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Topic : 09/29 Wedding Dos and Don'ts

Number of Replies: 116
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Created on : Friday, September 22, 2006, 12:25:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Planning the wedding of your dreams can quickly turn into a nightmare. What is supposed to be a bonding experience between moms and daughters often turns into a battleground over everything from money to cake! Kristina and her mom, Cheri, know this all too well. Kristina says her mom’s lies are tearing their relationship apart, and if things don't change, she's uninviting her to the wedding! Will Cheri learn honesty is the best policy, and walk beside her daughter down the aisle? Then, get a front-row seat and behind-the-scenes look at the most special day in Dr. Phil and Robin's life: Jay's wedding. See the preparation, the ceremony and the huge celebration. Plus, the surprise gift of a lifetime from Jay's younger brother, Jordan, and the unique ideas that made this day one the McGraw's will treasure forever. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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September 25, 2006, 6:23 pm CDT

best mother I could be

To all of those people that will watch my daughter Krissy and I on the show to air on Sept 29,  I want people to know that I have been the best Mother that I could possibly have been.  There have been things that have been done on both sides, I am not an abusive Mother and I am not a Liar, there comes a time when you just have to say yeah yeah because the money at times that has been alocated for the wedding has not been used for wedding things.  My children have been given everything that they could possibly been given, and when they donot get what they want they call me names and belittle me until they get what they want.  Our daughter will have a beautiful wedding and hopefully a beautiful married life,  I had hoped that the show would help let her know that calling names and screaming at me is not the way to get things done or what you need.  The people that know me think that I am crazy because I have given and given and done without many times to do for our children.  Of our children were abused trust me it would have been justified not that abuse is ever justified in any way but they donot respect me my son asked me today what I was going to do with my life and I told him keep picking up after you kids and I asked him what he was going to do with his life and he told me " wait til you die so I can get your insurance money so hurry and die".  My children donot respect me and they feel that if they call me names and get me upset they will sooner or later get what they want because they will hurt my feelings until I cave in.  Know that there is nothing I would not do for anyone that needs help but know that I have been the best Mother that I could be.  After this I donot even know if I want to go to the wedding my heart is broken as it has been for many times.  I had hoped that Dr. Phil would have explained to our Daughter that you have to expect things to be done but not belittle or shame someone into doing or giving things that you want, unfortunately I look like an evil person and that is not me.  Every parent should realize donot give your children everything they want as they are growing up because it will come back to bite you.  My children are my life and a true gift from God and I couldn't Love them anymore .  Dr. Phil is a wonderful man and a brilliant man and helps many people he is a godsent and he and his family and staff are all great I am going by the book as to what he told me although this is very hard I am not going to let him down but I alway's get the blame for anything that can go or has gone wrong anything in history that has been done I know I am to blame for it.  If these kids think that tying the knot was tough wait until they learn the ropes.  My husband and I have been married for 26 years didn't have a Honeymoon and it took me 36 years to even get to Disneyland our first vacation and our Children even followed us there we have not ever had a vacation to ourselves but our Children have seen the world, so donot give your Children everything they want so they will never be sad  it only creates monsters of adults.  I am sure that our Daughters wedding will be great and a beautiful day.  I am sure that everyone will know how wonderful it is but please dont judge me from the show I am not that bad  of a person just a loving Mother.
 
September 26, 2006, 10:38 am CDT

It's her day

Kristina's mother need to realize that it is her day. She had her on wedding day sit back and let her daughter enjoy hers

 
September 28, 2006, 3:58 pm CDT

It's The Couple's Day

Our middle son just got married on August 12th, 2006...first time for both parties.  They are young, my son was 21 the wedding day, the bride is 25.  Both the bride, and my son the groom, are children of divorce.  I was stunned at the rehearsal when the father of the bride dead set refused to be even seen in the same pew as his ex wife.  These people have been divorced for about 13 years.  This man contributed nothing towards the wedding financially...I was embarrassed that he could act this way on  one of the most important days in his daughters life.

I didn't especially like sitting in a pew with my ex or having my photo taken with him, but for my son  and his happiness I did it.  Mind you this is man who slammed my head against a wall, abused my older son and forced me into bankruptcy and left me and two young children penniless.  But, for the sake of my son I will continue to "suck it up" and do right by my son. 

