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Topic : 12/22 Custody Battles Gone Bad

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Created on : Friday, September 29, 2006, 09:47:40 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/04/06) Jan went on the run with her grandson the day her son-in-law, Chris, was released from jail. Jan believes Chris killed her daughter, and says she now fears for her own life and the life of her 4-year-old grandson. After serving time for involuntary manslaughter in the death of his wife, Chris says he will stop at nothing to regain custody of his son. Jan comes face-to-face with the man she has been in hiding from for a year. Then, see a custody battle that kept a mother fighting for her daughter for nearly a decade. Now reunited, Irene struggles to parent her daughter, Brittany, who was torn from her as a 7-year-old and returned as a teenager. Can these two bridge the gap and learn to be a family again? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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October 2, 2006, 4:09 pm CDT

10/04 Custody Battles Gone Bad

Quote From: bingobag34

My ex-husband has just taken custody of my 2 little girls.  They are 4 and 7.  He was completely emotionally abusive to me and my teenager; so, I finally had to leave on March 4, 2004.  The fighting has never stopped.  I took nothing when I left and I agreed to shared custody when I left just because I didn't want to fight anymore.  But, the harassment and arguing continued until I broke.  I tried to commit suicide on April 28th of this year.  Since then, he has fought for full custody of the kids and WON.  We had a home study done and it was so full of lies!!!  It said that my children were on a "sugar diet" when they were with me and that I was the one harassing Jamie and that I call my children names constantly and of course, Jamie does have a better home, so, that was used against me too.

 

So, as of just last week, I have lost custody of my little girls.  They are completely devestated by it all.  And, of course, so am I.  I just don't understand how this has all happened, but, I don't have the money to fight him any longer.

 

The legal system has screwed me over so bad and I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do or how to even have the strength to hold my head up any longer.  I feel so defeated and I don't have the money to fight him and nobody to help me.

Are you seriously shocked, that after trying to kill yourself, that you lost your children?  First, you need help to figure out your problems, you children  do not need to be subjected to that kind of thing. Commiting suicide is a selfish, cowardly act, and no doubts the court saw it that way as well. I hope you can get well, but I don't think the courts were unjustified.
 
October 2, 2006, 8:20 pm CDT

10/04 Custody Battles Gone Bad

Ok, so I'm going to play the bad girl here, but I hear everyone here complaining like helpless, innocent victims.  Didn't you all pick the mother/father to your children??  These people don't suddenly become jerks...they have always been that way!  As someone who grew up with one of these parents, I wish my mom had decided to not bring an innocent child into their messed up marriage.  After all, none of these kids chose to be born, you all chose to have them knowing what kind of life they may have ended up having.
 
October 2, 2006, 8:50 pm CDT

10/04 Custody Battles Gone Bad

Quote From: msvibes

  As a parent that has been going through a custody battle I guess you could say for a little over a year now I know how you feel it is very hard.. granted my ordeal could be a lot worse but thank god my daughter's biological father is what we call a disney land dad cause he doesn't want her full time he just wants her every other weekend saturday morning to sunday afternoon. and every other holliday.. and his mother is something else let me tell you.. his mother apporched me a couple months ago cause they wanted to take my daughter to tennessee cause his father is dying from copd and conjestive heart failure.. and I could have said no she can't go I mean that is my right as her mother but had I done that and not allowed her to go even though she is not yet two they would have used that against me when she got older it is hard to share your child with the other parent especially when that other parent is just out to hurt you or make you look bad my husband and I have had our work cut out for us over the the last year every weekend that she comes back from being over there she is a little monster my daughter's real father does not tell her no they do not correct her or  disipline her they let her run amuck..  it is also hard when the other parent is jealous of your husband boyfriend girlfriend wife what ever the case may be cause then you have to deal with them teaching your child what to call the other person. like my daughter has called my husband daddy since she learned how to talk cause he has been there since pretty much day one.. however matt and his mom decided to teach her to call my husband brice cause he felt threatened by her calling brice daddy,..but the lucky thing for us was it back fired on them cause when we pulled up to pick her up she screamed daddy and ran to brice.. but anyway  custody battles are hard sharing your children is hard but with time and lots of paitents and love you can over come anything.. the other question you have to ask yourself is what age is the right age to explain to them what happened between you and their other parent when those questions start poping up...I just don't know if any age is a good age cause it still hurts no matter what...                                                      

