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Topic : Breaking Up

Number of Replies: 5114
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:06:14 pm
Author : dataimport
Is it time to end things with your significant other? Or, have you just been handed a relationship pink slip? Share your stories.

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July 6, 2009, 10:25 pm CDT

help me...i'm stressed

I was in a relationship with this guy for 2 years then we split. after about a month i realized how much of a mistake it was, how much i loved him, and i wanted him back. when i came back to him, he didn't want a relationship so i said we should try to work on things to prepare to get back together. this went on for about 7 months because he didn't want a relationship still and said that he didn't let me go because he wasn't ready to. he wanted me to hang around until he was ready. about 3 weeks ago, i told him that i wasn't in love with him anymore because during these 7 months, he treated me like crap, did whatever he wanted, but still told me he loved me at the end of the day and spent all of his spare time with me; which of course made me hopeful that he really did want to be with me eventually. so about 3 weeks ago, i told him i wasn't in love with him anymore because of the way he was treating me and for the 7 months he drug me on. that night, he finally told me that he wanted a relationship and was ready to transition back into one. so we went to a movie..all was good. then 3 days later, we went to a concert with separate parties, and he ignored my text messages all day and there are pictures of him on facebook of girls kissing him on each cheek while he poses.

i'm not sure what i should do. i've never been so happy with someone when i'm with him, but he's not good at communicating at all and he doesn't think that the way he's acting is wrong. is this even worth my time anymore? i try to end things and then the next day i realize how much i really can't stand the thought of being without him and don't like the idea of him being with anyone else...WHAT SHOULD I DO? i'm so stressed about this and i just want to know if anyone thinks he would change or if our breaking up changed him for good...should i be with my first true love? or find someone else who treats me well ALL the time?

everytime i try to end things and convince myself that it's not worth the heartbreak, something in me takes over and tells me to give him yet another chance. why can't i let him go?! other people even tell me i shouldn't be with him and i just defend him instead. no one makes me happy like him and i want to involve him in everything. i need HELP
 
July 6, 2009, 10:27 pm CDT

Breaking Up

Quote From: kalema

I dont if this is a problem or I just want to satisfy my desires.Iam a 24 yer old guy in a relationship with a 17 year old girl. My problem is my girlfriend doesnt want have sex and I want to have sex and I tried to break up with her twice I failed because of her behaviour of not wanting to have sex.Another thing is i love her  and now to solve this problem i found my self another girl who i had sex with.I realy dont know what to do but i love sex.Any advice for me

it's not right to break up with someone over sex. she's much younger than you and simply isn't ready. if you really love her, you would wait until she is ready and not force it upon her. if you are resorting to other girls for sex though, it's not right to hang on to your girlfriend, that's unfaithful and wrong to do just because she isn't pleasing you sexually. there's so much more to a relationship that the physical part.
 
July 7, 2009, 8:24 pm CDT

Lost

There was or is maybe I should say. We split up for about a month and we ran into eachother at a bar the day before the 4th of July and we tried to stay away from eachother but it was to hard our feelings are still really strong for eachother. Then on the 4th we watched the fireworks together and she realized that she wants to be with me again, of coarse I want to be with her again I wasnt the one to end it a month ago she was. i guess she was having family problems and stuff like that so she need sometime to think and find out if she does want a relationship or not. I am definately scared that this could happen again, I want this to work with her because i do find her to be the most amazing girl ever. What type of things could I do to try and keep her from changing her mind and dumping me again. I need help!!!
 
July 8, 2009, 2:37 am CDT

There is no guarantee.

Quote From: bakesonaplane

There was or is maybe I should say. We split up for about a month and we ran into eachother at a bar the day before the 4th of July and we tried to stay away from eachother but it was to hard our feelings are still really strong for eachother. Then on the 4th we watched the fireworks together and she realized that she wants to be with me again, of coarse I want to be with her again I wasnt the one to end it a month ago she was. i guess she was having family problems and stuff like that so she need sometime to think and find out if she does want a relationship or not. I am definately scared that this could happen again, I want this to work with her because i do find her to be the most amazing girl ever. What type of things could I do to try and keep her from changing her mind and dumping me again. I need help!!!

