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Topic : The Other Woman

Number of Replies: 2962
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:04:06 pm
Author : dataimport
If you've been the other woman, find support here. General talk and debate about infidelity can be found in our Infidelity discussion.

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October 29, 2005, 7:50 pm CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: lutt0031

I have spoken with her and she's the first person to badmouth him about everything...not just the affair. She said he was a horrible husband, he was a bad father, she raised the kids in spite of him, she hasn't been happy for years, blah, blah, blah. Why stay with thim then? If he is soooo bad, why would you want to be with him? I'll tell you why...he makes a great living, he is a very high profile man with a lot of connections which allow them invites all over the place. This is the trade off she has accepted. It is obvious to everyone around him why she stays. It's also pretty obvious that she cannot be bothered with him. She should get off her ass and make her own way...then complain about how hard "her" life is. I do blame her for her role in this. I do not blame her for my situation but don't see around being the victim. He has since told me that his marriage is not going to work. He doesn't want to live this lie anymore with her. He's out now. I will be with him and I will have what I want. There is no way she is standing in my way anymore.

You are really  are unhappy and bitter. Re read your posts, all they consist of is anger, 'everyone else is to blame attitude', alot of hate and bitterness.  I don't see any 'magic' in your relationship with this "very high profile" man with "soooo many connections", oh yeah, he is married too...    there is no magic because it does not exist. 

  

You say, "I will be with him and I will have what I want".   I don't understand what kind of advice you are looking for if  you have already made up your mind?  Many people on this board have given you good and sound advice, your response is usually callous and rude. 

  

You say that his wife should "remember where her place is", she does, she is with her family. 

  

You can badmouth that woman all you want, she is and always will be the mother of his children, and will always have a place in her husbands life.   His children will probably never accept you,  someone who was there to help destroy their parents marriage.   I doubt that he will allow you to come before his kids. 

  

As someone has previously stated in a post, I hope that you do print all this out and one day in the near future you will be able to read them again and see how foolish you were. Seriously, you are so bitter and angry now, do you really think that this relationship is going to turn into a healthy and happy one?  Never.   

  

  

  

  

 
November 2, 2005, 12:40 pm CST

Still wanting him

Hey, I'm back again!  Well...although me and the OM haven't slept together again since the last incident, we've been talking on the phone like we are friends or something!  I still want him more than ever and I feel very confused.  When I hear his voice I just melt!  My husband and I aren't having any problems or anything so I don't know what is wrong with me!!!  I wasn't ready for it to end...but will I ever be? 
 
November 2, 2005, 3:10 pm CST

Remember when?

Quote From: mrs_affair

Hey, I'm back again!  Well...although me and the OM haven't slept together again since the last incident, we've been talking on the phone like we are friends or something!  I still want him more than ever and I feel very confused.  When I hear his voice I just melt!  My husband and I aren't having any problems or anything so I don't know what is wrong with me!!!  I wasn't ready for it to end...but will I ever be? 
 Do you remember a few posts back when you said he got ugly with you after HE felt guilty, and then laid a guilt trip on YOU? Why does he get to call the shots? You wanted to end it, and have made a good attempt, even though you two keep talking on the phone. Do you see what needs to happen here to put it behind you once and for all? Your character is being tested here, let him be the failure, not you.
 
November 2, 2005, 3:26 pm CST

I remember!

Quote From: ritehere

 Do you remember a few posts back when you said he got ugly with you after HE felt guilty, and then laid a guilt trip on YOU? Why does he get to call the shots? You wanted to end it, and have made a good attempt, even though you two keep talking on the phone. Do you see what needs to happen here to put it behind you once and for all? Your character is being tested here, let him be the failure, not you.
Oh, believe me, I remember that well.  But, honestly, I don't know what needs to happen to end it once and for all.  Quit talking to him altogether?  I wish I could.  What do I do with all these feelings for him?  I think about him all the time.  Whenever he calls I jump for the phone!  I feel so weak when it comes to him!  You are so right...he get to call all the shots and I hate that!  Have you been in a situation like this? 
 
November 3, 2005, 6:56 am CST

Not exactly...

Quote From: mrs_affair

Oh, believe me, I remember that well.  But, honestly, I don't know what needs to happen to end it once and for all.  Quit talking to him altogether?  I wish I could.  What do I do with all these feelings for him?  I think about him all the time.  Whenever he calls I jump for the phone!  I feel so weak when it comes to him!  You are so right...he get to call all the shots and I hate that!  Have you been in a situation like this? 
 I cheated on a boyfriend, well, actually we were married for all intents and purposes because we had lived together for 4 years. I did it because he cheated on me and it was revenge. It was stupid, I hated myself, and then the creep I did it with kept calling. But I was cheated on by my first husband, repeatedly. By that time, I had an active hatred for myself and figured I deserved everything I got. So, that's exactly what my reality became. The absolute worst thing infidelity and cheating does is to destroy your image of yourself. It's taken me years to forgive myself for it and other things that I've done through low self esteem and bad decisions.