                                                                        Morgan

 

I have a little boy who is just about 3 and I have to admit it is quit hard having to share him with his father.  His dad was very abusive towards me and inorder to protect myself from him I found myself fighting back, becoming someone I wasn't.  Not only that Paul was heavy into the meth, Rylan and I weren't that important to him.  When Rylan was 2 months old I got up the nerve and told Paul's family what he was like and they took me to my family's place (6 hours away), little did I know that the real trouble would start.  Paul's mother right away started saying that it was my fault that Paul was the way he was and that I wasn't fit to be a mom.  I right away decided to take anger management and parenting classes, anything I could to keep my son.  I even tried to work things out with Paul but I soon realized that it was hopeless.  I got a lawyer and got joint custody, the courts wanted us to work together for the sake of Rylan.  Paul became lazy when it came to Rylan.  He didn't show an interest in how to do things for a baby so he had his mom do everything for him, when rylan went up to see him.  Now it's too the point that she thinks she's Rylan's mom.  And it's very hard.  I've called child welfare and all they tell me is to ignore her and keep following the order I have in place.  I've moved on in my life and am expecting baby #2 and some days are harder than others.  Some days I wish I didn't have to deal with someone like her but others I know that if I continue raising Rylan right and love him and do what is in the best interest for him, then Rylan will see his grandmother for who she really is.  Eventually it will blow up in her face.....what comes around, goes around.  And it's really unfortunate that exes (even ex-mother-in-laws) see the child(ren) as a way of getting back at the mothers.  The only person(s) it hurts in the end is the child(ren).
 
October 2, 2006, 9:53 pm CDT

What about Mother's Rights

My ex has not lived with us for 4 years but filed a custody case just last month.  In court, I was allowed ten minutes to speak and was denied any mentioning of abuse even though I had police reports with me.  My ex's attorney objected so many times that I probably only spoke 5 minutes.  I was silenced at mentioning any advice from the counselor who had set the existing visitation schedule.

 

The Judge awarded more visitation time to my ex even though there are changes to the existing schedule 40% of the time because my ex can't handle the time he has.  The Judge said that a father deserves the right to be a father and that my ex should have more time with his daughter.  He then court appointed an attorney for my daughter.  The attorney's responsibility would be to determine a final custody order.

 

After meeting the attorney, my 13 year old daughter said that she hated her attorney and never wanted to go back.  She said her attorney did all the talking about what was right for her father and that she shouldn't spend so much time with her mother.  He informed her that she shouldn't care so much about her soccer because she would quit soon enough and get interested in boys and other stuff.  And, he told her that she was not to see her counselor anymore because it's the same counselor for her mother.

 

What?  Her attorney has never met me and he has never spoken with me, but he has made a decision that my daughter spends too much time with me and that the counselor is bias towards me.  Of course, he's never met or spoken with the counselor either.  And, he failed to understand that my daughter plays at a soccer level among the top 1% in the state.

 

Gender equality?  The Judge and his appointed counsel have chastised me for being a good mother?  What's "in the best interest" of the children in divorce should be about the children's needs, desires, and welfare based on the individual parents not the recent public movements.

 

The courts and the attorneys are creating the needless custody battles.  If there are any reform groups out there, I am willing to take my case public if it can help change the system.  I am absolutely appalled at the emotional upheaval the courts inflicted upon a 13 year old girl when there was no reason to do so.

