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Topic : The Other Woman

Number of Replies: 2963
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:04:06 pm
Author : dataimport
If you've been the other woman, find support here. General talk and debate about infidelity can be found in our Infidelity discussion.

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September 25, 2008, 6:38 am CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: ritehere

BG, what you have to be strictly aware of though is that you cannot control your mm. He will continue to do what he wants to do. If he wants to stay married and only keep you on the side, that is what he will do.

I would stay your course though. Resolving the mess with your husband is the first and vital step you have to take to be in control of your destiny again.

Don't think that this divorce will be like the last. Like the people in them, divorces are all different. If there is a way to settle things in a friendly manner, wouldn't that be better than a huge court battle with your child in the middle?

And what is wrong with giving your husband part custody or generous visitation? A child needs and deserves all the love he/she can get. The child should not be part of the animosity and legal battles. I urge you to find a way to talk with your husband and negotiate a friendly split. Every minute you spend doing this is worth it in the long run.

I wish the best for you. Don't expect too much from the mm, in most cases they just don't deliver.

Oh i'm not planning on never letting me husband see his child, he is the one that tells me i won't be able to see him. That he will take our son away and help my ex get his and leave me with no kids... He is a good dad to his child, and i'd never take his dad away from my son, cause he loves him so much....
 
September 25, 2008, 6:43 am CDT

smiling

Me and my mm got together yesterday and really sit down and talked, he told me why he has been pulling , which was what i thought it was... He's said he's affard to hurt me... or that i'm going to get hurt, and he pulls away when his feelings start getting to deep because he don't know where this will go in the future and he don't want to promise me anything that not going to happen.  He saids i'm so easy to love and he never thought that this would had turned into what it has... He saids he does have thought and dreams about us getting together. But he don't want to tell me cause he didn't want to get my hopes up.  He's saids hes afraid that  he wants me to pull up on a white horse and take me away, but he's to old to ride a horse... I told him his white truck would be just fine. LOL...... Then he asked me if i'm afraid of the same thing, and i told him no, because i know what i want and its him. and i'm welling to take that chance if he is....
 
September 25, 2008, 8:50 am CDT

Nice line mm

Quote From: bamagirl13

Me and my mm got together yesterday and really sit down and talked, he told me why he has been pulling , which was what i thought it was... He's said he's affard to hurt me... or that i'm going to get hurt, and he pulls away when his feelings start getting to deep because he don't know where this will go in the future and he don't want to promise me anything that not going to happen.  He saids i'm so easy to love and he never thought that this would had turned into what it has... He saids he does have thought and dreams about us getting together. But he don't want to tell me cause he didn't want to get my hopes up.  He's saids hes afraid that  he wants me to pull up on a white horse and take me away, but he's to old to ride a horse... I told him his white truck would be just fine. LOL...... Then he asked me if i'm afraid of the same thing, and i told him no, because i know what i want and its him. and i'm welling to take that chance if he is....
This translates as "I'm still not picking you over my wife but only because I'm worried about you.  Now lets change the subject to "How do you feel about ME and the future?" 
 
September 25, 2008, 4:07 pm CDT

Is this cheating??

If your husband has had friends (who have been women) but doesn't have sex with them, is that cheating?  He says "No," and I say "Yes"; and when I explain why it is cheating, he gives me the line of "no sex."  When I tell him if I put a guy first like he puts another woman first, he would have divorced me a long time ago.  Is  there a NICE guy or Gal out there who would give me various points of view.?. Please....
 
September 26, 2008, 8:02 am CDT

Contradictions

Quote From: bamagirl13

Me and my mm got together yesterday and really sit down and talked, he told me why he has been pulling , which was what i thought it was... He's said he's affard to hurt me... or that i'm going to get hurt, and he pulls away when his feelings start getting to deep because he don't know where this will go in the future and he don't want to promise me anything that not going to happen.  He saids i'm so easy to love and he never thought that this would had turned into what it has... He saids he does have thought and dreams about us getting together. But he don't want to tell me cause he didn't want to get my hopes up.  He's saids hes afraid that  he wants me to pull up on a white horse and take me away, but he's to old to ride a horse... I told him his white truck would be just fine. LOL...... Then he asked me if i'm afraid of the same thing, and i told him no, because i know what i want and its him. and i'm welling to take that chance if he is....

