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Topic : The Other Woman

Number of Replies: 2963
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:04:06 pm
Author : dataimport
If you've been the other woman, find support here. General talk and debate about infidelity can be found in our Infidelity discussion.

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October 29, 2005, 7:50 pm CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: lutt0031

I have spoken with her and she's the first person to badmouth him about everything...not just the affair. She said he was a horrible husband, he was a bad father, she raised the kids in spite of him, she hasn't been happy for years, blah, blah, blah. Why stay with thim then? If he is soooo bad, why would you want to be with him? I'll tell you why...he makes a great living, he is a very high profile man with a lot of connections which allow them invites all over the place. This is the trade off she has accepted. It is obvious to everyone around him why she stays. It's also pretty obvious that she cannot be bothered with him. She should get off her ass and make her own way...then complain about how hard "her" life is. I do blame her for her role in this. I do not blame her for my situation but don't see around being the victim. He has since told me that his marriage is not going to work. He doesn't want to live this lie anymore with her. He's out now. I will be with him and I will have what I want. There is no way she is standing in my way anymore.

You are really  are unhappy and bitter. Re read your posts, all they consist of is anger, 'everyone else is to blame attitude', alot of hate and bitterness.  I don't see any 'magic' in your relationship with this "very high profile" man with "soooo many connections", oh yeah, he is married too...    there is no magic because it does not exist. 

  

You say, "I will be with him and I will have what I want".   I don't understand what kind of advice you are looking for if  you have already made up your mind?  Many people on this board have given you good and sound advice, your response is usually callous and rude. 

  

You say that his wife should "remember where her place is", she does, she is with her family. 

  

You can badmouth that woman all you want, she is and always will be the mother of his children, and will always have a place in her husbands life.   His children will probably never accept you,  someone who was there to help destroy their parents marriage.   I doubt that he will allow you to come before his kids. 

  

As someone has previously stated in a post, I hope that you do print all this out and one day in the near future you will be able to read them again and see how foolish you were. Seriously, you are so bitter and angry now, do you really think that this relationship is going to turn into a healthy and happy one?  Never.   

  

  

  

  

 
November 2, 2005, 12:40 pm CST

Still wanting him

Hey, I'm back again!  Well...although me and the OM haven't slept together again since the last incident, we've been talking on the phone like we are friends or something!  I still want him more than ever and I feel very confused.  When I hear his voice I just melt!  My husband and I aren't having any problems or anything so I don't know what is wrong with me!!!  I wasn't ready for it to end...but will I ever be? 
 
November 2, 2005, 3:10 pm CST

Remember when?

Quote From: mrs_affair

Hey, I'm back again!  Well...although me and the OM haven't slept together again since the last incident, we've been talking on the phone like we are friends or something!  I still want him more than ever and I feel very confused.  When I hear his voice I just melt!  My husband and I aren't having any problems or anything so I don't know what is wrong with me!!!  I wasn't ready for it to end...but will I ever be? 
 Do you remember a few posts back when you said he got ugly with you after HE felt guilty, and then laid a guilt trip on YOU? Why does he get to call the shots? You wanted to end it, and have made a good attempt, even though you two keep talking on the phone. Do you see what needs to happen here to put it behind you once and for all? Your character is being tested here, let him be the failure, not you.
 
November 2, 2005, 3:26 pm CST

I remember!

Quote From: ritehere

 Do you remember a few posts back when you said he got ugly with you after HE felt guilty, and then laid a guilt trip on YOU? Why does he get to call the shots? You wanted to end it, and have made a good attempt, even though you two keep talking on the phone. Do you see what needs to happen here to put it behind you once and for all? Your character is being tested here, let him be the failure, not you.
Oh, believe me, I remember that well.  But, honestly, I don't know what needs to happen to end it once and for all.  Quit talking to him altogether?  I wish I could.  What do I do with all these feelings for him?  I think about him all the time.  Whenever he calls I jump for the phone!  I feel so weak when it comes to him!  You are so right...he get to call all the shots and I hate that!  Have you been in a situation like this? 
 
November 3, 2005, 6:56 am CST

Not exactly...