 
October 2, 2006, 9:54 pm CDT

spanking

Quote From: kimmy37

I am a mother whose daughter was severely spanked by her father in Jan 2006.  The kids have been questioned repeatedly, going through counseling where several other very disturbing things have came out that involve locks being on the outside of my daughters door and all three ages at that time 3, 6 & 7, being locked outside, and all the emotional ups and downs that has gone on before and after Jan.  It has been a nightmare.  My ex has only been charged with a misdemeanor and after having 2 hour supervised visits one day a week to which all did NOT go well, DFS recommended that he go back to his regular visitation schedule.  The kids are scared and at least one of them  cry and refuse to go.  However I have been told that there is nothing I can do until my modification comes up this month or until he hurts the kids again.  I have tried everything to get my case heard sooner, I have written state representatives and I have even written Robin to see what she would do if she was in my shoes.  I swear if he ever hurts these kids again and they would put the kids right back with him, I would consider running.  What else can a parent do to protect their kids?  The laws are not there to help.  If a grown woman gets beaten by her husband or boyfriend and then goes back to her abuser, we as a society usually say that she asked for it because she went back.  Well, in my case, my children who are now 4, 7 & 8 are saying that they are scared and do not want to go back but the law says they have to.  I'm sorry, but this is messed up.  So the women, and in some cases, the men that protect their children at all cost, good for you.  I hope I am never in the situation where that has to be something I have to consider but I can't honestly say that I haven't thought about it.  I just can't imagine kids being away from all their family and friends.  I guess I am still somewhat of an optimist because with everything my ex has done, I can still see the importance of my kids knowing and seeing, on some level, their dad.  I just  wish he would get his head out of his butt and be the kind of dad that I know he could be instead of the dad he has been and is being.
Where does Abuse play a role here? Does not the law in your state have any child endangerment rules. Locking children in rooms with locks you are describing should fall under that title. Also Severe spanking should be physical abuse, which is unlawful. But, I understand where you are coming from. I have tried to get "Child Protective Services" to do something about my grandson for ever. But, no  he HAS to be with his mother, who is an alchoholic. He can't be with his father, because he is an addict.  There is no justice for children. Everytime I see an ad for some aid outfit, I get sick to my stomach, because the first thing they show is a child or children. All they care about is lining their own pockets. My ex daughter in law is the same way with child support. She is like the government, how much money does she need, "more". Then she tries to figure out ways to keep them busy or some such thing, so they can't have visitation with their dad. But, by golly he better not miss a payment. So those government outfits, who profess to be there to protect children, or only cess pools for people who can't find work somewhere else. Most of them don't know straight up about children, except payday is on Friday.
 
October 3, 2006, 5:28 am CDT

Let Me Know

Quote From: fmn2006

My ex has not lived with us for 4 years but filed a custody case just last month.  In court, I was allowed ten minutes to speak and was denied any mentioning of abuse even though I had police reports with me.  My ex's attorney objected so many times that I probably only spoke 5 minutes.  I was silenced at mentioning any advice from the counselor who had set the existing visitation schedule.

 

The Judge awarded more visitation time to my ex even though there are changes to the existing schedule 40% of the time because my ex can't handle the time he has.  The Judge said that a father deserves the right to be a father and that my ex should have more time with his daughter.  He then court appointed an attorney for my daughter.  The attorney's responsibility would be to determine a final custody order.

 

After meeting the attorney, my 13 year old daughter said that she hated her attorney and never wanted to go back.  She said her attorney did all the talking about what was right for her father and that she shouldn't spend so much time with her mother.  He informed her that she shouldn't care so much about her soccer because she would quit soon enough and get interested in boys and other stuff.  And, he told her that she was not to see her counselor anymore because it's the same counselor for her mother.

 

What?  Her attorney has never met me and he has never spoken with me, but he has made a decision that my daughter spends too much time with me and that the counselor is bias towards me.  Of course, he's never met or spoken with the counselor either.  And, he failed to understand that my daughter plays at a soccer level among the top 1% in the state.

 

Gender equality?  The Judge and his appointed counsel have chastised me for being a good mother?  What's "in the best interest" of the children in divorce should be about the children's needs, desires, and welfare based on the individual parents not the recent public movements.

