Quote From: sharleneshI am 60 years old, married for four years to my third husband. My first passed away after 33 years of marriage, jumped into a brief marriage for what?, married my current husband and even though I love him I am so angry at all the pain I have been through with him. He was "seperated" for five years prior to our meeting. He filed for divorce and we married. He has three boys #1 doesnt' speak to, #2 came into his business and now has it all,(husband now retired), #3 has been on drugs for 14 years, in and out of prison twice because of it . Ex wife (there were married 30 years) still calls on a regular basis over one thing or another. She ends all conversations with "I love you, Bob".This is my problem. There is no need for these calls unless it's an emergency, I feel. He doesn't tell her not to say I love you, but it hurts me and for the life of me I don't understand why this continues after fives years. He tells me to get over it. Hummm. This is our main problem. I am jealous of these phone calls and it is driving a huge wedge between us. I do not speak with my short-timed ex and don't want to. Why does he feel he has to talk to her? My husband has an anger problem and I have been the butt of these outburst. Sometimes I can't take it and I respond with yelling and bringing up the fact that he and his EX are Exes and that there is no need to talk (120times in three months?) He'll put her on "no ring" but why? He stil answers her calls after a week of it. I asked him why he let's her or allows her calls, 17 so far this month, and he says he doesn't know. I am ready to leave him and he says go, as if he could care less. I asked him how he would like it if my ex called me? He said I dont know. He's depressed. His one son and wife embesseled, his second son (according to son's brother was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a gold one up his ass) this son never liked me , guessing he was afraid I was taking his inheritance, just a very selfish person, and the third son keeps being enabled by his parents and is not facing another prison time for burglery and of course this all stems from the drug use. My advice as the outsider has never been considered by my husband. STOP the enabling, stop giving him money,while on the pretense of working for you, giving him a truck, makes it easier to get to the drugs, paying for rehab that he did for one day before mommie bought him a bus ticket home, on and on and on...I know it must be hard to stop the enabling, but watching the show and hearing from a former addict at church, hasn't helped him at all. I am at the end of my rope. I have such anger for my husband and all the hell he has put me through with his anger and destroying my things taking away things because I bought it", just so many things I can't say. Not enough time. I don't know what else to do but leave and he acts as if he could care less. He is remorseful after words and apologizes but it seems like a repeat pattern .. I dont want to start over again. I have worked so hard at work and everywhere else. I am becoming an angry woman...so am I the other woman? His Ex has always said, "I love you, Bob" and has told him that she wants him back, but he's married to me and even though at times there are good times, I wonder why I put up with this? My late husband and I have raised four very great kids who are self sufficient, honest, hard working, loving parents to their children and independent. I am so proud. Now I'm in this and I am ready emotionally to leave but don't want to.. His son #3 is on the front page of the small local city paper....I am sick at how he must feel but sick that I am in this mess...Just wanted to get this off my chest. I pray and will be going to seek counselling again. My husband began seeing a professional as of last week but is it to help get out of the trouble he's gotten into due to anger issues with the city? I am in a ditch and my husband is in the other ditch. Dr Phil, what is going on? It used to be so much fun. Now all I do is work and come home. Yes, I check the phone bill each month and there they are....the phone calls with each other. I'm over it most of the time...don't want to leave but want to leave at the same time. Tired of the garbage in and out but still hoping that things will improve....am I a hopless believer in marriage?
This post isn't really in the appropriate section,but I can see that you put it here because you started off feeling like your husband's ex is the other woman in your marriage.
I'm curious, as you wrote, did you gain an understanding of what your reall poblems are?
Your husband seems to be a very passive sort of person, never taking positive action or a stand on anything. He seems to drift along, letting others take actions and avoiding any kind of controversy. His advice for you "to just get over it' is exactly what he does. If he never actually does anything, he can't be considered a bad guy and/or never does anything wrong. But things go wrong all around him anyway. One wonders what his children would be like today if he took more of a hand with them? Or his marriage? My bet would be that he would still be drifting along in separation limbo if you hadn't floated into his life and started things rolling in your directions.
He is old enough to know better, and so are you. I think you can stop feeling any sort of embarrassement or shame over this mistake though. It sounds like your first marriage was a good one, so you naturally trusted that this one would be too. My opinion is that you should "float" on out of his life (legally, on your terms) and let his ex take him back. I think they deserve each other.
Once you are free of this deadbeat you will be available to find somebody that is willing to "make" a life together, not live on the fringes in order to be "safe", but ineffectual. You are not a hopeless believer, it happened to you once so you know it's possible. You just had rose colored glasses when it came to this guy. Maybe he said all the right things? Beware next time, and good luck.
