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Topic : 10/03 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

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Created on : Friday, September 29, 2006, 09:45:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil has reinforcement today – Robin joins him to answer all your burning questions! They also have special help from several speakers from Women of Faith, a faith-based organization encouraging women of all ages to grow in faith and spiritual maturity. First up are best friends, Barbara and Laurie, who both suffer from agoraphobia. Laurie hates to be in crowded places, and Barbara can’t comfortably leave a five-mile radius of her home. It’s a vicious cycle they’ve been sharing for 16 years. Patsy, a Women of Faith speaker who lost six years of her life to agoraphobia, shares how the women can get over their disorder. Then, Marilyn has been afraid of catching germs since she was in the 6th grade, and even gives her friends latex gloves to wear! What’s behind her fears? And, Jodi wrote to Dr. Phil because she doesn’t trust her husband, Scott’s, ability to fly his homemade helicopter. Scott says his wife needs to be more trusting. What does Dr. Phil think? Plus, a mom who says she never puts herself first wants Robin’s help. Talk about the show here.

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October 3, 2006, 5:18 pm CDT

10/03 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Quote From: cysmitty

Dear Dr. Phil and Robin,

  What is a woman to do when she is a full-time college student, full-time stay at home mom, married for almost 20 years...and no longer "IN LOVE" with her husband?? There is no doubt that I have love for my husband...but I am not "IN LOVE" with him anymore. I feel like the only thing we have in common is our children. We rarely touch, let alone indulge in any type of affectionate behavior. At almost 40...what should I do?  I feel so much guilt when I think of myself...but I surely don't want to spend my life lonely, in a house full of people! When is it ok to think about "me"...and make a life decision that will make "me" happy?  I would be so grateful for any advice you can give me!

Love the show...never miss it!

Thanks for your time,

cysmitty

      cysmitty,

           To me love is not feeling it is a choice. And "LOVING" is self-less. It is laying down your life for someone else. Its a daily act-sometimes minute by minute. I know God can change your feelings for your husband if you ask him to. He has for me. I love my husband so much right now- more than i ever did when we first got married. God has changed my heart 180.

           And you can think of "you" when you have put God first, husband second, children third. Its all about priorities. Are you lining yours up right? Are they lined up with God?

                               Pray for wisdom-God bless you

 
October 3, 2006, 5:37 pm CDT

helicopter pilot advice

I think an important point that noone brought up to the make your own helicopter pilot was - have you updated your life insurance??  Does it cover your death in a homemade helicopter?  What about disability insurance?  Just looking at the rates for this insurance might give you an idea about what the risks are in what you are doing.  If you insist - at least buy a big policy first.
 
October 3, 2006, 6:31 pm CDT

re Misty

I can so relate to Misty's situation as I often need to be reminded to stop and look after myself.  I am blessed with an amazingly support tive husband.

 

I am a Mom of 2 awsome sons who have numerous challenges (physical disabilities, life threatening allergies, ADHD, Tourettes etc.) .  Due to the complexity of the boys' health issues we have been homeschooling for almost 3 years now.  The school part is going great and we are well involved with a supportive network of homeschoolers.  Life gets more interesting though because financially I need to work part time to help keep things going.

 

 Finding balance is tough ~ especially when life gets complicated.  I recently read an AMazing Book called "More Than A Mom"  by Amy Baskin and Heather Fawcett.  It should be a must read for Mom's of special needs kids but so much of the information and practical ideas could apply for every Mom.

 

I wish Misty all the best and hope that she is able to find a way to continue to look after herself!

 

 
October 3, 2006, 6:38 pm CDT

I love the Women of Faith!

Okay Dr. Phil, I swear I set today's show to tape last week and when I arrived home from work it wasn't on my DVR!! I can't believe that I missed the show!  Will you be airing it again at some point? 

 

Sincerely distressed in Ohio.

 

