Message Boards

Topic : True Love

Number of Replies: 1117
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:04:36 pm
Author : dataimport
Do you believe in true love? How about love at first sight? Is it possible to cheat on someone you love? Can true love die? Tell us what you think!

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

September 21, 2005, 8:40 am CDT

True Love

Quote From: chazitha

 Ok So I have been with my fiancee a total of three years.  We both love each other and usually things flow smooth.  I know we are meant to be together. 
Unfortunately his best friend and his mother don't think so.  She has said he isn't allowed to get married until after college- she is paying for his education.

His best friend- who I will be meeting for the first time in about two weeks- confessed her love to him last December, regardless of him being in a relationship with me.  He couldn't understand why I didn't take it well?!?!  He even felt guilty for telling her we were engaged, he was upset about it.  He didn't realise until I told him how hurt that made me.
I know I shouldn't be jealous and I know we are meant to be but does it always have to be so complicated?!?!?!?
No, it doesn't have to be so complicated. If it is true love then you should be able to wait until he graduates college. If it is true love then it won't matter that another woman loves him. It sounds like maybe your fiancee needs a wake up call though....I would go ballistic if my bf told me he didn't understand why i was upset that his best friend is in love with him...THEN he feels bad about telling of your engagement???? Something is not right. Maybe you are more serious than he is. It sounds like you are young. Young guys sometimes don't think about  marriage the same way girls do. They don't think about how it will really be affecting the rest of their lives. Are you willing to spend yours with someone so naiive?
 
September 21, 2005, 8:43 am CDT

True Love

Quote From: lonelylady

HELLO 

    IF U WANT MY OPINION I THINK U SHOULD BE HAPPY  I MEAN WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT HAPPINESS THATS SORTA WHAT IM GOING THROUGH IM HAPPILY MARRIED BUT NOT HAPPY AND IM MISERABLE I HAVE A GOOD HUSBAND HE WORKS EVERYDAY COMES HOME TO ME EVERY NIGHT BUT SOMETHING IS MISSING ?????? IM STILL NOT HAPPY 

Have you entertained the possibility that perhaps it is not your husband's job to make you happy? You say he does everything he is supposed to. Perhaps you are unhappy with yourself for some reason. Do you enjoy hobbies and recreational activities? Do you have friends and confidants that you can talk to regularly?  

  

I may be way off base here but sometimes we project what is wrong inside of us onto other people. I say give a good man a chance. He may be unhappy as well.  

 
September 21, 2005, 12:03 pm CDT

True Love

Quote From: lucky35

Hi, me and my husband are recently married 1 1/2 year and our marriage has already been tested. I just want to know if what we are going through is normal for married couples?  We love each other deeply, but our finances are not that great.  I just left/lost a $43000.00/year job and my husband starts at Starbuck's on Monday as a barista.  Neither me or my husband have held a job longer than a year, but we are both educated.  I am highly educated. I get so mad and frusterated because I got married not only because I loved my husband, but because I wanted help financially.  Since the marriage it has been probably a 60/40 or even 70/30 split on expenses with me carrying the greater load.  How can I not let financial worries affect our marriage? I am 7 years older than my husband and I know it will be a long time before he gets his act together, but being the impatient person that I am, the wait is killing me!  HELP!

I can completely understand where you are at.  I have always made much more money (not rich, but comfortable) than hubby.  It was a huge issue when we first got married.  I always was the dependable one where he has gone through more jobs than I can count.  I have "floated" him for years and it is only recently that he has had to carry the financial burden-and he is shocked/stressed about it.   Now onto my wise words:  Money is just that: MONEY.  Get a job (again), and put yourselves on a budget.  I had 3 young kids (well, I still have them they are older now though) and we didn't even get to purchase a house until we were married 8 years!!  It took us all that time to experience the growing pains of marriage, young kids etc and get our lifestyles in check with our incomes.  TRUST ME-it does take time but one of you (and I admit it was me) has to stand up, not stand for the situation (not be adversarial, but take the bull by the horns) when it comes to money and take care of it. 