BG, he says he's afraid to hurt you, so he pulls away from you. (Which hurts, you've been so down in the dumps you've been coming here to get some advice and perspective. It's a lie, he's only protecting himself.)

His reason for pulling away? HIS feelings "start getting too deep." And "he doesn't know where this will go in the future" and he "doesn't want to promise anything that's not going to happen." (This is classic manipulative cheating husband crap.)

So why are you so happy all of a sudden? He said a whole lot of nothing! His explanations taken together with his actions tell ME that if you start talking about a "future" again and making too many unreasonable demands he will pull away again. He has you dancing on a string!

He says he doesn't want you to get your hopes up, that's why he doesn't tell you his thoughts and dreams for the future. Oh please!  BG, if he cared about you like you care about him, don't you think he would be moving to get a divorce also?

When he says you are easy to love, what does that mean? It means you are easy, period. Easy to have his way with, and easy to manipulate. Notice how easy it was for him to get you to toe the line again? You are all grateful and happy for whatever scraps of attention he is willing to give you and you now know not to mention anything about a future together. (In Dr Phil lingo, you just got a lesson in how to treat him.)

Why do you settle for so little?

Here's what you should be doing, if you want to find out what he REALLY feels about you.

Start dropping hints that you are tired of being treated like a second class citizen, that when you get that divorce you are going to start dating again. Tell him you are curious to see what it's like to be out in the open with a guy who opens doors for you and things like that.

See what he does....

On another note, how is the divorce going? Have you decided to sit down and have an honest, rational, and needed talk with your husband?

 
October 3, 2008, 8:45 pm CDT

I say

Quote From: oops103

If your husband has had friends (who have been women) but doesn't have sex with them, is that cheating?  He says "No," and I say "Yes"; and when I explain why it is cheating, he gives me the line of "no sex."  When I tell him if I put a guy first like he puts another woman first, he would have divorced me a long time ago.  Is  there a NICE guy or Gal out there who would give me various points of view.?. Please....

I say that it is extreemly difficult for a man to have a platonic relationship with a woman that is available, or willing to make herself available. It is possible, but I would have to say it is a rare thing.

The same goes for women, I do not believe men and women are much different, human attraction to other human beings is natural, nothing wrong with it, but i feel if we cross a line and bring some one into our life, we are walking a dangerous road.

My husband and I have mutual friends, most are married. The ones that are not married, if they are male, and come to visit, I will say a quick hello to them, then im outta there, ditto if a female freind comes over.

I am speaking about freinds that are single, not married, lol. If they are married they usually bring their spouses, if they don't then if it is a man my hubby visists, if it is a woman i get to visit.

We may be old faishioned, but it is comfortable for us and that is how we live. If others feel and do differently that is their choice, i am simpply sharing my point of view and how I and my hubby are.

Your hubby needs to be sensative to your feelings, it is not hard! A little old faishioned gentlemanly attitude would go a long way to making him the bigger man.

I so Love my man, and he loves me, I tell him quite offten how much I love him, and he asks why? I ask him isnt your chest puffed out enough yet? lol =).

hope this helps hun, as for do I think it is cheating if your hubby has female friends albeit no sex?

Emotional affairs are just as devastating as sexual affairs....if his emotional attention is being given to any woman other than you, then it is detracting from your marriage and serenity, and it is wrong, call it what you will, it is just plain wrong, my hubby would totaly agree with what I just said, and he would tell you that men have men friends, women have women friends!

hope this helps.