Amy

 
October 3, 2006, 7:53 pm CDT

10/03 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Quote From: chloe1626

I think you are an amazing woman to be so strong and to get out of this relationship. I have so much respect for you yet don't even know you.  I think you did the right thing. You and your children are better off without him. Even if he didnt abuse the children, seeing it happen to you will hurt them in many ways too. Its sad that he thinks so low of himself that he would try to break you down like he did. In the end there it sounds as though he's jealous because he even relizes that your better off without him.  Your kids reaction to this new man aren't surprising.  This has probably all been hard for them too watching what has been going on for years.  They could just be scared of this new man possibly "taking you from them".  I bet if you sat down with them and discussed it so they could understand how important he is to you, they may be a bit more understanding.  As for him, if he doesn't already know the whole story, I'd just lay it out for him.  If he does care deeply for you he'll realize the situation your in and  he'll wait until your ready to commit. I would go for it though, taking it slow like you said. You have to follow your heart and keep opening it over and over again.  I've learned the best lessons in the worst relationships. And it may take a few men like your ex before you find that great one, and alot of times its well worth it. Unfortunately I dont know any of the legal end of things but i can't see the courts giving him custody when he doesn't take care of them now.  I wish you the best of luck. I hope everything works out for the best for you and your children.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ADVICE IT MEANS A LOT TO ME BEING THAT I GET LOTS OF NEGATIVITY FROM MY FAMILY THAT I SHOULD TRY AND WORK THINGS OUT, AND THAT IS SOMETHING I REFUSE TO DO. IT IS GOOD TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE OUT THERE UNDERSTANDS ME. THIS OTHER PERSON I CALL MY FRIEND THAT WOULD LIKE TO BE ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH ME KNOWS THE WHOLE STORY AND HE IS THERE FOR ME AND UNDERSTANDS ME SOMETHING I DID NOT GET FROM MY HUSBAND ,HE IS VERY PATIENT AND I CAN RELY ON HIM FOR ANYTHING ALTHOUGH FOR ME IT FEELS VERY WEIRD ACCEPTING HELP I KNOW IT SOUNDS DUMB BUT THE ONLY ONE PERSON I EVER ACCEPTED HELP FROM WAS MY FATHER SADLY HE PASSED AWAY IN JANUARY AND THIS HAS TAKEN A TOLL ON ME BECASUE WE WERE CLOSE AND HELPED EACH OTHER OUT HE WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME CANT SAY THE SAMEABOUT MY MOTHER WE DONT GET ALONG VERY MUCH ALTHOUGH I STILLLOVE HER CUZ SHE IS MY MOM BUT IT JUST ISNT THE SAME FOR ME DEALING WITH MY DADS DEATH THIS DRAMA MY KIDS FATHER IS GIVING ME IS JUST TOO MUCH MY KIDS AND MY FRIEND AND MY DEAREST COUSIN IS WHAT REALLY KEEPS ME GOING. ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE AND GOD BLESS YOU
 
October 3, 2006, 8:10 pm CDT

10/03 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Quote From: soldout4god

If you believe in God... He can still save your marriage. You do sound like you you have had it rough, but God can use you and your husband in a mighty way. That other guy sounds really nice, but the realationship you have with him is not Godly. If you leave your husband for him, how can God bless that? As for doing it on your own... do what you have to. I know that MY GOD, can provide your EVERY need. But you have to step out on faith and trust him. My God is a God of the impossible. And if you  choose to follow Christ, He will give you the peace that passes ALL understanding.

        You say that your husband is threatening to take your kids away... I promise if you learn to depend on God and not on a man, He will protect you and show favor on you, and He will take care of your situation.

         I want to say I'm not trying to judge you and your situation, I'm just trying to tell you what the REAL answer is. Its not another man- its God. Focus on being the good mother you are, and let time tell for your marriage. I know God can change your husband to be the man of your dreams. Will you let him?

        You know God loves you so much!!! He hurts when you hurt. He wants so much more for you than what you are going through right now. But He allows us to go through these bad things to make us trust Him. I say you can't get your blessing until you go through Hell first to get it.

       God bless you.- pray for wisdom

I UNDERSTAND ALL THAT YOUR SAYING BUT HE HAS DONE SO MUCH DAMAGE TO ME AND MY CHILDREN AND I JUST DONT LOVE HIM ANYMORE, I DONT FEEL ANYTHING THAT MIGHT JUST SAVE MY MARRIAGE. THIS OTHER PERSON I AM NOT SEXUALLY INVOLVED WITH HIM, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE BEEN SEPERATED FOR 3 YEARS I AM NOT READY FOR ANY OF THIS, I COULD ADMIT THAT I AM HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR BUT THATS IT. HE HAS NOT CHANGED CONTINUES DRINKING, BEING ABUSIVE WHEN HE HAS THE CHANCE AND I WILL NOT PUT MYSELF IN THAT SITUATION AGAIN, HE HAS TRIED GOING TO AA MEETINGS AND WE TRIED NUMEROUS MARRIAGE RETREATS THAT THE MILITARY HAS PROVIDED FOR US BUT HE TAKES NOTHING SERIOUS, OH AND MIGHT I ADD THAT HE IS INVOLVED IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER WOMEN THAT I GET HARRASED BY, I AM TOO OLD FOR GAMES AND I DONT PAY ANY ATTENTION TO ANY OF THIS I HAVE ENOUGH GOING ON IN MY LIFE TO TRY AND LET SOMETHING SO CHILDISH AGGRAVATE ME OR BOTHER ME, I DO BELIEVE IN GOD AND THE MIRACLES HE CAN DO FOR US IF WE LET HIM BUT I ALSO BELIEVE THAT GOD ALSO DOES THINGS FOR A REASON AND IF NOTHING HAS WORKED OUT FOR US BY NOW THEN THAT IS GODS WILL AND THAT IS THE WAY GOD WANTS IT TO BE . CAN YOU GIVE ME YOUR OPINION ON THAT. I COULD BE WRONG BUT THAT IS WHAT I WAS TAUGHT WEN GOING TO CHURCH. 
 
