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Topic : Breaking Up

Number of Replies: 5114
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:06:14 pm
Author : dataimport
Is it time to end things with your significant other? Or, have you just been handed a relationship pink slip? Share your stories.

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May 27, 2009, 3:06 am CDT

You can't really do one thing, per say.

Quote From: cheerful

Okay, I had been with this wonderful man for almost 2 yrs. I cheated on him with my ex and he found out.  We tried one more time to work it out after he found out, but it did not work.  Then one week later he started to date this girl, now she is with him ALL OF THE TIME and does everything that i did not do.  I had completely cut out ALL ties with the ex. He (not the ex) recently contacted me to meet up for drinks while his girlfriend was out of town.  We then went to his place and talked about everything, feelings for each other, how things should have not ended, how things are now complicated and how he is not sure if the ex will come back. That night all of our feelings came back and stronger. We both know that we love each other and should be together.  I know he is the one for me.  I had changed my number to prove to him that I am completely done with the ex, but he is still afraid.  He asked me to lunch and I need to show and prove to him that I am the one, that we belong together and that I will NEVER cheat on him again.  I am desparate here and I am driving myself crazy to wait for him to make a decision.  He does contact me and let me know i am on his mind, but then his girlfriend is with him everynight.  We are not a young couple, (32 & 39) and we have a great relationship, even before.  I now understand and realize that Karma is real and I am getting mine 10 times worse.  Please Help Me!!!!  How do I prove to him that the ex is COMPLETELY out of my life and to give our relationship another chance? 

The waiting period has begun.

 

Your question: How can I prove to him I am the one?  You prove it to him every time you get the chance. There is not one thing that will make him see this especially since he has a strong diversion (the other woman) at his side. He is not going to be able to see clearly because he is too into it himself. 

 

Only time out of this will either of you be able to see the real truth.

 

What he is doing to his present fling is what you did to him. Yes. Karma is not kind sometimes.  You cheated on him, he is cheating on her.....see how one wrong can make so many wrongs???? Its a spiral event and the sooner it is stopped, the sooner clarity will become available to you.

 

How do you stop the spiral? Stay away from him until he makes up his mind about what he wants. YOu can't do anything to "make his mind up for him". He is a big boy and needs to do it on his own or it won't  be real and lasting.

 

How do you prove to him the ex is out of the picture????? Easy.  Leave the ex out of the picture. Again, time will have to do its magic.  Waiting and patience is never an easy thing but it is a part of the journey in life. See what it is bringing to the surface about yourself. Is it guilt? Do you typically feel guilty about something? Is it fear? What are you afraid of? Are you typically a fearful person? Do you feel rejected? How long have you walked around feeling rejected and is it now applicable???? 

 

Take this opportunity to see why you cheated with your ex, what was it you were trying to prove to yourself, and take the focus off of what you can to do make "him" different or think differently, and start focusing on how you think about yourself and how that is why you are struggling right now. The answer is right there......stop runnning and breathe and let go of control. Kimi

 
May 27, 2009, 4:13 pm CDT

How to Prove to him

Quote From: kimikomine

The waiting period has begun.

 

Your question: How can I prove to him I am the one?  You prove it to him every time you get the chance. There is not one thing that will make him see this especially since he has a strong diversion (the other woman) at his side. He is not going to be able to see clearly because he is too into it himself. 

 

Only time out of this will either of you be able to see the real truth.

 

What he is doing to his present fling is what you did to him. Yes. Karma is not kind sometimes.  You cheated on him, he is cheating on her.....see how one wrong can make so many wrongs???? Its a spiral event and the sooner it is stopped, the sooner clarity will become available to you.

 

How do you stop the spiral? Stay away from him until he makes up his mind about what he wants. YOu can't do anything to "make his mind up for him". He is a big boy and needs to do it on his own or it won't  be real and lasting.

 

How do you prove to him the ex is out of the picture????? Easy.  Leave the ex out of the picture. Again, time will have to do its magic.  Waiting and patience is never an easy thing but it is a part of the journey in life. See what it is bringing to the surface about yourself. Is it guilt? Do you typically feel guilty about something? Is it fear? What are you afraid of? Are you typically a fearful person? Do you feel rejected? How long have you walked around feeling rejected and is it now applicable???? 

