Topic : 12/19 Generation Rx

I hate to admit that I was a parent who saw signs that my teen had changed but didn't really look into why until recently.  I started looking on MySpace and reading his and his friends comments and realized they were into much more than I thought.  They talked about getting high.  I then searched his room.  I found shocking things, my son has always been a caring, giving and mature boy.  Now I know he is also very smart, he knew what to say and do to keep me from getting suspcious. I have found empty cold pill bottles and packages.  I don't know how long he has been doing this and of course he said he just  started. This was Monday that I found more, so I completely cleaned his room, I looked in every drawer and pocket and went through everything.  He is very angry with me, but I told him until he proves to me he is done with all this he no longer has privacy.  I will check his room, bookbag and car daily if I want.  I took privileges away too.  I went to the local drug store yesterday after watching the show, I was going to get a drug test but I was told that the drug in these cold pills are not one of the drugs tested.  How do I know if he is taking these?  Where can I get him tested and how often should I?  I want  to save my sons life, I am not sure how.  He also has been melting the plastic and ink from the insides of ink pens, does anyone know why? Could be be huffing this? He melts them in pop cans.  Thank you Dr. Phil for this show, I taped it and tonight my son and I are going to watch it together. I hope it scares him enough to give up this scary habit.

Have you ever had one of those days ( or in my case one of those lives) when you felt as if there was a huge never-ending hole right in the middle of your soul.  This hole is so vast, so deep it literally echoes with loneliness and despair.  Some people call it anorexia,  bulimia,  chemical dependency, abuse, depression  and self hatred.  There are those people that try to fill the hole with food, drugs, violence, denial, work, school sex, self mutilation.  But nothing can fill this hole.  Everything seems to just make the hole that much bigger – you fear being totally consumed by this nameless vacuum within ourselves.

You try to talk to family and friends, they just look at you with this glazed look in their eyes like you have become totally unhinged.  You talk to professionals and they are more interested in their clinical trials of new medications and whether you fit the necessary protocols.

You are screaming inside….my God help me, someone just reach out and take my hand before Its too late.  Crazy thoughts race through your mind, what if no one else knows what you are talking about, what if no one wants to take the time to listen to everything you needs to say

What if you tell someone and they just don’t care

 

First let me promise you I care.  I will listen no matter what time it is day or night.  I will never judge you, laugh at you or ignore you.  I will hold you through the worst of times and help you celebrate all your successes.   I have faith in you to accomplish anything you put your mind to. I will help you find insights and solutions to your problems.  All I ask in return in honesty not only with me, but more importantly honesty with yourself

 

Second, most likely that huge hole in your soul has been created by YOU.  It may have started out as simple self doubt or low self-esteem and slowly expanded into self hatred, rejection, self pity and all those hurtful ugly things we say to ourselves all day everyday.  I am not saying other people in our lives have not contributed to this sink hole, but you have to admit we’re the ones that bought in to whatever nonsense they have been telling us.  When someone tells you are wonderful you can believe or not, that same principle applies when people insult you.  Where is it written” well so and so said it so it must be true” ?  Doesn’t work that way.  Its all up to you !

 

To fill in this crater you have to roll up your sleeves and be ready for HARD work.  You have to be willing to look deep inside yourself and realize Dr Phil is right !  You have to find your true self and then nurture that with every ounce of energy you have.  Its long nasty unpleasant work But it has to be done to fill in the crater.  I have yet to read anything in any of Dr Phils books about Fairy Dust and Magic Wands ( however if he comes up with them I want one in a Go Cup)

You are the only one that can fill in this hole.  Too many of us look outside ourselves (myself oh yes included) thinking oh this guy can make it better – I know I’ll marry him (BIG MISTAKE –trust me)

Or worse if I take this drug I won’t feel the pain - oh yes you will and you’ll be hung over too.

And worse drugs, alcohol and starvation cause wrinkles (talk about a defining moment YIKES !)