She might just be a little flighty!

 

She may have a lack of confidence in relationships. Maybe her parents were all over the board and she has no reference to what a healthy relationship is.  But we can sit here and come up with a million reasons, neither of them may be true, they may all be true, what matters is how you feel in your heart and if you love her and want to give it another go, and she breaks your heart again, are you that much worse off?  Do you feel time spent with her, even if it is brief, is a waste?  Or do you feel any time you spend together is never a waste of time?!

 

Our hearts will break. We will break hearts. This is what all the love songs and poems are about.The one thing I learned bout love is this:   We love because it makes us feel good; makes us good, loving people. And it stops there. If we get love back, then we are even more blessed.  Love because its what you want to do and because it feels right; love based in fear is not love, it is fear.  If you are loving her out of a fear of something, then it will end. If you love her because you like the way you feel when she is in your life, then that is love and it CAN last.  Good luck. I hope this helped. :)

 
July 8, 2009, 8:07 am CDT

breaking up??

my boyfriend and I met when we were in high school. he was my high school sweetheart. we broke up in high school because of gossip from a girl who wanted for herself, someone he didnt even like and thought was my friend. 23 years went by and we meet again, yes the one who brought us together was the one who split us up the first time. I have been a single mom for along time 18 years to be exact. livin alone for more than 10. we started living together but its just that I feel he's not ready to commit, and I love him so much, I never stopped loving him since high school, hard to believe, but true. I like having friends and like to be around them, he gets jealous of them, we dont share the same friends. in his past relationship he was cheated on and is afraid of getting hurt again. I made the mistake, I think, of staying with my friends after work to celebrate one of my co-workers birtday. when I got home he was very angry. he packed his bags. I tried to make him understand that I did nothing wrong. we argued and then later we made up, or so I thought. the next morning he left and I havent heard from him. I am afraid that he's not gonna come back. he left some of his things here, so I am hopeful. I think he knows that I didnt do anything, I think he just needs time to figure out what he wants in life. but I dont want to loose him. I love him too much and miss him like crazy!!! I am giving him time to think I havent called him either. I tried calling but he didnt answer so I thought I will just let him be and give him some sapce, I am willing to wait, but for how long? I need some advice. what am I doing wrong???
 
July 9, 2009, 3:11 am CDT

I feel great sympathy for you.

Quote From: paloma85

my boyfriend and I met when we were in high school. he was my high school sweetheart. we broke up in high school because of gossip from a girl who wanted for herself, someone he didnt even like and thought was my friend. 23 years went by and we meet again, yes the one who brought us together was the one who split us up the first time. I have been a single mom for along time 18 years to be exact. livin alone for more than 10. we started living together but its just that I feel he's not ready to commit, and I love him so much, I never stopped loving him since high school, hard to believe, but true. I like having friends and like to be around them, he gets jealous of them, we dont share the same friends. in his past relationship he was cheated on and is afraid of getting hurt again. I made the mistake, I think, of staying with my friends after work to celebrate one of my co-workers birtday. when I got home he was very angry. he packed his bags. I tried to make him understand that I did nothing wrong. we argued and then later we made up, or so I thought. the next morning he left and I havent heard from him. I am afraid that he's not gonna come back. he left some of his things here, so I am hopeful. I think he knows that I didnt do anything, I think he just needs time to figure out what he wants in life. but I dont want to loose him. I love him too much and miss him like crazy!!! I am giving him time to think I havent called him either. I tried calling but he didnt answer so I thought I will just let him be and give him some sapce, I am willing to wait, but for how long? I need some advice. what am I doing wrong???

It is difficult to believe that a woman that raised a child, lived on her own for 10 years, has been able to stay in love with one person all her life (showing great devotion and responsibility) is somehow stuck in something like this, asking very "obvious" questions, but not "seeing" what it is she is asking!

 

Why do you question yourself so much? It is what it is. You are with a narcissist and a child (your wonderful man).  No one should ever tell someone they are angry because they spent time with friends. Friends can be like family to many and to punish you by threats is assinine and you know it.

