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Topic : Breaking Up

Number of Replies: 5114
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:06:14 pm
Author : dataimport
Is it time to end things with your significant other? Or, have you just been handed a relationship pink slip? Share your stories.

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August 25, 2005, 9:41 pm CDT

I think what you are saying as a plan, sounds like a good plan

Quote From: bball4life

She used to not talk to him. Well, you are so right, what do you think of this plan and how do you think it could pan out? OK, well right now she is staying with the baby's dad's aunt, and the dad actually stays there occasionally. I have some weight to lose and some issues to resolve within myself. Maybe untill I get comfortable with myself, and she is comfortable being with me, we can try again. But one of my biggest fears is that she will be or already has been with the baby's dad again....SHould i go out and find someone to hang out with while she is gone???

I think what you are saying as a plan, sounds like a good plan, but first you may want to talk to her, and let her know you have recognized the changes you need to make in your own life, irregardless of her decisions, and let her know you would like another chance, once you have made what changes you need to make in your life.  

 

You want her to be honest with her, as well as she being honest with you. Let her know you are going to make these changes no matter, but if she thinks you should move on, then move on. IF she thinks there is a chance, then it would not be appropriate for you to be seeing others if she is waiting on you. ONE thing you need to make sure you are willing to do is, if she tells you you need to move on, accept it, and move on. If she is honest enough to tell you you should move on, don't go attempting to convince her to change her mind. You would have already told her of the changes you are going to be making in your life, so if even after that she wants to go on without you, accept it, and both will be happier, either way it goes. 

 

I hope this helps. Good luck, and let us know how things go. 

 
August 25, 2005, 9:48 pm CDT

She's in charge of her life, and you are in charge of yours...

Quote From: everlast

 Hi all, first time poster.

I'm a 21 year old male from the great state of Michigan.  I was in a relationship for over 4 years with whom I thought was the love of my life.  From the start of the relationship we had issues (I would say a combination of me being jealous and her not being able to let go)...Needless to say we had many of issues with her ex boyfriend. 

Years went by and I kept finding out she was being unfaithful, persay, in that it was per a verbal agreement not to talk to our exes (we both had one in particular we each needed to stay way from).  I would find out she was either talking to him or having phone sex, either way very hurtful.

We would break up or take time and end up back together.  So let's cut to last December.  I discovered she had been talking to him again, behind my back. More phone sex.  I found this at the same time I was looking at rings and we were looking for an apartment. I promptly dumped her. The next day I had a death in the family and quickly fell back into her arms.

We fought and were unhappy for several months until 4 months ago she wanted a week apart to see if we would appreciate each other.  I went to a party, met some new friends, and she saw pictures. She freaked and it went down hill from there.  I personally went downhill, and became addicted to some prescription drugs (valium or xanax, and vicodin) with alcohol.  Still to this day I am addicted,  but it helps relieve my anxiety; which I've always had issues with. I just cannot fix this issue at this point and have accepted it for what it is worth.

During this past few months she has changed so much. She met someone new, quickly lost him, and is infatuated with him.  Being typical for herself, not being able to let go. So now SHE drinks heavily and parties hard and it just is not the girl I fell in love with.   Not to mention she talks to her ex all the time now and he is engaged to a woman.  She seems very interested in him and that situation is going to be nasty.

Now we are attempting to be friends (have so much in common), but both have expressed not being interested in each other at this point in time.  We talk nearly daily and recently have started cuddling,  kissing, and hanging out a lot.  One night I spent the night at her new apartment..Big mistake, we made love, and I woke up in her arms. But she continually asks how I feel and ensures that I know she doesn't wish to date me. She keeps getting everything she wants from me, I just cannot say no.  No reason she doesn't want to date; I'm no challenge.

I am here numb and don't know what else to type. She's the complete opposite of who I fell in love with, and I am so angry with her. I think of getting back with her and having to worry about her ex all over again and everything else.. But yet being in her arms and kissing her feels so right.  I don't know how to say goodbye, or if I should.  I don't know if I have hope for the future but I really don't know how to approach her with this situation and I really cannot take much more.  Between the drugs and alcohol and depression this path cannot get any worse. One of these times i'll end up without a pulse or in a coma....

Thanks


She's in charge of her life,  and you are in charge of yours.  What you need to do is focus on your own addictions, and let her deal with hers. I think the two of you are way to volatile for each other, and until the both of you are clean and sober, you are not any good for each other. The two of you will only bring each other further down, rather than build each other up. 

