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Topic : Breaking Up

Number of Replies: 5114
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:06:14 pm
Author : dataimport
Is it time to end things with your significant other? Or, have you just been handed a relationship pink slip? Share your stories.

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July 23, 2009, 9:26 pm CDT

Breaking Up

Quote From: tomaria411

Hello there,
A week ago my boyfriend broke up with me. We had a relationship fo 2 years and 9 months.
We still love eachother and it is very hard for me.
Sometimes we had fights, but we always decided to make things better in the end.
Even a week before the breakup he said he decided to be more passioned in this relationship we had.
Then he had some camp from a theaterclub he is with and a friend from his friend died and he realized he didn't do what he wanted in life, he had to get more out of life.
He came back home and was very silent and distant from me. And I asked him why he was.. he wouldn't tell me but told me in the end he needed time alone to think things over. So I gave him a weekend, but it didn't help. He decided to break up because the relationship was restraining him from being his happy self and to be 'really' alive everyday. I just don't understand, he wasn't himself with me, because he wasn't open enough. I understand a lot of men won't talk about their feelings, but I thought that in relationships problems could be solved together and now he just walks away.
It has been a week from now, I still feel very sad and kinda lonely, I don't have many friend, the ones I have are far away.
I was curious how he was doing and sent him a textmessage, then he replied that he was very busy and not happy with it and I answered that he should take time for himself to overthink things, because, he is always running away from his feelings. And then he said that I shouldn't care about him, that he just needed to have fun in life (I don't know why he can't have fun with me...) and that he didn't want to think and that I shouldn't wait for him to come back together.. I got angry about this somehow, feeling he didn't care about our relationship at all. But then he called the next morning and told me that he didn't mean that he didn't care, that he missed me and that it hurts a lot for him too but that he just doesn't want to think about it. Is that healthy? he wasn't very open in our relationship, probably the reason why it stranded because he can't tell what he want, he can't give his opinion so it seems he doesn't have one. I feel he has to be honest with himself and with me, even when we broke up, so I can leave things behind. So we decided to have a conversation somewhere in the future to talk about things, again.
I just don't understand, why can't he be with me, have fun with me, tell me all his feelings? Maybe it's his past, because he never could tell his parents or anyone else for that sake... and I know I shouldn't wait for him, but we were so close the last time we saw eachother, we still love eachother,.. then why breakup?
I can see something unhealthy in that he can't tell me what he wants.. but..  you could learn to do that, right?  Is there some future if he maybe learns from this?

Also.. I'm sorry if there is any bad English language.. I'm from the Netherlands and trying my best.
This is the EXACT same situation I am going through right now. It is weird that the same relationship situations can happen to so many people. My boyfriend and I dated for 2 years and for the whole two years he was never able to communicate or tell me how he feels. He always ran away from his feelings and tried to break up with me plenty of times because of it. and every time he tried to do that I said fine, and then he would be right back to me. I am going through the second time he has broken up with me and he has given me no reason. His reasoning is "he can't do this relationship right now" the same reason he uses EVERY TIME. I think guys get scared when they get into serious relationships and RUN AWAY from how they really feel. They may go out and have fun, but deep down inside they know what they had and they start to miss it. BUT they can't make them selves look soft so they go on with it for a while. My ex broke up with me just as summer started. weird eh? He wanted to go out and party all the time but I never understood why he couldnt with me. I love to party and go out. Im fun too.
I have not talked to him for almost a month now except for when his friend was in the hospital i sent him a text telling him that I was there for him. Since then I have not heard from him... and he has not heard from me.
The best advice I can give you is to leave him alone. let him have his fun. but you need to have your fun too. Let him miss what you two had and make him realize that you are not going to sit and wait for him. If you sit there and confess your love to him he will know that he can have you when he is done "having fun" I am having a hard time dealing with my situation too, and I'm sure you are as well. It's hard not being with someone you are used to calling all the time and expecting to be there for you.
Let him have his space and make sure you surround yourself around positive people. You do not deserve a guy that does this to you. If you two are meant to be together, something will happen to bring you two back together.  right now just have your own fun!!!
I hope this helps! let me know any updates!
 
July 25, 2009, 7:15 am CDT

In the same boat!

My boyfriend (well ex-boyfriend now) and I were together for a year, and he ended it a couple of weeks ago telling me that he still loved me, that he was still crazy about me and I'm his closest friend, he told me he feels closer to me than his twin brother, but he said he was confused and wasn't sure he we should be together. It took me completely by surprise and it hurts so much, when I thought I had found "the one". He told me he didn't want to see other people, but I'm still scared he'll find someone else. He said he wanted to stay friends, and at first I didn't want, but not talking to him made me hurt even more.

