Topic : Breaking Up

I'm a 32 year old single mother of two beautiful girls (ages 12 and 5) that live with me and my ex-boyfriend (who has a son age 8 that he gets visitation every other weekend) were dating for 3 wonderful years.  I live in a house with just me and my girls and he still lives with his parents.  We had our shares of up and downs within the relationship but we managed to work through them.  However, my problem is that a couple of weeks ago him and his son came over to spend the night and his son insisted on sleeping in my 12 year olds top bunk of her bunk bed.  I didn't like the fact that an 8 year old boy was sleeping in the same room with my 12 year old daughter so I suggested to my ex that my youngest daughter can sleep with her sister that way his son could have my 5 year olds room all to himself.  Needless to say, that wasn't good enough for his son and he got really mad and left me (broke up with me).  He is claiming that I'm disrespecting his kid and I believe that I shouldn't have to bend over backwards to please his child - he spoils him rotten - I shouldn't have to.  I'm now sitting here wondering what happened to us.  We had a great relationship and had lots of fun together.  I still love him and miss him dearly so there's a part of me that wants him back in my life.  Is that wrong?  Should I just move on? 

I understand where you are coming from.  But in all reality, you need to understand where he is coming from.  You have your children with you all the time, right?  Imagine not having them all that time and only seeing them every other weekend?  It puts your mind in a different mode than yours.  If you love him, why would you move on?  Why can't you bend somewhat?  He is an eight year old for heaven sakes, he is not a 21 year old in your daughters room.  Why not make a big sleep over in the living room and have all the kids sleep in there.  My kids do that all the time with there cousins.  

They think it;s like a camping trip and pull out the sleeping bags and watch movies in front of the t.v. 

I understand you tried, yes you did.  BUT I understand where he is coming from.  He didn't think it was such a big deal, and I don't see it either.  I have two kids, a year old boy and an 11 yr old girl. And they wanted to share rooms with each other.  They love spending time together.  What if you marry this man, they will be step brothers and sisters.  Kids will be kids and whine and cry until they get what they want.  But for now, you can bend a little and just try to help the situation rather than push the man out of your life.  

I think the first clue about leaving him should be, he lives with his parents! I am from a different generation, and I don't know if I would have a problem with an 8 year old boy, and a 12 year old girl sleeping in the same room, but what I think is not the problem, anymore than what your boyfriend thinks. IF you were uncomfortable with it, then he should respect your views, in YOUR house.  

You have every right in the world to worry, and it should send red flags all over the place that something like that was made such an issue. Maybe you should be looking for a man in your life that at least has his own, instead of his parents life. If he can't stand on his own two feet, how could you ever depend on him, if you ever needed him, instead of him needing you. In every relationship both parties need to be offering something to the relationship. IT sounds to me like you have lots to offer, and he, well I can't see what he has to offer, unless it would be a sleep over at his parents house.  

I hope this helps. Good luck and keep us posted  

well me and my ex still talk its just hes making me think about us..today i told him that i got a new boyfriend nand he sounded mad or sad or something i dont even know ..but than hes saying he's not sure he loves me and secand day hes saying he does i realli dont know what to think anymore. when i told him that i have a boyfriend he was different like he wants me but i realy dont have a boyfriend because im in love with him and i would do anything to go back with him..what do you think how can i get him back???  

HELPP PLEASE  

First and foremost, NEVER play games to settle issues, and telling him you have a boyfriend when you don't, may work in the movies and television, but deceit and  dishonesty will never help repair a relationship. 

How do you expect to work things out by lying? Open up  and let him know where you stand, and if it doesn't work, well rather you believe it or not, life goes on, and I have never been in a relationship where once it was over and I was still in love, that I thought I would never find anyone I loved as much. Each time the next was better than before. Sometimes we learn things from relationships, and when we think "this is the one" it actually is just a lesson to prepare us for the next better one. 

Again, stop playing games, be an adult, and you will find truth may not always feel good, but you will always sleep better knowing you were honest, instead of tricking someone to care for you. I hope this helps. Good luck 

Sounds to me like his ex has a lot of growing up to do.  She actually told him that she didn't want him in THEIR baby's life if he's with you?  That's pathetic.  Here's a story that might help you:  when I was with my kid's father (for over 7 years) his ex-wife didn't like me (for no good reason except the fact that I was with him) and she tried keeping his son away from him just because he was with me.  Luckily, they were married and had child support and visitation set up so I convinced him that he should take her to court to charge her with contempt and he did.  The court only slapped her on the hand but after doing this more than once, she finally grew up and realized she was in the wrong. 

So my suggestion to you is if your man wants to be with you and still see his baby, then he needs to take his ex to court to fight for visitation.  He has that right.  And if you suggest it to him, he'll see that you're not trying to stay in his way and that you're on his side.  There's nothing his ex can do once the courts are involved unless she can prove that he's unstable and unfit in any way.  I wish you all the best of luck. 

   Almost 20 yrs. ago now I was with a guy; he was not perfect but we were dating for about 5 yrs. I say he was not perfect because he drank a lot but wasn't mean or anything. A lot happened while we were together and I knew he wasn't going to change, but I needed a change in my life.     

   I signed up to go into the military and before I left I promised to keep in touch; he didn't want me to go because he was afraid I would marry someone else and he'd never see me again.    

I never did write to him, I think because I was enjoying being out in the world so much. I also met another guy and I eventually married him; we've been married for about 17 yrs. and have a teen aged son.    

   I lost track of that guy from almost twenty years ago until just this past weekend. I now know where he lives so I have an address and phone number. Now I find myself thinking about him a lot and wondering how he's doing...the thing is, I pretty much left him high and dry all those years ago and I don't know if he would even want to hear from me now. Also, I don't know if he's married now or what, and I know I don't want to interfere with whatever relationship he may have going right now.    

   Should I write to him or call to see how he's doing? I have no intention of going back to him as I have a family and a good job where I am, and I don't want to mess up his family if he has one, but I feel as though I need to know how he's doing and apologize for what I've done.    

   As for his drinking, yes, I think he's still at it. I saw in the newspaper on the internet where he was arrested for DUI three yrs. ago. After all this time he's not going to quit till he's good and ready.