Topic : 09/29 Wedding Dos and Don'ts

Kristina's mother need to realize that it is her day. She had her on wedding day sit back and let her daughter enjoy hers

Our middle son just got married on August 12th, 2006...first time for both parties.  They are young, my son was 21 the wedding day, the bride is 25.  Both the bride, and my son the groom, are children of divorce.  I was stunned at the rehearsal when the father of the bride dead set refused to be even seen in the same pew as his ex wife.  These people have been divorced for about 13 years.  This man contributed nothing towards the wedding financially...I was embarrassed that he could act this way on  one of the most important days in his daughters life.

I didn't especially like sitting in a pew with my ex or having my photo taken with him, but for my son  and his happiness I did it.  Mind you this is man who slammed my head against a wall, abused my older son and forced me into bankruptcy and left me and two young children penniless.  But, for the sake of my son I will continue to "suck it up" and do right by my son. 

Her dad also refused to take a family type portrait picture...they had to take all separate photos.  My daughter in law cancelled the Father Daughter dance...therefore I lost out on the Mother Son dance too...but I couldn't blame her.  He then proceeded to pretty much hide in a corner at the reception....I did make sure the groomsmen made several trips back to his corner for contributions to the garter and dance fund...he did put in some money for that!!

It isn't about you....it is your child's day....we did contribute money to their wedding but I did set a budget very early of what we were going to give, what they did with it I did not care....there were no strings attached to it. 

When and if our other son marries he will be given the exact same amount of money...but my dog won't be in that fight either.  I can see where these "fights"arise, and I think the best way is to make sure all the parties understand way before hand what each is responsible for financially or whatever...if the wedding money you give your child is truly a gift type of thing you should have no say in how the money is spent...you don't control a gift!!

Our society, along with Dr. Phil (whom I adore) has lost sight of WHY people get married and what SHOULD be important in life.

When people spend more than they make in a year (or close to it) on a one-day ceremony and celebration, we have a PROBLEM.

Does anyone believe that Jesus would have wanted us wasting so much money on flowers, dresses, food and APPEARANCES? How can we justify spending thousands on one day (especially when we have a 57% divorce rate!) as others around us try to make ends meet each month so their children can take part in activities, their bills will be paid and they have enough food for the month???

I don't get it. If you truly love someone, you shouldn't CARE where you marry. How about having a much less inexpensive "party" with loved ones and friends and send what you WOULD HAVE SPENT to a charity of your choice?

In 1987, I had $2000 to spend on my wedding...that was it, and it was a GIFT. We managed to have a lovely Catholic wedding, have a great celebration at the home of my inlaws (they hired high school kids to handle the food and high school grads to serve the beer and wine). We had a great photographer that worked cheaply, a young man take the video of our wedding/reception for $25 and lots of friends use their personal cameras to take additional photos. Instead of spending a fortune on flowers that would die the next day, we had 2 bouquets for the church (donated afterward), a single rose for each bridesmaid (2) and I carried the bouquet of my choice.

What was IMPORTANT was the love, honor and committment BEFORE GOD. The rest was silly stuff. If I had to do it over again, I would donate more of that money to charity and we'd have a big barbeque in our backyard...with all our wonderful family and friends. It could even be a pot luck!

Let's get back to WHAT IS IMPORTANT and stop wasting money that could be better used. We are such a shallow, frivilous society that values "stuff" over substinance. It's SAD.

We celebrate anniversary #17 tomorrow and guess what ?....none of the best days had to do with the wedding reception! The important days were the births of our children, how we handled the loss of a pregnancy, celebrating my husband's promotion, watching our kids love/play sports, signing that report card with A's on it, etc. THOSE are the truly important moments...not a pricy wedding for appearances sake!

Congrats to BOTH of you! We have 17 years "in" tomorrow.

YOU know what's important in life, which is WHY your marriage has lasted.

Marriage and the committment that comes with it is a mind set. Mature, responsible people KNOW what is important and that things such as big, pricey receptions are just unnecessary "appearances."

Congratulations again. I'm sure your children (if you have them) have benefited from your "take" on life and committment. God bless you.

I LIVE IN MICHIGAN AND MY ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER LIVES IN CHARLESTON SOUTH CAROLINA. SHE WILL BE MARRIED IN MICHIGAN SO WE ARE PLANNING HER WEDDING LONG DISTANCE. LOTS OF E-MAILS AND PHONE CALLS.  LIKE ANY MOM I WOULD LIKE THIS DAY TO BE PERFECT FOR HER.  I AM VERY FORTUNATE BECAUSE SHE AND I ARE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE.  WE ARE EVEN INCLUDING HER FIANCE'S MOM IN ALL THE PLANNING. AFTERALL THIS IS HER SON'S WEDDING ALSO.   MY DAUGHTER AND I HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY WE HAVE NEVER HAD AN ARGUEMENT ABOUT ANYTHING. SHE IS A GREAT DAUGHTER AND NEVER GAVE US A MOMENTS WORRY.  I CANNOT IMAGINE MAKING THIS DAY MISERABLE FOR HER.  IT IS BEYOND MY REASONING TO EVER CALL MY DAUGHTER NAMES  THAT CAN NEVER BE TAKEN BACK.  I HOPE  WHEN HER WEDDING DAY ARRIVES. IT IS EVERYTHING SHE DREAMED OF .  I WILL DO MY  PART TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN. IT ONLY COMES ONCE AND I WANT MY DAUGHTER AND I TO LOOK BACK WITH ONLY GOOD MEMORIES.   I KNOW THE WEDDING DAY IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT,THE MARRIAGE IS BUT  SHE IS ENGAGED TO A WONDERFUL MAN WHO TREATS HER VERY WELL. I KNOW THEY WILL BE VERY HAPPY!!!