Message Boards

Topic : 12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Number of Replies: 684
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 22, 2006, 12:20:09 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/26/06) It’s do or die for the men today, as their partners tell them to either walk down the aisle or walk the highway! Tony and Mary have dated for 12 years, and have been engaged for eight. Mary wants to set a wedding date, but Tony says even after all these years, he’s not ready and still feels pressured to tie the knot. Does Tony fear getting married or getting married to Mary? Then, Rosanna has been dating her boyfriend, Dennis, for almost five years and says she’s tired of “playing house.” Dennis maintains that he told Rosanna from the start he didn’t want to get married. Should they just throw in the towel and move on? Plus, Robin shares some relationship tips, and the women finally take a stand and issue ultimatums for their men! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More December 2006 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
blank
December 23, 2006, 2:37 pm PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: canadianteach

I watched the show the other night, and sadly I saw myself in those women.  Not the ME now, but the ME 10 years ago.  When I was 20, I met and fell in love with a wonderful young man.  We were together a year when we decided to go off to another city for university.  We lived together throughout  our undergraduate degrees (4 years) and were pretty comfortable.  Then, I made the "mistake" of mentioning our future and marriage.  Well, the last year we were together was depressing.  Like Robin said on the show, I was ready for marriage and children and even told him that it didn't have to be "right away" but that after 6 years together, I wanted the assurance that this relationship was moving toward marriage.  He just couldn't commit.  We broke up and I moved back to my home town.

 

6 months later, I met the man of my dreams.  He and I were both at the points in our lives where we wanted marriage and children.  We were married a year to the day we met, and have been happily married for the last 8 years, with 2 beautiful girls.  The ex-boyfriend?  Well, we still keep in touch, and sadly he has been stringing his latest girlfriend along for 8 years!  They've bought a house together, but no marriage.  Some guys just aren't the marrying type I guess.

You  are  right that not every one is the marrying type and at the same time, you did not settle for less than what ynou deserved and though moving on may have been a hard thing at the time, I say good things happen to those who follow their hearts and make the right decissions for themselves. and you did exactly that and now you are  happy wife and mother.

Now, I realize that this ending may not happen to every one but we all deserve to be fullfilled and when it comes to couples if one or both are not happy with the arrangement, then something needs to give, Both need to be on the same page and when they are not, then one or both are not going to be fullfilled in the relationship and that is not right.

Marriage is beautiful and for those who want it, you don't have to settle for less if you don't want to, follow your heart and be good to to your self.................

Merry Christmas every one and have a a great New Year.......................
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
happy
December 23, 2006, 4:17 pm PST

Stay Strong

Quote From: bearfeet1974

I was in the same situation until I kicked HIM to the curb 2 years ago! We were together for almost 8 years with no prospect of ever walking down the aisle. I bought the house, paid all the bills and made it easy for him to stay. But when I turned 30 and realized that I wasn't getting any younger - I told him that I had had enough. Even though I am not happily with someone else - I don't have to agonize over the when will this go somewhere feelings.....There comes a time when you just have to do what's right for YOU.
Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   There does come a time when you just have to do what's right for YOU!!!!!!!!!!!  Totally agree with this.  Been there done that. Ain't gonna do it again.   Stay strong and Be Happy.  
 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
surprised
December 23, 2006, 8:47 pm PST

Somethings fishy here!

Quote From: purplepenny

No, I didn't either. If I had it to do over again I never would have gotten married.  Why? I don't think it's the governments business. I don't like the way they discriminate against gay couples.  I don't want to be a part of a discriminatory practice.

My husband and I don't wear wedding rings either and we were going to get some someday, but now we won't until the government either makes marriage fair or gets their nose out of it.

I reread you post , and I am just going to make an observation.

 

You post reminds me a lot of a post by a young  woman I read about a year ago. This was at a different web site though.

 

I was a little shocked that she blamed SOCIETIES importance on marriage for her fixation on marriage and her fights with her boyfriend about it...

 

NOT THE BOYFRIEND, who buttered her up with promises of commitment earlier in their relationship to get her hooked on him,  but now for some strange reason didn't have the time to talk about marriage.

 

But I guess for her, putting the blame on society and not the boyfriend was a way of putting herself back into a stupor where she could play "happy house "with this guy and wouldn't have to be strong enough to leave. 

 

It's been my experience that people who can't deal with the real source of their problems, blame it on entities or abstract concepts.

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
frustrated
December 23, 2006, 8:52 pm PST

wow!

