Topic : True Love

I don't know if there is a such thing as "True Love".  I have been married to a wonderful man for 18 yrs and he worships the ground I walk on.  I'm sad to say, I have never really felt that way about him.  I think I married him because he was security for me.  Not so much financially, but emotionally.  I was from a broken home and also dated several "bad guys" and decided that it was better to be with someone who loved me rather than someone I loved, if he wasn't going to love me back.  So, here I am now, 18 years later, with still no fireworks or passion.  I realize that real love isn't always about fireworks and passion, but it would be nice to have that.  I've stayed all these years for the love he gave me and for the security of my children.  I was always faithful, until recently.  I didn't intentionally set out to have an affair, and even tried to resist his advances but he was very persistent and a little too aggressive.  I should not have put myself in that position, but I did.  I was lonely and he made me feel good.  Now, however, I do not feel good.  I feel very badly for my actions, even though it was passionate.  He was not a person that I would want to be with.  I mean, possibly if he were different, but he is a player and I don't want that.  Now, I'm living with the guilt, as well as the sadness.  It's like something is missing.  My husband doesn't deserve this and he doesn't deserve to be hurt.  I wanted to separate for a while just because I wanted to find myself, but he did not want to do that and it hurt him desperately when I mentioned it, so we didn't.  Are there others who are going through this?  I don't want to go to counseling because I know all the things to do to make my marriage "good".  We have been to marriage classes.  It's all just an act on my part.  I feel like I've been acting the part all these years.  I really don't think I would find a better husband and I don't want to start over financially.   I'm trying desperately to get through this.  If anyone has any suggestions or can relate, I could use the feedback.  It's really hard for me to talk to my friends or family because they don't understand.  Plus, I cannot bring up the affair with anyone.

Love is a choice and only you can decide to love this guy. I honestly don't really know what to say but you need to communicate with your husband and let him know what you are feeling and all. Marriage is a committment and is about two people, not three and running from the issues will not resolve anything will just make things worse as you know, be honest and maybe the two of you can start the dating process again, go out on dates and just have fun. do things for him, like cooking a candle light dinner, send him a card to his work telling him how much you appreciate him and the good things that he does, whatever, it is possible to fall in love and to enjoy your marriage, if that ia what you want. I do believe in true love but at the same time if the two doesn't work at their relationship, then it will fail. I am always saying this on these boards but I do believe what Dr. Phil says that it takes 100% on both parts to make the marriage work and I always add but it may only take one to get the ball rolling. basically depends on wheterh or not you want to be in this marriage and willing to work at it.

 I do believe you can have true love and know the moment that you meet someone that you will love them for the rest of your life.  I have been married for only 3 years and my husband and I get along so well that I never thought my life would be this great.  We have a 15 month old daughter and we still have a great sex life.  Since becoming pregnant my body isn't the same but we still have passion and fireworks in the bedroom.  I credit our life to the fact that we both want to be with eachother so we make it work.  You have to try hard and not be selfish.

Have you tryed marriage counseling?  Has he tryed to quit drinking?  Is that his only fault?  Do you think if he got sober you could make it work?  I am an adult child of recently divorced parents.  My mom asked my father for the divorce and now, two years later, is regretting it.  They were married for 23 years and now she calls me and talks about how she wishes that she didn't head so quickly to the divorce lawyer.  They 'seperated' for only a couple months before she handed him the papers.  With that much time and energy invested you should make darn sure that you want to severe all ties with him.  On the other hand you CANNOT put yourself last to everyone else.  You will have to be selfish and that's okay.  If you can't make it work, don't be afraid to go out on your own.  You can do it.   

YES, it is possible :) it happened to me, too, and now we are planning to get married. before i ever met him or even knew how he looks like ...i had the strongest feeling ever that this is meant to be. it may sound very idealistic or naive to some ...but i believe in it. when we finally met it was like meeting someone i had known forever, it felt so familiar. it is sharing the thoughts and feelings, the heart, that helps to find the connection if it is there.  

