Home Message Boards

Topic : The Other Woman

Number of Replies: 3042
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:04:06 pm
Author : dataimport
If you've been the other woman, find support here. General talk and debate about infidelity can be found in our Infidelity discussion.

 
lutt0031
User Mood
Angry

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 10:11 am PDT

I am not responsible for his actions...

Quote From: mls2005

Bottom line here, no matter how you feel about her, you still have no right to be interfering in this relationship.  They are still married.  And, afterall, we've only heard you rant and rave and attack her character, there are two sides to every story and I would love to hear her side. 
I often wonder why others feel that the other woman should have any liability to the wife? I am not the one who took vows to her. She is no one to me. This is his issue. If he chooses to stay with her that is just the way it is and I'll get over it, in time. At the end of the day, no woman or man can break up anothers marriage if it is strong. As far as attacking her character, this woman attacked mine on numerous occasions. She's bent because he sticks up for me and tells her that I am his best friend. She has called me evil and a whore and fine, if that makes her feel better. I have no problem with what I did and I have no regrets.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
latingirl
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 1:14 pm PDT

morals

Quote From: lutt0031

I often wonder why others feel that the other woman should have any liability to the wife? I am not the one who took vows to her. She is no one to me. This is his issue. If he chooses to stay with her that is just the way it is and I'll get over it, in time. At the end of the day, no woman or man can break up anothers marriage if it is strong. As far as attacking her character, this woman attacked mine on numerous occasions. She's bent because he sticks up for me and tells her that I am his best friend. She has called me evil and a whore and fine, if that makes her feel better. I have no problem with what I did and I have no regrets.

You are 100% correct in SOME on your comments.  He is too blame for his lack of respect for his family and his wife.  He choose to believe that the grass could be greener (most of the time, it's not!) and he is the one that took the vows.  But you as a human being also should have morals and you dare sit here and say you have no problem with what you did and no regrets.  Well I would have a reality check here Miss, because if the tables were turned....you would be smacked in the face with hard core reality.  He is the unfaithful one...YES BUT you too know it was wrong to be with a married man who has a family and children and having no regrets does say a lot about your character.  She does have every right to hate you and hate him, she wants her family back.  But if she only knew, he is better off with you than with her.  Because you two apparently have the same morals.  I am not saying everyone is perfect, NO WAY.  But you too need to take responsiblty in part of this as well.  Not for breaking up the marriage, because that was his doing but for the lack of respect for another person's feelings.  
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
latingirl
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 1:25 pm PDT

you are right

Quote From: rebeccwi

I am getting married on Saturday.  It will be a 2nd marriage for him, but 3rd for me.   The problem I am experiencing is that he and his family keeps up with his ex-wife and it bothers me.  They do not have any children and don't talk directly with each other.  Occasional emails that completed the divorce agreements.  She initiated the divorce and moved across the country - that was 5 years ago.  However he has kept up with her and tells me about any 'new' news that is passed along by his family.  He has stated that because she was a part of this life for 10 years that he is interested in her and what she is doing with her life.  I don't understand this and it really hurts.  Several of his family members let him know that she is getting married this weekend and so are we and now it's a big discussion on how odd it is that they are getting married on the same weekend.  Am I wrong to want him to let it go.  He states that by me asking that - that I am asking him to forget his past, but I am asking for him to let go of her present and future.  I did have issues in the past hearing about them and their life together, but it was only because he said that if she came into town he would want to meet her for dinner - just to catch up and see what was going on with her.      I have children from my 1st marriage - and we both communicate with their father.  However, my second marriage is not a subject.  I do not have any communication with him.  My family does not ask about him nor do I seek any information.  Am I expecting too much?  Am I wrong to feel this way.  I just don't understand why he feels it is necessary for him to keep up with her.

I am with someone that was married to someone for 2 years and is now divorced.  They were together 10 years.  He was talking to her from time to time but that soon faded a few months after he started dating me.  AND she was the one that would email him.  Anyhow, his family is friends with her, even go partying together.  That was hard at first but his family doesn't bring her up to him much and it will soon die out.  He doesn't mind hearing that she is doing well.  But other than that, he doesn't need to hear details of her life.  And I agree.  I too was married but I have children with him , so that is a totally different case.  We have to talk to each but only about kids and it's maining in text messages and emails.  So I never hide anything from my b\f. 