Quote From: canadianteach

I watched the show the other night, and sadly I saw myself in those women.  Not the ME now, but the ME 10 years ago.  When I was 20, I met and fell in love with a wonderful young man.  We were together a year when we decided to go off to another city for university.  We lived together throughout  our undergraduate degrees (4 years) and were pretty comfortable.  Then, I made the "mistake" of mentioning our future and marriage.  Well, the last year we were together was depressing.  Like Robin said on the show, I was ready for marriage and children and even told him that it didn't have to be "right away" but that after 6 years together, I wanted the assurance that this relationship was moving toward marriage.  He just couldn't commit.  We broke up and I moved back to my home town.

 

6 months later, I met the man of my dreams.  He and I were both at the points in our lives where we wanted marriage and children.  We were married a year to the day we met, and have been happily married for the last 8 years, with 2 beautiful girls.  The ex-boyfriend?  Well, we still keep in touch, and sadly he has been stringing his latest girlfriend along for 8 years!  They've bought a house together, but no marriage.  Some guys just aren't the marrying type I guess.

Do You think you can knock some sense into that guys current girlfriend or is that fact that you are his ex and are now happily married and have a family with someone else not enough proof!

 

Some people really do need a ton of bricks to fall on them!

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
December 23, 2006, 11:54 pm PST

merry me or else

My husband and I met when i was 17 and he was 26.We moved in together and on our 3rd christmas together, he asked me what i wanted. I sain an engagement ring would be nice. He said he will not marry me until I was 20. That was fine with me as I just wanted to know the relationship was moving forward.We were married when i was 20 and 2 wonderful kids later, we have been happily married for 25 years.point is... if a man wants to marry you, he will.Just don't wait too long for him to do it
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
December 24, 2006, 1:46 am PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: purplepenny

No, I didn't either. If I had it to do over again I never would have gotten married.  Why? I don't think it's the governments business. I don't like the way they discriminate against gay couples.  I don't want to be a part of a discriminatory practice.

My husband and I don't wear wedding rings either and we were going to get some someday, but now we won't until the government either makes marriage fair or gets their nose out of it.
where has the goverment got there noses in your marriage? if your so against the american way oflife why dont you just leave and go to a3rd world country where they dont care about what you do as long as you just give them the bucks to leave you be? this is america baby love it or leave it!
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
December 24, 2006, 9:19 am PST

Do they really want to give ultimatums ?

Why oh WHY would these women, or any for that matter, want to marry someone that had made it plain they don't want to get married?  I would bet anything that it isn't that these men don't want to get married at all, they just don't want to marry that particular woman! 

Case in point here - I was 45 and had been seeing someone for three years, in October of our 3rd year I told him flat out that if I didn't see a ring under the tree at Xmas then we were done.   We didn't live together mainly because I had my own home and he didn't yet and was till renting and I wasn't about to give up my home without a marriage certificate.  So anyway, fast forward to Xmas morning that year.  No ring.  So I didn't say a word, we went on about our morning and when it came time to get ready to go to is parents for dinner with them I just sat on the couch watching TV as he took a shower and got dressed and ready to go.  He finally noticed I was still in my sleep clothes and he asked me when I was going to start getting ready to go.  I just simply said oh, I forgot, I have one more present for you - its on the front porch, go take a look.  So he got all excited and he went to the front porch only to find a box of some of his clothes and shaving stuff he had kept at my house, all boxed up and wrapped like a real Xmas gift.  After he opened it he came back in and looked at me kind of funny while I was still calmly sitting on the couch.  I didn't even look up from the TV while I reminded him of what I had said in October about having a ring and setting a date and he said yeah I remember that conversation.  I said, well, did you think I was kidding ?  Well, I wasn't.  So since there was no ring and no date set, then we are done !  See ya - take your box of crap and get out of my home!  I am DONE!   He left but didn't take me seriously til I refused to take any more of his phone calls over the next few weeks.  We finally ran into each other and talked til the wee hours of the morning and I told him once again, that I was serious - no ring after 3 years and I was moving on, period.  As a matter of fact I had started dating again by New Years Eve - a week after I told him to get away from me. 

We started seeing each other again and I let the ring issue drop - but then on Valentines day he had me meet him for dinner at our favorite place and afterwards we got in his truck and went to a jewelers and he told me to pick out any ring I wanted.  So I got a gorgeous 2 carat marquise solitaire and he did the whole getting on one knee and all that stuff.  He was working out of town at the time during the week mostly and was just home that one nite to propose to me on Valentines Day - then he left the next morning and drove the two hours back to his work saying he would see me on Saturday morning when he got home from work for the weekend.  I went to work the next day wearing my ring and showing it to my girlfriends but then I realized during the day that after all the trouble it took to get that to finally happen, did I REALLY want it anymore ?  I decided the answer was NO !  I left work that day and went to see the jeweler who was a good friend of mine and my long time jeweler for everything and I gave him the ring back and told him to send the refund back to my "fiance" - by the time my now ex fiance - (though he didn't know it yet) got home on Saturday he got his mail and found the refund check from the store and tried to call me - I had changed my number to another unlisted one after I took the ring back.  So he drove over to my house and asked me what was going on - I told him I had decided that he was too late in the ring and proposal and I really didn't want it anymore.  Then I told him goodbye and good luck and see ya !  Shut the door and never looked back.  Best thing I ever did.    Bottom line is if a guy says he doesn't want to get married, especially at the start of a relationship, then say SEE YA then and there. 

