Topic : The Other Woman

Move on and find someone who is actually committed to you.  Like others have said, it he were truly committed to you in every sense of the word he would find a solid way to be with you 100%, but has that happened??  No, you are miserable.  Is this really what you want??  I doubt it.  The children in did not asked to be involved in all this.  I do feel sorry for them, because ultimately they lose either way and it's not fair to them to have to go through something like this.  This will affect them for the rest of their lives, directly or indirectly. 

Look, I am not trying to make you feel bad about yourself, quite the opposite in fact, this man is really NOT  worth your time.  As long as you pursue him, you will ALWAYS have problems to deal with and the problems that come up in this particular situation will probably never be easily resolved. There will always be conflict because of the type of  situation it is.  So move on with  a man who has no strings attached.  Go find a man with whom you can hold your head up high with and live with happily for the rest of your life and STOP making youself so miserable.  Let it go and move on.   

So, he let  you 'listen' to a couple messages from her and that sums her whole attitude and life up for you?  You are sitting there, with her husband, listening to her messages.  I can't imagine why she might get a little agitated from time to time... 

The bottom line is, you only know ONE side of the story and that's the one he CHOOSES to give you.  He can claim all the crap he wants to about her, but it's only his word and at this point, he's betraying her, the kids and yes, even you.  So, why would you feel so comfortable in just taking his word?  Why doesn't he love you enough to make this right?  He's supposedly 'trapped' in a horrible marriage with a horrible person...yet, it's not bad enough to leave it for you.  Wake up. 

Also, you claim you have no responsibility in this.  Wrong.  You're an adult.  You had responsibility from the beginning, to make sure you are getting involved with someone who can be trusted, someone who is available.  YOU owed this to everyone involved, including yourself...far MORE than she owes you anything.  YOU walked into her life without her inviting you and you expect her to be cordial to you now and give you what you want?  Again, wake up. 

You are both adults, acting like spoiled children, blaming other kids for your poor behavior.  I think it's time to grow up...both of you...and do the right thing. 

 "I have moments of such anger towards both of them" 

Actually, you have no right to be angry with her.  You stepped into her life, uninvited.  It really doesn't matter if she is an ogre, or not.  You had no right to aid in destroying her or the kids life.  If ANYONE has any right to be angry about this, it is her and the kids.  If she is 'doing' things to you, it's probably out of survival mode and who could blame her? 

"It is not fair" 

Yes, it is.  If you didn't want to be treated like the other woman, you shouldn't have become one.  The only people in this that it's unfair to, is the wife and the children.  She may not be a good wife.  She may be horrible to live with.  But, it's still HER life and HER business that you walked in on.  Accept the consequences of being the other woman, because you are the other woman. 

"I do feel confident that if he didn't have kids we'd be together. " 

I wouldn't feel too confident about that.  My husband had an affair and we don't have children.  We let our marriage crumble to being non-existant...not caring at all.  Yet, he STILL didn't leave me for her.  He couldn't blame it on the kids, because there weren't any.  He decided to stay with me, even though we didn't really have any feelings left, rather than go with her, someone he claimed to have loved.  I am sure she was filled with hatred towards me and felt as though I had manipulated him to stay, blah, blah, blah.  But, she's wrong. He made that decision all on his own...then, I made the decision to stay with him and forgive.  It was the best decision we have ever made.  We went to counseling and things are better than ever.  But, I can confidently and proudly say, that he stayed with ME, not with a piece of paper, not with the 'kids', but with ME.  Deep down inside his feelings for me, as little as they were at the moment, outweighed any feelings or good times he had with her. 

He didn't have the affair all by himself, you were a more than willing participant so that makes you 50% of it and 50% responsible for it.