Every little issue you come across deal with it head on – it may be uncomfortable or may hurt like Hell, but it has to be faced or the hole is not going to go away.  Find aproblem, face the problem then find a constructive way to handle it (constructive means positive destructive is what you’ve been doing to get where you are now….HOLE AND ALL)

 

I speak from experience, the hole can be filled in but only by you.  You have to face the truth of your

Past, the truth of your present and the truth of your future.  You don’t have to like it just face it. Only then can you THEN CHANGE IT.  The past is just what it is the past,  the present is right now this minute.  The future is an hour away, tomorrow, next week etc…  So when you talk about changing your future Change what you will do in an hour – it’s a start right !

 DO NOT CONTINUE SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIORS – no drugs, no booze, no binges, no abuse, no self mutilation and more importantly NO EXCUSES from this moment on….never again.

Don’t worry about disappointing or failing other people – just please don’t disappoint or fail yourself

If you are in an abusive situation GET OUT, if you are an abuser GET OUT

Get the help you need to make sure you are safe and your children and safe

We will get through this together one step at a time – one victory at a time

 

Brenda

How scary that your son's school would not immediately confirm that he was there in class.  What if (God forbid) something had happened and you needed immediate confirmation of his prescence in class!  Our school where we live does not do that.  Teachers have phones in their rooms and carry walkie talkies and the office staff is more than happy to call down to a class to see if a student is there. 

 

Unfortuantely there is no way to monitor our children 24/7/365.  I wish there was.  I am a stay at home mom and even I can't monitor my girls at all times.  We have to give them the freedom to make their own choices (good or bad) because it is the only way they wil llearn to make choices and to be adults.  Unfortunately there is such a risk in doing that we all have to take.  All the monitoring, talking to, and being open with your children about drugs will not prevent them from possibly trying or becoming addicted to anything.  It is simply a choice that they make.  We are dealing with a cocaine addiction in our family.  And I monitored, talked about how dangerous drugs are, was open to my children to come and talk to me about anything.  But there is still something I don't know about my oldest daughter (she no longer lives at home) that has hurt her and she has turned to drugs to hide from the pain.  I have tried talking to her and get nowhere.  My younger daughters are witnessing what drugs have done to her, her own child, her relationship, and her family.  They are totally turned off of drugs.  But I still monitor every move they make as much as I possibly can.  One of the steps I have taken to monitor them is I have become the "kool-aid" mom.  All her friends come here.  That way I know what they are doing.  We have no over the counter cough syrup or cold medicine in the house.  I take some strong pain killers (no I am not addicted to them) for my advanced osteoarthritis (I am 38 and will have a knee replacement after the 1st of the year) and for my rheumatoid arthritis.  These painkillers are kept locked up at all times.  If I ever need to get cough syrup or cold medicine that will be kept locked up also.  I know they can get these things at friends houses, but like I said before, we can't be where they are at all times so we have to do what we can to prevent them from trying drugs.

I couldn't agree with you more!!!  Both parents (if there even ARE two parents, with the current divorce rate) work, and for what?  To pay for the car to get them to work, the gas to put in it, the clothes to wear to work, the food they buy while at work, and the McMansion in the 'burbs that sits empty all day; maybe a vacation to get away from the work and the house!!!  Kids are packed off to daycare the minute they're born; "relationships" are on the world wide web.  Dogs are "crated" and left alone in a room all day (they used to run free; remember not too long ago)?  "Families" eat out of a microwave or fast food place at all different times, alone in front of a TV or computer.  We even have four-car garages in the front of the house (remember porches???) so we can sail right in and close it without ever seeing a neighbor.  Kids are told to come home from school and lock the door; it's dangerous outside!!!  Folks, humans weren't made to live this way; it's no wonder everyone's unhappy and on Prozac in American society today -- just take a look around.  If there were one city in this country that was still living the way people did in the 50s, believe you me I'd move there...  I wouldn't be typing this right now, but that's okay...  I'd be reading books, playing music, enjoying fresh air, eating real food, living a less stressed-out life.

I hope for improvements in access to and effectiveness of, mental health treatment.  I certainly hope this young woman's loved ones, or the young woman herself, have the strength to deal with her problems so that she stops abusing herself with destructive behaviors.

Restricting access to cold-sufferers does not solve or prevent addiction problems.
It simply changes what the addicts find, buy, steal, make or use.

