Message Boards

Topic : 12/22 Custody Battles Gone Bad

Number of Replies: 373
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 29, 2006, 09:47:40 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/04/06) Jan went on the run with her grandson the day her son-in-law, Chris, was released from jail. Jan believes Chris killed her daughter, and says she now fears for her own life and the life of her 4-year-old grandson. After serving time for involuntary manslaughter in the death of his wife, Chris says he will stop at nothing to regain custody of his son. Jan comes face-to-face with the man she has been in hiding from for a year. Then, see a custody battle that kept a mother fighting for her daughter for nearly a decade. Now reunited, Irene struggles to parent her daughter, Brittany, who was torn from her as a 7-year-old and returned as a teenager. Can these two bridge the gap and learn to be a family again? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More December 2006 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 4, 2006, 6:58 am CDT

You are so wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote From: catsagdn

I just want to say something on the father's side of this story, even though he has been convicted of manslaugter that still doesn't mean he will be a bad father to his offspring, I believe the grandmother is being a vicious person, very rarely a father will hurt his offspring, usually that is something mothers usually do, in my town we had a mother who doused her own daughter with gasoline and set her on fire, tells you a lot about motherly love doesn't it (to all female members of this forum).

 

Devon Saggers

 I'm sorry what happen to your town. Your true some r cruel but I disagree with you. In most cases there so many husbands killing there wifes and children.  Look at some of the stories out there where husbands kills there wifes and most of the there children. Your right some people do change but what about the mother of this child, do you think she wanted to died and never see her son again. But she didn't have that choice. He could have walk away but he chose to kill her. He said he didn't mean to, I don't care if not drinking or u r, you don't put your hands on a woman. He could have walk away but he didn't and to put this child back with him is not right. This child is old enough to ask where is my mommie? What is he going to say, I killed her!!!!!!!!!!!! Come on, the mother of this child didn't have choice. But its o.k. to let this so called father have his son back. Whats wrong with this picture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He doesn't  deserve him. You can forgive people cause God tells us to. But I wouldn't put this child in harms way. He doesn't deserve him. I'm sorry but i'm behind the grandmother 100 percent.
 
October 4, 2006, 7:42 am CDT

10/04 Custody Battles Gone Bad

Quote From: catsagdn

I just want to say something on the father's side of this story, even though he has been convicted of manslaugter that still doesn't mean he will be a bad father to his offspring, I believe the grandmother is being a vicious person, very rarely a father will hurt his offspring, usually that is something mothers usually do, in my town we had a mother who doused her own daughter with gasoline and set her on fire, tells you a lot about motherly love doesn't it (to all female members of this forum).

 

Devon Saggers

How can you say that father's rarely hurt their kids????  Most of the time the father is the abuser, not the other way around....I wish some loving grandparent would have kept me away from my father growing up, I may not have spent the last two years in therapy if they had.
 
October 4, 2006, 8:05 am CDT

Its just really really sad.

Our country never ceases to amaze me.  This man killed his wife.  How can that NOT be an issue when determining if he is a fit father?  He has anger issues and went to far.  What is he going to do when his son becomes a teenager and is making him angry left and right?  Yes I know people say that parents have the ultimate right to their children but obviously if every parent could be trusted to be a fit parent then there would be no need for children's services.  What makes a parent is not blood, its the love that the person has for the child, the need to protect the child, and the want to teach the child how to be a respectable, happy, healthy human being.  Besides is anyone even thinking about the severe psychological damage that will happen to the child knowing that he is living with the man who made it so he could never see his mother again?!  This is a child, not a gambling chip.  His life is too important to risk to see if maybe his father could be a fit parent.  Just think if they are wrong, it could be too late for the child.  If  I was the child's mother I would be praying that my mother would take my son and protect him from his father.  Its not so much because I am angry at my husband but I would want the best for my child and knowing that he had the ability to do what he did to me what else could he be capable of?
 
October 4, 2006, 8:08 am CDT

Phooey for you You-ey about the woman that had no help from children services

    I just want to say that I TOTALLY understand what the woman on todays show was saying about getting NO help from children services. 12 years ago I had a family member that had 2 little girls and left them with her parents to be raised. The father of this family member was convicted for molesting the mother of these 2 girls 8 years prior to her leaving them with him and her mother (who never left the father after finding out).

