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Topic : The Other Woman

Number of Replies: 2963
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:04:06 pm
Author : dataimport
If you've been the other woman, find support here. General talk and debate about infidelity can be found in our Infidelity discussion.

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October 16, 2005, 9:48 pm CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: a_n_other

You jumped into bed with a man who wasn't ready to leave his marriage.  He may be one day but in the meantime his wife is not to blame for your misery. 

You are way off on this one. His wife is very much to blame for this situation. He has been asking her to go to marriage counseling for years and she refused to go. He told her all the things that needed to change in the relationship and she made no attemtp to change. Not that he's had the affair all of a sudden she has no accountability. Give me a break. There are two people in a marriage and two people destroy it. He is trying to get out of the marriage with the least amount of pain for the children but she is making it worse by dragging them in. She doesn't want to be with him, she just doesn't want me to be with him. She's more afraid that her loser friends will see her husband leaving her for a younger, better looking and more accomplished woman.
 
October 17, 2005, 3:11 am CDT

A refusal to attend counselling.....

Quote From: lutt0031

You are way off on this one. His wife is very much to blame for this situation. He has been asking her to go to marriage counseling for years and she refused to go. He told her all the things that needed to change in the relationship and she made no attemtp to change. Not that he's had the affair all of a sudden she has no accountability. Give me a break. There are two people in a marriage and two people destroy it. He is trying to get out of the marriage with the least amount of pain for the children but she is making it worse by dragging them in. She doesn't want to be with him, she just doesn't want me to be with him. She's more afraid that her loser friends will see her husband leaving her for a younger, better looking and more accomplished woman.

OK they have problems.  She won't do as he wants or says.  Rather than just leave he has an affair.  She finds out and tells him to come back.  He does as he's told because he hasn't the courage to walk and defy her. 

  

That still makes you and he responsible for your misery.   She has no responsibility for your feelings.  Why should she?  You've made it abundantly clear you don't like her and it's hubby who ****ed and left you.  

  

Getting down to brass tacks: how do you feel about alimony, child support, visitation and dealing with the ex-wife until the children leave college unless you and he do a runner? 

 
October 17, 2005, 3:00 pm CDT

I Beg to Differ

Quote From: a_n_other

You jumped into bed with a man who wasn't ready to leave his marriage.  He may be one day but in the meantime his wife is not to blame for your misery. 

I do hold her responsible for my unhappiness at this point. She is only asking him to stay so he won't be with me. In between her ball busting and blackmailing using the children she has made it abundantly clear that she does not want me around "her" children ever. He is their father afterall. It's not like it was an immaculate conception. I accept responsibility for being duped into this as I was led to believe that he was leaving. I should have seen the writing on the wall but the bottom line is this woman will do ANYTHING to keep him from me. If she wanted him so bad she had 20+ years to do something about it.  I have no regrets except that for him, that he married such a nutjob.
 
October 17, 2005, 3:03 pm CDT

I Have No Problem with That

Quote From: a_n_other

OK they have problems.  She won't do as he wants or says.  Rather than just leave he has an affair.  She finds out and tells him to come back.  He does as he's told because he hasn't the courage to walk and defy her. 

  

That still makes you and he responsible for your misery.   She has no responsibility for your feelings.  Why should she?  You've made it abundantly clear you don't like her and it's hubby who ****ed and left you.  

  

Getting down to brass tacks: how do you feel about alimony, child support, visitation and dealing with the ex-wife until the children leave college unless you and he do a runner? 

You know I have no problem with his responsibility to his children or to her. He made his bed, he has to lie in it. The problem I have is with a woman who claims to be a good mother and uses her children to hurt her spouse. That is not a good mother...it is a desperate woman who just wants to ruin her husband's life in retaliation for his infidelity. I understand why she's upset but don't spend the rest of your life crucifying him. If you hate him, let him go and go find happiness elsewhere. How do you benefit anyone by being a bitter hateful person?
 