I've heard it said that temptation is a divine test. It doesn't have to be just temptation for another person, it could be any number of things. I'm not a religious person, but I am very spiritual, and I believe this with all my heart. I'm proud and happy to say that I have conquered temptations since getting my life and my self esteem back. I now love myself too much to succumb to the predatory actions of others, and the temptations that I know are self-destroying.

Yes, in order to end this you have to cut off all contact. And, another thing to consider is the betrayal of your husband and children. (I think you mentioned a family right?) Do they deserve this? Should you be considering divorce since you can't control your impulses? At least do the honorable thing by them if you can't do the honorable thing for yourself.
 
November 3, 2005, 8:39 am CST

will you ever be?

Quote From: mrs_affair

Hey, I'm back again!  Well...although me and the OM haven't slept together again since the last incident, we've been talking on the phone like we are friends or something!  I still want him more than ever and I feel very confused.  When I hear his voice I just melt!  My husband and I aren't having any problems or anything so I don't know what is wrong with me!!!  I wasn't ready for it to end...but will I ever be? 
It depends on how much you value yourself. Where is your self respect, your self worth, your self value? If your relationship with your husband is going well, why are you asking to foul things up by staying involved with this other man? Do you feel that you don't deserve a happy, trusting relationship? Sometimes people sabotage themselves because they don't feel worthy of the good things that they have in life. If you want to keep your marriage, then stop talking to the other man. When he calls, let him know you have to say good bye forever. Everyone wants to feel wanted- but those are feelings you need to channel into your marriage, or leave it. Your husband doesn't deserve to be treated like this, does he? you need to take your personal power back today. Right now! make the decision that you and only you are going to be making the decisions that run your life. If you don't, you can't blame anyone except for yourself. Dont do that to yourself, you deserve better then what you are giving you. Love YOU.
 
November 3, 2005, 10:48 am CST

trying to find myself

You know, you guys give the best advise!!  I am so happy I found this message board.  It seems to really help writing all this down. Its like therepy for me.  The only reason I can see for me doing this is I must have gotten married too young.  I know that is no excuse for my behavior, but I've been married 19 years and I'm only 36!  We do have 4 wonderful kids (ages12 thru 4) , and they would hate me if I screwed up my family.  That is one thing I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for.  I don't think I would ever stop this affair if it was up to me, but you both are right about one thing, I should do it for my family.  My husband (who is the greatest guy) and my kids don't deserve for me to do this.  I've been in denial about what would happen is we ever got caught.  And the OM is married with 2 kids also.  So that is two families that would be torn apart.  So, I've decided not to take his calls, and not to call him.  I have to cut off all contact and hopefully in time, I will be able to get over him.   Thank you for all your wonderful advise and I will keep you posted on my progress!   

 
November 3, 2005, 11:22 am CST

The Other Woman

Quote From: mrs_affair

You know, you guys give the best advise!!  I am so happy I found this message board.  It seems to really help writing all this down. Its like therepy for me.  The only reason I can see for me doing this is I must have gotten married too young.  I know that is no excuse for my behavior, but I've been married 19 years and I'm only 36!  We do have 4 wonderful kids (ages12 thru 4) , and they would hate me if I screwed up my family.  That is one thing I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for.  I don't think I would ever stop this affair if it was up to me, but you both are right about one thing, I should do it for my family.  My husband (who is the greatest guy) and my kids don't deserve for me to do this.  I've been in denial about what would happen is we ever got caught.  And the OM is married with 2 kids also.  So that is two families that would be torn apart.  So, I've decided not to take his calls, and not to call him.  I have to cut off all contact and hopefully in time, I will be able to get over him.   Thank you for all your wonderful advise and I will keep you posted on my progress!   

Denial is a funny thing, it has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it.  I can tell you from personal experience within my family that when infidelity is discovered it not only affects you, it affects EVERYONE.  So please, I would encourage you to stay strong, work on your marriage, that is your first and foremost resopnsibiltiy right now, not this other guy.  It certainly doesn't sound like your husband is a jerk.  Go to counseling if you need to, talk to your pastor, find a way to put the spark back in your mariage where it should be.  And like I said, from personal experience, the children's worlds would be turned upside down and they just simply don't deserve that.  Be strong, cut off all contact with the OM, and be a good role model for your children! 
 
November 4, 2005, 6:30 pm CST

What can being a step parent do to you, your marriage, your family and etc,...

  

I just read some of the emails here on being a step parent. I to, just became a step parent. I just recently got married. My husband as 2 kids. A boy 12 and a girl 16. His son is the same age as my son. My son doesn't live with me though. My husband has his son live with him. His son as lived with him for well over a year now. Apparently his mom ponded him onto his dad. I guess she couldn't handle him. It's awful when divorces causes a lot of ugliness for both sides when parents are trying to move on and forget what happened before. I just wished that we all would grow up and pay attention to what's really going on.  

