Home Message Boards

Topic : True Love

Number of Replies: 1109
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:04:36 pm
Author : dataimport
Do you believe in true love? How about love at first sight? Is it possible to cheat on someone you love? Can true love die? Tell us what you think!

 
blonde61085
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
March 4, 2008, 8:34 am PST

True Love

Quote From: marriagehelp

I really don't know where to start on this.  I don't really watch this show but my wife does and I am having a very difficult problem with her and am searching for answers.  We have been married for 7 years and have two children (3 and 7) together and are in our late 20's.  We have a great marriage other than one thing that we constantly argue about.  She tells me that she needs to go out and drink without me at the bars which has bothered me for a long time.  I've asked her to please just invite me too.  I feel like I'm boring her and she needs to do this to get something she's not getting from me.  I try to buy some drinks and make her dinner and have a movie and she comes home from work puts her sweat pants and sweat shirt on has two  beers and falls asleep.  When she goes out to the bar, she dresses very sexy and has multiple drinks (often drinking for about 4-6 hours straight).  I really try not to let it bother me but she tells me that she doesn't want me there and makes me feel guilty for not trusting her.  I try to trust her so badly but it's not her that I don't trust.  It's the single guys at the bar that could care less about the ring on her finger.  Now her going out and having a few beers is one thing but when she goes out she doesn't leave until the bar closes and they kick everybody out.  She is currently away on a business trip training for a new job 3 hours away from me with a male coworker who is staying at the same hotel.  Last night they went out to the bar together with the other guys from her new job and their girlfriends and didn't get back to the hotel until 2:00am.  At this point we argued on the phone for two hours and she told me that she "needs" to go to the bar and have other men hit on her because "it makes her feel good about herself".  I try to explain to her how nervous i get when she is out and not answering her cell phone.  She turns it around on me and makes me feel so guilty for being insecure and not trusting her, but I can't help feeling scared and afraid.  She told me last night that I'm not "fun enough at the bar" and that's why she doesn't want me there and that this is the way that she is and if i can't deal with it tough because she should be able to "go out and do whatever she wants, whenever she wants".  I feel like she has no compassion for my feelings because everytime i tell her how i feel she makes me feel guilty for feeling that way.  A completely different situation but this Christmas eve at her families house, I went to bed early because her whole family plays cards constantly and i don't know how to play cards (i admit i need to learn to adapt and play them too), but she came down and had me in tears all night telling me that "you know that they play cards all the time, so if you didn't want to play, then why did you even come?", I told her i came to be with her and our children on Christmas and she told me to "quit being a whiny baby".  This is really tearing my life apart and i need a way to express to her how i feel without feeling guilty.  Am i being overprotective and over-emotional??  Please, please help and am very scared and confused.
 I have only been married for 8 months and I got married at 19. Because I'm so young I still feel the need to get out with my friends every once in a while without my husband but just for girl talk. He doesn't mind because that gives him time with the guys. But I guess the difference with our situation is that I don't dress sexy when I go out for attention (Cute but not sexy) and I don't drink so we normally go to a coffee shop or movie. I could understand if your wife just wanted time with her girl friends but if she is telling you it is for attention from guys and is going out in scandelous cloths then I think she is taking it too far. When you get married you can't pretend you're still in the dating world. I only go out with my friends once a month and I try to get home at a reasonable time because I know my husband doesn't like me out super late (for safety reasons). Then the other three weekends out of the month I spend with him and we go out together. It sounds like your wife isn't being very considerate of your needs or feelings. If she sees this is hurting you she should stop or take you with her. I don't know if she is acctually cheating on you or not. Some women really do just crave attention and want to be validated by others, that is why they dress sexy, but wouldn't take it so far is to cheat (Women tend to be a lot more insecure about their appearance). If I knew your wife better I could give you a better opinion. All you can do is have a heart to heart with her about your feelings. Just express how important it is that you spend time together and tell her that you would like to create date nights for the two of you.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
blonde61085
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
March 4, 2008, 8:49 am PST

True Love

Quote From: lori043002

 

This is my first post to this message board.  I guess the main thing I am looking for from everyone here is some advice, hopefully.

 

I honestly and trully have found my soul mate, true love, and anything else you want to call it.  My husband is the ultimate of everything that is magnificent, wonderful, kind, gentle, loving, understanding, caring, open, honest , do I need to continue on?????