Tammy

 

 

 

 
October 13, 2008, 9:17 am CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: ritehere

BG, he says he's afraid to hurt you, so he pulls away from you. (Which hurts, you've been so down in the dumps you've been coming here to get some advice and perspective. It's a lie, he's only protecting himself.)

His reason for pulling away? HIS feelings "start getting too deep." And "he doesn't know where this will go in the future" and he "doesn't want to promise anything that's not going to happen." (This is classic manipulative cheating husband crap.)

So why are you so happy all of a sudden? He said a whole lot of nothing! His explanations taken together with his actions tell ME that if you start talking about a "future" again and making too many unreasonable demands he will pull away again. He has you dancing on a string!

He says he doesn't want you to get your hopes up, that's why he doesn't tell you his thoughts and dreams for the future. Oh please!  BG, if he cared about you like you care about him, don't you think he would be moving to get a divorce also?

When he says you are easy to love, what does that mean? It means you are easy, period. Easy to have his way with, and easy to manipulate. Notice how easy it was for him to get you to toe the line again? You are all grateful and happy for whatever scraps of attention he is willing to give you and you now know not to mention anything about a future together. (In Dr Phil lingo, you just got a lesson in how to treat him.)

Why do you settle for so little?

Here's what you should be doing, if you want to find out what he REALLY feels about you.

Start dropping hints that you are tired of being treated like a second class citizen, that when you get that divorce you are going to start dating again. Tell him you are curious to see what it's like to be out in the open with a guy who opens doors for you and things like that.

See what he does....

On another note, how is the divorce going? Have you decided to sit down and have an honest, rational, and needed talk with your husband?

Yelp well its back to the drawing board i guess.  We've had two great weeks together then over the weekend on sunday he was going out to our cabin i told him i'd get ready and come out there... When i got ready i called him and he told me he couldn't stay out there he just drove out there to see how things was going alone.... he wouldn't meet me but he came to the office for about 10 mins... and while we was on the phone together before he got there he told me he was thinking that he didn't need to bother me that much on the weekends ...so when he was at the office i asked him why not and he wouldn't answer me, said he didn't want to talk about it and started changing the subject. so right before he left i got mad and asked him why he couldn't talk to me about us, that he could could talk to me about everything else but that, and i said something like yes i know we have to do everything when u want too.... he got mad and left i called him up and asked him whats wrong and he said you got mad at me i don't want to make u mad.  i just told him to talk to me about his feelings.... anyways i went to get my son a few mins after we had meet he was at his aunts house which he lives on the same road and i meet him and his wife in the car going somewhere..... a few hours later i txted him, and thrue out the night i sent him about 7 txts and he never txted me back until around 9 something and said nite........ If he don't want to hurt me what does he think that does to me....

i was so mad last night that he done me this way...   i didn't call him this morning i sent him a txt like i always does that said morning and he sent me one back that  said hello and hour later he still hadn't called i finally called him we are not talking about us this morning just work ....... i want to get him alone somewhere and just tell him how he made me feel yesterday...

 
October 14, 2008, 9:50 am CDT

7 Txts!

Quote From: bamagirl13

Yelp well its back to the drawing board i guess.  We've had two great weeks together then over the weekend on sunday he was going out to our cabin i told him i'd get ready and come out there... When i got ready i called him and he told me he couldn't stay out there he just drove out there to see how things was going alone.... he wouldn't meet me but he came to the office for about 10 mins... and while we was on the phone together before he got there he told me he was thinking that he didn't need to bother me that much on the weekends ...so when he was at the office i asked him why not and he wouldn't answer me, said he didn't want to talk about it and started changing the subject. so right before he left i got mad and asked him why he couldn't talk to me about us, that he could could talk to me about everything else but that, and i said something like yes i know we have to do everything when u want too.... he got mad and left i called him up and asked him whats wrong and he said you got mad at me i don't want to make u mad.  i just told him to talk to me about his feelings.... anyways i went to get my son a few mins after we had meet he was at his aunts house which he lives on the same road and i meet him and his wife in the car going somewhere..... a few hours later i txted him, and thrue out the night i sent him about 7 txts and he never txted me back until around 9 something and said nite........ If he don't want to hurt me what does he think that does to me....

i was so mad last night that he done me this way...   i didn't call him this morning i sent him a txt like i always does that said morning and he sent me one back that  said hello and hour later he still hadn't called i finally called him we are not talking about us this morning just work ....... i want to get him alone somewhere and just tell him how he made me feel yesterday...

