walk away from a contract or committment when you do not have any binding legal paperwork tying you down. "

Yeah...and that is why I think those who DO NOT have that piece of paper seem to have the stronger bond. They stay together anyway.

"And why are these people above the law anyway, if the law says in order to be married you have to sign a piece of paper and pay a few bucks to the government, so what.  The price of one's love has no price tag or so it shouldn't. "

Nor should it be dependent on what some government office says. People who live together as husband and wife, even those who have had a ceremony but not the legal paper work are not "above the law"...LOL...they simply do not think their love life, sex life and family life is the governments business...more power to them I say.

If you really do believe in God, then I'd think you'd think that God would recognize what is in people's hearts. Not what is on file with the US government.
 
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December 22, 2006, 11:01 am PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: jojobeaner

Your marriage may be a godless marriage, but it still honors God whether you acknowledge Him or not.  He, Jesus Christ, still honors you.  He is faithful even when we are not.  He forevermore loves you and continually speaks to you in your circumstances.  He speaks to you in that still small voice, waiting patiently for you to answer in your heart. 

 

You don't have to make any agreement with a supernatural deity for God to honor your marriage.  The fact that He honors marriage means that He honors your marriage. 

 

 

No, my marriage does not honor God. Marriage performed by government officials are not religious marriages. They are civil marriages.

I think he'd honor a god fearing couple who made private vows but didn't sign paper work before he'd honor mine.

I disdain certain versions of God.
 
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December 22, 2006, 11:04 am PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: ceildh1

You may not see this, but I agree with you, and thank you for taking some of the heat off me, it gets annoying to hear people tell me what to think and belive, and I'm with you that I wonder why it bothers people so much that belive it or NOT there are those of us who could really care less if they were ever married, not all little girls dream of their wedding day

 

No, I didn't either. If I had it to do over again I never would have gotten married.  Why? I don't think it's the governments business. I don't like the way they discriminate against gay couples.  I don't want to be a part of a discriminatory practice.

My husband and I don't wear wedding rings either and we were going to get some someday, but now we won't until the government either makes marriage fair or gets their nose out of it.
 
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December 22, 2006, 6:49 pm PST

huh?

Quote From: purplepenny

No, I didn't either. If I had it to do over again I never would have gotten married.  Why? I don't think it's the governments business. I don't like the way they discriminate against gay couples.  I don't want to be a part of a discriminatory practice.

My husband and I don't wear wedding rings either and we were going to get some someday, but now we won't until the government either makes marriage fair or gets their nose out of it.

But the governments position isn't even keeping GAYS from having ceremonies.

I even saw two women getting married in an issue of Modern Bride about a year ago.

 

To be honest, there was a time when I would have gladly voted to expand the marriage definition. But one day I saw a gay rights advocate say that he WOULDN'T support other types of marriage laws beyond straight or gay marriage.

 

I am NOT a fan of plural marriage or other fringe marriage practices.  BUT THIS GUYS POSITION TO OPEN THE DOOR FOR GAY MARRIAGE AND THEN FIRMLY SHUT IT TO ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS NOT PROTECTED UNDER CURRENT LAWS WAS NO BETTER.  HE JUST DISPLAYED THE SAME LACK OF CARE FOR THE RIGHTS OF OTHER GROUPS.

 

What if I want my best friend to make my decisions when I am in the hospital, or my roommate to get my benefits? Gay marriage laws won't help that.

 

But anyways, your excuse is only centering your life around what the government does or doesn't do anyways. So ya,  YOU let them in your business.

 

 

 
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December 22, 2006, 7:04 pm PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: macamcs

I am happily married and more in love than ever...

 

It maybe a little unconventional in the way we got there, but in todays world where divorce is so high, children are being raised by others, and values have changed, we have managed to find our way back to a happy and meaningful marriage (without all the jelousy and with a little self independance). I believe divorce is a factor when there is physical abuse in a marrage.  Maybe I am wrong, but all the therapy in the world does not fix an abuser or make the victim unafraid. You may forgive, but there is always that fear (and sometimes death)... 

 

 I don't expect everyone to understand, maybe just giving hope to those who have been hurt or are looking to have that connection (paper or just each other) in thier relationship.  Granted, my husband and I too have been through some rough spots, but after 14 years, the divorce issue is just a joke now...a possibiltiy? There is always a possibility of "anything" happening in life... it is what you choose to do with it that counts. 

 ok, I just wanted to understand your posting, I do understand what you are saying and I would never reccomend any one to stay in a n abusive marriage,that's just plain wrong. I love being married to my hubby, I am so very fortuante to be with him and to know how far we have come together is amazing, I wouldn't trade my years with him for anything.And though I agree that there is always a possibility of something happening, My husband and I are two peas in a pod,LOL, we are in this marriage together for life, not only for ourselves but for our girls, I don't believe in allowing statistics to interfere with my life, My parents are my role models, married for 45 years and to me that is amazing and Iplan on following that example, I agree, it is what we choose to do that counts.............
 
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December 22, 2006, 7:45 pm PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: lovingone

But the governments position isn't even keeping GAYS from having ceremonies.

I even saw two women getting married in an issue of Modern Bride about a year ago.

 

To be honest, there was a time when I would have gladly voted to expand the marriage definition. But one day I saw a gay rights advocate say that he WOULDN'T support other types of marriage laws beyond straight or gay marriage.