I can't even LOOK at macaroni and cheeze without gagging (cheap, easy meal) or hamburger helper either.   

It will work out-you just have to committ to it.  He does too-I would insist and nag hubby to maintain SOME job.  That was the requirement.  If you were leaving one job (for whatever reason)-you had better not come home without another one in the works.  ONE week would be all I give him.  If it meant flipping burgers (which he has done on several occassions), oh well.  Now, I would do all the overtime that I could, I even picked up a second job at one point-but it was all worth it.  We have owned our own home for 5 years, we have 2 cars (paid off), and although there are some times (like now) that it gets a little tight-we just know what to do-- 

  

It does take time, but perservere, trust me it is worth it in the end. 

 
September 21, 2005, 4:37 pm CDT

True Love

Quote From: planetjliz

Have you entertained the possibility that perhaps it is not your husband's job to make you happy? You say he does everything he is supposed to. Perhaps you are unhappy with yourself for some reason. Do you enjoy hobbies and recreational activities? Do you have friends and confidants that you can talk to regularly?  

  

I may be way off base here but sometimes we project what is wrong inside of us onto other people. I say give a good man a chance. He may be unhappy as well.  

Happiness I believe we can only find for ourselves, no one can find or provide that happiness for us. I have a great husabnd and we get along very well, we love each other and even after 12 in a half years of marriage I am still in love with him, but it is me, not him who is responsible in making me happy. Yes, we need to do things for and with each other, and make each other feel special and to help meet each others needs and all but in the end it is me and only me who can make myself happy. I know what I like, I know what my hobbies are, I know what I am thinking, I know what motivates me and on and on, It is up to me and hubby both to help make our marriage a success but it is up to me to make sure I enjoy life, it is not up to him to make sure that I am happy, we must work on ourselves and speak up and put some action towards our happiness. It works.
 
September 21, 2005, 6:15 pm CDT

lonely at 49

I am a women of 49 years of age and I am married but separated from my husband of 24 years. We have no contact nor do we even speak to each other nicely. He has a drinking problem and has have for years. This has put a big strain on our marriage along with hurting our kids. We have 3 adult kids together along with 2 from a marriage that I had before and he also had a child before we were married. Right now I am alone and just recently lost my job and I don't know if there is true love out there but I am feeling as if no one cares not even my kids on how lonely I am. I want to get a divorce but money is a big problem for me. I need help and just don't know where to turn. I thought I had my true love but if you really love someone you would stand by them no matter what happens to them or what they look like. I do go to church but sometimes that isn't even enough to make me feel better. Can anyone help me with some advice ? lonely girl
 
September 22, 2005, 8:14 am CDT

What exactly do you want?

Quote From: dietcokejr

I am a women of 49 years of age and I am married but separated from my husband of 24 years. We have no contact nor do we even speak to each other nicely. He has a drinking problem and has have for years. This has put a big strain on our marriage along with hurting our kids. We have 3 adult kids together along with 2 from a marriage that I had before and he also had a child before we were married. Right now I am alone and just recently lost my job and I don't know if there is true love out there but I am feeling as if no one cares not even my kids on how lonely I am. I want to get a divorce but money is a big problem for me. I need help and just don't know where to turn. I thought I had my true love but if you really love someone you would stand by them no matter what happens to them or what they look like. I do go to church but sometimes that isn't even enough to make me feel better. Can anyone help me with some advice ? lonely girl
Are you considering going back to your husband because you are in dire straits for money? Do you really think that will teach him how to treat you any better, or help your self image?
Have you leveled with your kids about what you are going through and how you feel? Even the people who are closest to us have to be told these things, they are not mind readers.
I would pursue the divorce anyway, have your husband foot the cost. I would appeal to my kids for support and financial aid, if its needed, until you are on your feet again. You would do the same for them right? You are only alone if you decide that you are. You go to church also, I'm sure the church could help you if you asked.
I think that you are probably not used to asking for help, and that may be your biggest problem. I can fully relate, but you will not realize how many people ARE willing to help until you make the first move.
You are worth it, and you deserve your chance.
 