 

My problem is this:

 

We have been together for 8 years and married for almost 6 years.  Recently, within the past year and a half to 2 years, I have turned into the most horrible person imaginable.  The kind of person I have always said I completely dislike and despise.  I maxed out 14 Credit Cards, couldn't pay for them, lied to my husband about what I did, until I could lie anymore.  I also lied about the job that I did have at the time - made myself out to be this absolutely magnificent person who could do no wrong.  We ended up having to file Bankruptcy Chapter 7 - this has been discharged as of August 1, 2007. 

 

Now, because of all the lies I told him, he doesnt't believe anything I tell him, we don't talk to each other anymore, and we are on the verge of divorce. 

 

I need to know how to begin the communication issue I have, I am the one who cannot communicate.  He doesn't want me to talk about work or other people, he wants me to dicuss what is going on between us.  When we discuss our issues, we always end up in a big argument.  Why discuss if all you do is argue?

 

I have accepted what I have done and how wrong and horrible I was for doing it, for all the lies, everything.  We even had to involve his 2 daughters in the situation because we needed the money for the attorney for the Bankruptcy.  They woun't come and visit anymore now because of me.  He has gone back there 3 times in the past year alone.  I understand their feelings towards me and accept the fact that they do not want to be around me, but they can still come and visit their father - I would even leave and stay somewhere else in order for them to come here.

 

Anyway, can anyone offer any advice?

 

Thanks!

 

Lori

 

Once trust is lost it can be the hardest thing to get back, especially in a marriage when you thought you knew the person so well. I did notice in your comment that you said you feel like a terrible person and hate what you did but do you realize how much this must have hurt your husband? He is obviously still torn up inside about it if he still brings it up. You need to be open in discussing it calmly whenever he feels the need. You need to express to him that you understand how hurt he was and betrayed he felt and that you don't want to hurt him like that ever again. To build your trust back you should do whatever it takes. Let him check your credit cards online and show him receipts of stuff  you bring home. Your marriage is really important and it sounds like you really put a damper on it. So just be willing to do whatever he needs you to do in order for him to trust  you again. This may be tedious and take years but your marriage should be worth it and he should be worth it. So get through it with the best attitude you can.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
zoeyg58
User Mood
Apathetic

Message Emote
blank
March 12, 2008, 4:06 pm PDT

Why?

Quote From: lori043002

 

This is my first post to this message board.  I guess the main thing I am looking for from everyone here is some advice, hopefully.

 

I honestly and trully have found my soul mate, true love, and anything else you want to call it.  My husband is the ultimate of everything that is magnificent, wonderful, kind, gentle, loving, understanding, caring, open, honest , do I need to continue on?????

 

My problem is this:

 

We have been together for 8 years and married for almost 6 years.  Recently, within the past year and a half to 2 years, I have turned into the most horrible person imaginable.  The kind of person I have always said I completely dislike and despise.  I maxed out 14 Credit Cards, couldn't pay for them, lied to my husband about what I did, until I could lie anymore.  I also lied about the job that I did have at the time - made myself out to be this absolutely magnificent person who could do no wrong.  We ended up having to file Bankruptcy Chapter 7 - this has been discharged as of August 1, 2007. 

 

Now, because of all the lies I told him, he doesnt't believe anything I tell him, we don't talk to each other anymore, and we are on the verge of divorce. 

 

I need to know how to begin the communication issue I have, I am the one who cannot communicate.  He doesn't want me to talk about work or other people, he wants me to dicuss what is going on between us.  When we discuss our issues, we always end up in a big argument.  Why discuss if all you do is argue?

 

I have accepted what I have done and how wrong and horrible I was for doing it, for all the lies, everything.  We even had to involve his 2 daughters in the situation because we needed the money for the attorney for the Bankruptcy.  They woun't come and visit anymore now because of me.  He has gone back there 3 times in the past year alone.  I understand their feelings towards me and accept the fact that they do not want to be around me, but they can still come and visit their father - I would even leave and stay somewhere else in order for them to come here.

 

Anyway, can anyone offer any advice?

 

Thanks!

