Topic : True Love

Eric - Some women have morals, I don't like those skimpy shirts either.  Has she said she loves you too?  I'm a firm believer in doing everything thats right for the child.  If you think your wife's behavior is bad I would consider marriage counseling.  My husband goes out and drinks and comes home whenever he feels like it - sometimes not until the next day - he did this on the eve of Mothers Day and I made him take me and our daughter out to lunch even with his hangover.  I was not going to let him off easy.  He just recently (4 days ago) told me that he did not want to be married anymore, that he is not in love and he feels trapped.  I think financially he feels trapped, even though he's not.  I'm sorry I am not responding to you.  I am going through the same thing (kind of).  I want to do what is right for my daughter and if our marriage is not going to work then I want him to leave while she is 2 and has no idea what is going on.  I wish I could stop his thinking and he said he would go to some counseling with me, but only because I want him too - not because he wants too to. I'm sorry I'm just ramblin on about me.  You need to sit down with your wife and ask her how she feels about you and your marriage and how she feels about her daughters upbringing - does she really want her daughter to see her walking around in inappropriate clothing?  if you get a good reply then I would ask her to work on the marriage and being a better role model for her own daughter and then work on her daughters behavior.    

Just for the record, I never suggested that couples CAN'T cohabitate for life successfully. I've known several couples who've lived together most of their lives, and are what anyone would call living a happy and successful union.

I read with interest your comment that you'd be "upset" if your SO wouldn't marry you. People should have an understanding up front about what their expectations are from any relationship. If you enter into a cohabitating union, then the boundaries need to be drawn at the beginning. My SO knew I'd never marry again...I told him that several times before we moved in together. He also knows this is a lifetime commitment for me. I have a small son, and wouldn't expose him to my "just" living with someone if this wasn't for life. Understanding of course that "stuff happens".

I consider myself to be the steward of my OWN happiness...not looking to someone else to make me happy. It's not someone else's responsibility to make me happy in this life...it's MY responsibility. I make choices in people and circumstances that are going to make me happy. I do things that make me happy. My happiness is not the burden of anyone else associated with me.  Just a thought....

 

You need to read Robin's book and listen how she tells you that you must teach men how to treat you.  You need to live your life and make choices to get what you want.  Allowing yourself to take the abuse is like telling yourself you aren't worth having something better.  You're young and there are much better guys out there.  If he does get his act together, maybe, maybe... you can choose to let him back in your life- but don't let him make your decision.

Your wife sounds a bit immature and has some issues to deal with.  To have a blended family work then it is very important to have a united front- no disagreeing about their discipline in  front of the children- that gives them power and adds to bad behavior.  She needs to let you discipline your daughter the same way as the son.  There's usually extra problems when there's visitation with the other father- so just be extra patient and help your step-daughter feel secure and loved.  Her life probably feels chaotic and it shows in her behavior.  Of course, she's also testing her limits with you so you need to have set rules and enforce the consequences.  Having set punishments or discipline helps you not have to yell all the time (which, they will ignore anyway, just making you madder).  I think the problem with her clothes may be part immaturity and part low self esteem/ self worth.  Try to be a good dad to your stepdaughter, work on communication, try to say positive things to each other, and if you improve on your part of the relationship then hopefully she'll improve too.