 

Her dad also refused to take a family type portrait picture...they had to take all separate photos.  My daughter in law cancelled the Father Daughter dance...therefore I lost out on the Mother Son dance too...but I couldn't blame her.  He then proceeded to pretty much hide in a corner at the reception....I did make sure the groomsmen made several trips back to his corner for contributions to the garter and dance fund...he did put in some money for that!!

 

It isn't about you....it is your child's day....we did contribute money to their wedding but I did set a budget very early of what we were going to give, what they did with it I did not care....there were no strings attached to it. 

 

When and if our other son marries he will be given the exact same amount of money...but my dog won't be in that fight either.  I can see where these "fights"arise, and I think the best way is to make sure all the parties understand way before hand what each is responsible for financially or whatever...if the wedding money you give your child is truly a gift type of thing you should have no say in how the money is spent...you don't control a gift!!

 
September 29, 2006, 12:57 am CDT

We've lost sight of WHY we get married!

Our society, along with Dr. Phil (whom I adore) has lost sight of WHY people get married and what SHOULD be important in life.

 

When people spend more than they make in a year (or close to it) on a one-day ceremony and celebration, we have a PROBLEM.

 

Does anyone believe that Jesus would have wanted us wasting so much money on flowers, dresses, food and APPEARANCES? How can we justify spending thousands on one day (especially when we have a 57% divorce rate!) as others around us try to make ends meet each month so their children can take part in activities, their bills will be paid and they have enough food for the month???

 

I don't get it. If you truly love someone, you shouldn't CARE where you marry. How about having a much less inexpensive "party" with loved ones and friends and send what you WOULD HAVE SPENT to a charity of your choice?

 

In 1987, I had $2000 to spend on my wedding...that was it, and it was a GIFT. We managed to have a lovely Catholic wedding, have a great celebration at the home of my inlaws (they hired high school kids to handle the food and high school grads to serve the beer and wine). We had a great photographer that worked cheaply, a young man take the video of our wedding/reception for $25 and lots of friends use their personal cameras to take additional photos. Instead of spending a fortune on flowers that would die the next day, we had 2 bouquets for the church (donated afterward), a single rose for each bridesmaid (2) and I carried the bouquet of my choice.

 

What was IMPORTANT was the love, honor and committment BEFORE GOD. The rest was silly stuff. If I had to do it over again, I would donate more of that money to charity and we'd have a big barbeque in our backyard...with all our wonderful family and friends. It could even be a pot luck!

 

Let's get back to WHAT IS IMPORTANT and stop wasting money that could be better used. We are such a shallow, frivilous society that values "stuff" over substinance. It's SAD.

 

We celebrate anniversary #17 tomorrow and guess what ?....none of the best days had to do with the wedding reception! The important days were the births of our children, how we handled the loss of a pregnancy, celebrating my husband's promotion, watching our kids love/play sports, signing that report card with A's on it, etc. THOSE are the truly important moments...not a pricy wedding for appearances sake!

 
September 29, 2006, 1:00 am CDT

AMEN to you, too!

Quote From: crystalwhe

AMEN!    I am afraid many couples focus so much on the wedding that they forget that the marriage will be the important part, with hard work, fights, wonderful times all wrapped up together!

We've been married 30 years!  and have signed on for an additional 30!

 

Congrats to BOTH of you! We have 17 years "in" tomorrow.

 

YOU know what's important in life, which is WHY your marriage has lasted.

 

Marriage and the committment that comes with it is a mind set. Mature, responsible people KNOW what is important and that things such as big, pricey receptions are just unnecessary "appearances."

 

Congratulations again. I'm sure your children (if you have them) have benefited from your "take" on life and committment. God bless you.