You sound so much like me. After my son overdosed on Triple C's, I took his cell phone and computer away. I searched his phone and found so many unknown phone numbers. I searched his computer and found MYSPACE. He is angry with me that I have taken these things away but right now I don't care. I don;t know why your  son would melt the pens, however I have found empty pen cases in my sons room. My first instinct was that he was using the empty pens to snort cocaine. I havent been able to find any non controlled substances in his room or in any of his things.

You can take your son to his Primary doctor and have him drug tested there for over the counter medications. We had my son in rehab and since they knew what he was using they were able to test him for that as well as other drugs. He completed his rehab and continues therapy for anxiety, ( I beleive his anxiety may have lead to his drug use) however he is still angry at me and has told me he hates me.

Next week him and I will begin Family Therapy, I can't wait for this because all along I felt as though his therapist has gotten one side of the story, (his side), so now it will be my turn.

Good Luck with your son and feel free to contact me if you want to share, vent, laugh or cry( I do a lot of the latter lately)

Diane

No matter how long kids may have been robotripping or downing "skittles,"  the use of "legal drugs" to get high is just another thing that teens are up to that I knew nothing about. I like to think of myself as the parent of one of the "good kids" but now, more than ever, there are so many issues to be aware of. Someone just posted a message about the scary information out there for kids on the Internet. Yes, there is plenty of that -- but that Connect with Kids resource that Dr. Phil mentioned at the end of the show is one really terrific opportunity for parents.

Have you ever heard of "trunking"  -- when kids give other kids rides in the trunks of their cars to get around those rules about who can drive whom right after you get your license, or if there's not enough room in the car? I learned about that on Connectwithkids.com. My philosophy is the more information the better --  and this website arms me with insights about what my kids might be seeing or dealing with in the hallways of their school, in their cars, at the mall and everywhere else. 

You can make an appointment with you sons physician and have him drug tested there. Whether your child is using the street or over the counter meds, your physician should be able to test them. I know ours did. MOST insurance companies will cover this cost. It's wise to check with them first. There is no need to tell your son he has a doctors appointment on a specific day and time. Maybe the surprise will shock him straight. If anyone's child is using an drugs, i strongly recommend rehab. There are various inpatient and outpatient programs. Again these may be covered my Medical insurance. If you are on any kind of public assistance they have programs too.

Good Luck

I was one of those parents who did not know. My 16yr old daughter  had experminted with alchol. I caught her and thought that she had learned her lesson. I was one of those parents who searched her room back packs everything i could think of . I would notice her moods would change but people kept saying its just teenagers. Then one day while i was at work i got a call from the school. My daughter was no conherent. When i got to the school they had her in the office she did not know who i was nor did she know where she was. A teacher found her in the hallway talking on the phone except she was not on her phone. They took her to the hospital they ran every kind of drug test possoby that could be ran. I my self had her drug tested many times before this happened and nothing would show up. Apparently she said she had a headache and one of her friends gave her something . I know deep in my heart she didnt have a headache she wanted something. Needless to say had to spend the night in the i c u unit and at one point she got violent and they had to call security and tie her hands down. It was the hardest think i had to do watch my child acting like this. But that was not my daughter it was the drug in her. Before she could leave the hospital we had to singn papers for her to go to a drug program. Before the Doc's had talked to us about that i had decided i was going to put her in a rehab myself.  In Nov. it will be one year when this happened. She realized that she almost died. I am still on my toes about everyting she does where she is and i still do my room searches. I will never let my guard down again. To this day it scares the Hell out of me.

Kids have a tough time no matter where you live. I've lived in a town of 15,000 and in the 10th largest city in the U.S. all within the last 4 years. The culture is different, the problems are the same. We just have to stay focused. We're so busy...just trying to live and get by. Not all of us have been fortunate enough to have been given the right tools, as children, to know how we're supposed to be parents. The common denominator seems to be that we somehow lose focus of what they're doing. My heart went out to that poor single mother there on that stage. (I'm supposing she was single because I saw or heard no mention of a husband). I think it's easy for all of us to say we know what she should have been doing,especially if we're comfortably or even uncomfortably married; but, we don't know what it is to walk a mile in her shoes. I wanted her to see more encouragement to trust her instincts and learn to follow through despite the fact that she can't trust her son anymore. When everything else gets stripped away, and it looks like no one else will tell you which way to go, sometimes you just have to trust your instincts. But pay attention to them! You have to stay focused!