Well, anyway when I came into my husband life, the beginning was good but then when my son came into the picture it was a little different. You see my son as a slight learning disability but I believe and hope he grows out of it. When my husband asked me to marry him  after 2-3 months I was really surprised how things went. I accepted to marry him but after the marriage that's when things got kinda bad.  

He bought a house. Asked me if he should get the 3 or 4 bedrm and I said 3. I should've said 4 but a big difference on the prices gees on 3 to a 4 bdrm. His son was having problems dealing with his mom, dealing with his dad having me and my son around. I took so much from his son I had to leave. He started comparing me to his mom and his dad's ex girlfriends and then picked on my son because some of his dad's ex gfs had kids to and they picked on him so he thought he'd  get my son.  Finally dad put son in counseling to find out what's going on of why his son gets angry, mad and tempered so much. Found out his mom physically and mentally abused him in the past but I think his mom and dad apparently ruined him somehow. Mom went to his counseling but she doesn't remember what hppened back then. My husband said he had his son in counseling before but mom had it stopped but daughter said mom couldn't afford it but dad think it was because things were about to come out and mom stopped the counseling. I'm not with hubby now but we're trying to work things out but we'll see. 

 
November 6, 2005, 4:30 pm CST

here is my story about

I have been an a long term relationship for 5 yrs we were engaged and I gave back the ring one of the rerasons is becuase my boyfriend  has this friend he has none since he was little and she is a girl when I forst started going with him she was married and she wouldnt call that much but I didnt feel threatened at all so I befriended her and about a yr agao she got divorced and she started calling more no biggy cause I was friends with her then I started to get these funny feelings about the two tryed toso no the are just good friends well when one time I went out with my friends from work thinking he was home he and she walk in the door of the bar I was mad cause I had no idea and he was surprised i was there he said I thougth you wnet soemwhere else and I said I thought you were home well that is when it started for me she started hanging out with us every other weekend and then people would come up to me and say that it looks like those two are together instead of you they would sit close to each other so I confronted him and he denied it and denied she callled me and denied it also so I said ok i will stop thinging it but sometimes it still bugged me one night my boyfriend went out and called on of my other friends and he told her that I am crazy for feeling that way could she talk to me and say nothing is going on and she told me what he said but she really didnt believe it so the friend the one that is with us all the time calls my boyfriend evry single day and night about 8 times aday and night I have counted on the caller id so last weekend she came up to our hous efor the wekend she hurt her back and she needed me to help her out so i idid but I had a family thing going on so my boyfriend and her were at my house and when I came home they were walking out of my bedroom so when she left the following day I asked my boyfriend and he flipped out said he is sick of this they arent together so he called her to tell her that I am going crazy again think that they are together so she called my cell phone my son had it that night he is 13 and she told him to tell me not to call her ever again fine no problem I was mad cause she didnt have to talk to my son she could have just hang up or lied so that just proved to me that they were both guilty of something so the next day I am deleting he r number and in stead of delete I hit send and as fast as I realized it i hung me well them she calls me I see that it is her and didnt answer it I was in work I listen to the vm and I started to cry she was the nasty b she that she told my boyfriend to drop my crazy ass that I am crazy that nothing is going on and no wonder why my husband left me i left my ex and that maybe i can find a crzy man just like me to have to live him so he can get on with his life he is a great guy and said loose her number never call so I said fine let my boyfriend here the message he already nknew what she said because she had already to talk to about 5 times that day and he said nothing to me said he already knows that is it so I was crazy first of all I am in therapy for deprssion was in a mental ward in june for it I am much better on meds that are helping me but thisisnt helping me so I am on stronger meds my boyfriend and I are broken up cause I am crazy that is the reason he gave me but I dotn beleive that says he will help me move out and find an apt everything he said that we need time apart he has done this before it last one day  so what could I do so i freaked out so it took one day again to realize he loves me and wants to be with me that he and she are good friends best friends and I said well if you care anyhtign about me you will not answer the phoen when she calls when I am home he freaked said that I cant stop him from talking to her I said nobody is just when I am home she was nasty to me and told me not to call her but she can call my home so now since I have asked that I have caught him twice talking to her on the phone while I was in the living room I walkinto my bedroom and he was talking to her he will not tell her that i dont want her calling here while I am home he doesnt want to hurt her feelings  

  

Yeah but my feeling can be hurt I said both of you are disrespecting me and that hurts real bad he doesnt care4 he is doing it  

  

so I asked himif a guy called me all the time and we wer just friends that I have none for a very long time would he be jealous and he said no so I said fine we have this friend that I have none since high school and he has none him for a few years I said ok I am going to call so and so you know what he said well he has a girlfriend I said so what we are just friends he doesnt like when I talk to people on line eh thinks I talk about dates sex with them whichis not true not everybody is like that 

  

so tongiht it is stille arliy she has called 2 times caught him and now he thinks I have no reason to ask him that I said well it is done with you choise her over me her feeling mean more to you then me and I am done with him  

  

I know they are guilty of something why else would they be so upset that I feel this way  

  

  

Please let me know 

  

Ally 

 
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