 

My brain has been going 100 miles per hour, I'm just trying to figure out what happened, if we were getting too serious too fast, or maybe since we were dating for a while he wasn't feeling the butterflies and assumed that because of that the love had gone, or he got bored, or I don't know.

 

My friends have been great and super supportive, but he was my best friend, I talked about everything with him, and what hurts more than him rejecting me is to think that I can't tell him how I feel.

 

 

 
July 27, 2009, 8:35 am CDT

Heartbroken and confused. need advice

 

My girl of 2 and a half years broke up with me for another guy whos closer to home and more affectionate. She was 18, just turned 19, and hes 24. Still I love and miss her and i dont know why. Its been 2 months and she told a mutual friend that she cares about me alot and sees herself with me in the future. She recently got pissed at me bc i texted her back a day after she texted me. She said I was “fake” and that her family saying that i care about her was all lies bc she said “you always have your phone on you” and was expecting me to text right back like I used to. We dont really talk. It seems like she tries to make some kind of contact by either texting me or poking me on facebook eventhough were not facebook friends or friends in general about once a week. What does this mean? Why would she say that she sees herself with me in the future after what she has done and how I've been treated? Why freakout about me texting her back when she replaced me? please help

 
July 30, 2009, 4:11 pm CDT

Breaking Up

I was in a relationship for 2 years and lately its been like hell. Everything was fine until this last month. We lived together then she moved back out with her family and that was ok with me because we may have rushed it a lttle. Then a month ago she told me she needed space because she started school again and long work hours. EVer since then we have been arguing. She sd she loves me and wants to be with me and work on things, but she has not been very honest with me lately. She started getting more and more guy friends. I didn't mind for them but one. This guy told her he likes her and she is starting to hang out with him more and more, but yet tells me she wants to work on things with me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I don't know if I can believe her because she never has time for me and she won't stop hanging out with him even though she knows he likes her. I don't want to be involved in a love triangle. Everytime I try to move on she would text, call, or come to my house to tell me she loves me and cant be without me but yet doesnt want to stop being friends with a guy who likes her. I'm starting to think she has feelings for him as well and maybe thats why its hard for her to let go. What do I do?

 
August 3, 2009, 12:58 am CDT

Breaking Up

Never move in with someone until you marry them! Everything gets messed up otherwise.
 
August 4, 2009, 4:37 am CDT

still love ex

Hi, my question is, does anyone know why an ex would be reading my emails? I know this is not a big deal, but my ex broke up with me about  two years ago. He has since married, even though I live with him for fifteen years and he swore he would never marry again. This is his third. Anyway, It was a bad breakup. I followed him near the end and he ended up getting a restraining order against me. I'm not crazy. I never threatened him or destroyed his belongings. I just was afraid to let him go. Anyway, recently I bumped into him while riding my bike, he lives near by. I told him I wasn't following him and that I ride my bike in this same area every weekend. Now it seems he's riding his bike everyweekend, though I never saw him before. I took a chance and sent him a funny email. He read it,but didn't respond. So I sent him a few other emails just general conversation. He again opened them, but did not respond. What's going on here? Is it all in my mind, or is he interested in what I have to say? And why, all of a sudden, is he poppin up in the same place I ride my bike? Not with his wife, but alone. I'm just lookin for some answers. confused!
 
August 5, 2009, 9:46 am CDT

long term relationship - in love??

i'm 27, and i've been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years. we have a GREAT relationship. i love everything about her. she has basically every quality i find important in a potential life partner (she's down to earth, very "real," huge heart and very loving, very honest, great sense of humor, athletic, good looking, and she makes me laugh all the time!). i absolutely adore her. the problem is, i don't think i'm in love with her. if we were to break up tomorrow, i think i would be sad, but i think i would get over it relatively quickly. i think she would be very affected, and it would take her a long time. the thought of not being with her anymore is scary, because i feel like i would be losing someone who i could be happy spending the rest of my life with. especially since she's the best woman i've ever met, the best combination of all those things i really value. but again, i don't think i'm in love with her.. i dont often get those feelings of overwhelming love. i think a lot of what i feel might be superficial. i'm really not an emotional person, and i think i might be emotionally out of touch/immature. maybe if i were more in touch i would feel more love??

we've been talking about moving in together, because i want to take the next step and see if i would develop more feelings of love. i understand that this could be a bad idea because moving in naturally leads to marriage, and that i would have to monitor myself to make sure i would be marrying her because of love and not because it's convenient, or other reasons.

should i break up with her??? part of me thinks that if i'm not in love with her by now, i never will be. another part of me thinks that i'm just not there yet, emotionally, and this is unfair to her.
 
