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Topic : 10/03 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Number of Replies: 136
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Created on : Friday, September 29, 2006, 09:45:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil has reinforcement today – Robin joins him to answer all your burning questions! They also have special help from several speakers from Women of Faith, a faith-based organization encouraging women of all ages to grow in faith and spiritual maturity. First up are best friends, Barbara and Laurie, who both suffer from agoraphobia. Laurie hates to be in crowded places, and Barbara can’t comfortably leave a five-mile radius of her home. It’s a vicious cycle they’ve been sharing for 16 years. Patsy, a Women of Faith speaker who lost six years of her life to agoraphobia, shares how the women can get over their disorder. Then, Marilyn has been afraid of catching germs since she was in the 6th grade, and even gives her friends latex gloves to wear! What’s behind her fears? And, Jodi wrote to Dr. Phil because she doesn’t trust her husband, Scott’s, ability to fly his homemade helicopter. Scott says his wife needs to be more trusting. What does Dr. Phil think? Plus, a mom who says she never puts herself first wants Robin’s help. Talk about the show here.

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October 4, 2006, 4:59 pm CDT

Moms on a budget

Dear Dr. Phil and Robin,

I was disappointed in your show with Misty.  I too am a stay at home mom.  I love being a mom, but like her I have forgotton how to be a woman.  We live on a tight budget and I cannot afford to go get manicures and peducures.  I too wear hand me downs.  I really don't mind.  I love buying things for my kids.  They are beautiful! They are the ones that have to go to school each day.  My husband works very hard and deserves good things also.  I don't need fancy things.  What I would like to know is, is there some small things, inexpensive things, that could make me feel like a woman again?  There are a lot of other women who can't afford luxuries, but still want to feel like a women.

 I haven't been able to read your book yet Robin as our library hasn't yet recieved it, and I bet there will be a waiting list.  I am patient, however, and I am looking forward to it.  I do make the money to see the doctor for my annual exams, and I have other health issues, but I agree with you that it is worth it.  I lost my mother when she was 48 years old.  I was 13.  I do not want the same thing for my girls.  So please keep spreading that message.  It is hard to grow up without your mama.  Now if you could pass on some advice on the other stuff I would appreciate it. 

                         Thanks Ann2222

 
October 4, 2006, 5:11 pm CDT

10/03 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Quote From: chrismunson

I am very surprised at the advise you gave to vdelaluz.  I am a true believer of God, however sometimes a person has to do what feels right for them and their family.  This man was abusive both physically and verbally and that makes for a unhealthy home for both wife and children.  You think this man can change and the odds of that are about  zero.  You should not try to push your strong religious believes on someone who is trying to do the right thing. 

I think it is great that you have found someone who cares so much for you that he is being so patient waiting for you to file for divorce.  I do want to say it would be best that to get a divorce before starting a physical relationship.  You husband could use that in divorce court and with your children, so its best to wait. 

If I was in your shoes I would do whatever I had to to get the ball rolling on the divorce.  The longer you wait the harder it will be for your children.  There will be some bad times to come with teenagers because they like to use one parent against the other, however you are a strong person and you will overcome these problems and be happier in the long run.  Your children will also be happier because you will be in a healthier place and have peace of mind after the divorce.

I pray for a happy ending for you and your children

Be strong       

I'm sorry you are surprised with my advice. I'm just speaking from my own experience. I've seen God heal my own marriage and that of a good friend of mine's. I promise I'm not trying to act "holier than thou." I just know that I can not limit God. I can't put him in a box. 

                You said the odds of him changing are 0. I just disagree. But then again I've been on my face before God about my husband, and about my family. I don't look at things as a hard, impossible situation that can't be changed. I look at them as an opprotunity to see God move on my behalf. Its through the adversity in my life that cause my faith to be strengthened and made unshakable.

                  When I pray to God about something, I stand firm on what I believeing Him for, pray without ceasing until the Lord blesses me with his promise.

                I was on the verge of divorce, but God completely saved my marriage. I'm so thankful for that. I'm sorry I have a passion for marriages. I just know what God can do.

                          God is faithful. That is all I can say.

 
October 4, 2006, 5:44 pm CDT

jadebear formerly zapatosred

I loved germ lady!!!  She was going to Kenya though so she can't be too bad.......She looks like the kind who could take on a terrorist any day(she would drive them nuts)  AbdelRahmen -your cave is full of germs and that Camel - is that really necessary ?  How often do you wash those turbans-I see I have my work cut out for me here!!!:>)   But   I wouldn't go up in the helicopter tho- no protection there even if it was fun to build himself. It is as they say a lawn chair with a motor. I take flying lessons and  I met a lady whose husband had many hours as a fighter pilot but later on got into the experimental helicoptors as a hobby and that's how he died-in one of those even if he survived in vietnam. I don't blame his wife one bit. Agoraphobia does not sound fun at all. I hope maybe they could sometime have a show about what causes compulsive talkers to be that way as I've known a few . 3 - one in college, one  aquaintance,         and one dear relative who has passed on. Also, what makes people be the kind who are always late for everything? I'm talking 1 hour or more where you have to give them an earlier time to be there?
 