 

I am NOT a fan of plural marriage or other fringe marriage practices.  BUT THIS GUYS POSITION TO OPEN THE DOOR FOR GAY MARRIAGE AND THEN FIRMLY SHUT IT TO ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS NOT PROTECTED UNDER CURRENT LAWS WAS NO BETTER.  HE JUST DISPLAYED THE SAME LACK OF CARE FOR THE RIGHTS OF OTHER GROUPS.

 

What if I want my best friend to make my decisions when I am in the hospital, or my roommate to get my benefits? Gay marriage laws won't help that.

 

But anyways, your excuse is only centering your life around what the government does or doesn't do anyways. So ya,  YOU let them in your business.

 

 

That is why I said that I am also in favor of the government abolishing legal marriage. If people want legal contracts fine. If people want religious ceremonies, go for it. But for the government to keep tabs on who's in love with who is by far too over reaching. Especially when the definition of government marriage is a religious one.

And what "excuse" are you talking about? That makes no sense.

Divorce costs our country too much money, I think legal marriage should be abolished.
 
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December 22, 2006, 8:12 pm PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: lovingone

I watched and recorded this episode the first time it aired because it was so riviting.   At that time, I read on the message board several peoples comments about how this was the 21st century and how could a woman be so deperate to get married as to allow her boyfriend or fiance to hold her life in limbo for years while he decides what he wants and gets all the marriage benfits in the mean time.

 

As sad a commentary as it was on the importance society places on women getting married even in modern times, there is a flip side to this that is just as bad.

 

Women who go to extremes desperate to prove that they don't need marriage or a man.  

 

 While no modern, acheiving, independant woman wants to be held to old fashioned courtship rules where the man makes all moves (dates, engagements, etc) while she waits for him, some womens quest to trump this is just as futile. And it comes in several forms.

 

*   THE WOMAN WHO "MARRIES" HERSELF

 

Some time ago I saw a woman do this.  It was folly for the news broadcast.  But really it was just plain sad.   I remember this woman looked young enough to where I knew she was shooting herself in the  foot by doing this crap!   This woman who still had plenty of time to find someone pretty much just anounced to the all the men out there that they should get anywhere near her!

 

I also just recently saw another case of this on the Rachael Ray show. A 50 year old woman was marrying herself. Being that she was 50 I will take a guess that she held out for a real marriage as long as she could through her 40's.

 

The women who do this and the women who wear right hand rings my actually be worse than bridezillas.  They think announcing to the world that they don't need a man to buy them a ring or throw themselves a big party is a substitute for the love and partnership you can't put a price on.

 

* WOMEN WHO WEAR RIGHT HAND RINGS

 

I don't know it the jewelery stores came up with this or women did.  I guess jewelry stores said to themselves that if these days there are a bunch of women out there that are sore about holding out for an engagment ring, we might as well join them if we can't beat the marriage decline because we are loosing money.  So an enagement like ring meant to be worn on the right hand as a sign of empowerment (ya right!) was born.

 

You know, if I REALLY didn't want to be married, I wouldn't wear anything that looked like an engagement ring. Yet these women often protest that they "Don't need a man to buy them a ring".  REALLY. I never would have guessed, seeing as a lot of little girls have rings, or you get a class ring when you graduate from high school, etc.  But thanks for making that point ladies.

 

*  THE WOMEN WHO ARE TO BUSY ACHIEVING TO GET MARRIED/ AKA " I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT IF I WAS MARRIED"

 

Big cop out!  There are so many women out there that are succesful and married. We all know them. Politicians, journalists, business owners, etc.

 

The interesting thing is, a lot of them didn 't even live in  the 20th/21st centuries.  Yet some women will protest that this is the price a modern achieving woman pays.

 

Well its true that some men can be threatened by a powerful woman, and those who are not are in shorter supply. But the key here is finding the RIGHT man, not suggesting that any woman who goes beyond graduating high school is destined to be alone or that marriage is an obstacle to success.

 

* WOMEN WHO PURPOSELY BECOME SINGLE MOTHERS

 

I was watching the news one night a few months ago and there was a story about a lesbian couple and a single women who found out they all had kids from the same sperm bank doner and decided to become friends.

 

The reporter was there to show them a video clip of their doner. A handsome doctor, who was the most requested donor at the spermbank. He was the real McDreamy.  When the lesbian couple saw the video of the doctor, they were thrilled. 

 

But the single woman who used that same doner looked like she had been punched in the stomach when she saw what kind of a man he was.  I can only guess what was going through her mind.  But I am guessing she was thinking that she LITERALLY came within drops or her dream guy.  But all she did was pusposely saddle herself with his kid, and a doner at that.  Which decreases this young womans chance of finding her own man.

 

It so tough to be a modern woman who can do almost anything she wants, but feels she is waiting on a man to give her a future.  But don't, PLEASE DON'T jump the gun and shoot yourself in the foot.

 

Desperate and desperately trying to prove a point that dosen't have merrit t can lead to the same place, a dead end.  I really don't know what to tell other women. Things aren't really going to change until women propossing is a common practice.  But until then I guess you have to relationship savvy or be prepared to live a truely contented single life free of right hand rings.  

 

Because truthfully, NO MAN has ever thrown himself a wedding, or bought himself a wedding ring.

 

 

Why do these things bother you so much? If these people are doing what make them happy then good for them I say.
 
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