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Topic : The Other Woman

Number of Replies: 2963
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:04:06 pm
Author : dataimport
If you've been the other woman, find support here. General talk and debate about infidelity can be found in our Infidelity discussion.

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October 20, 2005, 6:30 am CDT

Maybe not...

Quote From: lutt0031

Again, I hear what you are saying. I have not introduced him to anyone. No one but a couple of girlfriends even know of him. No one in my family knows and yes, it would be an embarassment to say I am the "other woman". It is not a respectable place to be and that is why I didn't want to be there. I do want him for myself. I have made no long term plans other than week to week and you are correct that I am intelligent. I guess you wouldn't tell that from my recent behavior. I have been obsessive about this relationship from the neglect of everything in my life other than him to the desperation in trying to hold onto him. It's funny that I didn't think of me as settling. I thought of her as having to settle for a man that is "stuck" with her because she had his children. I do feel confident that if he didn't have kids we'd be together. That is no consolation though because he obviously does have them and they're not backing down from their position that he needs to get back with their mother. Thank you for being firm but fair with me. I realize that you could have just called me a slut and berated me. That is why I like this message board.  

"I do feel confident that if he didn't have kids we'd be together.

  

I wouldn't feel too confident about that.  My husband had an affair and we don't have children.  We let our marriage crumble to being non-existant...not caring at all.  Yet, he STILL didn't leave me for her.  He couldn't blame it on the kids, because there weren't any.  He decided to stay with me, even though we didn't really have any feelings left, rather than go with her, someone he claimed to have loved.  I am sure she was filled with hatred towards me and felt as though I had manipulated him to stay, blah, blah, blah.  But, she's wrong. He made that decision all on his own...then, I made the decision to stay with him and forgive.  It was the best decision we have ever made.  We went to counseling and things are better than ever.  But, I can confidently and proudly say, that he stayed with ME, not with a piece of paper, not with the 'kids', but with ME.  Deep down inside his feelings for me, as little as they were at the moment, outweighed any feelings or good times he had with her. 

 
October 20, 2005, 6:50 am CDT

It's his life I stepped into

Quote From: smitty0099

 "I have moments of such anger towards both of them" 

 

Actually, you have no right to be angry with her.  You stepped into her life, uninvited.  It really doesn't matter if she is an ogre, or not.  You had no right to aid in destroying her or the kids life.  If ANYONE has any right to be angry about this, it is her and the kids.  If she is 'doing' things to you, it's probably out of survival mode and who could blame her? 

 

"It is not fair" 

 

Yes, it is.  If you didn't want to be treated like the other woman, you shouldn't have become one.  The only people in this that it's unfair to, is the wife and the children.  She may not be a good wife.  She may be horrible to live with.  But, it's still HER life and HER business that you walked in on.  Accept the consequences of being the other woman, because you are the other woman. 

I did not step into her life. I want nothing to do with her. I wanted everything to do with him and me. I heard from his last night and he's not going back. He is in a friend's apartment and he's staying there. He realized that too much has happened with her and it's not fixable. He also loves me and I am sure of it. I didn't want to be the other woman...I wanted to be his woman and I will be. Women cannot treat men like crap and think that they are going to stand for it forever. Men can be very understanding but just like women they don't want to be taken for granted and just be a paycheck which is how she made him feel. 
 
October 20, 2005, 6:55 am CDT

I have spoken with her before

Quote From: smitty0099

So, he let  you 'listen' to a couple messages from her and that sums her whole attitude and life up for you?  You are sitting there, with her husband, listening to her messages.  I can't imagine why she might get a little agitated from time to time... 

  

The bottom line is, you only know ONE side of the story and that's the one he CHOOSES to give you.  He can claim all the crap he wants to about her, but it's only his word and at this point, he's betraying her, the kids and yes, even you.  So, why would you feel so comfortable in just taking his word?  Why doesn't he love you enough to make this right?  He's supposedly 'trapped' in a horrible marriage with a horrible person...yet, it's not bad enough to leave it for you.  Wake up. 

  

Also, you claim you have no responsibility in this.  Wrong.  You're an adult.  You had responsibility from the beginning, to make sure you are getting involved with someone who can be trusted, someone who is available.  YOU owed this to everyone involved, including yourself...far MORE than she owes you anything.  YOU walked into her life without her inviting you and you expect her to be cordial to you now and give you what you want?  Again, wake up. 

  

You are both adults, acting like spoiled children, blaming other kids for your poor behavior.  I think it's time to grow up...both of you...and do the right thing. 

I have spoken with her and she's the first person to badmouth him about everything...not just the affair. She said he was a horrible husband, he was a bad father, she raised the kids in spite of him, she hasn't been happy for years, blah, blah, blah. Why stay with thim then? If he is soooo bad, why would you want to be with him? I'll tell you why...he makes a great living, he is a very high profile man with a lot of connections which allow them invites all over the place. This is the trade off she has accepted. It is obvious to everyone around him why she stays. It's also pretty obvious that she cannot be bothered with him. She should get off her ass and make her own way...then complain about how hard "her" life is. I do blame her for her role in this. I do not blame her for my situation but don't see around being the victim. He has since told me that his marriage is not going to work. He doesn't want to live this lie anymore with her. He's out now. I will be with him and I will have what I want. There is no way she is standing in my way anymore.
 