 

Lori

 

I just came across your post. The thing I would like to ask is:Why do you think you did all of this? If this behavior  wasn't part of you personality then something changed. You have to figure out what changed to make you behave this way or you will do it again. As far as your marriage, one day at a time. And you really have to let your husband know everything and not get angry when he questions you. I know the first reaction at a time like this if a defensive one, but just take a breath and realize the trust is going to take a long time to rebuild.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
zoeyg58
User Mood
Apathetic

Message Emote
blank
March 12, 2008, 4:36 pm PDT

Wow

Quote From: marriagehelp

I really don't know where to start on this.  I don't really watch this show but my wife does and I am having a very difficult problem with her and am searching for answers.  We have been married for 7 years and have two children (3 and 7) together and are in our late 20's.  We have a great marriage other than one thing that we constantly argue about.  She tells me that she needs to go out and drink without me at the bars which has bothered me for a long time.  I've asked her to please just invite me too.  I feel like I'm boring her and she needs to do this to get something she's not getting from me.  I try to buy some drinks and make her dinner and have a movie and she comes home from work puts her sweat pants and sweat shirt on has two  beers and falls asleep.  When she goes out to the bar, she dresses very sexy and has multiple drinks (often drinking for about 4-6 hours straight).  I really try not to let it bother me but she tells me that she doesn't want me there and makes me feel guilty for not trusting her.  I try to trust her so badly but it's not her that I don't trust.  It's the single guys at the bar that could care less about the ring on her finger.  Now her going out and having a few beers is one thing but when she goes out she doesn't leave until the bar closes and they kick everybody out.  She is currently away on a business trip training for a new job 3 hours away from me with a male coworker who is staying at the same hotel.  Last night they went out to the bar together with the other guys from her new job and their girlfriends and didn't get back to the hotel until 2:00am.  At this point we argued on the phone for two hours and she told me that she "needs" to go to the bar and have other men hit on her because "it makes her feel good about herself".  I try to explain to her how nervous i get when she is out and not answering her cell phone.  She turns it around on me and makes me feel so guilty for being insecure and not trusting her, but I can't help feeling scared and afraid.  She told me last night that I'm not "fun enough at the bar" and that's why she doesn't want me there and that this is the way that she is and if i can't deal with it tough because she should be able to "go out and do whatever she wants, whenever she wants".  I feel like she has no compassion for my feelings because everytime i tell her how i feel she makes me feel guilty for feeling that way.  A completely different situation but this Christmas eve at her families house, I went to bed early because her whole family plays cards constantly and i don't know how to play cards (i admit i need to learn to adapt and play them too), but she came down and had me in tears all night telling me that "you know that they play cards all the time, so if you didn't want to play, then why did you even come?", I told her i came to be with her and our children on Christmas and she told me to "quit being a whiny baby".  This is really tearing my life apart and i need a way to express to her how i feel without feeling guilty.  Am i being overprotective and over-emotional??  Please, please help and am very scared and confused.

OK where do I start. First let me tell you I have children your age, I am almost 50. So take it from an old bird this is not "normal". Once you marry and have children, you become a unit. Neither one of you should be hanging out at any bars alone for any reason. Sorry kiddo, but bars are hook up joints and if anyone tells you different then they are feeding you lines. There are too many other things to do if you guys need time for your selves with your guy friends or her girlfriends. From what I read it seems like you and your wife are not very compatible. She seems to be more outgoing than you, maybe that's the problem. Then again her lack of sensitivity is outrageous. I don't want to hurt your feelings in any way, but it seems as if she doesn't want you around, I am seriously not trying to be mean. I think you seriously need to evaluate your relationship. I don't think there is anything wrong with your request for her not be out there at all hours by herself, or for her to call you when she is away. That is the way marriage works. You should think of your significant other and how you can make their day a little better. For instance, I make sure the coffee pot is ready for my husband in the morning because he gets up so much earlier than me, and I will leave him a small note just letting him know I love him and to have a good day. I mean, really we don't know what will happen that day. God forbid that something bad happens to either one of us and all we are left with is a feeling of rejection and being "whiny". Like Dr Phil says "the worst thing than being in a bad relationship 7 years, is being in a bad relationship 7 years and 1 day". I really think you need to sit down with your wife and ask some hard questions, like if she still wants to be in the marriage. Try not to get emotional, it seems she uses your emotions against you and as a shield not to tell you the truth. I really wish you luck, I hope things work out for you. Just remember I don't think there's anything wrong with your requests, you are a unit, not two people living in the same home. Good Luck

 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
lampkay
User Mood
Relaxed

Message Emote
blank
March 28, 2008, 9:31 am PDT

TRUE LOVE

Quote From: itsonlyme

I want you to know that I feel love is wonderful, but what about the man you stood in front of God with and promised fidelity?  Cheating is wrong, to put it in a nutshell.  Lets put it this way, what if you found out your husband was in the same situation with another woman?  I venture to say that you would be crushed.  You are a woman who has successfully raised beutiful children with the man you have promised an eternity.  And in my opinion, marriage is like an insurance policy.  You join when you are young and crazy, learn who you are and how to live as a couple through life, and the reward is living your retirement and growing old knowing someone will always be there. 