 

At this point in time,  I think you need to break contact with this woman, and focus on getting  yourself clean and sober. You need some counseling to go along with this, as this is not something one can easily do on their own. 

 

I hope this helps. Good luck, and keep us posted on how your recovery, if that is what you wind up doing, goes. 

 
August 26, 2005, 6:55 am CDT

Breaking Up

That sounds like exactly what I want to do. I actually tried to break it off with her 2 times, but I just didn't do it in the end. We were right back to where we started again. And then, this summer just happened soo fast you know. And I just knew that she was the one for me, but I just wanted to get my insides sorted out so that I could be the best bf for her you know. So, now, I guess I got that time and I didn't even have to ask for it. So, I want to talk to her, but she basically told me not to call her last time we talked. We havent talked since tuesday. So, i want to call her and let her know these things. What I have been doin in the past is call her like 20 times(exageration) a day and she just felt like I wasnt givin her space to figure things out. Should I call her. I think me and her need to take a couple of months apart, as hard as its going to be, so that I can get my self together and she can get herself together also, and then maybe we can get back together.
 
August 26, 2005, 12:32 pm CDT

wake up Kaylee!

Quote From: kaylee1985

I KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT ITS JUST HARD I FEEL LIKE I LOVE THIS GUY SO MUCH AND HOW COULD I SPEND MY LIFE WITHOUT HIM THEN OTHER TIMES I HATE HIM WITH A PASSION HE TO ABUSES ALCOHOL AND DRUGS IN FACT THAT IS WHEN HE IS ABUSIVE I WOULD LIKE TO BLAME IT ON ALCOHOL BUT DEEP IN MY HEART I KNOW THAT IS JUST AN EXSCUSE HE TO WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO HAVE FRIENDS AND GO PLACE AND I FEEL MORE LIKE HIS 13 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER THAN HIS GIRLFRIEND AND I GUESS I JUST FEEL SORRY FOR HIM. I THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP SO MUCH I HAVE TO GO RIGHT NOW BUT I WOULD LOVE TO STAY IN CONTACT WITH YOU MY E-MAIL ADRESS IS (KAYLEE_M_1985@YAHOO.COM) WRITE ME IF YOU WANT OR IF YOU WOULD RATHER JUST TALK ON HERE THATS FINE TO HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON  

                                                                                              KAYLEE 

I'm sitting here reading your message and your writing that this guy abuses alcohol, drugs, and you??  Get out of this relationship as quick as you can!! You two are only dating right now and he's treating you this badly?? Everyone deserves someone who will treat them with nothing but respect, and love! There is someone out there for you who will love you for who you are; and this includes your personal life: friends, going places, etc.!  Don't settle for less than you deserve! I can tell you this from my own experience! I was in a relationship for almost 4 years with a guy that treated me like crap most of the time! I understand how it's hard to leave, it's a bit scary to get out into the single world again, and it takes amazing strength to get out of a situation like that! But, do it! Get out now when you don't have any attachments! Respect yourself, and allow yourself to be happy and live the best life you can! That right guy who will treat you the way you deserve will find you soon I'm sure!! Take care of yourself ok! 

 
August 26, 2005, 3:27 pm CDT

Is this cheating?

 I've been with this guy ever since i've been in college 3 1/2 years ago.  Well this past December he graduated and ever since then we have been having problems.  Every time I start to think it goes good it starts to go bad.  I've done everything in my power I think to make it work.  I go home every weekend to see him, but lately he just doesn't seem like enough.  He works 2 jobs right now so we dont get to spend time with each other as I would like to.  It might sound selfish but I feel like he don't put in the effort that I do.  Maybe its just a guy thinh I don't know.  Here's my problem and he knows about this guy.  I have been talking to this other guy back and forth over the phone and internet over a week or so.  We go to the same school and I don't see the problem with it.  My boyfriend knows that we have been talking and didn't seem to have a problem with it.  It's not like I was hiding anything from him.  I believe trust and honesty in important in a realtionship.  Here is when the problem comes in the other day after I got out of school I met him for lunch and thats IT! Nothing else happened me and this other guy went our separate ways.  Heres the thing my boyfriend knows that the other guy wanted more in return and assumes that we have done something apparently.  I felt really bad after the fact and told my boyfriend that night that I had met him for lunch even though I didnt do anything that would indicate to me that I did anything wrong.  Well after I told him he got real quiet and went ballistic and as a result told me he never wanted to see me or talk to me again.  I can't help but think about him and how horrible I feel for doing that, but at the same time I feel like I was not out of line on this one I told him and I didn't keep it a secret from him.  I have a hard time thinking what I would do without him and I was wondering is he going to realize he reacted or just give up on our future together?  Also I want to know peoples feedback on whether I was wrong or not meeting him for lunch and whether that is considered cheating?
 