 

Take this opportunity to see why you cheated with your ex, what was it you were trying to prove to yourself, and take the focus off of what you can to do make "him" different or think differently, and start focusing on how you think about yourself and how that is why you are struggling right now. The answer is right there......stop runnning and breathe and let go of control. Kimi

Thanks so much for replying.  Sorry to keep bothering, but i may need some help with all of this.

 

Yes i agree the waiting period has begun, and it is already making me crazy.  I feel like I am back to square one.  I know I need to keep busy and I am trying, but it is hard not to think about what can you do. 

He emails me a Fwd: at work everyday with a little comment, so i reply with little one back, but try not to ask any questions, unless he does and then i reply back.  Like I said before he asked me to lunch for Friday, and here is one of my chances to prove to him that we both know that we belong together.  Yes the other woman is ALWAYS there.  How do I or can I get him to think of me more often?  I know i can't make him think of me, but anything will help.  Okay, I know, I am just anxious and impatient.  I just know how close I am since last week Friday in making his decision.

 

You mentioned about seeing the real truth, how can I show him the real truth if I am not around?

 

You also mentioned about staying away from him until he makes up his mind, but how can he make a decision about me if I am not in the picture or around to prove anything?  But I so agree with you that I can not make him make up his mind because it will not be real.  We both know it's real, we both see and feel it being so real, but he is still not sure about the ex not coming around again. 

 

I also agree with you about the leaving the ex out, but again he is thinking about it and I know he is or at least he tells our friend about it. 

 

I don't know if it is guilt  or just fear of losing the person that can be my life partner.  I am a fearful person, i hate to be rejected, but so does everyone else. I know in the last relationship (the ex), made me feel like I was nothing and that he can just get anyone anytime and he does not need me.  So it came from the last relationship which lasted on and off about 8 yrs. 

 

I think I was trying to prove that I am wanted and needed by my ex. I thought "one who cares controls the relationship.", so I care, but i have no control now.  UUGGHH!!!!!

 

Thanks so much for your great advice and i hope you don't mind me to keep asking for more. 

 
May 27, 2009, 5:27 pm CDT

I don't mind you asking at all.

Quote From: cheerful

Thanks so much for replying.  Sorry to keep bothering, but i may need some help with all of this.

 

Yes i agree the waiting period has begun, and it is already making me crazy.  I feel like I am back to square one.  I know I need to keep busy and I am trying, but it is hard not to think about what can you do. 

He emails me a Fwd: at work everyday with a little comment, so i reply with little one back, but try not to ask any questions, unless he does and then i reply back.  Like I said before he asked me to lunch for Friday, and here is one of my chances to prove to him that we both know that we belong together.  Yes the other woman is ALWAYS there.  How do I or can I get him to think of me more often?  I know i can't make him think of me, but anything will help.  Okay, I know, I am just anxious and impatient.  I just know how close I am since last week Friday in making his decision.

 

You mentioned about seeing the real truth, how can I show him the real truth if I am not around?

 

You also mentioned about staying away from him until he makes up his mind, but how can he make a decision about me if I am not in the picture or around to prove anything?  But I so agree with you that I can not make him make up his mind because it will not be real.  We both know it's real, we both see and feel it being so real, but he is still not sure about the ex not coming around again. 

 

I also agree with you about the leaving the ex out, but again he is thinking about it and I know he is or at least he tells our friend about it. 

 

I don't know if it is guilt  or just fear of losing the person that can be my life partner.  I am a fearful person, i hate to be rejected, but so does everyone else. I know in the last relationship (the ex), made me feel like I was nothing and that he can just get anyone anytime and he does not need me.  So it came from the last relationship which lasted on and off about 8 yrs. 

 

I think I was trying to prove that I am wanted and needed by my ex. I thought "one who cares controls the relationship.", so I care, but i have no control now.  UUGGHH!!!!!

 

Thanks so much for your great advice and i hope you don't mind me to keep asking for more. 

I hope my suggestions are helpful to you.  I feel a little hypocritical when I offer relationship advice since I am still trying to sustain a healthy one myself!