Quote From: mrs_affair

Oh, believe me, I remember that well.  But, honestly, I don't know what needs to happen to end it once and for all.  Quit talking to him altogether?  I wish I could.  What do I do with all these feelings for him?  I think about him all the time.  Whenever he calls I jump for the phone!  I feel so weak when it comes to him!  You are so right...he get to call all the shots and I hate that!  Have you been in a situation like this? 
 I cheated on a boyfriend, well, actually we were married for all intents and purposes because we had lived together for 4 years. I did it because he cheated on me and it was revenge. It was stupid, I hated myself, and then the creep I did it with kept calling. But I was cheated on by my first husband, repeatedly. By that time, I had an active hatred for myself and figured I deserved everything I got. So, that's exactly what my reality became. The absolute worst thing infidelity and cheating does is to destroy your image of yourself. It's taken me years to forgive myself for it and other things that I've done through low self esteem and bad decisions.

I've heard it said that temptation is a divine test. It doesn't have to be just temptation for another person, it could be any number of things. I'm not a religious person, but I am very spiritual, and I believe this with all my heart. I'm proud and happy to say that I have conquered temptations since getting my life and my self esteem back. I now love myself too much to succumb to the predatory actions of others, and the temptations that I know are self-destroying.

Yes, in order to end this you have to cut off all contact. And, another thing to consider is the betrayal of your husband and children. (I think you mentioned a family right?) Do they deserve this? Should you be considering divorce since you can't control your impulses? At least do the honorable thing by them if you can't do the honorable thing for yourself.
 
November 3, 2005, 8:39 am CST

will you ever be?

Quote From: mrs_affair

Hey, I'm back again!  Well...although me and the OM haven't slept together again since the last incident, we've been talking on the phone like we are friends or something!  I still want him more than ever and I feel very confused.  When I hear his voice I just melt!  My husband and I aren't having any problems or anything so I don't know what is wrong with me!!!  I wasn't ready for it to end...but will I ever be? 
It depends on how much you value yourself. Where is your self respect, your self worth, your self value? If your relationship with your husband is going well, why are you asking to foul things up by staying involved with this other man? Do you feel that you don't deserve a happy, trusting relationship? Sometimes people sabotage themselves because they don't feel worthy of the good things that they have in life. If you want to keep your marriage, then stop talking to the other man. When he calls, let him know you have to say good bye forever. Everyone wants to feel wanted- but those are feelings you need to channel into your marriage, or leave it. Your husband doesn't deserve to be treated like this, does he? you need to take your personal power back today. Right now! make the decision that you and only you are going to be making the decisions that run your life. If you don't, you can't blame anyone except for yourself. Dont do that to yourself, you deserve better then what you are giving you. Love YOU.
 
November 3, 2005, 10:48 am CST

trying to find myself

You know, you guys give the best advise!!  I am so happy I found this message board.  It seems to really help writing all this down. Its like therepy for me.  The only reason I can see for me doing this is I must have gotten married too young.  I know that is no excuse for my behavior, but I've been married 19 years and I'm only 36!  We do have 4 wonderful kids (ages12 thru 4) , and they would hate me if I screwed up my family.  That is one thing I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for.  I don't think I would ever stop this affair if it was up to me, but you both are right about one thing, I should do it for my family.  My husband (who is the greatest guy) and my kids don't deserve for me to do this.  I've been in denial about what would happen is we ever got caught.  And the OM is married with 2 kids also.  So that is two families that would be torn apart.  So, I've decided not to take his calls, and not to call him.  I have to cut off all contact and hopefully in time, I will be able to get over him.   Thank you for all your wonderful advise and I will keep you posted on my progress!   

 
November 3, 2005, 11:22 am CST

The Other Woman

Quote From: mrs_affair

You know, you guys give the best advise!!  I am so happy I found this message board.  It seems to really help writing all this down. Its like therepy for me.  The only reason I can see for me doing this is I must have gotten married too young.  I know that is no excuse for my behavior, but I've been married 19 years and I'm only 36!  We do have 4 wonderful kids (ages12 thru 4) , and they would hate me if I screwed up my family.  That is one thing I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for.  I don't think I would ever stop this affair if it was up to me, but you both are right about one thing, I should do it for my family.  My husband (who is the greatest guy) and my kids don't deserve for me to do this.  I've been in denial about what would happen is we ever got caught.  And the OM is married with 2 kids also.  So that is two families that would be torn apart.  So, I've decided not to take his calls, and not to call him.  I have to cut off all contact and hopefully in time, I will be able to get over him.   Thank you for all your wonderful advise and I will keep you posted on my progress!   