October 18, 2005, 3:52 am CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: lutt0031

You know I have no problem with his responsibility to his children or to her. He made his bed, he has to lie in it. The problem I have is with a woman who claims to be a good mother and uses her children to hurt her spouse. That is not a good mother...it is a desperate woman who just wants to ruin her husband's life in retaliation for his infidelity. I understand why she's upset but don't spend the rest of your life crucifying him. If you hate him, let him go and go find happiness elsewhere. How do you benefit anyone by being a bitter hateful person?
Bottom line here, no matter how you feel about her, you still have no right to be interfering in this relationship.  They are still married.  And, afterall, we've only heard you rant and rave and attack her character, there are two sides to every story and I would love to hear her side. 
 
October 18, 2005, 8:22 am CDT

Getting married on Sat

I am getting married on Saturday.  It will be a 2nd marriage for him, but 3rd for me.   The problem I am experiencing is that he and his family keeps up with his ex-wife and it bothers me.  They do not have any children and don't talk directly with each other.  Occasional emails that completed the divorce agreements.  She initiated the divorce and moved across the country - that was 5 years ago.  However he has kept up with her and tells me about any 'new' news that is passed along by his family.  He has stated that because she was a part of this life for 10 years that he is interested in her and what she is doing with her life.  I don't understand this and it really hurts.  Several of his family members let him know that she is getting married this weekend and so are we and now it's a big discussion on how odd it is that they are getting married on the same weekend.  Am I wrong to want him to let it go.  He states that by me asking that - that I am asking him to forget his past, but I am asking for him to let go of her present and future.  I did have issues in the past hearing about them and their life together, but it was only because he said that if she came into town he would want to meet her for dinner - just to catch up and see what was going on with her.      I have children from my 1st marriage - and we both communicate with their father.  However, my second marriage is not a subject.  I do not have any communication with him.  My family does not ask about him nor do I seek any information.  Am I expecting too much?  Am I wrong to feel this way.  I just don't understand why he feels it is necessary for him to keep up with her.
 
October 18, 2005, 10:11 am CDT

I am not responsible for his actions...

Quote From: mls2005

Bottom line here, no matter how you feel about her, you still have no right to be interfering in this relationship.  They are still married.  And, afterall, we've only heard you rant and rave and attack her character, there are two sides to every story and I would love to hear her side. 
I often wonder why others feel that the other woman should have any liability to the wife? I am not the one who took vows to her. She is no one to me. This is his issue. If he chooses to stay with her that is just the way it is and I'll get over it, in time. At the end of the day, no woman or man can break up anothers marriage if it is strong. As far as attacking her character, this woman attacked mine on numerous occasions. She's bent because he sticks up for me and tells her that I am his best friend. She has called me evil and a whore and fine, if that makes her feel better. I have no problem with what I did and I have no regrets.
 
October 18, 2005, 1:14 pm CDT

morals

Quote From: lutt0031

I often wonder why others feel that the other woman should have any liability to the wife? I am not the one who took vows to her. She is no one to me. This is his issue. If he chooses to stay with her that is just the way it is and I'll get over it, in time. At the end of the day, no woman or man can break up anothers marriage if it is strong. As far as attacking her character, this woman attacked mine on numerous occasions. She's bent because he sticks up for me and tells her that I am his best friend. She has called me evil and a whore and fine, if that makes her feel better. I have no problem with what I did and I have no regrets.

You are 100% correct in SOME on your comments.  He is too blame for his lack of respect for his family and his wife.  He choose to believe that the grass could be greener (most of the time, it's not!) and he is the one that took the vows.  But you as a human being also should have morals and you dare sit here and say you have no problem with what you did and no regrets.  Well I would have a reality check here Miss, because if the tables were turned....you would be smacked in the face with hard core reality.  He is the unfaithful one...YES BUT you too know it was wrong to be with a married man who has a family and children and having no regrets does say a lot about your character.  She does have every right to hate you and hate him, she wants her family back.  But if she only knew, he is better off with you than with her.  Because you two apparently have the same morals.  I am not saying everyone is perfect, NO WAY.  But you too need to take responsiblty in part of this as well.  Not for breaking up the marriage, because that was his doing but for the lack of respect for another person's feelings.  