 

But because you are desperate for someone in your life, don't like to be by herself, fears growing old alone, no daddy for her baby, you have resorted to this "fantasy" lover (denial) and abusive relationship (you are not the victim here either).  It took me a long time to finally grow a set of ovaries and face the beautiful fact that I too, you too, should only be with those that love and respect you and those that you love and respect. It does not go to say that we will not confront some of those that we don't feel this way about, BUT WE CERTAINLY DON'T MARRY THEM OR ALLOW OURSELVES TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM .  If you think about, how could you possibly love someone that threatens to leave you because you went to a birthday party????? He also sounds a little bipolar or something else is going on psychologically with him.

 

I wish you luck but more importantly, I wish you freedom from this suffering. But in order to be free of suffering, you have to let go of all your attachments, and that means, even your attachment to being abused and mistreated. There is a reason you allow this............and you know it. Don't waste your life feeling sorry for yourself and looking for justification for feeling sorry for yourself. You can be happy but you need to want to be.  Kimi

 
July 18, 2009, 8:41 pm CDT

Long Distance Relationship-Guily and Lonely

My boyfriend and I started dating when we were seventeen and now we're seniors in college.  He went to a University in Virginia while I decided on a school close to home.  Soon after we went off to school, I cheated on him with another guy.  Needless to say this put a strain on our relationship.  Over time, he forgave me and we have moved on.  Now I find myself missing him more than I ever have before. (I think that whole experience made me realize how much I love him!)  He is a really busy guy and it feels like he never has time for me.  I have never suspected him of cheating and I still don't.  I avoid bringing up the subject of neglect because I feel as if my cheating past overshadows any faults he may have.  I have absolutely no desire to cheat again, but this loneliness is starting to make me question the relationship.  Right now we are both setting the foundation for the rest of our lives and we have often talked about marriage in the future.  I love him very much, but I'm afraid of feeling this way forever.  Any advice?
 
July 21, 2009, 4:20 pm CDT

breaking up after 6 yrs going on 7

so here it goes. right now i am going through one of the toughest things in my life. i am only 23 years old, but i believe that i am losing the person i am supposed to be with. we have had many ups and downs. I would definitely say that we have had more good times than bad for sure... yes recently they have been bad and that has been my fault. I feel like we have never been on the same page since we were about 19. There was always some still pent up stress and bitterness towards things in the past. He was trying now and I was stressed with school, jobs and life and i was pushing him away when i should have been taking it in. I dont know why i was doing it at all. I decided that I needed some "space" which by the way is the worst word and i dont even know what i was asking for because it wasnt what i wanted (i think i just really wanted time to study and not argue or think about anything but that test) it was dumb. but then i really thought about things, and looked at how i had been treating him in these past few months and I said to myself, WHY AM I DOING THAT! thats not me, i dont want to be mean to him or anything, he is my rock. then he decided that he needed some time to think and just be alone, so we broke up were single. he didnt say it was over forever and he didnt know how long it was going to be, he said he loves me and has a lot of thinking to do. but i just dont know what to do because he wants space, but i am afraid if im not around he may not think about the good we had. We have been through many things that most people dont even go through until theyre married. We have grown up together. I just know that this time we are on the same page and there wont be any bitterness or anger and we can really show how much we love each other. he wont talk to me in person either because it hurts him to see me cry...which after 6 years i cant handle not talking and communication had always been a big problem too. I am trying to stay strong because there is that glimmer of it not being permanent...but its just so scary i dont know what to do if he doesnt give us that chance. Im scared he was my first love and my only love. anyone help?
 
July 21, 2009, 5:21 pm CDT

Thanx for replying :)