 

But I do believe that when we try to help others, we help ourselves as well so I appreciate your being open to my thoughts. :)

 

The first thing that comes to my mind is a buddist saying that goes something like:  If we hold on to something too tight, it escapes our grasp - If we hold on too loosely it escapes us as well. I believe we need to learn how to learn the art of grasping just enough so that we neither try to control something with our tight grasp or allow it to fall away due to careless handling.  The same is with people and life and love.

 

It is also the same with struggle, suffering, and emotional dis-ease. 

 

You probably need to learn the fine art of trust.  Not the kind of trust that you think you will feel if he chooses you, or if you get back together again. But the kind of trust that comes with the acceptance of your failures and faults.  I know the desperation you are feeling. I know you know this could be worked out. I know you know what you did wrong (or not right if you are in a relationship), but that was done, past, yet you are still beating yourself up over it. How or why would you expect him to not mirror your beliefs? 

 

You were trying to feel wanted and needed by your ex but you now see that your thinking was off. Take that as an opportunity that your thinking might be off here too. Maybe he is not as close to making a decision as you think? Maybe he is using that as an excuse to avoid a relationship with you? Maybe you need to feel safe at all times, even if it includes being dishonest?

 

I agree I don't like to be rejected. It sucks (at the time). but rejection by people and things is a real good indicator that maybe, just maybe, we are going after the wrong thing?????? Maybe rejection is the universes way of protecting us somehow?  And the ex still being in the picture? Well, thats just crazy. He is there because you allow him to be there. You are feeding him somehow. I am sure the person that has your heart also can see behind the reasons you are still talking about your ex. Why is he in the picture? He is an ex......meaning nothing to you. Yet he still seems to have a hold on you. Why?

 
May 28, 2009, 4:38 pm CDT

Proving to him and myself

Quote From: kimikomine

I hope my suggestions are helpful to you.  I feel a little hypocritical when I offer relationship advice since I am still trying to sustain a healthy one myself!

 

But I do believe that when we try to help others, we help ourselves as well so I appreciate your being open to my thoughts. :)

 

The first thing that comes to my mind is a buddist saying that goes something like:  If we hold on to something too tight, it escapes our grasp - If we hold on too loosely it escapes us as well. I believe we need to learn how to learn the art of grasping just enough so that we neither try to control something with our tight grasp or allow it to fall away due to careless handling.  The same is with people and life and love.

 

It is also the same with struggle, suffering, and emotional dis-ease. 

 

You probably need to learn the fine art of trust.  Not the kind of trust that you think you will feel if he chooses you, or if you get back together again. But the kind of trust that comes with the acceptance of your failures and faults.  I know the desperation you are feeling. I know you know this could be worked out. I know you know what you did wrong (or not right if you are in a relationship), but that was done, past, yet you are still beating yourself up over it. How or why would you expect him to not mirror your beliefs? 

 

You were trying to feel wanted and needed by your ex but you now see that your thinking was off. Take that as an opportunity that your thinking might be off here too. Maybe he is not as close to making a decision as you think? Maybe he is using that as an excuse to avoid a relationship with you? Maybe you need to feel safe at all times, even if it includes being dishonest?

 

I agree I don't like to be rejected. It sucks (at the time). but rejection by people and things is a real good indicator that maybe, just maybe, we are going after the wrong thing?????? Maybe rejection is the universes way of protecting us somehow?  And the ex still being in the picture? Well, thats just crazy. He is there because you allow him to be there. You are feeding him somehow. I am sure the person that has your heart also can see behind the reasons you are still talking about your ex. Why is he in the picture? He is an ex......meaning nothing to you. Yet he still seems to have a hold on you. Why?

Yes your suggestions are helpful and i appreciate you helping me through this.  I agree, i do the same thing with my girlfriends, I give them good advise and not  really take my own. Weird Huh?

 

I really do agree with that saying and will have to keep it in mind.  The girlfriend now is holding on so close and tight and has moved with this relationship so fast, that he (the man I love), is freaking out and is now contacting me. But that is not the only reason.   And when, we were together, I held on to loosely and that is how i let him go.  So i agree with that saying. 

