Topic : The Other Woman

But you see, asking HIM all these questions is giving all your power away to him. Do you see that your whole life is hanging on what he says or doesn't say? He is choosing to keep you unbalanced and confused.

 Take back your power by getting control of your ship that is heading for the waterfall. If you leave all your decisions, and the fate of your happiness, up to others, you will continue to feel unloved and unhappy.

Dr Phil says that we create our own experience, and I have to agree with him.

ASK yourself, are you willing to get a divorce so that you will be free? Are you willing to get a divorce and be free even if this mm doesn't do the same? (He might not, you know.)

Are you willing to take the hard but necessary steps to straighten out the mess in your life?

As I see it, this is your first step in becoming somebody that is worthy of true love, and can give it freely in return.

If you are not willing to divorce, why?

I am willing to get a divorce even if he's not, I'm in the process of saving up money right now, to pay for everything and not having to be in finacale need later with my two kids.....

I don't know how to take power. I want this man in my life

BG, you are already beginning to take your power back if you have decided what you want, have a course of action laid out, and have started action to get there.

My only question is why aren't you talking to your husband about divorce? Why do you think you have to pay for it all by yourself? He is in the marriage too  you know. He may be just as willing to divorce as you, but was as afraid to bring it up as you.

Why haven't you mentioned it to him?

And by the way, does it feel better to have a plan?

Me and my husband has talked about divorce. Only reason we haven't is our child together he will fight for him big time.... I have been thru a divorce before when i was 18 and i know how expensive it will be i paid for my lawyer he paid for his, and my husband now will fight harder then my ex did for his child.....He's done told me when we divorce he is getting him, but i will fight him, i know how much it takes....

I've had this plan for awhile i call it my 5 year plan, i just opened up my own office 2 years ago, which was in my plan also.... Now i just have to save up money.....

But i want this mm in my life weather i'm married or not...

BG, what you have to be strictly aware of though is that you cannot control your mm. He will continue to do what he wants to do. If he wants to stay married and only keep you on the side, that is what he will do.

I would stay your course though. Resolving the mess with your husband is the first and vital step you have to take to be in control of your destiny again.

Don't think that this divorce will be like the last. Like the people in them, divorces are all different. If there is a way to settle things in a friendly manner, wouldn't that be better than a huge court battle with your child in the middle?

And what is wrong with giving your husband part custody or generous visitation? A child needs and deserves all the love he/she can get. The child should not be part of the animosity and legal battles. I urge you to find a way to talk with your husband and negotiate a friendly split. Every minute you spend doing this is worth it in the long run.

I wish the best for you. Don't expect too much from the mm, in most cases they just don't deliver.