Quote From: ebstylin

No worries girl!!  First things first... you have not even began to live yet!!  that is good, because young love is hard!!  very!!  I have a daughter about your age.. and I have been there myself..believe me.. I just broke up myself...I should "know better"!! lol.... right?  NOT! Love is love....but let me tell you straight out...NOW!!!  DO NOT CALL HIM ANYMORE... HE SHOULD HAVE A JOB, GO TO SCHOOL.. HAVE A CAR.. HE SHOULD BE AFTER YOU...NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!  ... He needs to grow up...but he won't yet.. he is just a baby...just think of when he turns 21 and goes out with his friends to the bars etc.....you will be going crazy!!!  You did what you felt....it's over.. leave it alone now and DON'T WASTE ANOTHER MINUTE OF YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE!!!  Do you know how many boys are out there????  concentrate on yourself right now.... remember what happened... ALWAYS , ALWAYS, LISTEN TO YOUR "inner" SELF.. ALWAYS.. that little voice inside... its RIGHT ON!!  You knew it was not right.... now end it once in for all!!!  it's NOT going to work babe!! 
Oh, it hurts... DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT EVER EVER LETTING HIM TOUCH YOUR BODY AGAIN EITHER!!  NEVER EVER GIVE IN TO HIM AGAIN!  Men are in thier prime at this time... that is ALL THEY THINK ABOUT.... you need to be very very careful... the world is full of diseases and you don't want to catch anything .. it's NOT WORTH IT!!!!!.....My daughter had a big scare with her on again off again CHEAT of a boyfriend.. and she thought she got a disease... they will NOT wear condoms!!  It's too scary!!!! I am sorry I sound so blunt.. but I take this very very serious and I wish we had internet and all this when I needed it back in my day!! lol.....I learned everything the hard way.. and now it's my way or the high way baby!! lol ...trust me... he is not the only fish in the sea!!  you should print out what you wrote and read this later in life so you can laugh at it!! lol... you live and learn.. that's all you can do.. we are human!! 
Move on.... take it easy.... don't answer the phone NO MATTER WHAT.....  AND DON'T SEE HIM!!!  The right one can't come into your life if you are stuck to the old!!  It is written all over your face and men can "sense" that.... serious!!
I need to take my own advise, I am having a hard time right now because my boyfriend is NOT right for me.. and I am too old for this crap and I should know better.. and I don't know if he will call or not and I have to be strong... this time it HAS to END.  I wish I can start all over.... most men just think of sex at that age... be very careful...you should concentrate on yourself and your future.. and love is NOT SEX....remember that!!
Go out with your friends, and have a blast.... keep busy... and you will see... it will take you a while... they say sometimes as long as the relationship lasted... but that is ok... right?  be strong.. he will respect you more and you can "stick it" to his baby friends and his family.... you are worth it!! 

let me know what happens...

el

Well, your message was a breath of fresh air, I really enjoyed reading it, and it made me smile. The update is that no we no longer are involved, obviously, but we did slowly go back and forth over the phone and that slowly died. I remember calling him once because i gave in. I was curious as to how he was doing and i missed the sound of his voice. Talking to him felt like talking to a stranger though, his tone of voiced seemed to be very frustrated and upset whereas mine was more so non-chalant. He said to me that he had something to tell me that would make me want to never talk to him again and this was 3 weeks or 4 past the time that we havn't seen each other.  He told me that he was with another girl and he got her pregnant. I reacted calmly and i didn't get upset. I told him that i wouldn't be surprised if he were to quickly fall for another girl, in a sarcastic kind of  "you're a piece of shit and i'm better than you kind of way" but with respect considering it was a sensitive issue.He then questioned weither or not I was upset and I said a bit, but I told him that I had to deal with the reality that he would move on and that, I would have never thought to think of him in that predicament. he was looking for my reaction, and got very upset when he told me that it was a lie. He chose to make up some sort of story to see how i would react. He then told me that the real reason as to while I should be upset is because i hadnt seen him in so long... The rest was about things that were going on in his family, such as his sister being pregnant and getting married... He then told me he love me...Again I didn't believe him because I told him that I was taking things slow and getting to know others and those were the ones who were going out of their way for me as opposed to him, who apparently loved me. I exaggerated a bit but whatever....I felt like he was just saying that to hurt me... he got facebook right after, and i found out when snooping at his sisters profile, and i saw that he had been making comments on his ex - girlfriends wall the day of which we broke up and a few days after. 