 

As far as trust, yes i will agree, i think i do need to relearn trust and I know that if it does work out with us, that I will have to work at regaining his trust all over again and be okay with how he will not trust my faults. 

 

The desperation is 10 times stronger and TRYING to wait patiently is driving me crazy that i can not concentrate on anything  I have noticed that I have been focusing on what can i do to try to get him to chose me and how to prove to him that I am the one.  You are so right about how I am beating myself up and that how can i expect for him to forgive me if i can't forgive myself.  I think I may have to work on that, especially when i see him for lunch tomorrow.  Any suggestions??? or anything that can help me on our lunch date tomorrow???

 

My thinking had been off for several years and now i am trying to go on the right track. He may not be close to a decision just yet, but from my friend, he is suppose to think about it after this weekend, because he is having a party and family will be there and does not want to stress about all of that.  Is that okay???  I am not sure if that is right?  If he using this as an excuse to avoid a relationship with me, then why does he keep in contact with me by email on a daily basis and a lunch tomorrow?  That is why I think he is leaning more towards me, since he contact me!!!  If he is not interested or thinking about leaning towards me, i really don't think that he would continue to contact me after last friday night with him.   I do agree with you about me needing to feel safe at all times, but i know i learned my lesson on the dishonesty.

 

I never really looked at rejection like that, that we could be going after the wrong things.  If that is the case i was doing that for years. It is true, rejection is a way of protection, I like that!!!!

 

As far the EX, NO, NOT AT ALL!!!!!, I have not spoken to him in over a month, and I am NOT Missing him at all.  I am actually very proud of myself for being strong on my decision He is not in the picture at all and I have deleted ALL contact of him.  He did have a hold on me and i hated that. He was such a negative person towards me, that he brought my self esteem so low, that I NEVER thought that i can find any one else.  And I did, With the man that I love now, he had showed me to look at things in a different prospective and in a positive way that I am a better person now.  SO I am only focusing on myself and my future with the man I love.

 

Well asking for more advise on how to cope with waiting for him to make a decision and trying to prove and persuade that i am the one for him, what should i do or work on now.  I do not think I can handle another heartbreak from him.  He isto make a decison after this weekend and What can i do to try to put more positive thoughts in his head about me and us?  Anythig will help.

 

I thank you for being there for me and your advice, I wish we can email each other sometime.

 

 

 
May 29, 2009, 3:22 am CDT

Hi Cheerful.

Quote From: cheerful

Yes your suggestions are helpful and i appreciate you helping me through this.  I agree, i do the same thing with my girlfriends, I give them good advise and not  really take my own. Weird Huh?

 

I really do agree with that saying and will have to keep it in mind.  The girlfriend now is holding on so close and tight and has moved with this relationship so fast, that he (the man I love), is freaking out and is now contacting me. But that is not the only reason.   And when, we were together, I held on to loosely and that is how i let him go.  So i agree with that saying. 

 

As far as trust, yes i will agree, i think i do need to relearn trust and I know that if it does work out with us, that I will have to work at regaining his trust all over again and be okay with how he will not trust my faults. 

 

The desperation is 10 times stronger and TRYING to wait patiently is driving me crazy that i can not concentrate on anything  I have noticed that I have been focusing on what can i do to try to get him to chose me and how to prove to him that I am the one.  You are so right about how I am beating myself up and that how can i expect for him to forgive me if i can't forgive myself.  I think I may have to work on that, especially when i see him for lunch tomorrow.  Any suggestions??? or anything that can help me on our lunch date tomorrow???

 

My thinking had been off for several years and now i am trying to go on the right track. He may not be close to a decision just yet, but from my friend, he is suppose to think about it after this weekend, because he is having a party and family will be there and does not want to stress about all of that.  Is that okay???  I am not sure if that is right?  If he using this as an excuse to avoid a relationship with me, then why does he keep in contact with me by email on a daily basis and a lunch tomorrow?  That is why I think he is leaning more towards me, since he contact me!!!  If he is not interested or thinking about leaning towards me, i really don't think that he would continue to contact me after last friday night with him.   I do agree with you about me needing to feel safe at all times, but i know i learned my lesson on the dishonesty.