You have every right to be upset about this.  I would sit down with you new hubby and let him know this is disrespecting you and your feelings.  The past is the past but your future is the most important than.  So he needs to let go and he needs to speak with his family and let them know it's ok if they want to keep in tough with her.  But you life and her life should not be discussed with you or with her.  He needs to take charge of the situation now, before you become the outsider,  that is not fair to you at all.   
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
jspot2005
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 1:32 pm PDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: latingirl

You are 100% correct in SOME on your comments.  He is too blame for his lack of respect for his family and his wife.  He choose to believe that the grass could be greener (most of the time, it's not!) and he is the one that took the vows.  But you as a human being also should have morals and you dare sit here and say you have no problem with what you did and no regrets.  Well I would have a reality check here Miss, because if the tables were turned....you would be smacked in the face with hard core reality.  He is the unfaithful one...YES BUT you too know it was wrong to be with a married man who has a family and children and having no regrets does say a lot about your character.  She does have every right to hate you and hate him, she wants her family back.  But if she only knew, he is better off with you than with her.  Because you two apparently have the same morals.  I am not saying everyone is perfect, NO WAY.  But you too need to take responsiblty in part of this as well.  Not for breaking up the marriage, because that was his doing but for the lack of respect for another person's feelings.  

Finally someone who has the courage to stand up for the moral fiber of family.  I am a wife and at the present time there is another woman in my marriage.  Granted my husband made his decision however he did not make it alone.  Women who feel they have no obligation to another womans marraige is one lying to herself and to that man.  Both are for what is within their best interst, at that time therefore to make a comment that "I have no obligations to her" is insane.  Maybe you don't but its obvious you want intimacy, love, and commitment so why settle for her marriage instead of possibly waiting for your own?  Sure no strings attached appears to be fun however time brings about a change and both will reap what they sew.  It is natural for a wife to fight for her family whether it be physical or otherwise.  The most effective is through scripture but how many of us have that kind of patience?  Being a wife is both rewarding and hard work and quite frankly I don't intend to fight sitting down, however those of you who  enjoy being the other woman need to take a hard look at reality and see the big picture.  You all assist that man in destroying his family only to say I had nothing to do with it.  This is real life, real souls,  with very real consequences. Think about it.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
latingirl
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 3:11 pm PDT

better believe it

Quote From: jspot2005

Finally someone who has the courage to stand up for the moral fiber of family.  I am a wife and at the present time there is another woman in my marriage.  Granted my husband made his decision however he did not make it alone.  Women who feel they have no obligation to another womans marraige is one lying to herself and to that man.  Both are for what is within their best interst, at that time therefore to make a comment that "I have no obligations to her" is insane.  Maybe you don't but its obvious you want intimacy, love, and commitment so why settle for her marriage instead of possibly waiting for your own?  Sure no strings attached appears to be fun however time brings about a change and both will reap what they sew.  It is natural for a wife to fight for her family whether it be physical or otherwise.  The most effective is through scripture but how many of us have that kind of patience?  Being a wife is both rewarding and hard work and quite frankly I don't intend to fight sitting down, however those of you who  enjoy being the other woman need to take a hard look at reality and see the big picture.  You all assist that man in destroying his family only to say I had nothing to do with it.  This is real life, real souls,  with very real consequences. Think about it.

The cheater is ALWAYS to blame.  AND the other woman\man involved in this always seem to blame to innocent wife \ husband at home.  That is something I don't understand.  Of course the cheating spouse is not going to tell you how much they love their spouse and how precious they are, nope they are going to tell you what you want to hear.  How it's ALL their fault for the failure of the marriage.  But the person who falls for the B.S. is not seeing the big picture at all.  WHO wants to be with someone that doesn't have respect for his or her own family and likes to blame it on the innocent one.  If the marriage is not working, get OUT and then proceed.  Not the other way around.  

  

I am sorry to hear that you are in the mist of a troubled marriage.  But DO something about it! Don't sit back and let someone rob you from your life.  Life is too short to wait for someone to change!  
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
lutt0031
User Mood
Angry

