Topic : The Other Woman

Actually, SC, I was kinda worried about you but keeping good thoughts for you.  Sounds like you had a good time on your getaway and you're right...I guess it will take time to get back to feeling "normal" with YM again.  Do you find that, when you're thinking of OM, you view MM differently--in a negative way?  That's what's happening to me.  Or MM will do something that shows me he isn't really trying (like he says he is) to be closer to me and I'll start thinking of OM--even when it's anger toward OM, it's still thinking about him.  I really am trying to focus on the positives about MM, but something always happens--something he does/doesn't do, something he says--that just shut me down again.  We're not talking openly...still walking on eggshells.  Finding I don't want to be in the same room as him--whether or not I'm thinking of OM.   I AM IN A PICKLE!   

But yes, it is withdrawal, isn't it?  And you can't really share that with YM, and neither can I.  I want to tell him that I want to feel with him all the things I felt with OM, but that's unrealistic.  I want to feel that I can't breathe without him (MM) and him without me...I want to feel those feelings again; not with OM, of course.  I can't bring myself to even kiss MM...holding hands is as far as it's gotten.  Guess that will take time too.  Trying to stay positive. 

Glad you're back!  You're my "mirror image," and I missed your input!   

Hey guys!  SC, I'm so glad you got away with YM for a couple of days.  I can relate to the mind drifting.  I've been away (with the family) and during the car rides, when all is quiet, my mind drifts to 'him' (OM).  And MT, I can SO relate to comparing MM to OM.  Although, sometimes I think that both have the same negatives qualities!!  That is called just 'being a man'!!     

Seriously though, MT I can relate to the having a difficult time kissing and being intimate with MM.  I have been intimate,  but it's still difficult to me.  It's an emotional turmoil that I hate.  I guess it's guilt mostly.  Guilt because I don't feel like I am giving 100% to MM.  My thoughts are still with OM alot and remembering how it was when I was intimate with 'him'.   

I have to confess that I backslided the last 2 weeks.  We (OM and I) emailed about the whole confrontation that took place about 6 weeks ago, then I've also had phone contact with him.  I know it is WRONG, but at least we don't feel like 'enemies'.  That is important to me because of the daughter we share.  Call it stupid, but I can't hate someone who is my daughter's father---even if he is a jerk.  Yes, so many feelings came back, however, I'm not giving in to them.  Mostly because I found out his wife doesn't know about ANY of it!!  All of the people at his office know about my husband showing up and what happened, but he asked them to keep it from his wife.  She has asked him (just recently) if he has had contact with me since----one time in Dec. we ran into each other while shopping---and he says "NO".  I have to feel sorry for her because he and I continued to talk and see each other (to talk) until March........................then we've emailed and talked a couple of times in the last 2 weeks.  She really has NO idea and believes everything is "okay" with them.  It really makes me wonder if he will always lie to her.  Makes me wonder how much he has lied to me.     

I needed to confess what has happened, HOWEVER, I also need to explain that it makes my feelings a little less for him.  Yes, I still care for him deeply, but it's just not the same.  I just don't have the respect for him that I have for MM.  It is still so hard at times with MM, but he is SO the 'better man'!     

I'm still here for help.........................I know I've let everyone down (including myself) by having contact, but it is difficult knowing he fathered my daughter.    

This is my first posting, so I hope it makes sense.  I have been married (2nd marriage) for more than 19 years and have not been truly happy with this relationship for more than 12 years.  It seems that I began to feel "lost" just before my daughter graduated from high school and left home.  Since then it has just been my self and husband.  He is a good guy, but there just isn't a real "connection" with us - I was always the aggressive one in our physical encounters and grew tired of always having to "ask" for contact.  He is hooked on internet porn sites and sits in front of the PC, perfectly happy, whenever he isn't working.  He has NO drive to do ANYTHING.  We have never been able to talk about anything -- he shuts down whenever I try to bring up "our" relationship and only responds that I have a problem and need to get on medication.  I had a complete hysterectomy several years ago and that helped minimize my sex drive, but I often find myself considering having an affair.  I want SO much more than my husband provides and no matter how many times I have tried to talk to him about this, it hasn't improved.  Any suggestions?   

I have been divorced for 5 years and I have 2 great kids.  A 14 year old daughter and an 18 year old son who both live with me.  About 6 months ago I met this great guy on myspace.com.  We started emailing back and forth, the we would talk for hours on the phone and one thing led to another and he drove up to see me.  (He lived about 2 hours away.)  His wife was out of town some for business so he was able to come up through the week and he would visit on the weekends when he was "working" on side jobs.  I knew he was married but he said that he just wasn't happy and wanted out and that they were kind of seperated anyway.  He couldn't leave right away because he was going to school and only had a part time job.  He assured me he was going to leave his wife as soon as he gratuated and was able to find a job closer to where I live.  He also wanted time to figure out a way to leave his wife without hurting her.  

About three weeks after we started our physical relationship he said he went to her and broke it off and he moved up here with me.  He still had about of month of school left at that time.  I didn't understand at the time because we had not planned for him to move up here until he had a job.     

I read an email from his wife that was sent to him that talked about her finding out about the affair and kicking him out.  But, it also stated that the reason she wanted to postpone the divorce was because he was sick and needed to stay on her health insurance.  (Bad Sick)  We called to confront his wife about the lies and she called him back the next day.  To make a long story short she wasn't lying he was.  He continued to lie until she emailed me proof and then he brokedown and told me everything.    

I love him very much and he is so good for me and my childern.  I really do feel he is my soul mate.  I think he was just in denial about his illness.  His wife has not contacted me but she is still in contact with him and I need to know how to make it stop.  I had him change his cell phone number so she can't call anymore but when we called to confront her she got the new number off of caller ID.  But as far as I know she has not contacted him on it except to call him back.  But she has sent some more emails.  She wants him to stay on her health insurance until he finds a job because she says she doesn't want to see him dead.  I can take care of him now, if she will just go though with the divorce our life will be perfect.  

He hasn't admitted to her that he actually had an affiar so I wrote her an email (with his blessing) giving her some of the details thinking that it would give her closure but I think it just made her mad.  How can I make her just go away.  

I know he loves me and my kids.