 

I never really looked at rejection like that, that we could be going after the wrong things.  If that is the case i was doing that for years. It is true, rejection is a way of protection, I like that!!!!

 

As far the EX, NO, NOT AT ALL!!!!!, I have not spoken to him in over a month, and I am NOT Missing him at all.  I am actually very proud of myself for being strong on my decision He is not in the picture at all and I have deleted ALL contact of him.  He did have a hold on me and i hated that. He was such a negative person towards me, that he brought my self esteem so low, that I NEVER thought that i can find any one else.  And I did, With the man that I love now, he had showed me to look at things in a different prospective and in a positive way that I am a better person now.  SO I am only focusing on myself and my future with the man I love.

 

Well asking for more advise on how to cope with waiting for him to make a decision and trying to prove and persuade that i am the one for him, what should i do or work on now.  I do not think I can handle another heartbreak from him.  He isto make a decison after this weekend and What can i do to try to put more positive thoughts in his head about me and us?  Anythig will help.

 

I thank you for being there for me and your advice, I wish we can email each other sometime.

 

 

I am ok with emailing. Write yours and I will respond. :) 

 

But isn't today lunch day too? Good luck if it is. Of course, I am only getting one side of the story, yours, so I do not have any concept of how he may be feeling, which is not exactly giving a fair analysis. When I go to my therapist, I know she is only getting my side and sometimes I feel I am doing an injustice to those I discuss with her about. They are not there to defend themselves.

 

But then again, isn't it really our perspective, what we are experiencing, that is what we can work with? So, having one side of the story can work - depends on what you are looking for.

 

Advice on how to make him want you?  Outiside of winning the lottery, suddenly becomming so famous that you are irrestible???? I honestly do not think you can do anything to make him want you more. Either he does or he doesn't, right?  Try to let go of the control "that you THINK you have". I would definately not add to it by pressureing him in any way to make a decison, or tell you about things that he may not be ready to tell you, etc. Just let him do the talking and see where his heart is and where his mind is. I would suggest to him (if he asked) to step away from both of you for a while so that he gets a chance to breath and sort out his feelings a little. I think that is what you are going to have to do for a while, even if you did get back together because the relationship is not going to be the same. It will never be the same way it was but it could even be better!!!!!!!!!  You see I am not a total pessismist when it comes to love. :)))))

 

Send me your email and we can talk more ......Good luck at lunch and don't show fear because fear is a strong energy and you may put it on him as well. Be yourself. Love yourself. Then you can accept others when they are themselves and want to do things because they love themselves too.  Stop clinging to him being the end all love of your life. He is only one person, and you will forever be disappointed if you expect people to be a certain way for you. Concentrate on ways that would make his life easier, not add complication to it.  Take care and again, don't forget to breathe!!!! Kim

 
May 31, 2009, 10:45 am CDT

Email me to talk more

Quote From: kimikomine

I am ok with emailing. Write yours and I will respond. :) 

 

But isn't today lunch day too? Good luck if it is. Of course, I am only getting one side of the story, yours, so I do not have any concept of how he may be feeling, which is not exactly giving a fair analysis. When I go to my therapist, I know she is only getting my side and sometimes I feel I am doing an injustice to those I discuss with her about. They are not there to defend themselves.

 

But then again, isn't it really our perspective, what we are experiencing, that is what we can work with? So, having one side of the story can work - depends on what you are looking for.

 

Advice on how to make him want you?  Outiside of winning the lottery, suddenly becomming so famous that you are irrestible???? I honestly do not think you can do anything to make him want you more. Either he does or he doesn't, right?  Try to let go of the control "that you THINK you have". I would definately not add to it by pressureing him in any way to make a decison, or tell you about things that he may not be ready to tell you, etc. Just let him do the talking and see where his heart is and where his mind is. I would suggest to him (if he asked) to step away from both of you for a while so that he gets a chance to breath and sort out his feelings a little. I think that is what you are going to have to do for a while, even if you did get back together because the relationship is not going to be the same. It will never be the same way it was but it could even be better!!!!!!!!!  You see I am not a total pessismist when it comes to love. :)))))

 

Send me your email and we can talk more ......Good luck at lunch and don't show fear because fear is a strong energy and you may put it on him as well. Be yourself. Love yourself. Then you can accept others when they are themselves and want to do things because they love themselves too.  Stop clinging to him being the end all love of your life. He is only one person, and you will forever be disappointed if you expect people to be a certain way for you. Concentrate on ways that would make his life easier, not add complication to it.  Take care and again, don't forget to breathe!!!! Kim

Hey Kim,

There is so much more to tell you.  So here is my email and we can talk more.  n_pena6@hotmail.com.  I will respond on your emai in detail and let you know how Lunch went and how the weekend is going.