Funny thing is that he ended up meeting some low life welfare whore who had a kid who didn't even know who out of three men was the father and he moved her in within a month of me dumping him - and then married her within 9 months after SHE showed up at his workplace (he was working back in town by that time) in a WEDDING dress no less and her 3 year old daughter saying DADDY DADDY and dressed in a little white dress too - and they got married, ended up getting in a huge fight the same nite as their wedding and she tore up the marriage license in a fit of drunken rage - (I TOLD you she was white trash!) - and they stayed married for a whole 9 months - he came home one nite from work to find a moving truck and her moving EVERYTHING out of HIS house - all of the furniture that was HIS she was taking that too - and a cop was there and forced HIM to leave til she was done cleaning him out down to his plates and pots and pans.  So, in 9 months, she got him to adopt her bastard kid since no other man would claim her - she took all of his stuff, she had NOTHING when they met, she was 30 and living with her parents, and she took the brand new truck that he had bought for her. When they got divorced she got half of his pension, child support for the bastard kid and kept the new truck and he had to finish paying for it AND she also got spousal support because she claimed that by marrying him she had lost her earning power.  Hell, she hadn't been working when they met - she was on WELFARE - but she got 1000 in spousal support and 500 in child support a month.  Not a bad deal for a welfare drunk mother who was married for a little over 9 months !  he actually showed up on my door step after she left him and when I answered the door I just looked at him and said you have GOT to be kidding ???  And I told him to go away again and leave me alone and I shut the door and never looked back.  Any other man I have ever dated is welcome in my home any time but not him !    I thank GOD every day of my life since him that I took the ring back and dumped him.  He is now, last I heard from a friend of his who I date occasionally, he is now with another white trash welfare women and living in a dump !   Glad he got what he deserved

 
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
blank
December 24, 2006, 9:21 am PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: afraid

where has the goverment got there noses in your marriage? if your so against the american way oflife why dont you just leave and go to a3rd world country where they dont care about what you do as long as you just give them the bucks to leave you be? this is america baby love it or leave it!
No, they shouldn't have their nose in marriage in general. Not mine specifically.

This is America...yes, but I live here and my opinion matters, that's the beauty of it.
 
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
blank
December 24, 2006, 9:24 am PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: lovingone

I reread you post , and I am just going to make an observation.

 

You post reminds me a lot of a post by a young  woman I read about a year ago. This was at a different web site though.

 

I was a little shocked that she blamed SOCIETIES importance on marriage for her fixation on marriage and her fights with her boyfriend about it...

 

NOT THE BOYFRIEND, who buttered her up with promises of commitment earlier in their relationship to get her hooked on him,  but now for some strange reason didn't have the time to talk about marriage.

 

But I guess for her, putting the blame on society and not the boyfriend was a way of putting herself back into a stupor where she could play "happy house "with this guy and wouldn't have to be strong enough to leave. 

 

It's been my experience that people who can't deal with the real source of their problems, blame it on entities or abstract concepts.

What are you talking about, you know nothing about me. I have been married for over 7 years. I am happily married.

This isn't an abstract concept. I do not think the government should have a marriage contract that people sign. I think it would be more fair for everyone if there was something as simply as a civil union contract that any one could apply for. Two men, two women, brother and sister, cousins...whatever.

Marriage is much too tied up in religion...and I don't think the government should have their nose in it. Period.

It's been my experience that those who make broad comments can't deal with real discussion and the subtle nuances there of.
 
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
blank
December 24, 2006, 3:51 pm PST

12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: purplepenny

What are you talking about, you know nothing about me. I have been married for over 7 years. I am happily married.

This isn't an abstract concept. I do not think the government should have a marriage contract that people sign. I think it would be more fair for everyone if there was something as simply as a civil union contract that any one could apply for. Two men, two women, brother and sister, cousins...whatever.

Marriage is much too tied up in religion...and I don't think the government should have their nose in it. Period.

It's been my experience that those who make broad comments can't deal with real discussion and the subtle nuances there of.
You realize of course that you are about to bring down the wrath of... The brother and sister comment will probably be misunderstood. I'm really surprised they even posted it.
 
First | Prev | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | Next | Last