October 4, 2006, 5:53 pm CDT

10/03 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Quote From: ydelaluz

I UNDERSTAND ALL THAT YOUR SAYING BUT HE HAS DONE SO MUCH DAMAGE TO ME AND MY CHILDREN AND I JUST DONT LOVE HIM ANYMORE, I DONT FEEL ANYTHING THAT MIGHT JUST SAVE MY MARRIAGE. THIS OTHER PERSON I AM NOT SEXUALLY INVOLVED WITH HIM, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE BEEN SEPERATED FOR 3 YEARS I AM NOT READY FOR ANY OF THIS, I COULD ADMIT THAT I AM HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR BUT THATS IT. HE HAS NOT CHANGED CONTINUES DRINKING, BEING ABUSIVE WHEN HE HAS THE CHANCE AND I WILL NOT PUT MYSELF IN THAT SITUATION AGAIN, HE HAS TRIED GOING TO AA MEETINGS AND WE TRIED NUMEROUS MARRIAGE RETREATS THAT THE MILITARY HAS PROVIDED FOR US BUT HE TAKES NOTHING SERIOUS, OH AND MIGHT I ADD THAT HE IS INVOLVED IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER WOMEN THAT I GET HARRASED BY, I AM TOO OLD FOR GAMES AND I DONT PAY ANY ATTENTION TO ANY OF THIS I HAVE ENOUGH GOING ON IN MY LIFE TO TRY AND LET SOMETHING SO CHILDISH AGGRAVATE ME OR BOTHER ME, I DO BELIEVE IN GOD AND THE MIRACLES HE CAN DO FOR US IF WE LET HIM BUT I ALSO BELIEVE THAT GOD ALSO DOES THINGS FOR A REASON AND IF NOTHING HAS WORKED OUT FOR US BY NOW THEN THAT IS GODS WILL AND THAT IS THE WAY GOD WANTS IT TO BE . CAN YOU GIVE ME YOUR OPINION ON THAT. I COULD BE WRONG BUT THAT IS WHAT I WAS TAUGHT WEN GOING TO CHURCH. 
vdelaluz,  i just lost everything i just wrote to you. I would like to chat with you more maybe you can e-mail me...jimlaurenflem@coastalnow.net
 
October 4, 2006, 6:10 pm CDT

what happens to our identities when we do not put ourselves first

Blessings to Robin and Dr. Phil,

I caught the end of the show when Robin was talking to the woman who makes no time for herself. I used to be that woman until my 18 year marraige ended two years ago. Now i am having to rediscover who and where  I am at , at age 44 amidst so many unanswered questions leading to a very heartbreaking and cruel divorce and it is very hard. My X-husband was a control freak, verbal abuser, and physically /sexually abusive. We women seem to overlook how much we give of ourselves sometimes until we wake up empty and alone without the other part of us we gave our power away to.

 That is the scary part. I should have seen so many warning signs that perhaps could have changed the outcome of my life at this point.

When my X and I decided to get married and his X- wife heard about it, she immediately dumped the three kids from that marraige on our porch. I became a stepmom before I said I do. Once they were there, my wedding plans went from a church of people to a marraige in the park. My engagement ring money  went for groceries and school clothes. There was no wedding dress. They were 7,8 and 12.  and we ended up with a set of bands from Target  for about $99.00. What a fool i was being in love.Then we had them the entire first year of our marraige. In my bllindness of love I should have waited on marrying but  we felt it was inappropriate for the kids to live with us without us being married. My gut instinct thought she sent them down to ruin the wedding just to be vindictive. Now I know for a fact that was the correct answer and should have heeded warning signs. Nevertheless having a big heart  I took them in and loved them and treated them as though they were my own. I also inherited his X wife for 18 years. His ex makes Jessica look like a saint! I had never seen so much manipulation between two adults using kids in all my life and I did everything in my power to be the one person just there for them andbuffered them as much as i could from the fighting and arguing on the phones constantly. I had to set my foot down many many times when her calls to my home became disruptive and harassing. Yet my heart would always encourage him to try to have a healthy relationship with them, and encouraged him to act and speak appropriately in front of the kids, when it came to their mother, although she  would manipulate and use them to hurt both of us. I gave away my power, I gave I gave for 18 years until his youngest was almost through college. What makes me angry now is knowing the hurt they caused my daughter all those years from the time she was born. I raised her to love them but she raised them to be jealous of mine. He was a workaholic always working and his responsibilities fell on me in dealing with her when he should have been the one dealing with her. I ended up taking on all of his responsibilities in giving from myself.  Finally, after 18 years she called me on the wrong day and I let 18 years of what  I thought about her out. It was some relief but means nothing now.Told her to never call my home again. I was finished with the Drama Queen. All the sacrifices emotionally and financially have now  left me with emptiness. I had bitten my tongue for so long for the sake of those kids I had acquired an anger in my own life. I had always thought anything could be overcome with love and the goodness and kindness in giving of oneself. But sometimes it doesn't end that way. I had so much of myself invested in everyone else, I always assumed  my needs would be met. Now I am divorced and trying to get on with my life and find myself again, but he is still doing everything in his power to control everyone that comes in contact with me and he has someone keeping tabs on me, I am trapped in my own home. I have a lot of soul searching yet to do, I gave I gave I gave and now i am divorced having to fight for two years back alimony and I got stuck with the unfinished large house that i cannot sell because he has not finished it. The worst part is I am sick with fibromyalgia, RSD, and severe depression and some financial shortcomings. Everyone else i took care of all those years have new cars, a finished home and going on with their lives at my expense emotionally and financially. I feel like a failure.