 

Thanks Kim, I hope I can help you too....

Nadia

 
June 9, 2009, 11:58 am CDT

lost

I recently left the father of my son and the father of the child I'm currently pregnant with. He was addicted to computer games and I finally reached the end of my rope witch is why i left. I'm 26 years old and in a few weeks will be having my fourth child, crazy i know. I want to give him one more chance but my mother who i now live with is always putting him down because he said something once in anger, but she also puts me down even when I'm 2 feet away to my aunts or just to me in front of my kids. I really can't move now because I'll be having the child in 2 weeks or so and i just can't figure out what i should do she wants me to go after him for child support but if I'm going back to him it seems like it would be pointless and she has plans for the money i would be getting if i did, but at the same time i asked him for a little to get diapers for our son and he tells me he doesn't have any until i tell him about child support them he wants to tell me he'll send me some money but i haven't gotten any yet. I'm just so lost i don't know which way to go or if i should just go my own way.
 
June 10, 2009, 7:19 am CDT

Need help figuring out how to leave...

OK, so my BF of 18 months has been wearing me down. The guy has 0 patience with anything, he sometimes talks to his kid like I wouldn't talk to anyone...for example - "You'd screw up a wet dream, you're a moron." for simple things as not putting the water away right or shutting a drawer right or not moving fast enough when asked for something. Isn't that enough to make me leave? No, I stay because I think the kids need a positive influence in their lives. He actually yelled them for giggling once while they were playing. Seriously, I need help.

So this past weekend we went to an all day party event, there was a lot of alcohol and it involved canoeing, camping etc. I got out to walk in the river since it was an awesome day and I slipped on a rock and fell and cut both my legs up...he got angry at me. never asked how i was just mad because I fell. Then after 2 years of quitting smoking for some stupid reason I decided i wanted a puff of my friend's smoke, it tasted awful but he caught me and at first I said I didn't then I said admitted it and well now he says I destroyed all the trust we have built. He isn't sure he can get over it or will get over it...a little on the drama king side if you ask me. it was just a puff and a reaction. Yes we had been drinking all day so that didn't help but he told me the trust stuff today after not talking to me since Sunday.

It seems like every time we have an issue it's my fault, he is never wrong and even when he is and I call it out he refuses to believe he is wrong and has a reason for it being my fault. Then he'll say something like I didn't know you had those kind of issues, you need help with that. Anyway, I feel like I am in an emotionally abusive relationship sometimes. I feel like I am constantly trying to compensate for something but I don't know what. I also feel like he really has no idea why I have all the friends I have or why people tell him I'm awesome...it's like he refuses to give me compliments and when he does they feel forced. Then he acts all sensitive like I destroy his world by a stupid drunk decision...I mean I didn't harm him or his kid or cheat...I took a drag off a freaking cigarette and said I didn't. Am I wrong for thinking this is blown WAY out of proportion. I know I need counseling but I lost my job and can't afford it. There is a part of me that wants to leave and a part that is afraid if I do. My best friend said she can't believe what i am dealing with from him and that she is worried I'm going to end up not being me. Frankly so am I, we live together so it's not as easy as just breaking it off. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks
 
June 11, 2009, 8:47 am CDT

He tell's me he misses me?