August 26, 2005, 4:12 pm CDT

If you were meeting a girlfriend for lunch, would anything have been different with that lunch date?

Quote From: samgurly05

 I've been with this guy ever since i've been in college 3 1/2 years ago.  Well this past December he graduated and ever since then we have been having problems.  Every time I start to think it goes good it starts to go bad.  I've done everything in my power I think to make it work.  I go home every weekend to see him, but lately he just doesn't seem like enough.  He works 2 jobs right now so we dont get to spend time with each other as I would like to.  It might sound selfish but I feel like he don't put in the effort that I do.  Maybe its just a guy thinh I don't know.  Here's my problem and he knows about this guy.  I have been talking to this other guy back and forth over the phone and internet over a week or so.  We go to the same school and I don't see the problem with it.  My boyfriend knows that we have been talking and didn't seem to have a problem with it.  It's not like I was hiding anything from him.  I believe trust and honesty in important in a realtionship.  Here is when the problem comes in the other day after I got out of school I met him for lunch and thats IT! Nothing else happened me and this other guy went our separate ways.  Heres the thing my boyfriend knows that the other guy wanted more in return and assumes that we have done something apparently.  I felt really bad after the fact and told my boyfriend that night that I had met him for lunch even though I didnt do anything that would indicate to me that I did anything wrong.  Well after I told him he got real quiet and went ballistic and as a result told me he never wanted to see me or talk to me again.  I can't help but think about him and how horrible I feel for doing that, but at the same time I feel like I was not out of line on this one I told him and I didn't keep it a secret from him.  I have a hard time thinking what I would do without him and I was wondering is he going to realize he reacted or just give up on our future together?  Also I want to know peoples feedback on whether I was wrong or not meeting him for lunch and whether that is considered cheating?

If you were meeting a girlfriend for lunch, would anything have been different with that lunch date? If not then nothing is wrong with having lunch with a friend. IF on your chats  on line, if you would have been comfortable copying and pasting your conversation to your boyfriend, then nothing has happened that is wrong.  

   

Men and women can be friends without it turning to sex. It is not the normal thing all people do. If you and your boyfriend,(bf) were in the same town, then you could have had lunch with your bf instead, but again, even if you were in the same town, a lunch date from time to time is not unreasonable, as long as it is a platonic relationship. These can turn dangerous, and many affairs start with something as innocent as that.  

   

I will tell you of an experience of my own. I have a female friend that I have been close with for years, (since she was four and I was 11). Back when she was married, we both enjoyed hiking, and her husband did not. He would watch their children while the two of us went hiking many times. Nothing ever happened between us, and it could have been another man, and it would have been the same. This is not the norm, but it is not wrong. The thing that should have happened, was her husband should have taken at least a small interest in hiking, so the two of them could have shared that, instead of it being me, but again it was a totally innocent thing.  

   

I think the acid test for you is what I basically said above. If on your chatting, you would have been comfortable if your bf had been sitting beside you while chatting,  and if everything that happened at lunch would not have changed if again, your bf had been sitting at the table beside you, then you have no reason for guilt.   

   

Things CAN happen and I am sure many would post that you are flirting with disaster, which in your case did happen as far as your bf's reaction, but it is his problem with insecurity, not yours. Maybe, since you said he has not been acting as close to you lately, that he used this as an excuse and it was something he was already wanting to do, but was not mature enough to come out and say it.  

   

You may be more confused after reading my post than you were before, I hope not, but from my point of view, especially since it was not when you had an opportunity to be with your bf, you did nothing wrong. It was above board, you told him about it, and if he had problems with it, he should have expressed these with you, not go off like a moron. I hope this helps, and good luck  

 
August 28, 2005, 4:40 am CDT

everlast, time for a WAKE UP call

Quote From: everlast

 Hi all, first time poster.

I'm a 21 year old male from the great state of Michigan.  I was in a relationship for over 4 years with whom I thought was the love of my life.  From the start of the relationship we had issues (I would say a combination of me being jealous and her not being able to let go)...Needless to say we had many of issues with her ex boyfriend. 

Years went by and I kept finding out she was being unfaithful, persay, in that it was per a verbal agreement not to talk to our exes (we both had one in particular we each needed to stay way from).  I would find out she was either talking to him or having phone sex, either way very hurtful.