September 29, 2005, 12:19 pm CDT

Long Distnance Love

Is it possible to be in love with a person you've never seen in real life? I feel like I have fallen in love with a man I met online. We have had plenty of phone, email, and IM conversations, but is that really enough? I feel like it is.
 
September 29, 2005, 12:55 pm CDT

find out

Quote From: chocsupmre

Is it possible to be in love with a person you've never seen in real life? I feel like I have fallen in love with a man I met online. We have had plenty of phone, email, and IM conversations, but is that really enough? I feel like it is.
The only answer is meeting him in person and finding out if that connection is still there.  Maybe he is more like a best friend, you just never know.  Having a connection in person is something different. 
 
September 29, 2005, 5:30 pm CDT

do i have true love?

Before I became pregnant I was dating my fiance for 4 months and before I knew I became pregnant and now i've had our son and we will be getting married wihtin the month. My fiance scares me in his behavior, although I do have faith in him. I'm also scared. He'll still want to go out with his friends on the weekend and leave me and our son at home while he partys, and hangs out till mindnight or 2am sometimes. He also left alot when I was pregnant and would tell me it was because our house was to small and he needed to get out while I was there alone. He knows I don't like it but then again i'm also very easy going and non confertational. Am I starting off on the wrong foot...I love this man with all my heart, he can be a jerk and say stupid thing but he's a wonderful father, and very caring and loving. He is the man I want to grow old with and raise our son with, but I feel like he still needs to grow up, and how do I help him. What do I do to help him, how do I help him. I don't want to give up on him because i know we are capable of having a wonderful marriage together, but it needs to start now. 

 
September 29, 2005, 6:12 pm CDT

True Love

Quote From: cathykids

Before I became pregnant I was dating my fiance for 4 months and before I knew I became pregnant and now i've had our son and we will be getting married wihtin the month. My fiance scares me in his behavior, although I do have faith in him. I'm also scared. He'll still want to go out with his friends on the weekend and leave me and our son at home while he partys, and hangs out till mindnight or 2am sometimes. He also left alot when I was pregnant and would tell me it was because our house was to small and he needed to get out while I was there alone. He knows I don't like it but then again i'm also very easy going and non confertational. Am I starting off on the wrong foot...I love this man with all my heart, he can be a jerk and say stupid thing but he's a wonderful father, and very caring and loving. He is the man I want to grow old with and raise our son with, but I feel like he still needs to grow up, and how do I help him. What do I do to help him, how do I help him. I don't want to give up on him because i know we are capable of having a wonderful marriage together, but it needs to start now. 

I would suggest the two of you sit down and list your concerns together and talk about them, premarital counseling is a good thing and a good way to help resolve issues. marriage is about two people and working together and you have to have communication to make things work. You also have to respect for one another and do everything in your power to help each other be happy and to help achieve goals and all and to even help and encourage one another to develop their own interests and goals. My husband goes out with his friends and I go out with mine as well, we are a christian couple and we love and respect and trust one another, we are also starting our date nights back up which has been missed greatly around here. date nights are a good thing to help stay connected, we do ours twice a month, get a sitter and go have fun just the two of you. family nights are wonderful, we like spending time with just the four of his. Marriage is about both of you and before you make that committment you must be willing to make some compromises and it is about balance and priorities. Family must be a top priority but there is absolutely nothing wrong with spending time out with friends, even going with out the other is ok. each of you need time with your sone as well even on an individual level, my husband loves his time with our girls, in fact he wishes he could be home with them all the time. yes, there are sacrifices when it comes to marriage but with respect and willingness to work together, you can have a great marriage.
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Next | Last