Quote From: summer1 Hi. I am in a wonderful live-in relationship with a man and we plan to spend the rest of our lives together. His 18 year old son just left for college in a neighboring state. While we were at the home that my boyfriend's former wife and he shared before their divorce (about 5 years before I came along) I became very uncomfortable. The former wife was very nice to me but she and my boyfriend (she started the conversation) remininisted about how they raised their son while her boyfriend and I were sitting there. Her boyfriend is divorced and has a child. I've never been married (mid 40s) no children. I finally got up and walked out. Then to top things off, my boyfriend has mentioned to me (as in the last 24 hours, twice now) that I need to deal with my insecurities about his ex because as far as he's concerned, they did nothing wrong. Yes, my feelings got hurt by them reminiscing big time, and that's too bad for her boyfriend and I. The fact that he keeps bringing up that she does know my boyfriend better than I do, well, I have to deal with it. The fact that he told me that she was so understanding about the tear he had in his eye when she saw him and I didn't see it, well to bad for me. My boyfriend told me that because of all the heck he and his son went through, that he will never get back with her but that I am now expected to spend holidays with her, his son and him and her boyfriend (if her boyfriend is still around since I got the impression that he might dump her.) Any suggestions on how to get through the holidays with the ex now in my life for more than attending weddings, funerals, etc. at the same time as. My boyfriend's son graduated from high school and I pulled that off with grace having to deal with her but both of them are being insensitive to me. I should add that she has a drinking problem and showed some of her true colors when I wasn't around by telling my boyfriend that she wants more money for their son which she will not be getting. Her child support has run out and my boyfriend will be sending money directly to his son. Otherwise, my life is fantastic. I'm new to all this ex stuff.
I know you can't understand this, but the connection one has with a person you have had children with, is never ever totally gone. Yes, you will have people that hate their ex's and don't want anything to do with them for many valid reasons, but the one thing that they have in common, is the love they have for their child. This is something not easy to deal with, but even in a bad marriage, there were good times, or they would never have gotten married. If all the talk was about good times, and had to do with a fond memory of their child, then you need to realize that there were good times between them at one time, and those times are gone.
You talk about it being your boyfriend, and she has a boyfriend as well, well remember, your boyfriend chose you, and since no one is married, he could be with her if that was his choice, but it isn't. If you love this man, and your relationship is a good one, just realize that it is her loss, not yours. She may have some good memories of when they were a family, and it involves their child, but YOU have him, and accept the fact that you are HIS choice, not her. I am sure you have a past as well, and I am sure you have fond memories of whomever is from your past. According to you, they were not reminiscing about their fond memories with just them, it was about their child, something you knew they had before you made whatever commitment you have with your boyfriend. Don't expect them to not have good memories about their child. I wonder if part of your jealously is because it is an area you can't share in, not being a parent yourself, more than him talking with his ex, that he chose to no longer be with.
I hope this helps, and I hope you can be more secure in the fact that you are with him, because he chooses to be with you, just like you chose to be with him. Good luck