My boyfriend calls me to tell me that he misses me, after I had ended things with him a week earlier, yet there was no initiative or drive in him what so ever to go out of his way to talk to me in person when I told him that I prefer to speak face to face. He's working on renovating his friend's basement and so he's staying at his friends, well really his friend's parents place, for his convenience. He doesn't drive, nor does he have a cell phone, and he's 20, whom acted completely indifferent while we were together, coming up with every excuse in the book to avoid seeing me, at least that's the impression I got. His friend has offered to take him to see me, and has done so, as long as he provided him with gas money. However, generally, I've always notice that my boyfriend would not take the initiative to see me even when an opportunity occurred. It's like our relationship survived over the phone and we would see each other once or twice a week, sometimes the odd 3, or every other week. I did go out of my way to see him too and I don't drive nor own a car either. I wanted a balance and I was always the one to take the initiative to make plans, he never did, and the majority of the time our plans rarely followed through. I've asked friends to take me to see him and so on ...Anyway, since transportation was an issue, every night we would talk to each other and say good night, but suddenly that changed. It seemed like a hassle for him. His excuses were that if he was home his brothers or sisters would be using the phone, or he would tell me that he’d call me back and he wouldn't. Once he's been staying with his friend, putting the blame on his family no longer existed because his friend has a cell phone and home phone line that he could use. Obviously he was going out with his friend, whose single, but I didn't care and I told him that, I just wanted to hear from him because I think of him and I found it sad that he was giving off the impression that he wasn't thinking of me. I told him that and i asked, so transportation is cut, and now communication is as well? I told him that I wanted him to be a part of my life but he was only pushing me away nor allowing me to be a part of his, so what love is there? He’d tell me he loved me all the time. This is the 3rd time I’ve ended things with him, but this time is final because it's only been the same for the past 6 months and I feel like we haven’t grown together at all. He gets his family involved...like his mother in on our conversations and arguments...his sister doesn't speak to me and I don't even know why, nor do i care anymore. His sister and I were friends to begin with and I trusted him because I thought I had a good sense of his sister and family and he became my first in all... This is the 3rd time I’ve ended things with him, but why  does he have the nerve to call me back to tell me that "I don't know what to say", and "I miss you", why bother, if he never seemed to be interested, or pretended to be, to begin with? Whats there to miss?

We didn't have many opportunities to sleep together, it happened a few times, hen what exactly is he getting out of this idea of us? It's like he prefers to keep a relationship going on the phone, which isn't consistent, and again, I miss his call and that very day he tells me he misses me and leaves me a message telling me that he'll call me back and then he doesn't, normally he always did... so why bother calling me to begin with? I think he's selfish because he is only considerate of his own feelings....but what exactly is he trying to do? I don't want to be his side dish...and I’m feeling spiteful...what can I do to clear up my foolish image of having stuck around for so long and come across as being better than him rather than one of his subjects.....
 
June 12, 2009, 2:56 pm CDT

NO WORRIES

Quote From: student87

My boyfriend calls me to tell me that he misses me, after I had ended things with him a week earlier, yet there was no initiative or drive in him what so ever to go out of his way to talk to me in person when I told him that I prefer to speak face to face. He's working on renovating his friend's basement and so he's staying at his friends, well really his friend's parents place, for his convenience. He doesn't drive, nor does he have a cell phone, and he's 20, whom acted completely indifferent while we were together, coming up with every excuse in the book to avoid seeing me, at least that's the impression I got. His friend has offered to take him to see me, and has done so, as long as he provided him with gas money. However, generally, I've always notice that my boyfriend would not take the initiative to see me even when an opportunity occurred. It's like our relationship survived over the phone and we would see each other once or twice a week, sometimes the odd 3, or every other week. I did go out of my way to see him too and I don't drive nor own a car either. I wanted a balance and I was always the one to take the initiative to make plans, he never did, and the majority of the time our plans rarely followed through. I've asked friends to take me to see him and so on ...Anyway, since transportation was an issue, every night we would talk to each other and say good night, but suddenly that changed. It seemed like a hassle for him. His excuses were that if he was home his brothers or sisters would be using the phone, or he would tell me that hed call me back and he wouldn't. Once he's been staying with his friend, putting the blame on his family no longer existed because his friend has a cell phone and home phone line that he could use. Obviously he was going out with his friend, whose single, but I didn't care and I told him that, I just wanted to hear from him because I think of him and I found it sad that he was giving off the impression that he wasn't thinking of me. I told him that and i asked, so transportation is cut, and now communication is as well? I told him that I wanted him to be a part of my life but he was only pushing me away nor allowing me to be a part of his, so what love is there? Hed tell me he loved me all the time. This is the 3rd time Ive ended things with him, but this time is final because it's only been the same for the past 6 months and I feel like we havent grown together at all. He gets his family involved...like his mother in on our conversations and arguments...his sister doesn't speak to me and I don't even know why, nor do i care anymore. His sister and I were friends to begin with and I trusted him because I thought I had a good sense of his sister and family and he became my first in all... This is the 3rd time Ive ended things with him, but why  does he have the nerve to call me back to tell me that "I don't know what to say", and "I miss you", why bother, if he never seemed to be interested, or pretended to be, to begin with? Whats there to miss?