 

The courts and the attorneys are creating the needless custody battles.  If there are any reform groups out there, I am willing to take my case public if it can help change the system.  I am absolutely appalled at the emotional upheaval the courts inflicted upon a 13 year old girl when there was no reason to do so.

If you find a way to lobby on behalf of children and change the laws where they are there to protect the kids and not be so concerned about being "politically correct" by making sure the father has equal access to the kids no matter what they have done, then let me know.  I will tell my story and lobby right along side of you.  Last night my ex had to pull my 4 year old daughter out of my arms.  Last Tuesday it was my 7 year old son.  I am a strong believer in getting along for the sake of the kids.  I did mediate with my ex and agreed to him having 40% and me having 60% custody.  I read books, talked to counselors, etc......before making this decision.  I did it because I thought it would be in the best interest of the kids.  So, I am not one of these vindictive ex's that wanted to use my disgust with my ex  by using the kids.  I would never do that.  But look where it has gotten me.  My ex beat my daughter and the courts, lawyers, counselor, social workers, and GAL all say, " well that is the law.  There's nothing we can do.  You have to let him regain his visitation even though he has criminal charges against him for this to which he has kept postponing."  My children are scared of him and I have no options left until my modification the end of this month.  I want to say, "Shame on all of you involved!!!!"  What if these were their kids?  So, if you find an outlet where we can lobby to change the laws in favor of children and not their abusers (physically and emotionally) please post it and I will be with you.  Good luck!
 
October 3, 2006, 5:43 am CDT

Custody Battles really bad

   Me and my husband have been going through a real nasty battle with his daughter who taken on a visit when she was 9. He never got the police involved and lost custody when they took out an emergency custody case and he did not know about it.  When we finally moved to find his daughter her mother has threatened us and our kids. Has had their daughter call us and leave harsh messages and she has called us and left probably over 50 messages in 2 years , not counting the non recorded conversations. His daughter is totally brain washed and gone at this moment. These custody battles cause a lot of stress and heartache to the children and the families when you especially have someone suffering with Malicious Mother Syndrome and the kid has Parent Alienation Syndrome.  Even if you win the battle, you still have to win the war with the kids who have been emotionally and mentally messed over. Sometimes the best thing to do is leave the situation alone and then explain when the kids get older and want to know you. I think my family could be on this show, if only you heard the threats and harassment.

 

Fight all the way or leave it to God

 
October 3, 2006, 8:35 pm CDT

i guess the question here that im wondering is ?

did he do it or was he just ecused of killing his wife and couldnt prove he had nothing to do with it? i guess i will find out tomorrow

 
October 3, 2006, 11:33 pm CDT

I feel sorry the father

I just want to say something on the father's side of this story, even though he has been convicted of manslaugter that still doesn't mean he will be a bad father to his offspring, I believe the grandmother is being a vicious person, very rarely a father will hurt his offspring, usually that is something mothers usually do, in my town we had a mother who doused her own daughter with gasoline and set her on fire, tells you a lot about motherly love doesn't it (to all female members of this forum).

 

Devon Saggers

 
October 4, 2006, 6:34 am CDT

He doesn't deserve this child!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Here is a guy, who wants custody of his child. He went to jail for killing the Mother of this child. I know sometimes people change but this case, I don't think so. I heard this attorney say he a great Dad, if he was why is the mother of this child dead now. Come on. I agree with the grandmother, I would take that child away from him and he would never see him again. His attorney said he has every right to be with him but who's say it wouldn't happen again. Whats wrong with our system. Thats the problem today and that why we have to many murders of spouse abuse and the children have to pay for it. If this man wasn't guilty of this crime, he would never went to jail. What about the mother of this child, she will never see this little boy grow up. SO, I THINK HE SHOULD NOT HAVE CUSTODY OF THIS CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think his butt should still be jail, because it will happen again. I feel sorry for who ever meets this murderer cause that is what he is. A COLD BLOODY MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So I hope the best to this grandmother, I'm behide you 100 percent.  
 
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