Topic : True Love

My love for my wife is killing me. She left me a year ago because of my anger and the inability to support the family.

I had a thriving business that in less than 6 months went broke because of a business deal that went bad because I could not and would not support.

I went from making $25,000 per month to owing over $1.5 million dollars.

I lost my friends, business and then my wife. Shortly after she left me I tried to kill myself but obviously did not do a very good job.

My wife has two children from different fathers both are great kids and I love them as if they were mine, the youngest Lance Jacob lived with us and he is the special one.  He is 15 and a type of kid that you just cant help but love. The Oldest is 19 and lives with his father.

This family that I had is so important to me it is what drives me to be me.

I have gone to counseling church and professionally to work on my issues. All have told me that I am not the one that is messed up but it is my wife that needs the help. I do believe that is some ways but not in all it takes two to tango.

I love my family so much but my wife is dating and seeing other people drinking heavily. She says that she is not sure what she wants. My son tells me that I can not give up on her for I am the stable one and that they need me in there life.

I was going to move on but then I sent my son to a counselor. The counselor called me right after the session and told me that I should not move for my son is fearful that his mom is not going to live a year and that I am the one that is stable that he can always count on.  The counselor was very concerned about the stability of my son mostly if I should leave. All the family members and friends agree that my wife need so help for her alcoholism and her mental stability.

There are so many issues I have to deal with right now. The house is in foreclosure, bills are piling up, my business is in start up and running out of cash. My wife needs money which I supply to her. In fact I dont eat a lot of times so she can go out and have cash in her pocket.  She tells me that she is so glad that I am covering her back that she doesnt have to worry any more. This situation slowly drawing the life out of me, I pray to god every night that I do not wake or my family comes back.

People tell me she was a gold digger when the money went so did she I do not believe that.  I will not believe that! It is been over a year now I have tried to stop and go away but the love that I have for my family and this marriage is so strong that I just can not do it. I can not see anything but the love I have and like I said in the opening I realize that it is going to kill me if I am not able to get my arms around this situation.

Please help

Hello there!! i met that italian guy 2 months ago. we go out everyday when he's in Morroco, when he went back to italy he keep calling everyday and all day long, we talked about everything and nothing, he said he's serious and he wants to marry me, i'd love to but i don't know what to do

the last time he came to Morroco, he bring to me a lot of presents, we had sex, a really good one, you can feel that we're in love, we hang out... The problem is that he's not muslim, my family won't accept him, but he said he's really to be a muslim, so that's nice of him, he's ready to do anything for me.

he wanted to talk to my family now but my mother said no, we don't have to rush things, i've met him just two months ago so it's not enough to marry him, he's upset and he wants to be with me forever

actually, i still continue my studies and i work in a good company so i will have to let my job, my family and everything here to go with him

but he's really nice, he never done something bad to me, he let me do whatever i want

what should i do?

You're question at the end is very direct and one only you can answer. Only you know how you really feel in this relationship and how it affects you.

I am wondering when I read your post, have you ever sat down before you got married to discuss finances and both of your roles regarding this? What was your agreement before he started his bachelor? Did his studees take longer than expected?

How do you feel that he quits jobs all the time?

You say that you can depend on your husband for everything, except money. Only you can decide if this is a good deal for you.

Hi, thanks for replying to my message. I made the mistake of talking to my mother about our marital issues, and now she talks crap about my husband. It makes me really mad because I think my mother is jealous of my relationship. She is a weird character all together and believe me she has put up with a lot of crap from my dad (prison, allegations of sexual abuse, domestic violence). With all due respect, I will not listen to my mom, of all people, tell me not to put up with crap from a man, after all the crap she has put up with. My mom thinks because I am educated, that any time there is an arguement I should just pack up and go simply because "I don't have to put up with it".

I now need help dealing with my mom. Trust me, she would probably like nothing more than for me to divorce my husband, but that is the last thing I want to do! I don't believe in divorce, first of all, second of all, I don't want to be alone in this mean, cruel world. I don't want to go without regular sex, and first and foremost, the friendship me and my husband have incurred, is something I don't want to leave. We are truly great friends. I made the mistake of calling my mom when I was mad at my husband, and now she basically knows our "marital business", so to speak. I wish I would have NEVER confided in her in nothing. I did so because I knew she would side with me and make me feel better about how I felt, but now, it is like she is hanging it over my head. I do believe she is a jealous mother and would rather see me alone than with my husband happy. She grew-up in that generation of women who married the older man, had many children, and was "taken care of". I have done the exact opposite and it just burns her up with all my liberated freedom. I married a man 7 years younger than me, I am the bread-winner, and we do not particularly want any children. It really makes her jealous to see me living the life that she could only fantasize about.

So please give me some advice on how to get my mom off my back about my husband. I messed-up by telling her our problems and now she is using them against me. My husband's family (father) has done more for me financially in the few short years (5) that I have been in their family, than my parents have ever done for me. I can't even believe that I would contemplate leaving my husband and his generous family for my parents. How could I be so stupid??!! I seriously do not know where I would be without my husband and his family. They have done so much for me. My parents have not done anything for me my whole life. Seriously, they did not put me through college, they did not buy me a car, and they have never helped me financially when I needed it. They just don't help me period. I know what it would be like if I left my husband. I would all alone, once again, in this world with no help from anyone. My parents are the type of people, even though I do love them, that would not pick me up at the airport or help me fix my car if it was broken-down. This is how they are. My husband would give me anything, and so would his family. I need them in my life and I think my mother is just jealous that I have a real family to actually turn to in times of need, if I need to.

So, what do you think? Who can I got to to talk about my marital problems, even as small as they are? I don't really have that many girlfriends to confide in, and I definitely do not want to turn to my mother now, especially after she is acting now. She acts like I should just divorce my husband. It not only hurts my feelings deeply, but after all the crap she has put up with through my dad, how dare her!!

Thanks for your advice and Happy Holidays.