Quote From: katesmom05Sad to say that I got myself into this. But I did.
I met Keith on Valentine's Day, 2004. We became friends gradually, although it was hard because he wanted more than just friendship, and I was having major problems in my life. I was 17, he was 25. I was just out of a 3 year relationship with a guy who screwed me over because he was married, and go figure, Keith was married to. He spent months convincing me that his marriage was a mistake, he was very unhappy, and that he was looking for the girl he should have married. I was VERY reluctant, but 11 months after we met, I began to date him in January of 2005. We were VERY irrisponsible about sex, because that was Keith's main problem with his wife, she wouldn't have sex with him. So literally in the first month of being together, and sleeping together, I got pregnant with his baby. That is basically when our problems started, because he started feeling guilty about what he did to his wife. At this point, after walking all over him for a few years, she decided that she wanted him afterall, and he was reluctant to leave her. He went back and forth for a few months before he finally moved out of their house for good. He and I stayed together, bought a house, began preparing for our daughter. We are soooo happy together I swear. He really is a GREAT guy underneath all those walls he has put up around his heart. He says that he loves me and his daughter, and I believe him.
Now my main problem with our relationship is I am like 10 weeks away from delivering our daughter. He has been promising the whole time I have been pregnant to have his divorce finalized before our baby was born. However, he has screwed around and stalled, and now there is no way he will be divorced before I have her. I am very upset about this, but am even more upset that he is still on good terms with his wife. Good terms I mean they call each other and have casual conversations, he takes her places and lies to me about where he is going, and he REFUSES to talk to her on the phone in front of me. I am VERY defensive when it comes to her being in his life because he has lied to me so much about her.....so I really don't trust him anymore when it comes to her. He says this is my fault that I don't trust him, I say it's his for lying to me in the first place. I guess he doesn't understand that if he hadn't lied to me in the first place, I wouldn't have a problem trusting him. He says that if I had never found out about any of the lies, then our relationship would be no different, and once again, it is my fault for finding out. I say that he has no reason to have a friendship with her, they have no kids, and I think that he should just let the divorce papers do the talking. He insists that cannot happen, and a friendship with her is a must. I am to the point where I feel so threatened by her and his lies that I want to leave and take the baby unless he can completely cut her off. And he says that what I am asking for is soooo ridiculous that I should just go.....telling me that our relationship is not important enough to him to give up a relationship with his ex-wife....well soon to be ex-wife. I don't want her calling him anymore, but more importantly I don't want him to answer the phone. He keeps telling me that he just cannot bring himself to be an asshole to her, but yet he doesn't think he is being an asshole to me when he ignores my wishes when it comes to her. Honestly I would have no problem leaving if he wasn't such a good guy outside of all this drama. But I just don't want to walk away from him, I really do love him, and I want to be a family with him and our daughter.
So am I completely irrational to ask for him to COMPLETELY cut her off? He says I am just being naive, immature, and hormonal due to my pregnancy. Who is right, and what do I do? Stay and be miserable just so my daughter has us both, or do I go?
You say that Keith had spent "months convincing you" that he lived in an unhappy marriage, why did you stay around? you already knew what it was like to be 'involved' with a married man from your previous relationship. You seem to have a pattern of being attracted to men who are not yours.
You are insecure about his feelings towards you, you should be.
My opinnion is that all or most relationships that start off as 'affairs' do not really turn out well, when all the 'magic' of hiding, stolen moments, great sex and words of eternal love wear thin, things change very quickly; because in most cases having an affair is just a getaway from responsibilities and reality.
You are so bitter towards a woman (his wife), who was probably hurt by the whole situation, I guess that you are feeling abit of frustration, hurt and anger the way she did.........
Your partner said that he was "unhappy for years" with his wife, if that was the case why would he be worrying about her feelings so much now, because he feels guilt !, his 'fling' with you turned from 'sweet cheating' into a complicated situation, your pregnancy.
I don't feel pity for you or your partner, I think that you are both irresponsible, your child is the innocent victim here, who deserves two loving parents, a safe and happy environment, how will you be able to provide this when you are going to be consumed greatly by constant mistrust towards your partner.
I hope that you can put aside your need to 'control' your partners actions and thoughts, (won't work) and prepare yourself for the precious moment of having your child.