We would break up or take time and end up back together.  So let's cut to last December.  I discovered she had been talking to him again, behind my back. More phone sex.  I found this at the same time I was looking at rings and we were looking for an apartment. I promptly dumped her. The next day I had a death in the family and quickly fell back into her arms.

We fought and were unhappy for several months until 4 months ago she wanted a week apart to see if we would appreciate each other.  I went to a party, met some new friends, and she saw pictures. She freaked and it went down hill from there.  I personally went downhill, and became addicted to some prescription drugs (valium or xanax, and vicodin) with alcohol.  Still to this day I am addicted,  but it helps relieve my anxiety; which I've always had issues with. I just cannot fix this issue at this point and have accepted it for what it is worth.

During this past few months she has changed so much. She met someone new, quickly lost him, and is infatuated with him.  Being typical for herself, not being able to let go. So now SHE drinks heavily and parties hard and it just is not the girl I fell in love with.   Not to mention she talks to her ex all the time now and he is engaged to a woman.  She seems very interested in him and that situation is going to be nasty.

Now we are attempting to be friends (have so much in common), but both have expressed not being interested in each other at this point in time.  We talk nearly daily and recently have started cuddling,  kissing, and hanging out a lot.  One night I spent the night at her new apartment..Big mistake, we made love, and I woke up in her arms. But she continually asks how I feel and ensures that I know she doesn't wish to date me. She keeps getting everything she wants from me, I just cannot say no.  No reason she doesn't want to date; I'm no challenge.

I am here numb and don't know what else to type. She's the complete opposite of who I fell in love with, and I am so angry with her. I think of getting back with her and having to worry about her ex all over again and everything else.. But yet being in her arms and kissing her feels so right.  I don't know how to say goodbye, or if I should.  I don't know if I have hope for the future but I really don't know how to approach her with this situation and I really cannot take much more.  Between the drugs and alcohol and depression this path cannot get any worse. One of these times i'll end up without a pulse or in a coma....

Thanks


You are in a very "unstable" relationship. You need to move on and let it go. Do it for your sake and the sake of your life. If things are like this now with you two, it isnt going to get any better. First, you need to get help to get off taking the pills and leave the alcohol alone. You need to face your fears head on with a "sober" attitude so you can handle it like a man can. There is someone for everyone here in this world and it is not this girl for you. Someone out there is waiting for you but you wont find her until you clean your act up and clear your head and take charge of "YOU"! Dont let this girl, or drugs or alcohol control you, YOU control YOU. Do you really want to be with someone that you cannot trust? That you have to worry about? She already hid this from you before with her ex. dont you think she would do it again? I say, move on and get on the right track. Life is too short to live like this. YOu will get past this.I know it hurts and you are already depressed about it, and by drinking and popping pills, it is only going to depress you more. How can the two of you ever have a normal relationship if you guys are turning to drugs and alcohol because things arent what you want? LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT!!! I used to be like you. (except I am a woman). It took me years to wake up. I am glad I finally did. No-one is WORTH the torture you are putting yourself through. I finally found a good man and married and had kids. NOw I have a child who is fighting diabetes and wants to live. God does not give us anymore than we can handle. Your situation could be worse, you could be living with a deadly disease that you may not want. Be thankful for what you have and not what you dont have. There is a reason for everything. You will find the right person for you one day, but you wont find them while being in a different frame of mind. Pull yourself together and let her see what she had, but lost. Step into the real world and face your challenges. You owe it to yourself. What may feel right, does not always mean it is. Enjoy life!! Stop hurting yourself!! Let it go and move on and you will find happiness again. I did. Take care and remember, LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT, it doesnt make you. Good luck!
 