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 5:10 pm PDT

Still don't agree

Quote From: jspot2005

Finally someone who has the courage to stand up for the moral fiber of family.  I am a wife and at the present time there is another woman in my marriage.  Granted my husband made his decision however he did not make it alone.  Women who feel they have no obligation to another womans marraige is one lying to herself and to that man.  Both are for what is within their best interst, at that time therefore to make a comment that "I have no obligations to her" is insane.  Maybe you don't but its obvious you want intimacy, love, and commitment so why settle for her marriage instead of possibly waiting for your own?  Sure no strings attached appears to be fun however time brings about a change and both will reap what they sew.  It is natural for a wife to fight for her family whether it be physical or otherwise.  The most effective is through scripture but how many of us have that kind of patience?  Being a wife is both rewarding and hard work and quite frankly I don't intend to fight sitting down, however those of you who  enjoy being the other woman need to take a hard look at reality and see the big picture.  You all assist that man in destroying his family only to say I had nothing to do with it.  This is real life, real souls,  with very real consequences. Think about it.
I am the other woman who posted and said that I have no obligation to her. I stand by what I said and here's why. When I met this man he told me that he was marriage was ending. The two of them were "together" for the children. He led me to believe that his wife had no interest in him either mentally or physically. This was entirely evident to me because he spent a lot of time with me either in person or on the phone. She does not work and the kids are in their late teens...they do not need a nanny. She shopped all day and bitched at him constantly. He let me listen to a few of the phone messages she left him. I've even heard the two of them speak on the telephone. She's horrible. I would NEVER allow another person to speak to me the way she did to him. While I realize that he should have ENDED the marriage before seeing me, I agree, but that's not reality. People stay together for all kinds of reasons. I do love him and I have no doubt that he loves me. Where was this woman when he spent all this time with me? Why did she not bother to inquire where he was or who he was speaking to for hours on end? Why did she wait until she found out about me to get a reality check? Why am I the "wake up call"? This is total BS. I understand that people take each other for granted but don't sit around and do nothing to work on your marriage and then play the victim. Yes, he cheated and he is wrong but it takes two people to make a bad marriage. He may have went out and cheated but she negelcted him.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
lutt0031
User Mood
Angry

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 5:14 pm PDT

No Loyalty to Her

Quote From: latingirl

You are 100% correct in SOME on your comments.  He is too blame for his lack of respect for his family and his wife.  He choose to believe that the grass could be greener (most of the time, it's not!) and he is the one that took the vows.  But you as a human being also should have morals and you dare sit here and say you have no problem with what you did and no regrets.  Well I would have a reality check here Miss, because if the tables were turned....you would be smacked in the face with hard core reality.  He is the unfaithful one...YES BUT you too know it was wrong to be with a married man who has a family and children and having no regrets does say a lot about your character.  She does have every right to hate you and hate him, she wants her family back.  But if she only knew, he is better off with you than with her.  Because you two apparently have the same morals.  I am not saying everyone is perfect, NO WAY.  But you too need to take responsiblty in part of this as well.  Not for breaking up the marriage, because that was his doing but for the lack of respect for another person's feelings.  

I do not believe this is a "human" issue. This man chose to spend time with me. He decided everytime he came to me that I was who he wanted to be, not her. He is the one who should have thought of her and his children. Don't put the burden on me as this is what is wrong with women, in general. We tear each other down. A guy who cheats is referred to as "boys being boys" and "oh, he's a dog". Women who cheat are homewreckers and whores...this is such a double standard. Dr. Phil says I have no business being in on another woman's turf. The fact remains that I am not stealing anyone. You cannot steal a person unless they want to be stolen from their horrible life.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
latingirl
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
blank
October 19, 2005, 8:12 am PDT

morals?

Quote From: lutt0031

I do not believe this is a "human" issue. This man chose to spend time with me. He decided everytime he came to me that I was who he wanted to be, not her. He is the one who should have thought of her and his children. Don't put the burden on me as this is what is wrong with women, in general. We tear each other down. A guy who cheats is referred to as "boys being boys" and "oh, he's a dog". Women who cheat are homewreckers and whores...this is such a double standard. Dr. Phil says I have no business being in on another woman's turf. The fact remains that I am not stealing anyone. You cannot steal a person unless they want to be stolen from their horrible life.

I do agree with you, men are always looked at as boys being boys.  But it's us women that let them think this way.  I WOULD never think of you or someone in your position as a whore or homewrecker, it's the cheater that is the whore and homewrecker!  That burden is NOT on you.  But like I said.  We do make choices and you choice to be with a married man.  Yeah I see he lied to you about where his marriage really was.  But until you are in this position, you can't speak for his wife or her husband because you only know him as your mistery man but not as the one that came home to his family.  I know people stay together for the kids sake, I too am divorced with children and we talked about that as well.  But it doesn't work and we all know it.  The kids need parents but they don't have to live in the same household to still be a good parent.  She may have taken it all for granted but he still was the wrong person in all of this.  And the only reason I seem to come down on you is because you sit here and say you have no regrets.  But if you knew about all this before, wouldn't you have changed it from the beginning.  If he wanted to leave, he would!  No doubt.  She can't force him to stay.  Nobody can force you to do anything....so if he really truly wanted to out of this marriage, he would be.  And in regards to your wrong doing.  SInce you didn't know about the truth to begin with, I can see how you are not wrong either.  BUT you do know and you still sit here and blame her for it all and how she treats him.  Well I guess she pushed him away into your arms, but that doesn't mean she deserved to be betrayed and lied to.  What type of man are talking about, you are acting like he is worth all of this.   
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
lutt0031
User Mood
Angry

