Topic : The Other Woman

I do know that I reap what I sow and I also understand that that goes for all involved. I am happy, too, but I always astonished when I get this reaction on this site. It's called the Other Woman yet many of the responses on here are very anti-other woman. Because I questioned her playing the victim card I got a very negative response. It's so politically incorrect for the other woman to say anything bad about the poor wife. I'm just so frustrated by it... 

  

The other woman is always painted as the homewrecking slut but the wife is always the saint who raised his kids and how could she find the time to take care of her man when she was so busy with the house and the kids and the carpool. Woman are our own worst enemies.  

well it ended for a whole bunch of reasons - both her and myself felt he should make a choice and to be honest I think he was torn.  His wife was a nice person, just different then me, I should tell you these people had been having problems so they had decided to have an open marriage - what a bunch of bs - you cannot work out your relationship problems by bringing someone else into the relationship.  so, basically he left her for me - then he went back to her then to me and finally his wife smart woman left him.  Trust me - you can do better - people just out of heavy relationships have trouble committing and probably shouldn't because they need to figure things out. 

 You said that the wife is always the saint and the other woman is always painted as the homewrecking slut. I think that the main thrust of most of the arguments here has been an agreement that the "homewrecking slut" is the one who cheats, be it the husband OR wife, and there really are no saints.

Seems to me that everybody is concerned about your possibly making a huge mistake with this guy. The comments are sometimes worded as confrontational, to which you get defensive. Emotions run high on this subject because what brings us all here is current or past experience with this dilemma.

Would you agree with this? I think the best thing for everybody in your situation would be to call a moratorium on each other. You said the cheating husband has moved out, which may be a good thing if he seeks some personal counseling and space from you and the wife while he sorts out his life. The same thing could be great for you and the wife too, stay away from each other and the cheater and get some personal counseling, and then decide what's best for each of you individually.  Whether you all will do that is another story...

 I posted on the "Infidelity" board about this.    I have been in an on/off relationship with a man for many years.  The last 3 years he has been  living with, then engaged and recently married to another woman.   I tried twice to break it off, we didn't talk for a while and then he is like a boomerang and back he is.    I can do the right thing and kick his ass to the curb but I wonder about the wife. 

Do I tell her what she is in for?  Tell her about  his cheating ways?  His father cheated on his mother, his brother cheated on his wife and now he's done it.    Do I tell her?

Has anyone told the wife?  What happened? 

Thanks

Well, the only thing that you've said that I agree with is that we are our own worst enemies.  However, I call it the way I see it.   I find it hard to believe that you believed you would find support for wanting someone's marriage to fall apart for your benefit.  I am very anit-other woman and anti-other man if that's the case.  Infidelity is not necessarily gender specific.  There are just as many wives who cheat on their husbands.  I just happen to think that people who find themselves in these positions are just extremely selfish people who want what they want and will get at whatever cost and that is very frustrating for me, I just don't understand.  Don't say anything bad about the wife, because as far as I'm concerned it's the pot calling the kettle black.  At this point you are no better than she is. 

I've read a couple of emails and responses in this section and in "Infidelity" section and I am curious about one thing.  What is the motive of the person who is wondering if they should tell the other person?  If you're cheating with someone else's spouse (male or female) and you or the married person stops the affair, what is the burden on your conscience that you now want to ruin the man or woman's marriage?  Especially if you weren't so worried about it when you were in the throws of passion with someone else's spouse.  I think that if you're going to expose someone it should be for the right reasons.  Anger, spite, selfishness and jealousy are not right reasons.  I'm not accusing anyone of this board of any of these bad reasons so I hope no one individual takes it personally.  I'm just questioning motives and hope that anyone who is contemplating ruining someone's marriage will check their motives first.  I believe in exposing the truth but for the right reasons.

The questions are for you. Why would you want to tell his wife this?  

Its good that you have ended the relationship. That was the right thing to do. Now, its his business, not yours. There is no reasons for you to tell his wife unless there is a disease she should know about. Usually, women have a sense of what is going on.... and many wives do not want to know about the other woman for reasons. I'm not saying that is good or healthy!! BUt its the way it is. 

 You are right.  It is up to me and I will let it go.  I truly believe at some point she will find out as he will not be able to not cheat.    I don't believe any or many men change these types of behavior. 

And I do agree with you about some wives NOT wanting to know.  I think for many reasons, altough heartbreaking, they turn a blind eye to it. 

Because I questioned her playing the victim card I got a very negative response. It's so politically incorrect for the other woman to say anything bad about the poor wife. I'm just so frustrated by it...  

  

Whether you want to admit it, or not, the wife IS the victim of your affair.  She might not be innocent regarding the troubles WITHIN her marriage, but she had NOTHING to do with your affair, because that is OUTSIDE of her marriage and she has no control over it.  YOU do, however.  Any trouble within her marriage is between her and her husband, nothing to do with you.  Yet, because of your actions, the troubles within her marriage stand very little chance of getting better.  Do you honestly think you are his first?  His last?  Go ahead and use the excuse 'if it wasn't me, it would be somebody else' ,,,but NEWSFLASH....it doesn't make your actions ANY more right or appropriate just because YOU filled the 'slot', rather than someone else.  I might as well go shoplift, because if I don't, somebody else might... 

  

The other woman is always painted as the homewrecking slut but the wife is always the saint who raised his kids and how could she find the time to take care of her man when she was so busy with the house and the kids and the carpool.  

  

OK, ask yourself this....what has the wife done to YOUR family?  What has the wife done to YOU, that wasn't out of basic self-defense of HER world as she knows it?  The reason why the other woman is typically painted as the homewrecker, is because she plays a part in wrecking the home.  It's pretty simple, really.  She may not have been there when the wrecking crew showed up, but she certainly jumped to the front of the line and helped push the buttons when it came to the final destruction. 

 

A while ago, I watched a movie, based on a true story about a wife who sued the other woman ...and WON.  I just wish more wives who are left to console the kids who are crying at night would do this.