October 20, 2005, 7:12 am CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: lutt0031

I did not step into her life. I want nothing to do with her. I wanted everything to do with him and me. I heard from his last night and he's not going back. He is in a friend's apartment and he's staying there. He realized that too much has happened with her and it's not fixable. He also loves me and I am sure of it. I didn't want to be the other woman...I wanted to be his woman and I will be. Women cannot treat men like crap and think that they are going to stand for it forever. Men can be very understanding but just like women they don't want to be taken for granted and just be a paycheck which is how she made him feel. 
It's HER husband you have had sex with, so YES you did step into her life.  She will always be his wife or ex-wife if that turns out to be case and also, she will always be the mother of his children.  She will ALWAYS be in the picture.  I think there is also a statistic out there that says something like relationships born out of adultrey have a less than 1 or 2 percent chance of surviving.  Food for thought.....
 
October 20, 2005, 7:20 am CDT

5 % chance of survival

Quote From: mls2005

It's HER husband you have had sex with, so YES you did step into her life.  She will always be his wife or ex-wife if that turns out to be case and also, she will always be the mother of his children.  She will ALWAYS be in the picture.  I think there is also a statistic out there that says something like relationships born out of adultrey have a less than 1 or 2 percent chance of surviving.  Food for thought.....
I hear what you are saying, I really do but I do not feel that I should be held responsible for his affair. He cheated on her...I did not. I have no accountability to her. I did not take vows, he did. Yes, she will always be in the picture. I have never done this before. I have never been in this type of relationship.  am not one of these women that go around and sleep with married men. I have no problem with her being in the picture as long as she knows her place. I did not break up his marriage, they did. They are responsible. I don't care if I showed up naked at his place of work, he chose to do it. Her problem should be and only be with him.
 
October 20, 2005, 7:40 am CDT

AWell

Quote From: lutt0031

I hear what you are saying, I really do but I do not feel that I should be held responsible for his affair. He cheated on her...I did not. I have no accountability to her. I did not take vows, he did. Yes, she will always be in the picture. I have never done this before. I have never been in this type of relationship.  am not one of these women that go around and sleep with married men. I have no problem with her being in the picture as long as she knows her place. I did not break up his marriage, they did. They are responsible. I don't care if I showed up naked at his place of work, he chose to do it. Her problem should be and only be with him.

He didn't have the affair all by himself, you were a more than willing participant so that makes you 50% of it and 50% responsible for it.   

 
October 20, 2005, 7:50 am CDT

NO WAY

Quote From: mls2005

He didn't have the affair all by himself, you were a more than willing participant so that makes you 50% of it and 50% responsible for it.   

There is no way I am responsible for his extramarital affair. If it wasn't me it would have been someone else. He took the vows. He married her...I didn't.
 
October 20, 2005, 9:36 am CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: lutt0031

I did not step into her life. I want nothing to do with her. I wanted everything to do with him and me. I heard from his last night and he's not going back. He is in a friend's apartment and he's staying there. He realized that too much has happened with her and it's not fixable. He also loves me and I am sure of it. I didn't want to be the other woman...I wanted to be his woman and I will be. Women cannot treat men like crap and think that they are going to stand for it forever. Men can be very understanding but just like women they don't want to be taken for granted and just be a paycheck which is how she made him feel. 

"I did not step into her life. I want nothing to do with her.

  

Yes, you did.  Her husband is a PART of HER life.  If you wanted nothing to do with her, then you should've left her life alone. 

 
October 20, 2005, 9:39 am CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: lutt0031

There is no way I am responsible for his extramarital affair. If it wasn't me it would have been someone else. He took the vows. He married her...I didn't.

"There is no way I am responsible for his extramarital affair." 

 

I bet when you got in trouble as a child, you blamed the friend you were with too..."but mom, patty made me do it.  I wouldn't have been there if it weren't for HER..." 

  

You may not have taken the vows with her, but that doesn't excuse you from treating people with common morals and decency.  What about his kids??  You didn't birth them.  Are you not going to have ANYTHING to do with them either?  No interaction?  If you didn't have anything to do with their existance, you better not have anything to do with them at all.  Or, is that different, because it suits your needs differently? 

 
October 20, 2005, 9:45 am CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: lutt0031

I hear what you are saying, I really do but I do not feel that I should be held responsible for his affair. He cheated on her...I did not. I have no accountability to her. I did not take vows, he did. Yes, she will always be in the picture. I have never done this before. I have never been in this type of relationship.  am not one of these women that go around and sleep with married men. I have no problem with her being in the picture as long as she knows her place. I did not break up his marriage, they did. They are responsible. I don't care if I showed up naked at his place of work, he chose to do it. Her problem should be and only be with him.

I hear what you are saying, I really do but I do not feel that I should be held responsible for his affair. 

 

You were a part of it.  So, how can you NOT be partially responsible? 

 

I have no problem with her being in the picture as long as she knows her place. 

 

OMG!  Now I think we are being played by YOU.   You DIDN'T just say that, did you?  As long as SHE knows HER place??  Sweety, HER place was with her family, still is. 

 

The only thing you are right about, is that their problems are THEIRS.  But, how do you think you are helping the situation by being involved?  It's THEIR problems, THEIR marriage, THEIR business.  I hate to say this, but you seem incredibly naive, or are just playing us here.  I hope you are just playing games with us here, because if you ARE this naive, we'll eventually be seeing you on the 'cheated on' board. 

 
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