October 3, 2006, 8:35 pm CDT

10/03 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

I also wanted to chime in on the Women of Faith speaker team.  I tuned in to this episode since I knew they were going ot be featured on it, and was a little dissappointed with where the show's focus lied.  With the speaker team like this, I know they could have the ability to inspire and embed a new level of hope unlike most have experienced, and that seemed to be cut short IMO.  But, I do still give the Dr. Phil show some thanks for bringing them on the show - perhaps that in itself give some of the women watching the iniative to take a bigger role in finding their faith.  As they seek out an understanding of faith, then understanding of their life struggles even finding the courage to overcome them will come hand-in-hand.  I'm a witness to that :)
 
October 3, 2006, 8:40 pm CDT

that is truley a good thought,

Quote From: kbindert

I think an important point that noone brought up to the make your own helicopter pilot was - have you updated your life insurance??  Does it cover your death in a homemade helicopter?  What about disability insurance?  Just looking at the rates for this insurance might give you an idea about what the risks are in what you are doing.  If you insist - at least buy a big policy first.
what i would be afraid of is that thing cutting off and not going into glide mode as there sippose to, all it could do then is drop like a rock and look out down below!!!, i do think if it were me i would have gone with a ultralite, atleast those have wings and will glide giving you a chanceto pick whear you want to crash at.
 
October 3, 2006, 8:40 pm CDT

I have been diagnosed with

Dr. Phil and Robin,                                                                        I have been diagnosed with agoraphobia, social anxiety, panic attacks, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, depression. Along with all that I also have diabetes, chronic back pain ( bulging disks with pinched nerves ), arthrites in my hips, shoulders, deap vein thromboses I am als overweight. In other words I am always in pain. I am on so many pills, I feel like a very old lady. I try so hard but alot of the time I just have trouble getting out of bed. I only go out for appointments and when it is apsolutly nessary. I jut had surgery to remove 2 cysts from my back. Now I have a hole in my back bigger than my little finger. They say it is okay. I don't want to go anywhere because I feel this hole smells bad, and it scares me to death. It is causing me a lot of panic attacks. My husband gets upset with me sometimes. I can travel as long as I am with him. He is my rock. He has taken care of my boys when I was down. He cooks, cleans and does the shoping. I have 2 boys 18 and 16, they both are living at home. We get little help from the oldest. He has lived with my mom from the age of 15. Then on his own just before he was 17. about 2 months ago he moved in with us. Now all he wants to do is set on his computer. He knows alot about them and is almost Cisco trained. The only thing stopping him is he never graduated from high school. I really don't know why I am writing this but I just felt the need.                                                                             Thank you for listening. Becky
 
October 3, 2006, 9:21 pm CDT

What Am I To Do? From A Young Black Adult

Hello all.

 

This is my first time posting but the topic on the Dr. Phil show today made me want to post hoping to meet others and get advice from ones who suffer from what I suffer from. I do feel like I'm in prison within myself and no one understands. People around me say "get over it," "get out anyway," even the psychiatrist I see had the nerve to tell me to get out of the house and get use the the noise of the world. He more then anyone should understand. If I could go out don't you think I would.

 

I've been diagnosed as sever depression and social anxiety. I don't feel I am depressed but the uncaring psychiatrist I go to diagnoses everyone the same and says all of it is the same. From researching on my own I found I do have  agoraphobia and avoidant personality disorder but the psychiatrist I see won't take me seriously. What I have goes beyond depression. I don't have very good health insurance so I can't see a doctor who is experienced in what I have.  I live in a little city so the doctors where I live don't know about the new peronality disorders if you know what I mean. All they know where I live is depression and bipolar. They don't know how to treat avoidant personality disorder or agoraphobia.

 

I grew in an abusive household and face abuse from school - physical, emotional, and mental. I had no safe place. Because of the humiliation and degradation I faced all my life around middle  school time I fought not to go to school and I hardly if ever went. I surprisingly graduated from school but my attendance record was horrible. Even in high school I found myself uncomfortable around crowds, speaking in front of people. I almost failed a class because I was too fearful to get up in front of the class to give a speech and no one understood why. I didn't even then. Everyone thought I was just being lazy and didn't want to do work or go to school but it was more then that. I realize it now. In school I feared the other children and with good reason. I'm in my twenties now and after four years I'm starting to understand myself and what's wrong and what made me the way I am.

 

Avoidant personality disorder basically means fear, extreme, paralyzing fear of people, of being humiliated, disliked, fear of doing something wrong, fear of looking stupid. I do have fear of going to big places and crowds. Anytime I do have to go somewhere I dread it for days. I hardly if ever leave the house. I feel my home is a safe place for me to hide and I won't get hurt here. I wish I had someone to talk to who would really listen and understand and know what I'm going through. I'm tried of these half-baked psychiatrist who only hear you for less then 5 minutes then try to diagnose you but if you don't have the right insurance they won't give you the right meds and plus you won't get the right doctors. Sometimes the doctors look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them what I feel is wrong with me since they don't know.  I'm black and it's really hard having the condition I have in a race that considers mental illness taboo or crazy. Some make you feel shame in the black community if you have anxieties or phobias. So I really can't talk to no one within my family, community, or race.

 

My email is ImHappeningNow@aol.com

I would like to make email-pals who can relate to me and would love to hear from anyone who can guide me to finding a good psychiatrist or therapist.

 
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