To sum it all up, he did me a favour. I was so hurt that i needed to get away from the emotional poison and surround myself around positive people. I went to church, but a Christian rather a catholic, which is what i am, church. I go every sunday now and i love the people i met as well as the atmosphere. Every sunday is like a breath of fresh air because we sings dsongs and have discussions based on the bible of which i somehow relate to my own life and try to make sense of it....I was never religious except for when i had to be on mandatory events such as Christmas and Easter, for example. He called me one night at 4 am and he said that he would call me back some other time and when that other time came along it was on a Saturday around 2 am, where it was his last since I never responded. I havn't heard from him since. Every now and then I'll snoop on his face book and I'll read his quotes and messages. Many are of things that reminded me of how he would speak to me, but directed towards another. It only makes me pitty more so than hate him. I don't hate him but i feel bad for him because he's such a drama queen, extremely crny and fake, as well as un original... a try hard almost. For example he writes to whomever..your voice is the summer in my ears, and your eyes are the sun sets over the ocean's,all in all your the girl of my dreams"'

 

WHAT A LOSER...lol well.. i didn't think so when i was with him lololol but reading him makes me pitty him.......and i feel like and idiot reading his messages lol... i guess we're in the same boat...

 

Right now, i met someone else and he was a friend from high school who i havnt seen in 3 years.  

This guy confuses me because he tells me that he wants to get serious with me, pays for everything whenever we're together, and he holds my hand and all. He asked me to go on vacation with him, he wanted me to meet his mom, and it goes on... Then suddenly he grows a change a heart i guess... One night he asked to kiss me and i had said no because i wanted to wait for a special moment. Anyway besides that the greater information is that he's moving away to ottowa in febuary and then intends on moving to south america... He talked about it and he said he wanted to get to know me...(yet he didnt hesitate to ask for a kiss and mention everything else lol)...we talked over the phone yesterday and he said that he "thinks"he likes me and he feels like i am his girlfriend and he continued to say that he wants me to be comfortable with him and he doesnt want me to do things that i dont want to do ( whatever that maybe, meanwhile i havnt even kissed him, we only hold hands lol ). I told him that i would like to be exclusive but i want to know that i can trust him and he will be honest as well as sincere with me. He said that he understood that i had gotten hurt in the past and i told him that i just know what i want and i dont want to be living with an enemy. He then said that maybe i need more time to get to know him and i replied that if he felt confident enough to know that he is trust worthy and honest and so on and so forth, together we would grow and continue to learn about each other/ get to know each other... i then said i had to go and he said he'de call me the next day wich is today and ive yet to hear from him. It's 8: 19... but i'll leave him alone to think about what i said but i believe that it's either black or white i'm sick of wishy washy...

 

 Anyway, before that conversation i had mentioned that i was going away with my parents and he was shocked that i hadnt invited him, and i told him that he hadn't even invited me over to his place. He told me it was because he had never brought a girl home, but i got him on that one after saying that he had told me about having done so once. Overall, I'm confused because he told me that he thinks it would be awkward to go away together and with his friends since they are couples going, but that concept didn't seem to pop into his mind when he first invited me. Apparently he doesn't know where we would stand by then... and of course he has yet to invite me to his place but he has no problem inviting himself over to mine.... He doesn't drive but he has a very good future, he's in school, works, and saves to go away. I don't know what to think because he seemed so confident when mentioning everything when we were solemnly friends... as if he were leading me on... and now plans are beginning to slowly cancel..... I don't know what to think but i hate the false impressions....

 

 

 
July 22, 2009, 6:49 pm CDT

What to do

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me about a month ago through a text message just after summer started. He has broken up with me before, 4 months into our relationship, just before spring break. The reason he gave me both times was " I can't do this relationship anymore." After the first time he broke up with me, it took about a month until he started trying to contact me again. He begged for me back and of course I took him back. This time, it was four days after, and he came to my house to get his things, and he told me he loves me and that he is obviously going to miss me. he also had the nerve to ask me if I had been talking to other guys. We have the same friends, so we see each other a lot and he told me had to avoid me at the bars because he didn't want to see guys hitting on me. One time he did and freaked out and left. That was the last time I saw him because I ended up going home for the rest of the summer due to the drama and hurt I was feeling. I have not talked to him for weeks, but his sister-in-law and I talk all the time because I was very close with his family. He is so predictable that I know once I get back and summer ends, he will want me back again. Do I take him back and try and save a two year relationship that seemed like we were married? Do I just move on?
 
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