Topic : Breaking Up

How can he move  on so quickly?  Consider  yourself lucky.  Consider it closure and move on.  The love of my life , the man I've been with for 2 yrs and thought I was going to marry has slowly been moving on with his life without telling me.  He recently told me he was going skiing and would be back the next day and would call me.  I drove by the bar he hangs out at-- saw his car-- went in to find out he had plans to go out and party it up with another guy and 5 girls.  I pretended everything was fine to save face.  They decided to go somewhere else and he let me know that I ( his girlfriend, the women he professed to love) was not invited.  If I had not left first he would have walked out with all of those girls leaving me (his girlfriend) sitting alone  at the bar.   

Learn from my mistakes.  No man is worth the emotional turmoil.  I  am intelligent, some say beautifuland I usually have a good head on my shoulders.  But I let this man beat me down emotionally.  He said he loved me but actions showed different.  Maybe I wanted to be loved so badly I ignored the signs.  Now I feel he's robbed 2 yrs of my life.   How do you move on?  Hopefully youhave good friends  to  hang with.........if not maybe you live in a town that has a museum, zoo, etc.  ,  concentrate ongetting through school.  Most of all-- Love yourself.  There is nothing wrong with you-----he's the problem.  And the girl he's with?  Most likely won't last.  But you'll be well past that by then.  When you are lonely--  you tend to remember only the things you miss.  Once you get passed that you'll  remember  what you want from a relationship...........and  9 times out of 10...........he won't even be on the chart..............Good Luck---  remember you are not the only one with heartache--------but it will pass.  And you'll find better!!!!  

I didn't take near as long as you to recognize the unhealthy "friendship" that your boyfriend has. You have my support and I hope that you will decide to leave him entirely and not just hang "I will not have sex with him anymore" over his head until he decides to leave you and find another woman who will accept his decided situation. He's kept you around this long and continues to have "affair" like behaviors that are damaging to any committed relationship. He's pushed his unhealthy friendship as far as it will go without the physical act of a complete affair. An emotional affair is far more damaging and this is what he has with his ex-girlfriend. Your man sounds very self centered and most likely "needy". He's forcing you to accept the relationship he wants to keep with his ex-girlfriend and until HE realizes that he has an unhealthy "friendship" with her, there's nothing that will change. What you're also missing is that the ex-girlfriend is getting something out of that arrangement and she has a lot of control over him. Run, don't walk away from this man and find a man who is loving towards you. A Pastor once said the difference between Lust and Love is: Lust is looking out for oneself to satisfy our own desire without a first thought of the other person or their feelings, and Love is looking out for the other person, their feelings and making them feel safe in a relationship over our own feelings or desires. It's about putting the other person first in a relationship. I've always said that each of us need to live for someone else, in other words putting other people first and helping where we're needed.... then each of us would truly know how to be selfless. Best wishes to you. 

I have been seeing a man for 4 years and his ex-girlfriend is always in the picture. 

The straw that broke the camel's back was when she asked him to tape a TV show and then goes over to his house every Friday night to watch this taped show.  She spends the night with him and sleeps in the same bed with him, and when I say this is inappropriate, he argues that they don't have sex, so what is my problem.  I don't think it is appropriate whether they have sex or not for them to sleep together in the same bed.  I told him I will not have sex with him anymore since this is going on.  I feel he is being disrespectful towards our relationship in having this woman over every Friday night and her spending the night.   

He says it is all perfectly innocent and doesn't understand why I am so upset over the situation.  Am I being completely unreasonable.  To me, it is completely wrong for him to do this and totally disrespectful of my feelings.    

Hi, 

I'm not sure where to start???...I'm currently dating a man that i've been on and off with for 6 years. I'm 27  yrs old now. We first got together when i was away at school and he lived about 2 hours away so somehow we maintained a long distance relationship but I had issues with being in a relationship. For the first 3 years everything was going well and then we started arguing alot because I was pursuing my career and he was still undecided about what he wanted to do and tehn he would ask me questions like "why am I with him?" or "why do I love him?" and he was always complainig about feeling worthless because he didnt know what to do with his life. After awhile we were always arguing so we broke up but it only lasted a few days and we got back together w/o resolving any issues. I started writing in a journal about 2 years ago because i was noticing huge changes in him like this sudden interest in going to the gym, it was difficult to get ahold of him. His mother and him werent getting along so he said he was staying at his friends house but yet he would always meet me at his house instead of the friends house, so finally in 2004 we broke up for a year but we would talk everyday and sometimes see each other, including sleeping with each other. Then last year on Good Friday he asked me to spend the night at his house and I did and that night we were up for hours talking and told each other we loved each other still and i opened up about all my feelings and he was shocked because i've never been someone to open up about my feelings because it was more important to me to keep myself from being hurt adn i felt that opening myself up to him in the past years would make me too vulnerable. Then that morning i found out that he had a girlfriend! and in the last year that we were together they had been seeing each other! so they had been together for almost 1.5yrs and then i found out that he had also cheated on me with 2 other women in that time span! So I walked away from him and maybe a month later he emailed me asking to talk to me. So i agreed and he poured his heart out to me, telling me how disgusted he is with himself and that our relationship seemed to be falling apart but he couldnt let go of me and that he acted selfishly and as unhappy as he was in the relationship he found it too hard to leave so he would turn to these woman who were willing to give him the world and everything they would tell him and do for him he would wish deep down that i wouldve said and did all those things. So I listened to him and I also forgave him because i felt that i needed to forgive him to be able to move on and then started dating other men.  Then one day his mother wanted to talk to me so i sat down with her and she told me that despite her son's disgusting behaviour she knows that he loves me deeply and she felt that a big problem is his insecurity and immaturity. She said that because me and him are still friends we should talk about why things ended the way they did and how we both contributed to the rift in our relationship and what brought us together in the beginning? So that's what happened and we were both shocked at how many times we had said and done things to each other that were hurtful, at how needy he is, so tons of things came out of that talk but he was still seeing that girl but kept askign me if i wanted to be with him and i said no, i was happy being single. So moving on to 6mos after that convo, he broke up with that girl and we started talking more often and seeing each other again as friends first and then it progressed to dating each other again. He makes it a point to call me everyday at work, when he finishes work and I also try to call as often. He still wants to go the gym all the time but nwo he invites me to come with him or when he goes over to his friends he'll call me from there or invite me over. Before we would only see other once a week and sometimes once every 2 weeks but now we try to see each other a few days a week. We've spent more weekends together in the last couple of months than we ever did in the years we were together. We confide in each other more often, when i'm having feelings of worry I tell him and we talk about it, so we decided that b/c we were only 20 whn we got together, this time around we were going to tackle this like adults BUT there's also those times when something will happen that will remind me of the times when things werent so great. I find that sometimes if i call him and dont get him right away i start to panick, yesterday i almost drove by his house to see if his car was there so i would know he slept at home :S There's some people who are saying to me that i'll never be able to get over what he did and it will always be in the back of my mind and then there's others taht are rooting for us to make it through because they see how we are when we're around each other now and tell me that i'm teh problem now. So now i've been noticing that when we're together i'm the happiest person but then when we're not i start to worry if he's seeing other people :(  and i know he's getting tired of hearing about now b/c he doesnt know what more to do to get me to believe him, so i guess i just want to know if this is a relationship that can be saved or not?