Message Emote
blank
October 19, 2005, 10:40 am PDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: latingirl

I do agree with you, men are always looked at as boys being boys.  But it's us women that let them think this way.  I WOULD never think of you or someone in your position as a whore or homewrecker, it's the cheater that is the whore and homewrecker!  That burden is NOT on you.  But like I said.  We do make choices and you choice to be with a married man.  Yeah I see he lied to you about where his marriage really was.  But until you are in this position, you can't speak for his wife or her husband because you only know him as your mistery man but not as the one that came home to his family.  I know people stay together for the kids sake, I too am divorced with children and we talked about that as well.  But it doesn't work and we all know it.  The kids need parents but they don't have to live in the same household to still be a good parent.  She may have taken it all for granted but he still was the wrong person in all of this.  And the only reason I seem to come down on you is because you sit here and say you have no regrets.  But if you knew about all this before, wouldn't you have changed it from the beginning.  If he wanted to leave, he would!  No doubt.  She can't force him to stay.  Nobody can force you to do anything....so if he really truly wanted to out of this marriage, he would be.  And in regards to your wrong doing.  SInce you didn't know about the truth to begin with, I can see how you are not wrong either.  BUT you do know and you still sit here and blame her for it all and how she treats him.  Well I guess she pushed him away into your arms, but that doesn't mean she deserved to be betrayed and lied to.  What type of man are talking about, you are acting like he is worth all of this.   

I think he was lonely and befriended me. Neither one of us planned on it getting this intimate. We certainly didn't think we'd fall in love. I think he was in some kind of coma or something because he just thought it would all work out. He was not planning on his wife not throwing him out. She seemed like she didn't want him either. I hate the idea that I may have brought them together. Do you know how much that sucks? I love him for many reasons. I don't like that he cheated on her. I do feel bad that HE betrayed her but I still do not believe that I should have thought of her for one second. If he called me today I'd be there for him. I am still in the very hurt stage where he still has power over me. I am hoping that each day I'll get stronger and hold him more accountable for all these. I am angry at her for many reasons, (1) she still wants him. I would never tolerate this level of betrayal and yes, I know, I'll be told that if he does it with me, he'll do it to me but I don't buy into once a cheater, always a cheater. I do think there are always special circumstances where people make bad decisions, (2) Why didn't she acknowledge the fact that for 7 to 8 months he was gone. I mean gone in every sense of the word. He was traveling to see me and when he was home he was speaking to me on the phone or e-mailing me. She never asked once why he was so distant. She just let his paychecks keep rolling in and went shopping. She has a nanny, a housekeeper and doesn't work outside the home. i'm not sure what this woman does that takes so much time away from paying attenion to him.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
ritehere
User Mood
Relaxed

Message Emote
quiet
October 19, 2005, 11:49 am PDT

You sum it up yourself...

Quote From: lutt0031

I do hold her responsible for my unhappiness at this point. She is only asking him to stay so he won't be with me. In between her ball busting and blackmailing using the children she has made it abundantly clear that she does not want me around "her" children ever. He is their father afterall. It's not like it was an immaculate conception. I accept responsibility for being duped into this as I was led to believe that he was leaving. I should have seen the writing on the wall but the bottom line is this woman will do ANYTHING to keep him from me. If she wanted him so bad she had 20+ years to do something about it.  I have no regrets except that for him, that he married such a nutjob.
I think what a n other and mls2005 were trying to point out is right here in your own post. They were trying to get you to realize that your lover's wife is NOT the one responsible for your misery. You and she are locked into this "duel" where you bad-mouth and try to hurt each other.

You said it all when you wrote "I accept responsibility for being duped into this as I was led to believe that he was leaving." Did his wife tell you he was leaving her? NO. HE told you that. You have accepted your role in your misery, but what about your lover? You seem to think he is some kind of victim here, and bears no responsibility  in any of this. Step outside of your situation and look at it objectively. He is the one who is in a prior committed relationship. He told you that he was leaving her, but never did. And still hasn't, even after the wife found out about you. What would he need to tell you to keep you hanging in there? Hasn't he been doing exactly that?
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
Post a Message

First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Next | Last