 
October 18, 2005, 1:25 pm CDT

you are right

Quote From: rebeccwi

I am getting married on Saturday.  It will be a 2nd marriage for him, but 3rd for me.   The problem I am experiencing is that he and his family keeps up with his ex-wife and it bothers me.  They do not have any children and don't talk directly with each other.  Occasional emails that completed the divorce agreements.  She initiated the divorce and moved across the country - that was 5 years ago.  However he has kept up with her and tells me about any 'new' news that is passed along by his family.  He has stated that because she was a part of this life for 10 years that he is interested in her and what she is doing with her life.  I don't understand this and it really hurts.  Several of his family members let him know that she is getting married this weekend and so are we and now it's a big discussion on how odd it is that they are getting married on the same weekend.  Am I wrong to want him to let it go.  He states that by me asking that - that I am asking him to forget his past, but I am asking for him to let go of her present and future.  I did have issues in the past hearing about them and their life together, but it was only because he said that if she came into town he would want to meet her for dinner - just to catch up and see what was going on with her.      I have children from my 1st marriage - and we both communicate with their father.  However, my second marriage is not a subject.  I do not have any communication with him.  My family does not ask about him nor do I seek any information.  Am I expecting too much?  Am I wrong to feel this way.  I just don't understand why he feels it is necessary for him to keep up with her.

I am with someone that was married to someone for 2 years and is now divorced.  They were together 10 years.  He was talking to her from time to time but that soon faded a few months after he started dating me.  AND she was the one that would email him.  Anyhow, his family is friends with her, even go partying together.  That was hard at first but his family doesn't bring her up to him much and it will soon die out.  He doesn't mind hearing that she is doing well.  But other than that, he doesn't need to hear details of her life.  And I agree.  I too was married but I have children with him , so that is a totally different case.  We have to talk to each but only about kids and it's maining in text messages and emails.  So I never hide anything from my b\f. 

You have every right to be upset about this.  I would sit down with you new hubby and let him know this is disrespecting you and your feelings.  The past is the past but your future is the most important than.  So he needs to let go and he needs to speak with his family and let them know it's ok if they want to keep in tough with her.  But you life and her life should not be discussed with you or with her.  He needs to take charge of the situation now, before you become the outsider,  that is not fair to you at all.   

 
October 18, 2005, 1:32 pm CDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: latingirl

You are 100% correct in SOME on your comments.  He is too blame for his lack of respect for his family and his wife.  He choose to believe that the grass could be greener (most of the time, it's not!) and he is the one that took the vows.  But you as a human being also should have morals and you dare sit here and say you have no problem with what you did and no regrets.  Well I would have a reality check here Miss, because if the tables were turned....you would be smacked in the face with hard core reality.  He is the unfaithful one...YES BUT you too know it was wrong to be with a married man who has a family and children and having no regrets does say a lot about your character.  She does have every right to hate you and hate him, she wants her family back.  But if she only knew, he is better off with you than with her.  Because you two apparently have the same morals.  I am not saying everyone is perfect, NO WAY.  But you too need to take responsiblty in part of this as well.  Not for breaking up the marriage, because that was his doing but for the lack of respect for another person's feelings.  

Finally someone who has the courage to stand up for the moral fiber of family.  I am a wife and at the present time there is another woman in my marriage.  Granted my husband made his decision however he did not make it alone.  Women who feel they have no obligation to another womans marraige is one lying to herself and to that man.  Both are for what is within their best interst, at that time therefore to make a comment that "I have no obligations to her" is insane.  Maybe you don't but its obvious you want intimacy, love, and commitment so why settle for her marriage instead of possibly waiting for your own?  Sure no strings attached appears to be fun however time brings about a change and both will reap what they sew.  It is natural for a wife to fight for her family whether it be physical or otherwise.  The most effective is through scripture but how many of us have that kind of patience?  Being a wife is both rewarding and hard work and quite frankly I don't intend to fight sitting down, however those of you who  enjoy being the other woman need to take a hard look at reality and see the big picture.  You all assist that man in destroying his family only to say I had nothing to do with it.  This is real life, real souls,  with very real consequences. Think about it.
 
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