Topic : True Love

ALL relationships have these three things:  

 

the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY.

 

And to make your relationship stand the test of time you have to SAVOR the good, DEAL WITH the bad and WORK THROUGH the ugly (ugly being baggage).

 

If it is killing you to try and keep "all of this" inside, then I might suggest that you LET IT ALL OUT.

 

If you can't let it out in a respectful and constructive way with your partner, then go get some help in the form of counseling.

 

I also strongly encourage you to KEEP ON struggling with finding yourself because if you lose who you are, then you can't even be a partner to yourself so how can you expect to be a true partner to anyone else?

 

Q

Good for you, you have a great attitude and I am happy for you. I have a great marriage as well, My husband i s great and a wonderful father, I have been married for 12 years and yes we certainly have had our issues, but I believe in choosing my battles and some things are just not worth bickering about. I believe in true love and believe that it can last a life time, and it sounds like you have found it, Good luck with everything.

Isn't it GREAT how love can make you feel so energized and alive?

 

LOVED this post!  Q

True love does not equal perfection. Perfection, to me, is boring and unreal.  

   

True love is the day to day smiles and silences and words spoken and tears and thoughts shared. True love involves the ability to be yourself and know you are still loved. True love is the realization that every day together is a gift to enjoy. True love is, at the end of the day, cuddling with your loved one and falling blissfully asleep next to that person.  

   

My husband and I have been married for only eight years. We were both divorcees with long marriages behind us. ( I had been previously married for around 20 years and he had been previously married for around 30 years.)  

   

Sometimes, God does save the best for last.   

I agree with all you said. 

  

I had horrible relationships since I was little. 

  

Because of the abuse I suffered at home I think I was drawn to guys who were abusers.  

After my longest abusive relationship got so bad I started using the computer as an outlet and met my now current husband, 

I DO NOT ADVOCATE ONLINE MEETINGS..... just so that everyone knows I do believe it is very dangerous. 

  

Anyhow he talked to me and he began to tell me all the time to get out of the relationship I was in.... after I ended the abusive relationship and spent many months  talking to him and telling him everything there is to know about me I told him I was driving to the state he lived in because my abuser had begun stalking me and I needed to get away. 

  

I met him on July 4, 1997 and we have been together ever since. 

  

He is my true love. He is my anchor. 

Without him I would be nothing, maybe even dead. 

  

I know with him I am real, I am loved, and I am safe. 

That is all I need to know. 

  

Peaceful wishes, 

Tammy 

My story is a tough one, to me anyways. I am engaged to a man I love more than anything. We will be married Dec 14th of this year,a nd have been together for 2 yrs. We are both in our 30's, and have been previously married. We both have kids from our past marraiges also. All of our kids get along better than I could have ever imagined, and we each are close with the others kids.  

My problem is that my Fiance is NOT an affectionate man, and I feel like I am almost starved for affection, a hug, a kiss, to hear him say he loves me.. ETC.. It never happens. I feel lonely. Does that make since? I have spoken to him about it, and that is hm by nature. I know he loves me and I see it in other things he does, but I still feel like I am starting to get resentfull because I want so much to feel love from him too. When we go to bed at night he wants to go right to sleep, he wakes early for his job, I undersatnd, but hey, can you ever give me 10 min. I get mad, and then he feels I am nagging at him. Am I being selfish? Am I wrong?  

Another thing I have noticed is that when his kids come over to see us (they live with the mom) I sometimes am on edge. We get along great, and he dosen't leave me out, but I think I almost feel like I am goingt ot be ignored even more than I normally am. I have tried to give a brief run down. If anyone can offer me some advice.. PLEASE DO!!!!!  

Hi, me and my husband are recently married 1 1/2 year and our marriage has already been tested. I just want to know if what we are going through is normal for married couples?  We love each other deeply, but our finances are not that great.  I just left/lost a $43000.00/year job and my husband starts at Starbuck's on Monday as a barista.  Neither me or my husband have held a job longer than a year, but we are both educated.  I am highly educated. I get so mad and frusterated because I got married not only because I loved my husband, but because I wanted help financially.  Since the marriage it has been probably a 60/40 or even 70/30 split on expenses with me carrying the greater load.  How can I not let financial worries affect our marriage? I am 7 years older than my husband and I know it will be a long time before he gets his act together, but being the impatient person that I am, the wait is killing me!  HELP!

No, you aren't selfish to want more affection! However, there needs to be some way that you can come to terms with the fact that, as you said, thats "just the way he is".... I think that the tension, or feelings of being 'on edge' as you describe when his kids are over, might be due to feelings of low self esteem or low self worth. Your value as a person shouldn't hinge on how much affection your mate gives you, it comes from within YOU. Both of your concerns that you describe can only be solved by you, not some outside source or your fiance. That probably isn't what you want to hear, and of course I'm no professional, but from what I have read in Dr. Phil's books and from my own personal experience, thats my advice to you.  

A very close friend of mine was with a man who was much like you describe your fiance- very good provider, very upstanding and honest man, but he wasn't intimate with her, she finally decided to go to see a therepist due to her depression and after a few months she realized that her self worth wasn't equal to how much intimacy her boyfriend gave her. Its not an easy concept to accept, because I think alot of us women are raised to equate our self worth with men's affection- but they actually don't have much to do with each other. I wish you the best and hope that you can accept the way your boyfriend is, love him with his flaws, or decide you can't and move forward. 

I think I know what Dr. Phil would say, he'd tell you that money problems are what break up most marriages these days, and that to make things work, you BOTH have to be on the same page where  your finances are concerned, or it just won't work. 

You've got to ask yourself some tough questions, such as, what are the facts/reasons why neither of you can hold a job for more then a year? Why did you marry a man who isn't finacially stable? Both of these answers might be the same, is it low self esteem? Perhaps you have a low level depression that leads you to losing jobs due to missing work or poor performance, or low self esteem that lead you to settling for a man you love but who isn't financially stable. You DO deserve to have a sense of security within your marriage, and that has nothing to do with age! Many, many people hold full time jobs from the time they are old enough to work. Your difference in age doesn't have anything to do with him not holding a job. He doesn't keep a job because he doesn't have to, he probably knows that you will tolerate him being not employed as long as he keeps promising to "try".... I suggest that you read Dr. Phil's book "self matters"... I know that it really helped me alot when I was depressed, and I still have it right here on my nightstand to review from time to time. Best wishes.