   I called children services in that Indiana town to inform them that the child molestor was raising these two children and was told by the social worker  "there is nothing we can or will do unless and until something is done to one of THOSE children"  and these people were receiving state assistance!!!!!!!! I was horrified to here those words from this man, and even though the molester has since died and the girls are back with their birth mother I STILL to this day pray that nothing  happened to them.

But YES Dr. Phil in some cities children services DO NOT respond.

 
October 4, 2006, 8:45 am CDT

Misinformed

Quote From: catsagdn

I just want to say something on the father's side of this story, even though he has been convicted of manslaugter that still doesn't mean he will be a bad father to his offspring, I believe the grandmother is being a vicious person, very rarely a father will hurt his offspring, usually that is something mothers usually do, in my town we had a mother who doused her own daughter with gasoline and set her on fire, tells you a lot about motherly love doesn't it (to all female members of this forum).

 

Devon Saggers

Yes fathers and mothers do hurt their offspring.  Its not just mothers.  A friend of mine's father shot and killed his wife right infront of my friends little sister.  If it wasn't for others hearing it and coming to see what happened he would have hurt her too.  Its sad but there are just tooooooo many sick people in this world who don't care who they hurt. 
 
October 4, 2006, 8:51 am CDT

Ex parte order & custody

This show really hit home with me. I recently moved from being 20 minutes from my ex to 3 hrs away. He knew what was going on and that I was also willing to bring the kids back  one weekend and meet half way for the second weekend visitation, and I had also filed an intent to relocate with the court in mid-June and he didn't file a complaint in the 30 days he was given, but waited over 60 days. However, on the day before we were to move, I was served with an ex parte order giving him temporary custody of both kids. This order is to protect kids in an emergency situation when they are in a dangerous situation. This happened on Aug. 17th and to this day I can not get any one to tell me how my kids were in danger. There was an emergency hearing, but the magistrate would not reverse his decision and I am told there is nothing I can do until the full custody hearing on Nov. 30.  I am at a loss and can't get answers or help because I am financially strapped at the moment.

The worst part of the whole situation is that the judge that signed this order has been sued in federal court for abusing the ex parte orders in his courtroom. He has also been sued in civil court for violating the parents civil rights that had custody taken away. Although, I have talked to several people and attorneys about this, there is still nothing I can do because of not having the money and no one wants to go near it.

At this point, my ex has talked to me about giving our 7 yr. old daughter back and keeping our 13 yr old son with him. This is what he wanted to beging with, but our son had agreed to come with me and "try it" here for a couple months. After 2 months, if he wanted to go back with his dad, I would have signed him over, but after all that has happened, I found out he and his dad had planned all this before we moved and he never wanted to move to begin with. I have talked to him about this and we both know that if he would have talked to me about things instead of just pacifying me, I would probably have let him go to his dads. The thing is, if the kids were in such danger that the ex parte order was served, then why is he now willing to give me back custody of our daughter? I am trying to be nice and do what is right for the kids, but it is hard when I know that my son wanted to please his dad so much that he felt he had to go behind my back like that.

The whole situation has hurt more people than my son realizes, but I do want him to be happy. I do get visitation every other weekend and my parents get the kids on the weekday evenings that I am allowed bacause I live out of town. This is just hard because I have had full custody for the 6 years that I have been divorced and my ex has had access to the at any time. It is just emotionally and psycologically devastating, but I am trying to get settled with my fiance, get a job. and get everything together here, so that I have a better chance of getting at least my daughter back.

In closing, I just want parents to be aware of ex parte orders because it is devastating and they are served without warning and obviously without the accusations being checked into until after the fact. Loosing custody is hard, but what makes it harder is not being able to do anything about it because of finances and the court system.

 
October 4, 2006, 9:18 am CDT

wow

I am shocked that giving him custody would even be an option!  He beat the mother with a phone until the receiver broke in half and people think that's ok?!?!  Would you want your child living with a man like that?  I cannot believe the system failed so much that he was let out of jail after such a short period of time.  He committed a violent act that resulted in the ending of a life!  Drug dealers get more time than that.  People who receive stolen goods get more time than that.  He should be sitting in prison not calling the woman who raised his son because he murdered the child's mother names and trying to make her look paranoid. 