 
September 29, 2006, 8:45 am CDT

WEDDING DOS AND DON'TS

I LIVE IN MICHIGAN AND MY ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER LIVES IN CHARLESTON SOUTH CAROLINA. SHE WILL BE MARRIED IN MICHIGAN SO WE ARE PLANNING HER WEDDING LONG DISTANCE. LOTS OF E-MAILS AND PHONE CALLS.  LIKE ANY MOM I WOULD LIKE THIS DAY TO BE PERFECT FOR HER.  I AM VERY FORTUNATE BECAUSE SHE AND I ARE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE.  WE ARE EVEN INCLUDING HER FIANCE'S MOM IN ALL THE PLANNING. AFTERALL THIS IS HER SON'S WEDDING ALSO.   MY DAUGHTER AND I HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY WE HAVE NEVER HAD AN ARGUEMENT ABOUT ANYTHING. SHE IS A GREAT DAUGHTER AND NEVER GAVE US A MOMENTS WORRY.  I CANNOT IMAGINE MAKING THIS DAY MISERABLE FOR HER.  IT IS BEYOND MY REASONING TO EVER CALL MY DAUGHTER NAMES  THAT CAN NEVER BE TAKEN BACK.  I HOPE  WHEN HER WEDDING DAY ARRIVES. IT IS EVERYTHING SHE DREAMED OF .  I WILL DO MY  PART TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN. IT ONLY COMES ONCE AND I WANT MY DAUGHTER AND I TO LOOK BACK WITH ONLY GOOD MEMORIES.   I KNOW THE WEDDING DAY IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT,THE MARRIAGE IS BUT  SHE IS ENGAGED TO A WONDERFUL MAN WHO TREATS HER VERY WELL. I KNOW THEY WILL BE VERY HAPPY!!!

 
September 29, 2006, 9:42 am CDT

its truley a sad thing to see a mother and daughter at each others throat before a daughters wedding

that time before the wedding day would be best spent if the mother and daughter would just sit back and remember all the silly things the daughter did as a child growing up and becoming a young woman, and now getting ready to leave the mother and dads home to go on her own journey in life as a new wife and looking forward to the day when she could too becomes a mother, giving her mother and father a grand child, those would truly be good memories both could always look back on and relly have a heart felt moment, it relly dosent matter how much or how little you spend on a wedding, what matters is whear your heart is at  before during and after the wedding, and always keeping god first, these are the only things that relly matter and will make a differance in your life,
 
September 29, 2006, 10:21 am CDT

thank you dr phil and family for shareing that wedding day with me

it was a very butiful wedding and i pray your son and new daughter inlaw will have a wonderful life togather, they have a very good start thusfar, best wishes to all of you from my family here in georgia
 
September 29, 2006, 10:43 am CDT

if guests wish to bring gifts thats thear choice

Quote From: tinytimm4

 Dr. Phil and guest, My daughter Maureen will be married today September 29, 2006 to the man she loves. Like a great mother I am, I let her do what she wanted as far as all the plans were.  was told by many family members that my daughter should have written no gifts please for her second marriage on the invites. I felt that this was rude and so many family members are choosing not to attend. I feel this is fine, I want my daughter to be happy and if a chuch wedding is what she wants she should have what she wants. Maureen didn't have the church wedding first time.. David and Maureen were married in 2001 in a outdoor ceremony and now they are getting married in a church. they have 4 small children. My husband family is the ones who complained about the first wedding and they are now complaining again the church one. It took 5 years for the church wedding to happen due to the priest didn't want to marry a Catholic member to  a non Cathoic member. We over came it,My advise to all couple is DO WHAT YOU WANT IT'S YOUR DAY NO ONE ELSES. DON'T LET FAMILY PUSH YOU AGAINST EACH OTHER. IF THEY COME TO IT FINE, IF NOT SO BE IT.  THIS IS YOUR DAY ENJOY IT..... I SPENT $3,000 IN GIVING MY DAUGHTER JOY ON HER DAY .IF MY HUSBANDS FAMILY DON'T LIKE IT THEY CAN EAT CROWWWWWWWW...... GOOD LUCK TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE GETTING MARRIED....
your daughter should not have ritten no gifts please, and as far as a church wedding goes, thats a very good place to be married at, it dosent matter if its her 1st 2ed or 3ed wedding, god is always glad to be a part of any ones wedding, no matter how many times he attends that persons wedding, god welcomes all with open arms, i hope she has found her sole mate this time, every one deserves to be happy no matter how many times they have to try, its truly the blesseed who keep serching for true love no matter how many times they fail, not giving up is the key to finding that special one.
 
September 29, 2006, 10:50 am CDT

yes but your not seeing the wedding part of the marrage here

Quote From: oldcars1

It took a while, but I've learned from MY experience/mistakes, and many friends:

 

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE WEDDING -- IT'S ABOUT THE MARRIAGE !!!!

the wedding truley gives the bride and groom a very loving memory to look back on in the many years ahead of them, when times are hard and diffucult and when sad things happen to them or a loved one a good wedding memory will always be a welcomed memory for any one to have, its like having a special place in your own mind to go to when you are ready to give up on every thing, some times a good memory will pull you through all the bad things that happen on a very rocky road
 
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