If you were a man people would start using words like harassment and potential stalker.  Get it through your head.  This man wants a bit on the side who doesn't interfere with his weekend arrangements with the wife.   
 
October 14, 2008, 10:07 am CDT

a n other's correct

Quote From: bamagirl13

Yelp well its back to the drawing board i guess.  We've had two great weeks together then over the weekend on sunday he was going out to our cabin i told him i'd get ready and come out there... When i got ready i called him and he told me he couldn't stay out there he just drove out there to see how things was going alone.... he wouldn't meet me but he came to the office for about 10 mins... and while we was on the phone together before he got there he told me he was thinking that he didn't need to bother me that much on the weekends ...so when he was at the office i asked him why not and he wouldn't answer me, said he didn't want to talk about it and started changing the subject. so right before he left i got mad and asked him why he couldn't talk to me about us, that he could could talk to me about everything else but that, and i said something like yes i know we have to do everything when u want too.... he got mad and left i called him up and asked him whats wrong and he said you got mad at me i don't want to make u mad.  i just told him to talk to me about his feelings.... anyways i went to get my son a few mins after we had meet he was at his aunts house which he lives on the same road and i meet him and his wife in the car going somewhere..... a few hours later i txted him, and thrue out the night i sent him about 7 txts and he never txted me back until around 9 something and said nite........ If he don't want to hurt me what does he think that does to me....

i was so mad last night that he done me this way...   i didn't call him this morning i sent him a txt like i always does that said morning and he sent me one back that  said hello and hour later he still hadn't called i finally called him we are not talking about us this morning just work ....... i want to get him alone somewhere and just tell him how he made me feel yesterday...

BG, I know it hurts, but don't you think it's time to wise up?

 

YOU are the one that prolongs your agony by hanging on the way you do. If you are waiting for him to be the "cruel one" and dump you so that you can grieve and mourne and get people to feel sorry for you, it ain't gonna happen. He is going to keep stringing you along this way. He doesn't want to discuss his "feelings".

 

You must understand that he has no feelings, only urges. His feelings are obviously for his wife.

 

Persisting in your delusions that it's going to work out with him and you will end up with him only hurts you.

 

So again, have you had that needed discussion with YOUR husband. This is the only relationship you have some control over. This is the one you need to either work on or dissolve.

 
October 16, 2008, 7:49 am CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: ritehere

BG, I know it hurts, but don't you think it's time to wise up?

 

YOU are the one that prolongs your agony by hanging on the way you do. If you are waiting for him to be the "cruel one" and dump you so that you can grieve and mourne and get people to feel sorry for you, it ain't gonna happen. He is going to keep stringing you along this way. He doesn't want to discuss his "feelings".

 

You must understand that he has no feelings, only urges. His feelings are obviously for his wife.

 

Persisting in your delusions that it's going to work out with him and you will end up with him only hurts you.

 

So again, have you had that needed discussion with YOUR husband. This is the only relationship you have some control over. This is the one you need to either work on or dissolve.

Yes i have had that needed discusion with my husband and like i said before we are both in agreements that we are getting a divorce as soon as we get some debt paid off, and like i said thats what i'm working to now.

and i just can't throw my feelings away for this mm, i know i must sound crazy but i feel so much for this man. When is good its great but when its not its hell......  I just don't understand why he can't tell me his feelings.... What wrong with it.  All i'm wanting is the truth... I know he does have feelings for me and its just not for the sex.

 
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