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October 2, 2006, 12:57 pm PDT
Help... confused
Hi Dr. Phil I am a mother of 3 children 14, 12 and a 4 year old, i have been seperated from my husband for 3.5 years. my relationship was physically and verbally abusive and controlling. that i would never amount to anything, no one will want me with 3 kids, that i was fat and ugly, that the man i do meet will only want me for one thing and that is SEX. He was a drinker during the weekends every weekend him and i were always argueing and hardley around each other. I always for 14 yrs did the laundry, grocerie shopping, errands, house cleaning alone it was allright for me to do that on my own other than that i was not allowed to have a social life with my friends, but he would be out all of the time go to school, hang with friends, join sports, go see his family, be out drinking in other words have a life. i was completely tired of it so i just lived day by day with my kids going out with them to the zoo, movies , go to birthday parties with them while he would be out somewhere else or home sleeping recuperating from a hangover. Well 6 years ago he joined the military which i didnt approve of because he did not sit to talk to me about it, and the way i found out was he was packing and i heard a seargant knock at our door picking him up to go to Fort Lenardwood, I was so furious that he did not take into consideration our kids feelings and mine. Well while he was in boot camp my children and i went to visit him i did it for the sake of my children not for mine of course. Well during that time i was enjoying my freedom enjoying things that i was unable to do when he was around spend time with my friends , go out every now and then it was nice well i started noticeing that i was so peacfull and calm I lost weight, and was much happier with myself felt more confident i was able to dye my hair, where what i wanted, shop and buy us things we liked etc... etc... Well he had gone over seas 2002 he was there for 1 yr and 1/2. When he was scheduled to return my kids and i went to the welcome home thing and i spoke to him a week prior to that , that i didnt want him to come home, he said fine he was staying at his sisters home, I know this is mean and cruel but that is just the way i felt he put me through so much pain cheating , physically abusive and verbally. Well we have been seperated ever since he wont do nothing for his kids ,pays no child support, wont see them, unless i nagg about it. I had to take up two jobs to provide for my kids. Well two years ago i met someone amazing, sweet, caring and supports me in everything i do he has done more for my kids than their own father. My kids dont know much about him becasue i dont bring him around. this past week my back went out i couldnt walk, i called their father if he can take me to the hospital his remark was i have to work and have other things to do. So i called him if he can do me that favor, he took me to the hospital , stood there with me the whole time, and stayed with me Thurs - Sunday at my place and helped me get around, he cooked , cleaned, did the groceries for me and my laundry and was attentive to my and my kids every need, he was the best with my kids my younger ones liked him but my 14 yrs old was with attitude and everything. He is interested in pursuing something further with me but i'm scared becasue my soon to be ex gives me a hard time that he will take my kids away from me, he recently called the cops on me because i took up a second job and went to work and my two older daughters stayed home alone but grandma lives upstairs and other family my younger son was with his uncle and was spending the night at his home. since my soon to be ex found out about this other person he has been more of a jerk, he dont want this person to come near my kids well he never did until this past week. I dont know what to do i do like this other person but i dont want my kids to be taken from me since i am technically still married to this other jerk and i cant afford a divorce right now. i had to take up anthher job just to pay my bills. this other person offers to help but i just cant take it, i feel i am taking charity although i know he does it from the kindness of his heart, and just wants to make things easier for me. but its hard for me to accept help i have to much pride. i want to do this alone but i am afraid he might get tired of waiting and walk away but yet i am scared of moving foward becasue i dont want to get hurt again. what should i do? if i dont get this divorce (lack of money) is there a chance of him taking my kids from me if i get involved with this other person? I have been seperated for 3 years now and he does nothing for them kids. I dont plan to move in with him or start a life with him, just date and get to know each other and take it from there. i have to make sure all my 3 kids are comfortable with it first, but then again what if they never do then what? they are okay cuz they just met him and they dont know his feelings towards me and mine toward him. please help me i am so confused and stressed out. Oh and let me add I am no longer in love with my kids father. i realized that 4 years ago.
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Dr. Phil has reinforcement today – Robin joins him to answer all your burning questions! They also have special help from several speakers from Women of Faith, a faith-based organization encouraging women of all ages to grow in faith and spiritual maturity. First up are best friends, Barbara and Laurie, who both suffer from agoraphobia. Laurie hates to be in crowded places, and Barbara can’t comfortably leave a five-mile radius of her home. It’s a vicious cycle they’ve been sharing for 16 years. Patsy, a Women of Faith speaker who lost six years of her life to agoraphobia, shares how the women can get over their disorder. Then, Marilyn has been afraid of catching germs since she was in the 6th grade, and even gives her friends latex gloves to wear! What’s behind her fears? And, Jodi wrote to Dr. Phil because she doesn’t trust her husband, Scott’s, ability to fly his homemade helicopter. Scott says his wife needs to be more trusting. What does Dr. Phil think? Plus, a mom who says she never puts herself first wants Robin’s help. Talk about the show here.