Do you think you are taking this man for granted?  He has been good enough for this long, doesn't he deserve the best?   

please be the best woman you can be, please don't cheat until you are seperated.  God may have put this new man in your life, but not as a gift, maybe as a test.  Ask God for his help on this one. 

I have been married for 22 years and found out 7/07 that my husband was having an affair since 2/07, I completely trusted this man.  He says that it was just to get my attention, well there are other ways to get attention.  Affairs are selfish and hurfful to more than just the married couple.  We have four children, it does affect them and my mood affects everyone around me.  It feels like my chest has been ripped out and stomped, sometimes I can just sit and cry for no reason and yes we are both in therapy.  We have been together for 27 years, he even tells the therapyst that he constantly told the other person that he loved his wife,  My theory is how can you hurt someone you love that much.  I have made a vow that no one will ever cause me that much pain again.  I told him it would have been easier if the police had come to the door and told me he had been killed in some kind of an accident, at least there would have been closure!  So maybe you should think before you leap, someone will get hurt, and if you are looking for revenge then go ahead and do it.  If you are looking for self safisfaction masybe you need therapy.  I know that I do not  trust a man I have known for 27 years and I find that I can not believe anything he says I question everything he says and does because of his cheating.  Just remember that your spouse is a human with feeling also.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
sewtuffinc
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
March 28, 2008, 9:10 pm PDT

Love at first sight????

Not just NO but HELL NO ! I believe in LUST at first sight but a lasting and abiding love can only come from knowing someone and spending time with them. I have been married for 30 years and am in a miserable relationship. I hated him when I first met him but fell in love with him after taking the time to know him. After all these years of living together I have really gotten to know him and I was right to have disliked him. I was still fooled.  
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
sewtuffinc
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
March 28, 2008, 9:31 pm PDT

De nile is not a River in Africa !

Quote From: zoeyg58

OK where do I start. First let me tell you I have children your age, I am almost 50. So take it from an old bird this is not "normal". Once you marry and have children, you become a unit. Neither one of you should be hanging out at any bars alone for any reason. Sorry kiddo, but bars are hook up joints and if anyone tells you different then they are feeding you lines. There are too many other things to do if you guys need time for your selves with your guy friends or her girlfriends. From what I read it seems like you and your wife are not very compatible. She seems to be more outgoing than you, maybe that's the problem. Then again her lack of sensitivity is outrageous. I don't want to hurt your feelings in any way, but it seems as if she doesn't want you around, I am seriously not trying to be mean. I think you seriously need to evaluate your relationship. I don't think there is anything wrong with your request for her not be out there at all hours by herself, or for her to call you when she is away. That is the way marriage works. You should think of your significant other and how you can make their day a little better. For instance, I make sure the coffee pot is ready for my husband in the morning because he gets up so much earlier than me, and I will leave him a small note just letting him know I love him and to have a good day. I mean, really we don't know what will happen that day. God forbid that something bad happens to either one of us and all we are left with is a feeling of rejection and being "whiny". Like Dr Phil says "the worst thing than being in a bad relationship 7 years, is being in a bad relationship 7 years and 1 day". I really think you need to sit down with your wife and ask some hard questions, like if she still wants to be in the marriage. Try not to get emotional, it seems she uses your emotions against you and as a shield not to tell you the truth. I really wish you luck, I hope things work out for you. Just remember I don't think there's anything wrong with your requests, you are a unit, not two people living in the same home. Good Luck

 

     She is not being truthful to you and you know it and that is why you feel so sad. I understand being in love, but how much time did you take getting to know this person???? I am so sorry about Xmas, it is about family, and she should have understood that. The fact that she thought it was all about playing cards tells me a lot about what kind of person she is and where her values are.

     Percy Sledge used to sing a song called " Take Time to Know Her". I though I had taken time to get to know my husband but we never talked about things that were important to each other. We both made a lot of assumptions and we were both wrong. And now 30 years later we are paying for it. I am no longer in the river in Africa (Denial). But we are still together and it is a very sad place to be for us both. God I am so sad for you and pray you will not allow her to continue lying to you. If she has nothing to hide there would be no reason for her to need to be without you.

     She is lying to you.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
cjsinger
User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
March 28, 2008, 10:41 pm PDT

Love At First Sight

Quote From: flatoutgal

I do believe in true love, I do believe in love at first site - however I also know that it is possible to love someone so completely, and have nothing returned. Especially when its someone you have to see and speak to every day.

