Topic : The Other Woman

Ok women....lets remember everyone's circumstances are different.  If pixiwixi has an open marriage, that is their choice.  If her OM is cheating on his wife, thats his choice.   

We all make our own decisions in life, and they are not always the right decisions, but I respect everyone's choices in life.  What we have to do is live our lives and learn from our mistakes.  I know I have made plenty, but none of you women out there could have changed that, I had to learn for myself, and that is exactly what everyone else has to do too.  I've said this before, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.  Lets all remember that one ok? 

me you honestly dont think you are selfish, that is so funny.  So, you actually care if his wife and children find out and that is will destroy his family.  That is children most likely will hate him for the rest of his life.  Which sounds quite selfish.  Right, I forgot, you are meant for each other.  LOL. 

So, let me get this straight, from your post, this married man and you just found each other, you dont pressure him to leave his wife, because he wont I am sure, so pretty much he is loving this, some chicky on the side that all he has to say, is oh yeah baby I love you so much, we are meant to be together and he gets to have sex.  Wow I think anyone would want that, no strings attached, someone that he knows wont tell his wife and family what he is doing.  Hell the best of both worlds.  If you honestly believe that you are meant to be together, then you would be, what is happening here is that he is using you.  If you dont believe, I have some lovely land to sell you. 

what you are truly feeling and why you feel you can destroy someone else?  The man has made his choice and he will have to deal with it sooner or later, but even having any kind of morals how can you knowingly go into a relationship, where you know this person is married to someone else?  I dont really care that you have some kind of relationship where the both of you are free to sleep with anyone that you want, that is fine, I dont really care, but there are millions upon millions of people that are not in relationships.  What is your damage? 

Ladies,  

I hope everyone had a good Holiday... ( despite the disagreements on this board ! )  

I believe it was Lenamom who asked me many messages ago - if I've come to my opinions from personal experiences.  The answer is YES.  You see, I've been on both sides of the fence in one way or another.  First let me say that cheating is WRONG no matter what the circumstances are....and as soon as you are AWARE that you are the OW or the OM, you should GET OUT IMMEDIATELY.  

Many years ago I was living with my man. We co-habitated in as much of a committed relationship that you can get WITHOUT the marriage license.  That neither here nor there.....I was IN LOVE, and 

so was he (supposedly).  All was great for several years.  He began all the typical stuff a person cheating does: out late, less interested in sex, not home from work on time, spending more time on his cell phone than our land-line at home, etc.  Long story short, I answered a call on his cell phone one night he stepped out for a pack of cigs.  YES, it was the OW.  SHE seemed more surprised than I that he had another woman in his life. My initial reaction was shear HATE for this OW......HOW DARE SHE ????  Not even considering hating the a-hole who lied to us both.   

My point is that I think it is VERY NATURAL to attack the OW. We want soooooooooooo much to believe that our man is more of a victim than a predator. We want to believe sooooooo much that our man REALLY LOVES us, and if it wasn't for this whore, he wouldn't be cheating on us.  But, in my case the OW and I were BOTH victimized by a cheating man. No more to be said.  He was able to establish some bogus apartment owned by one of his good buds to pass it off as his own when in her presence.  I had to PHYSICALLY show her utility bills and personal affects to prove he was in fact living with ME.   She felt duped and used.....and so did I.  But, because he and I had a history ogether, I CHOSE to stay with him and give him a chance.  That lasted for a short time, when I finally came to the realization of all the pain he had caused and the fact that I just couldn't spend my life with a man who could do this.    He ended up with no one------ not me, or the OW.  

Moving one........I have been "hit on" hundreds of times in bars, the park, even grocery stores by MARRIED MEN.  Many make no attempt to hide their wedding bands, and confess they're after a role in the sack !   I pity their wives.   At one time I started a relationship with a man I met while out with my girlfriend.  A SINGLE man.....so I was led to believe.   It was NOT a serious relationship, we didn't get into meeting eachother's families.  We DID meet eachother's friends, and apparently his friends were in on the secret that he was married.........no one told me.   He worked about 90 mins from my home, and SUPPOSEDLY he lived over 3 hours away from me.  So we usually met either near his work, or near my home.   At the time I had a very social life and he was NOT the end-all-or-be-all in my life.   Although, my feelings for him were starting to grow.....I could see it becoming more, and I wanted it to.  I inadvertently discovered he was married.  I told him what I suspected, and he confessed.  He was full of the same old sad sack story of " I'M INTENDING TO DIVORCE MY WIFE" , that I'm sure all the married men cough up once they're outed.  I ended that relationship 2 days later, telling him that he may call me again only when he can show me finalized divorce papers, and that he better not divorce his wife OVER ME, because there was no guarantee he and I had a future together.   We never contacted eachother again after that conversation.  I can only imagine he was continuing to cheat on his wife with someone else.   When all was said and done, I felt very badly for his wife. I DID feel some guilt, although I had no idea I was hurting another woman.   A part of me was hurt.........but, I knew whatever hurt I felt was nothing compared to what our continued relationship would've done to his wife. 

So, I WAS on both sides of the fence. BOTH times I was lied to , both times I was hurt......one more than the other.   Both times I believe I kept my dignity and morals in check.   Has it come to a point that women have to hire a private investigator each time they 

begin seeing someone ??????       Maybe.  

I wasn't looking... I believe I said that already. But I realise that it doesn't suit the general perception of "the other woman" to accept that ths is the truth.
 

Wasn't 'looking', but noticed something deeper than the surface, eh?  At that point, the difference between looking and noticing is a matter of semantics.  If you really have such an awesome relationship, you wouldn't have the desire to notice anyone to that extent, whether it was intentional, or not. 

Women need to have more understanding of men.  Men are genetically inclined to stray with other women.  That does not mean they have a bad marriage/relationship, intentions of leaving or that they don't love their wife.  If the other woman is going to let a man have his cake and eat it to, then he will do exactly that. You are doing that.  He has no intentions of getting divorced and if he does he won't be with you in the end. All men will stray if they think they can get away with it.   

Unfortunatly I have had experience with military men and they are the worst.  There are large gaps of separation they have from their spouse and opportunities to let the beast roam, far away from the homefront.  Women give up sex to easily where men are concerned and they don't make the men accoutable for their actions.  Men just wanting sex will fade away quickly when a sincere woman makes the man wait.  It becomes to much work for them.  Good luck and Happy New Year!!!