August 5, 2009, 11:47 pm CDT

I Need Help/Advice

I met my live in boyfriend on a message board last year.  He was "seperated" and about after a month of dating I found out he was lying and still married. I almost broke it off then but he was there for me emotionally when my dad passed away so I didn't.  He moved in with me in December.  He's 9 years younger than me (I'm 38) and he was married to a woman 10 years older than him for 12 years (they are going through a divorce)  He has 3 children with her.    About 2 weeks after he moved in I found a receipt for a massage parlor in his work pockets.  This was on a night when he was supposedly working late.  I was furious and thre him out only to take him back the next day because I felt so in love with him plus he said it was due to the stress with his soon to be ex.  I have since caught him on one additional ocassion lying and have not been able to trust him since.  It's now 7 months later and I still have trust issued though things have been going good between us.  I work nights and fiind it hard not to think he's up to no good when I'm at work.  Financially we are barely making it as his child support is half of what he makes and I have not been receiving child support for my 2 girls.  My mother does not like him and has suggested I move in with her to better myself financially (I am a mess right now) as she states" You have no future with that guy".  I don't know what to do!  I really love him but can't trust him.  I feel he is always doing somethin that will hurt me if I found out. Before I started dating him I ended a 2 year live in relationship right before our wedding.  Did I jump into another relationship too fast?  HELP!
 
August 6, 2009, 3:45 pm CDT

i just dont know what happened

 I have been dating my girl friend for about a year and a half and everyhting was going really great. She was my best friend and i did everything i could to make her life easiar and she would constantly say she couldnt imagine her life with out me. We constantly talked about spending the rest of our lives together and a future together. I am 23 and she is 21 so i graduated college this past may and moved home to pursue my career... she moved to right outside my home town for the summer for a summer internship in the city. Everytyhing was great at the start of the summer but shortly after comeing home she just started getting real mean. Everytime i was around shed just flip out and say things that really just did not need to be said. Finally one day last week she just said you know what i really just dont want to date you anymore and some other really harsh things. WE talked for awhile and she assured me she just said it out of anger so we continued to date and i went down the beach with her and her family this past weekend. On the way back i asked her whats benn going on...that she just seems distant from me and she doesnt seem to even be attracted to me anymore...she says she just doesnt know and she just sint sure if she loves me anymore...she says things just feel differnty and she just knows she isnt happy when im around....i had already commited to helping her move out a few days later so she asked if i still would so like a fool i went... the second i show up she starts getting mad at me for everyhting i do...i put something in the car the wrong way and she started going off about how wothless i am and what a piece of crap i am so i started to get angry and asked her who she though she was to talk to someone like that and i didnt care if she didnt want to be with me but she cant treat me that way...she told me it doesnt even bother her when she talks to me that way...and that she jsut wants a break from me b/c i am just annoying....how did this just all of a sudden happen? what causes this? how do you go from literally over night saying u want to be with someone for the rest of ur life to treating them like dirt?
 
August 6, 2009, 10:45 pm CDT

Advice, please--I want out!

Hi everyone,

I've been in a relationship with someone for the past year and a half and, for more of the relationship than I'd care to admit, I've been really miserable. I'm 25 years old and I just finished graduate school. I was in a long-distance relationship with him before and then we decided to move so I can finish graduate school. We are supposed to move back to his hometown together soon, and I absolutely don't want to. I want out of the relationship. I want to be on my own, to move somewhere I want to live, and to be happy by myself. He sits around the house and all but refuses to leave because he has body image issues and has gained weight. He has done some pretty terrible things to me, not physical or verbal abuse but other manipulative things, and has some serious problems, like eating disorders and drug abuse.

I feel like I was manipulated into this relationship and I'm too weak or scared to just GET OUT OF IT. We're supposed to move in a month and a half and I can't stand the thought of moving anywhere but away from him. But I can't bring myself to say it! I can't bring myself to have the conversation.

I had gone along with plans to move with him, but now I just can't stand the thought of it. We are fundamentally incompatible people and we need to break up. But he is really dependent on me, and highly emotionally manipulative. He also gets very depressed and self-destructive, and I don't want to be responsible for him hurting himself (he's attempted suicide several times before). He's alienated me from my friends and family.

Please help me!! This relationship makes me miserable and anxious and I can't seem to get out of it. What can I do to get out of this bad situation?
 
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