 

And I am shocked at Dr. Phil's attitude and the way he kept saying the grandmother "thinks" or "feels" this man killed her daughter.  No he KILLED her.  There is no thinking about it.  He went to jail for it.  And although he went the chicken way out and went with a no contest plea, he still served time for her death.  He murdered her.  There is no thinking or feeling he did it involved.  He flat out did it.

 
October 4, 2006, 10:11 am CDT

Grandmother trying to decide best interest for grandson - need advice!

I am another grandmother raising my grandson.  He is 8 yrs. old and I have raised him since he was 6 mos. old.  My daughter has been in and out of the drug scene (meth and prescription drugs) for 18 years (she is now 33).  My grandson and I live in Washington State and my daughter was residing with us until July 2006.  She move to Florida with her boyfriend to 'get her life together'.  She now has a retail clerking position, is drug-free (since July 2006) and wants me to bring her son down to Florida to live with her and her boyfriend next summer (2007).  Even if she continues to do well (if in fact she is), why should my grandson have to give up his secure home, friends, school and cub scouts, etc. to move to Florida.  My grandson loves his mom and I'm sure she loves him, but I'm worried and need advice! 
 
October 4, 2006, 10:16 am CDT

Iren and Brittany , Learn What Love is Through Eachother

    Dear Irene and Brittany,

 

    Love is patient, love is kind . Do not get frustrated when it seems to take longer than you want it to.  You both have been frustrated from the past.  But not really with eachother. Look to  give to your mother and your daughter the love that you have for so so long wanted to give to eachother. I don't mean go and dump 11 years of love ontop of eachother. But look for ways to be kind to oneanother avoiding the " F " word ( frustration ) at all cost in you heart. Getting frustrated will only undo the kindness you have given eachother. Rather be hopefull in each day looking for ways to give kindness and to acknowledge kindness given. If anger may come, use it, embrace it. Find the cause of the anger or frustration. Woking through it togather will help you grow closer. So don't avoid sensitive issues but work through them with patience and kindness. 

    Brittany Iam a 50 year old man and I grow up with a father that was frustrated and angery. Please understand I know that what you went through was much worst. My brothers and sisters have lifelong emotional scares from it. I think I came through it ok. I didn't let the anger get a hold of me, I just didn't return the anger. I kind of stayed to myself. Looking back now I guess I do have an emotional scare ( trust ).  I am a 50 year old man and I have only one person that I have ever called friend, my wife Susan. The walls that you put up to protect your heart also isolate it. Your mother wanted to protect you from this life and did not give up. Now after 11 years is trying to find a way to help you take down some of the walls and open your heart to a new life full of love, laughter, peace and friends to shear it with. Your mother may get frustrated, but its only because she's not sure how to help. She maybe asking herself what am I doing wrong or what am I not doing right. The truth is she can only be patient and kind than wait for you to deside that you want to remove the protective walls that keep out the hurt and the joy in your life. Your mother cann't do it alone but you can do it together. Your mother like myself wants to hear you say I'm a 50 year old woman with so many good friends that I cann't count them all, do you need a friend.  God bless you both as you look for what you need in eachother.

 

                                                                                                               a friend

                                                                                                                       grampa jim

 

 
October 4, 2006, 10:41 am CDT

the system is shameful

The system our government has put in place is shameful. it pits two parents against each other and really doesn't consider what is best for the kids. depending on the judge kids may or may not have their needs addressed. you couldn't pay me enough to be a family court judge and i am fairly certain that the judges have to make decisions without fully understanding the gravity of some situations. i don't know how they do it...get up each day and go to work knowing that they may or may not be doing the right thing by the children. there just has to be a better way.

 

my brother in laws ex - wife has not allowed him to see his kids in almost a year. i've never met them. she has badmouthed him to the kids and the family to them so much that they don't know which way is up. while she is in contempt of court legally, the court won't act on his behalf. she on the other hand has levied some horrific and untrue accusations against him over the years that resulted in him having to have a social worker inspect his home and evaluate his ability to parent. All the while they take nearly 65% of his paycheck as child support and leave him barely able to survive financially.

 

there just has to be a better way to provide services for the kids that are caught in the middle of divorces. if someone kills the other parent in my opinion they also give up their rights to the children.

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next | Last