 

 

   I most definitely believe in love at first sight. It's a very special gift that our Heavenly Father God gives us, by grace, to share a piece of his abundant love for us. When we are blessed with this moment, our eyes and hearts are miraculously opened to a new divine understanding of the word Love. Your eyes will meet with his or hers and you will feel an intense attraction so much more than the regular physical attraction that was most likely only ever experienced until this point. All of a sudden you will be hit with another confirmation of the Love when that person says their first words to you. Their voice will resonate through your entire being with perfect harmony and the only way to describe it will be amazing. This was my personal experience of Love at first sight when I met my wife-to-be, Lizanne. 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
gabriellasmama
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
April 10, 2008, 2:32 pm PDT

i love my husband but im not in love

he and i have been married for only 3 years and have a 10 month old daughter. we had a rough first year and now i want out. because im not in love with him anymore. I do love him with all my heart but know i could be happier and give my daughter a better life because i could be happier with someone else. i dont know what to do. i dont want to leave because im afraid of what it could do to her later on but i also dont want to leave because i feel like maybe ive got some unrealistic view of what marriage is supposed to be.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
mustbecrazy
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
April 17, 2008, 4:27 pm PDT

marriage

Quote From: gabriellasmama

he and i have been married for only 3 years and have a 10 month old daughter. we had a rough first year and now i want out. because im not in love with him anymore. I do love him with all my heart but know i could be happier and give my daughter a better life because i could be happier with someone else. i dont know what to do. i dont want to leave because im afraid of what it could do to her later on but i also dont want to leave because i feel like maybe ive got some unrealistic view of what marriage is supposed to be.

You said vows that tie you to this man for life.  You owe it to him, your child, and yourself to put every bit if effort nececcary to repair this relationship.  I think you need to be in counseling, either individually, and/or marriage counseling.

 

If you think that marriage is supposed to be easy, fuzzy, perfect, all roses...you've got it all wrong.  It is NOT easy adjusting to living with another person, no matter how much you love him...and you've got a child adding stress to the mix...not that we don't love our kids, but realistically, they do put a strain on the husband-wife relationship...any relationship takes hard work to make it last.  Marriage isn't about warm fuzzy feelings all the time...there are times when you are really going to piss each other off...it's just life...the key is tolerance...my husband and I have been married for 27 years, with three boys, and we didn't get to this place by having unrealistic expectations.  You are a team...each one contributes to the marriage...you are two completely differet people, with different backgrounds and upbringings...I love my husband very much, but I can't say that my love for him is NOT the same as it was when we first got married...we were so young then...it's natural for love to change as you grow together.  It's natural for you to feel like your love for your husband fluctuates...it's really hard to love somebody when you're angry and hurt...not knowing exactly what your circumstances are, it's hard to know exactly what to say.

 

You didn't say why you want to leave...are you fighting a lot?  Is he abusive?  Is the sex not that great anymore?  Is he cheating?  Are you?  You don't have to be head-over-heels...that's a myth...infatuation is what draws us together...love is what makes us stay...you need time to grow together and learn to appreciate each other for your differences...when we first got married...probably for the first 3 years...we did a lot of "not talking" and door-slamming when we were angry with each other.  Through counseling, we learned more positive and constructive ways to communicate...and learned not to hold grudges...it's not fair to re-hash old stuff over and over...how long are you going to carry the anger and hurt of one particular arguement...You don't have to be on the verge of divorce to get counseling...don't let it get that far...

 

There are some things you can do to get the spark back...start doing little things for your husband...leave a chocolate on his pillow...put a note in his lunch...fix a nice dinner with no occasion at all...get a babysitter and go on a real date with your husband...watch a DVD together at home, after the baby goes to bed...bring him flowers...you get the idea..do or say at least one nice thing for him every day...with no expectation of anything in return...let your husband know just how special he is.

 

If you think the grass would be greener with a different husband...it doesn't work that way...relationships are hard work...you can't change your husband, but you can change your own attitude and actions.

 

Do you work outside the home?  If not, maybe you need some connection with other moms of small kids.  When my kids were little, I belonged to MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)...it is a  church-based organization, available nation-wide.  It is a great way to connect with other moms, hear great words on how to make parenting and marriage work, and get encouragement from other moms.  There is nursery care at the meetings, so moms can meet without the distraction of the kids.  Moms meet up to the time that their youngest child finishes kindergarten.  Babies put plenty of strain on a marriage...take care of yourself...take care of your marriage...

 

Good Luck...Becky

 

 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
Post a Message

First | Prev | 104 | 105 | 106 | 107 | 108 | 109 | 110 | Next | Last