Whats worse is when he was sick in the early 90's, i never left his side through bankrupcy and rebuildiing our lives, but yet I suppose that meant nothing to him also.

 

Ladies, be careful who you give of yourself to and take time for yourselves during the journey.

 

 

 

 
October 4, 2006, 6:48 pm CDT

Women of faith

I enjoyed this show it gave me more strengh to do something about my life.

 

I have been married about 30 years, I don't have the love a wife should  have for her husband. I care about him as a friend, we fight over stupid things. I had to seperate our checking accouts because he spends money like water. I supported our family for about 3years because he complained his back hurt . He final got a job an makes minium wage.  I have be trying to find a co-dependcy group but so far no luck. I have no back bone, and need to start thinking about me. One thing that scares me is having to pay he support payments.

 

If anyone knows of a support group please let me know. I wrote to DR. Phil but have never received a reply.

 
October 4, 2006, 7:25 pm CDT

10/03 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Quote From: jettav

Yes, it is Christian based, And I have heard all the speakers  who attended this conference, either in person or on tv and they are very good with some interesting backgrounds and experiences, They are funny and can make anything come to life. I seriously recomend any one to go see Patsy Clairmont, she is hillarious and serious at the same time, can have a person rolling on the floors. She has got to be one of the top notch comedian in the world, and it is all pure and anyone would feel comfortable listening to her,very down to earth.
I looked on the website for this and it doesn't say anywhere that this is a Christian conference. Not trying to argue, but the reason for my couple of posts was because it seemed a couple of people were complaining that there wasn't enough Christian stuff on the program about this conference.

I see that they have some Christian music, but I don't see where it says this is a Christian thing. That's all.
 
October 4, 2006, 7:45 pm CDT

10/03 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Quote From: soldout4god

I'm sorry you are surprised with my advice. I'm just speaking from my own experience. I've seen God heal my own marriage and that of a good friend of mine's. I promise I'm not trying to act "holier than thou." I just know that I can not limit God. I can't put him in a box. 

                You said the odds of him changing are 0. I just disagree. But then again I've been on my face before God about my husband, and about my family. I don't look at things as a hard, impossible situation that can't be changed. I look at them as an opprotunity to see God move on my behalf. Its through the adversity in my life that cause my faith to be strengthened and made unshakable.

                  When I pray to God about something, I stand firm on what I believeing Him for, pray without ceasing until the Lord blesses me with his promise.

                I was on the verge of divorce, but God completely saved my marriage. I'm so thankful for that. I'm sorry I have a passion for marriages. I just know what God can do.

                          God is faithful. That is all I can say.

I am sorry also.  I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and we have been married for 30 years. 

I grew up in a house with alot of abuse and my mother stayed for the sake of us kids ( there are 4 of us).  After 19 years my mother got a divorce and her life took a turn for the better.

I just don't think a man can stop abusing his wife, once the abuse starts.  They might stop for awhile but in all the cases I know of they always ended up going back to it.

The fact that they have been seperated for 3 years and she is so much happier tells me she is better off without him.  The fact that she met the man she sees now, after seperating from her husband tells me that is not the reason she wants the divorce.

I want you to know I pray to God everyday and I know there is alot he does for all of us.

I am very happy that your trust and faith in God saved your marrage, sometimes there are happy endings.

God bless you and keep you safe   

 
October 4, 2006, 7:48 pm CDT

10/03 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Quote From: purplepenny

I looked on the website for this and it doesn't say anywhere that this is a Christian conference. Not trying to argue, but the reason for my couple of posts was because it seemed a couple of people were complaining that there wasn't enough Christian stuff on the program about this conference.

I see that they have some Christian music, but I don't see where it says this is a Christian thing. That's all.

Maybe it's because it's called "Women of faith" and people assume that they must be Christian if they have faith. 

 

I don't know.......just a thought.

 
October 4, 2006, 11:32 pm CDT

Disappointment in the show

My husband and I host a bible study in our home on Tuesday nights and have anywhere from 12-20 people each week. Many of us in this group do not typically watch your show.  This week several of our ladies attended the Women of Faith conference in Sacramento. We decided not to proceed with our study, rather watch your show which was highly promoted at the Women of Faith conference.  Dr. Phil and Robin, as a group, we were greatly disappointed......we waited and we waited....silently praying you would speak the Word.  He gave you both the venue, the opportunity, the audience, the ability to share Him.  Sadly , what we came away with, was a book promotion; not Jesus as the answer to the agorophobias - that Truth we prayed would be spoken. We will continue praying for you that God will prayerfully give you another opportunity to share His Truth and that  you will be unafraid or unashamed to speak the Truth....even at the risk of offending others. 
 
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