August 28, 2005, 9:19 am CDT

To Samgurly05

Quote From: samgurly05

 I've been with this guy ever since i've been in college 3 1/2 years ago.  Well this past December he graduated and ever since then we have been having problems.  Every time I start to think it goes good it starts to go bad.  I've done everything in my power I think to make it work.  I go home every weekend to see him, but lately he just doesn't seem like enough.  He works 2 jobs right now so we dont get to spend time with each other as I would like to.  It might sound selfish but I feel like he don't put in the effort that I do.  Maybe its just a guy thinh I don't know.  Here's my problem and he knows about this guy.  I have been talking to this other guy back and forth over the phone and internet over a week or so.  We go to the same school and I don't see the problem with it.  My boyfriend knows that we have been talking and didn't seem to have a problem with it.  It's not like I was hiding anything from him.  I believe trust and honesty in important in a realtionship.  Here is when the problem comes in the other day after I got out of school I met him for lunch and thats IT! Nothing else happened me and this other guy went our separate ways.  Heres the thing my boyfriend knows that the other guy wanted more in return and assumes that we have done something apparently.  I felt really bad after the fact and told my boyfriend that night that I had met him for lunch even though I didnt do anything that would indicate to me that I did anything wrong.  Well after I told him he got real quiet and went ballistic and as a result told me he never wanted to see me or talk to me again.  I can't help but think about him and how horrible I feel for doing that, but at the same time I feel like I was not out of line on this one I told him and I didn't keep it a secret from him.  I have a hard time thinking what I would do without him and I was wondering is he going to realize he reacted or just give up on our future together?  Also I want to know peoples feedback on whether I was wrong or not meeting him for lunch and whether that is considered cheating?
No, going out with a guy friend for lunch is NOT cheating- but because you said that things haven't been going well between your boyfriend and you for awhile now, perhaps your boyfriend is just using this whole lunch thing as an excuse to break up with you? I'm sure you never even thought of that, because here you are, blaming yourself-- but its not your fault! To have a healthy relationship, you've got to have outside friends, both of you, both male and female, and you've go to have honesty and trust. It sounds like your long time boyfriend is very insecure with himself, don't blame yourself for that.  It sounds like, maybe, the two of you have grown apart? You are interested in making new friends, and he wants you to have your life only revolve around him and his needs, while he doesn't have to do anything for you...thats not a healthy relationship. I know its difficult to face a breakup since you've been together for over 3 years, but at your ages, people do grow apart and change. You don't want to spend any more time with a jelous guy like this, you will have to explain everything you do in your life everyday to him...thats no way to live. Its not selfish to expect to get back as much as you give, stop being so hard on yourself. Its time to move forward, this was  a life experience for you to learn from.
 
August 29, 2005, 12:00 am CDT

This would make me livid

Good for you for being concerned - you have a right to be concerned where your child is involved.  With your former parner however, it's hard to separate the feelings but you are now FORMER - right?  So, I feel for you and your concern over your child.....I would be also very concerned about the exposure to multiple partners.  I think it is unfair of others to judge your concern - IF your concern is for your child, which I think and hope it is.  It's so hard to draw the line between intimacy with a former love/husband/father .......... to a new line of..........protectors of  your child.  If he isn't able to see the damage of so quickly introducing new parners into the life of his  child,  then good for you for no longer being with someone of so little foresight.  As far as your conerns, you don't have any "rights" as far as legal and it is a shame that he doesn't have enough respect for you as the mother of his child and his former partner to at least introduce you to the new "partner" in his life, but I guess you may want to take  "her" position as well.  How "great" would you feel knowing that your new boyfriend refuses to introduce you to the mother of his baby?  If I were her, I would feel very insulted that I would be unable to meet the mom of the child that I am going to be caring for because of so much  venom from my parner.  Anger comes from fear.....what is he scared of and who is he hurting?  Only himself and your child.  KEEP YOU INTEGRITY ..............talk to your daughter and tell her that home is always safe and secure..........don't bash her Daddy...she loves  him, and tell her how much she's loved and if she needs to talk about Dad's house and how scary it is...................SUCK IT UP.................then tell he how much her Dad and you love her......then get a glass of wine or a cup of tea and call your best friend and tell her how much of a prick he is.........just don't tell your daughter.   She is 1/2 him.    WISH YOU LUCK!!!   Take the high road and show your daughter that her mom has integrity and class.   
"
 
August 29, 2005, 10:54 pm CDT

Breaking Up

Quote From: maida_d

Hi.... well i been with this guy for almost a year and i love him so much that i cant even put it in word .... we broke up before 4 weeks or so after he told me that he's not sure how he feels about me.... couple of weeks pased after out break up n he told me he loves me like always but we just cant be together because he wants 2 go 2 school n if i am with him he might fell all of his classes ... i realli love him and im willing to wait as long as i have to.... but will he stop loving me?

well me and my ex still talk its just hes making me think about us..today i told him that i got a new boyfriend nand he sounded mad or sad or something i dont even know ..but than hes saying he's not sure he loves me and secand day hes saying he does i realli dont know what to think anymore. when i told him that i have a boyfriend he was different like he wants me but i realy dont have a boyfriend because im in love with him and i would do anything to go back with him..what do you think how can i get him back??? 

  

HELPP PLEASE 

 
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