Blessings to Robin and Dr. Phil,
I caught the end of the show when Robin was talking to the woman who makes no time for herself. I used to be that woman until my 18 year marraige ended two years ago. Now i am having to rediscover who and where I am at , at age 44 amidst so many unanswered questions leading to a very heartbreaking and cruel divorce and it is very hard. My X-husband was a control freak, verbal abuser, and physically /sexually abusive. We women seem to overlook how much we give of ourselves sometimes until we wake up empty and alone without the other part of us we gave our power away to.
That is the scary part. I should have seen so many warning signs that perhaps could have changed the outcome of my life at this point.
When my X and I decided to get married and his X- wife heard about it, she immediately dumped the three kids from that marraige on our porch. I became a stepmom before I said I do. Once they were there, my wedding plans went from a church of people to a marraige in the park. My engagement ring money went for groceries and school clothes. There was no wedding dress. They were 7,8 and 12. and we ended up with a set of bands from Target for about $99.00. What a fool i was being in love.Then we had them the entire first year of our marraige. In my bllindness of love I should have waited on marrying but we felt it was inappropriate for the kids to live with us without us being married. My gut instinct thought she sent them down to ruin the wedding just to be vindictive. Now I know for a fact that was the correct answer and should have heeded warning signs. Nevertheless having a big heart I took them in and loved them and treated them as though they were my own. I also inherited his X wife for 18 years. His ex makes Jessica look like a saint! I had never seen so much manipulation between two adults using kids in all my life and I did everything in my power to be the one person just there for them andbuffered them as much as i could from the fighting and arguing on the phones constantly. I had to set my foot down many many times when her calls to my home became disruptive and harassing. Yet my heart would always encourage him to try to have a healthy relationship with them, and encouraged him to act and speak appropriately in front of the kids, when it came to their mother, although she would manipulate and use them to hurt both of us. I gave away my power, I gave I gave for 18 years until his youngest was almost through college. What makes me angry now is knowing the hurt they caused my daughter all those years from the time she was born. I raised her to love them but she raised them to be jealous of mine. He was a workaholic always working and his responsibilities fell on me in dealing with her when he should have been the one dealing with her. I ended up taking on all of his responsibilities in giving from myself. Finally, after 18 years she called me on the wrong day and I let 18 years of what I thought about her out. It was some relief but means nothing now.Told her to never call my home again. I was finished with the Drama Queen. All the sacrifices emotionally and financially have now left me with emptiness. I had bitten my tongue for so long for the sake of those kids I had acquired an anger in my own life. I had always thought anything could be overcome with love and the goodness and kindness in giving of oneself. But sometimes it doesn't end that way. I had so much of myself invested in everyone else, I always assumed my needs would be met. Now I am divorced and trying to get on with my life and find myself again, but he is still doing everything in his power to control everyone that comes in contact with me and he has someone keeping tabs on me, I am trapped in my own home. I have a lot of soul searching yet to do, I gave I gave I gave and now i am divorced having to fight for two years back alimony and I got stuck with the unfinished large house that i cannot sell because he has not finished it. The worst part is I am sick with fibromyalgia, RSD, and severe depression and some financial shortcomings. Everyone else i took care of all those years have new cars, a finished home and going on with their lives at my expense emotionally and financially. I feel like a failure.
Whats worse is when he was sick in the early 90's, i never left his side through bankrupcy and rebuildiing our lives, but yet I suppose that meant nothing to him also.
Ladies, be careful who you give of yourself to and take time for yourselves during the journey.
Dr. Phil has reinforcement today – Robin joins him to answer all your burning questions! They also have special help from several speakers from Women of Faith, a faith-based organization encouraging women of all ages to grow in faith and spiritual maturity. First up are best friends, Barbara and Laurie, who both suffer from agoraphobia. Laurie hates to be in crowded places, and Barbara can’t comfortably leave a five-mile radius of her home. It’s a vicious cycle they’ve been sharing for 16 years. Patsy, a Women of Faith speaker who lost six years of her life to agoraphobia, shares how the women can get over their disorder. Then, Marilyn has been afraid of catching germs since she was in the 6th grade, and even gives her friends latex gloves to wear! What’s behind her fears? And, Jodi wrote to Dr. Phil because she doesn’t trust her husband, Scott’s, ability to fly his homemade helicopter. Scott says his wife needs to be more trusting. What does Dr. Phil think? Plus, a mom who says she never puts herself first wants Robin’s help. Talk about the show here.