Denial is a funny thing, it has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it.  I can tell you from personal experience within my family that when infidelity is discovered it not only affects you, it affects EVERYONE.  So please, I would encourage you to stay strong, work on your marriage, that is your first and foremost resopnsibiltiy right now, not this other guy.  It certainly doesn't sound like your husband is a jerk.  Go to counseling if you need to, talk to your pastor, find a way to put the spark back in your mariage where it should be.  And like I said, from personal experience, the children's worlds would be turned upside down and they just simply don't deserve that.  Be strong, cut off all contact with the OM, and be a good role model for your children! 
 
November 4, 2005, 3:23 pm CST

Crazy, crazy situation

I have a crazy situation I am involved in and am at a loss as to what to do.  I am trying to follow Dr Phil's famous advice during this sitution but to follow my insticts as well. 

  

First of all, I am 22 and not addicted to gambling - this is just how I met the guy.  Anyways, my parents and I used to go to the casino.  When I was first there, I met someone that worked there.  We got to know each other and he told me he would teach me how to be a better player.  So he offered to go to go out with me one night.  So, he took my phone number and gave me his online name to look for him at a website we both played on also.  Well he never called me and it had been a week.  I found him online and started talking to him but he didn't know who I was.  Also, I found out that he had a 5 year live in girlfriend during that conversation.  Then he just signed offline, no goodbye or anything.  I saw him the next night at the casino, and he apologized but still said we would go out sometime to play.  So he called me the next weekend.   

  

One thing has led to another and we are seeing each other now.  He has split up with the girlfriend, he had said things were on the rocks as she cheated on him approximately two years ago and things had gone downhill since then.  We have only been seeing each other for two months now or so, but are both head over heels - then again it is still the beginning stages.  I live at home still and he lives on his own.  We had plans to move in together but he lives too far away, would have to move closer to my area, and his lease cannot be broken until August.  He split up with the girlfriend right when we first started seeing each other (September) but it took up until the end of October for her to actually leave.  I think she is hanging on to the relationship, and she used the excuse that she paid for her rent to stay.   

  

Well she was supposed to be gone at the end of October and was supposed to be moving two hours away.  He doesn't want to tell her about me because he is afraid she will attempt suicide or something like that and he wants to stay friends with her - he is just an all around nice guy and I think it is harmless that he stays friends with her, especially if she is two hours away.   

  

But now, she is back in town for two weekends to work (just on the weekends), and is supposed to be going to her new home during the week.  Should I be careful about her being back in town?  Maybe I shouldn't be speaking to him until she is gone?  It bother's me alot that she is back, it is as if he lets her walk all over him and take control.  What do I do? 

 
November 4, 2005, 6:30 pm CST

What can being a step parent do to you, your marriage, your family and etc,...

  

I just read some of the emails here on being a step parent. I to, just became a step parent. I just recently got married. My husband as 2 kids. A boy 12 and a girl 16. His son is the same age as my son. My son doesn't live with me though. My husband has his son live with him. His son as lived with him for well over a year now. Apparently his mom ponded him onto his dad. I guess she couldn't handle him. It's awful when divorces causes a lot of ugliness for both sides when parents are trying to move on and forget what happened before. I just wished that we all would grow up and pay attention to what's really going on.  

Well, anyway when I came into my husband life, the beginning was good but then when my son came into the picture it was a little different. You see my son as a slight learning disability but I believe and hope he grows out of it. When my husband asked me to marry him  after 2-3 months I was really surprised how things went. I accepted to marry him but after the marriage that's when things got kinda bad.  

He bought a house. Asked me if he should get the 3 or 4 bedrm and I said 3. I should've said 4 but a big difference on the prices gees on 3 to a 4 bdrm. His son was having problems dealing with his mom, dealing with his dad having me and my son around. I took so much from his son I had to leave. He started comparing me to his mom and his dad's ex girlfriends and then picked on my son because some of his dad's ex gfs had kids to and they picked on him so he thought he'd  get my son.  Finally dad put son in counseling to find out what's going on of why his son gets angry, mad and tempered so much. Found out his mom physically and mentally abused him in the past but I think his mom and dad apparently ruined him somehow. Mom went to his counseling but she doesn't remember what hppened back then. My husband said he had his son in counseling before but mom had it stopped but daughter said mom couldn't afford it but dad think it was because things were about to come out and mom stopped the counseling. I'm not with hubby now but we're trying to work things out but we'll see. 

 
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