We didn't have many opportunities to sleep together, it happened a few times, hen what exactly is he getting out of this idea of us? It's like he prefers to keep a relationship going on the phone, which isn't consistent, and again, I miss his call and that very day he tells me he misses me and leaves me a message telling me that he'll call me back and then he doesn't, normally he always did... so why bother calling me to begin with? I think he's selfish because he is only considerate of his own feelings....but what exactly is he trying to do? I don't want to be his side dish...and Im feeling spiteful...what can I do to clear up my foolish image of having stuck around for so long and come across as being better than him rather than one of his subjects.....
No worries girl!!  First things first... you have not even began to live yet!!  that is good, because young love is hard!!  very!!  I have a daughter about your age.. and I have been there myself..believe me.. I just broke up myself...I should "know better"!! lol.... right?  NOT! Love is love....but let me tell you straight out...NOW!!!  DO NOT CALL HIM ANYMORE... HE SHOULD HAVE A JOB, GO TO SCHOOL.. HAVE A CAR.. HE SHOULD BE AFTER YOU...NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!  ... He needs to grow up...but he won't yet.. he is just a baby...just think of when he turns 21 and goes out with his friends to the bars etc.....you will be going crazy!!!  You did what you felt....it's over.. leave it alone now and DON'T WASTE ANOTHER MINUTE OF YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE!!!  Do you know how many boys are out there????  concentrate on yourself right now.... remember what happened... ALWAYS , ALWAYS, LISTEN TO YOUR "inner" SELF.. ALWAYS.. that little voice inside... its RIGHT ON!!  You knew it was not right.... now end it once in for all!!!  it's NOT going to work babe!! 
Oh, it hurts... DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT EVER EVER LETTING HIM TOUCH YOUR BODY AGAIN EITHER!!  NEVER EVER GIVE IN TO HIM AGAIN!  Men are in thier prime at this time... that is ALL THEY THINK ABOUT.... you need to be very very careful... the world is full of diseases and you don't want to catch anything .. it's NOT WORTH IT!!!!!.....My daughter had a big scare with her on again off again CHEAT of a boyfriend.. and she thought she got a disease... they will NOT wear condoms!!  It's too scary!!!! I am sorry I sound so blunt.. but I take this very very serious and I wish we had internet and all this when I needed it back in my day!! lol.....I learned everything the hard way.. and now it's my way or the high way baby!! lol ...trust me... he is not the only fish in the sea!!  you should print out what you wrote and read this later in life so you can laugh at it!! lol... you live and learn.. that's all you can do.. we are human!! 
Move on.... take it easy.... don't answer the phone NO MATTER WHAT.....  AND DON'T SEE HIM!!!  The right one can't come into your life if you are stuck to the old!!  It is written all over your face and men can "sense" that.... serious!!
I need to take my own advise, I am having a hard time right now because my boyfriend is NOT right for me.. and I am too old for this crap and I should know better.. and I don't know if he will call or not and I have to be strong... this time it HAS to END.  I wish I can start all over.... most men just think of sex at that age... be very careful...you should concentrate on yourself and your future.. and love is NOT SEX....remember that!!
Go out with your friends, and have a blast.... keep busy... and you will see... it will take you a while... they say sometimes as long as the relationship lasted... but that is ok... right?  be strong.. he will respect you more and you can "stick it" to his baby friends and his family.... you are worth it!! 

let me know what happens...

el
 
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