I just want to say that I believe in true love. And I have found it. There is only one problem.......I'm married to someone else. No, I did not just go out and run into them somewhere. I happened before I was married. I have been married for four and a half years now, I found my true love 11 years ago. When I met him, we started out as just friends. THen one night, he kissed me and my whole life changed forever. THen we started seeing each other. a few months later, I found out I was pregnant. He stood by me for a while, then go scared. But he came back before our daughter was born. He was there for it all. Then one day I found out that he was cheating on me. Then, she became pregnant, so he married her. I hung on to him for so many years, I just couldn't let go and move on. I knew deep down that he loved me. Then on day, I met someone that I liked very much. We dated for a while, then a year later, we got married. He was a wonderful man. I loved him very much. He loved my daughter just as much also, which meant the world to me. My daughter took to him right away. Anyway, things were great for a while. Things were great for a while, then I got pregnant. We had a beautiful baby girl. Then one day, my past came knocking on my door. In a routine conversation with my first daughters father (my true love), he started talking about what a mistake he had made. He told me how much he loved me and how he always loved me, he was just too young and stupid to realize it. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had waited for so long to hear everything he was saying. At that moment I had realized that I never did get over him, I just buried those feelings so far down that I didn't know they were there anymore. That was three years ago. We talk on a regular basis. That is pretty much all it is too, is talking with one another. A year ago, he got divorced. He doesn't pressure me about it though. We have actually tried stopping all of this many, many, many times. But everytime we do, it never fails, we always find out way back to each other. No one knows me better than he does. And vice versa. The complicated part is that I really do love my husband and don't want to hurt him. But, how do I know what the right decision for me is. I know without a doubt that M,that is what I will call my true love, is my soul mate. He feels the same way. He says he knows we are meant to be together. So, how do you decide who's happiness is more important: yours or the ones you love? That is the torment I am dealing with right now. Do I follow my heart? I have no idea. All I know is that I want to prevent as little hurt for my family as possible. So, I try not to talk to him as much. Yet, every day my heart aches inside. I am so torn between these two men. What to do, what to do???????????

True love is when you love someone to the point that you listen when they talk and visa versa, you take interest in some of the same activities, and it is important to have your own activites. Example, when I go to get a pedicure or facial I don't expect my true love to be there saying wow I love to do this, come on just as much as I want to get in a kayak and go down a bumpy river. The biggest part of true love is when he or she is sick with the flu and the other one takes care of them. That my friend is true love, he actually cleaned up the bathroom after I didn't make it twice, then he got me a bucket and no complaints now that my friends is true love at its finest. janlynne211@hotmail.com

Oh, yes I believe in true love. I believe a person can become so close you feel like you were suppose to be together. Love at first sight, that I don't think has anything to do with true love or really has a place in this subject. Love at first sight is just a wrong statement. You can't possible love a person by appearance. That is just a attraction to what you like physically about a person. We all have that ideal picture of a perfect mate. If love at first site was that person, we would all be looking for Brad Pitt or Angelina Joelee. That may happen for some and be lucky enough they also have all the other qualities you are looking for! But that's wishful thinking. True love oh it is a grand thing when it happen's. The comfort of that other person that know's you deeply and you know deeply. That person that holds your secrets secret! The physical attraction you have because of who they are and how they make you feel. That is true love. Oh, yes to the question that can they cheat on you if it is true love. Time takes a toll on all relationships and show's who is in love. True love is also one sided. You can love truely, madly and deeply but the other person really wasn't in "True Love" or the outside world of temptations wore them down. Also, their other person's in our world that do not have moral's that can influence you true love! It happen's and happened to me! I could say it is all thier fault but that would be saying I didn't make any choices that influenced the outcome! Then on to the other question, "Can true love die!" NO, I believe it will be with you alway's even after the relationship ends. I truly madly deeply still love my soon to be exhusband. I will alway's. That joy, the deep love I have for him is still there. But the trust leaves and once the trust is gone the relationship follows. You should have asked can you have more than one True LOVE! Oh, I hope so. I want to go down that same path with another. To feel like my heart will burst everytime I see or talk to him. To look at him and be truly madly attracted to him. Even through a little weight gain or loss or whatever. To feel the comfort of someone to confide in. To be irriatated by the little thing's to laugh at them later! To enoy dreaming about the future, remembering our past and loving the moment were in! Yes, I BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE!