  

i think it is all about honesty and trust. if you can communicate with each other openly and you find out you have a lot in common and you are looking for the same things in life -that is the way to know he is the one, is it not? and finally meeting each other face to face can either confirm the feelings or make you realize it was not realistic or it can simply turn out to be good friendship. there is nothing to lose :)  

dear, YOU should be your fiancee´s best friend :) i have never really seen a guy and a girl being able to have a good friendship -sooner or later one or the other starts to have romantic feelings and then the whole idea of friendship becomes absurd:~ you have every right to be jealous if your fiancee is having close friendships with any other female than you :) you have to make him to choose, either you or her. that is what i would do. husband and wife must naturally be best friends with each other and not with other people of the opposite sex. 

  

it doesnt sound good to me that he hasnt introduced you to that girl earlier -if he has nothing to hide, he hides nothing! YOU are his partner, he loses nothing by staying away from other women:) 

and about his mother, your fiancee can either make his own decision or you two can wait a few years. if it is true love, it will survive :) 

I agree with what you are saying but I do have a very good guy friend, we have been friends for years and can share and hang out together and not once have we had a physical attraction to one another, we are simply friends and darn good ones at that. But I will say that my husband is my best friend and I believe that is so becasue of the love and trust that we have built with each other. I think in this case, the friendship does need to be shut off as the girl has feelings for the guy and this guy needs to step up to the plate and take care of the situation, otherwise, it could and probably will cause problems.

Hi, I am recently married and 7 years older than my lovely counterpart.  We have been married for almost two years now.  The problems is, I think some folks (co-workers, family, etc..) believe that I have a bad marriage and I don't know why. No one has really mentioned anything so it is probably just my paranoia, but I get a lot of questions sometimes about my marriage and how it is going and it makes me really concerned that people might be thinking it isn't good. First of all, I couldn't be happier and I don't know why anyone would ever doubt that between me and my husband.  We do have disagreements and sometimes even arguements, but overall we are extremely happy with each other and isn't that normal anyways?!  We communicate with one another extremely well and we are truly good friends.  We've had some financial and career woes, but who doesn't.  The last job I had my husband was unemployed at the time and I felt like people were judging me and our relationship for that, but everybody, married or not, goes through ups and downs in their career--let alone in their life!  My question is, how do you react to your coworkers when your spouse becomes unemployed or something a little negative happens to your relationship?  I didn't tell anyone at work he wasn't working, but I felt so secretive about our relationship that they sensed something.  Is it ok to keep my personal life, just that...personal?  I just don't know how much of my marriage I should be revealing at work, if any?!  Some coworkers all they do is talk about their husband's great job, career, retirement, etc..., but at the time I didn't have anything great to talk about!  LOL  Currently, we're both doing good and my hubbie has gotten a good job sense then...HELP!! Thank you!!

I went through the same thing when I was pregnant with my now 13 month old daughter. My husband and I were not yet married when I got pregnant. He wanted to go out with friends a lot and ofcourse I would be left at home alone and pregnant. He would always be gone longer than he said he would and he would drink too much. I felt that he was not ready for a baby even though he was so excited about it. I had to put my foot down because my father was an alcoholic and was never home. What I finally ended up doing is telling my husband that he needed to grow up and curb the drinking and start spending his time home with me. Ofcourse he replied by saying that once I had the baby he would do that but I knew that if he didn't do it right then that he wouldn't at all. So I threatened to leave and move out of state near my parents. I even started packing my stuff. I told him that our I deserved better and so did our baby. That woke him up and he quit drinking and started staying home with me. It wasn't as easy and quick as I  make it sound but you just have to stick to your guns. I am stubborn and I don't back down, so it was easier for me to stand up for myself.  Your husband is probably scared and nervous about his new role and father and husband but I'm sure you are too but you really need to talk to each other about it and be supportive of each other instead of just running from the problem (as he is doing).

It is possible.  Though it didn't happen to me I could tell you of my closest friend of 14 years.  She met her now husband on an online chatroom.  Small world they were both from the same county and lived a few cities away.  They had even spoke w/each other by coinsidence.  You see he works for a bike shop and she called looking for a specific something for her son.   

  

Anyways they finally set up to meet...and they fell in love.  They married last month and have a beautiful daughter.  Good luck....hope it works out for u.