Oh, yes I believe in true love. I believe a person can become so close you feel like you were suppose to be together. Love at first sight, that I don't think has anything to do with true love or really has a place in this subject. Love at first sight is just a wrong statement. You can't possible love a person by appearance. That is just a attraction to what you like physically about a person. We all have that ideal picture of a perfect mate. If love at first site was that person, we would all be looking for Brad Pitt or Angelina Joelee. That may happen for some and be lucky enough they also have all the other qualities you are looking for! But that's wishful thinking. True love oh it is a grand thing when it happen's. The comfort of that other person that know's you deeply and you know deeply. That person that holds your secrets secret! The physical attraction you have because of who they are and how they make you feel. That is true love. Oh, yes to the question that can they cheat on you if it is true love. Time takes a toll on all relationships and show's who is in love. True love is also one sided. You can love truely, madly and deeply but the other person really wasn't in "True Love" or the outside world of temptations wore them down. Also, their other person's in our world that do not have moral's that can influence you true love! It happen's and happened to me! I could say it is all thier fault but that would be saying I didn't make any choices that influenced the outcome! Then on to the other question, "Can true love die!" NO, I believe it will be with you alway's even after the relationship ends. I truly madly deeply still love my soon to be exhusband. I will alway's. That joy, the deep love I have for him is still there. But the trust leaves and once the trust is gone the relationship follows. You should have asked can you have more than one True LOVE! Oh, I hope so. I want to go down that same path with another. To feel like my heart will burst everytime I see or talk to him. To look at him and be truly madly attracted to him. Even through a little weight gain or loss or whatever. To feel the comfort of someone to confide in. To be irriatated by the little thing's to laugh at them later! To enoy dreaming about the future, remembering our past and loving the moment were in! Yes, I BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE

Yesterday, I felt like crap... not sick, just tired and cranky and crappy. I had a pressing chore to do and it was hanging over my head like a sword. I needed to go to the licensing office to renew my license plate sticker. My hubby is working afternoons right now and got home at 2:30 a.m. but he was up at 10 and went out while I was taking our dog out. I assumed he had gone golfing since that's normally what gets him up early and I was a bit angry because I needed the car he was driving to go to the licence office since my sticker was already expired. I napped on the couch while I waited for him to get home and was surprised when he showed up an hour later with my sticker. He explained that he knew I wasn't feeling well so he did it for me.... it's the things like that that just speak volumes and it's acts like that which have defined our marriage. We look out for one another all the time. I make sure that his "big 3" needs are met (easy ones... clean towels, clean socks and good lunch meat) and he more than meets my needs. I met him in high school... he was walking in front of me so it was his amazing soccer players bum I saw first but that was enough. We sat on opposite ends of a horseshoe in one of our classes and made mooney eyes at each other before we had even met. I was dating someone else and didn't want to get involved with someone until I had broken off the relationship so I refused a date with him until that was done. We started dating when we were 18, engaged at 19, married at 20. We knew we were young so we chose not to start a family until we'd been married for 5 years. 27 years later, we have two boys, a dog and a cat and so much love it sometimes stuns me. I often hear women complain about their hubbies and I find it so sad that everyone doesn't have the fortune that I have to have found real love. The kind that laughs, teases, nurtures, snuggles and holds you tight every day for almost 30 years. I can't imagine our love dying and I've never cheated or thought of cheating and my husband has given up a friend because he cheated on his wife so I can't imagine he would cheat either. Real love takes a lot of work... we started out with shiny perfect true love and then we got married and had to live together. We're a pretty odd couple but for us, it works so well. I'm a movie fanatic and he can't stand sitting in a theater. He likes to go to the pub on the corner on Friday night for 4 hours of darts and a few pints and I don't drink and can't stand bars. I go to movies with my girlfriends and I don't mind that he goes out once a week for some time with his friends. He loves cooking and I love eating. We both pitch in to do the housework, we have the same parenting style and easy going natures and we tend to settle arguments with laughter but the times an argument gets rough, we usually sit down and try to figure out what's going on with each other that brought us to that point. My oldest son is a bit put out by the fact that he's the only person he knows who's on his original parents. He's a stand up comedian and he thinks he'd have a lot more material if we'd have the decency to divorce and remarry a few times. *lol* I think real love happens after the bumps and rough patches. Once you've weathered the storms together and understand that you both can get through them together, intact and happy you have true love and that's what lasts. I look forward to our 50th wedding anniversary. I can totally see us as that old couple in the mall, still holding hands and laughing.