Topic : Breaking Up

  

 If you are going to go snooping into someone else's stuff be prepared that you may find something that you dont want to find. 

  

My first question would be why were you in your partners list of emails to begin with? 

  

I have been dating this guy for the last 5 months and I have always been real picky but this was such a nice guy that I have tried really hard not to be so picky. That is until he invited me over to his house -------- do any of you remember when Oprah was looking for the messiest house in America? The winner was a woman who owned practically a million cats in addition to being an extremely messy housekeeper. Well she has nothing on the guy I have been with.  

  

He also doesnt seem to care about his appearance; he wears shirts that are too small so his belly hangs out, his shirts have permanant stains on them and his jeans have holes in the butt. He is either always dressed this way or he shows up in extremely wrinkled clothes. 

  

I put up with it for 5 months and finally I could not do it anymore. Everytime I saw him I would get flashbacks of his house. He is on a 10mg of antidepressants but I think he just has more deep seeded problems. He refuses to go to counseling he doesnt feel he has a problem. Everytime I think of the house or how he dresses it just sickens me- it was to the point that when I was with him that was all I thought about. 

  

What more could I have done so that it would not have come to me breaking it off with him? He has a lot of great qualities but this is one I just could not handle any longer. 

  

I hear your point but think your a bit off base. It was the only time I ever borrowed her phone.So snooping is a bit of a stretch.  So not sure I agree. She could borrow my phone anytime. I have nothing to hide. If she is worried I will find something I shouldn't then not sure it is a strong foundation for a relationship to begin with. I just asked who the message was from....then suddenly the relationship is over. If it was an innocent message....the response would not be so dramatic. I thought she was trying to reach me.....so innocently read the message. Should not have been a big deal if indeed it was nothing to worry about. Don't agree with you but that is ok. Not a single sole I know would not have asked the same question. The only difference is I think the response would have been different. 

I just broke up with my boyfriend, I kicked him out by changing the locks.  Now I know that was wrong should of talked things out first.  He knows I want him back.  What can I do to make him realize that I won't hurt him like this again.  Or that we will be in the same situation 1 month from now.  I know I over reacted and now I am paying for it.  Please help me.  I have looked at some books online that might have some answers.  Has anyone read " How to stop your breakup, a guide for the rest of us", anyway if anyone good help I would appreciate it.

OK, I usually come here to help people out.  But now I have a problem.  My boyfriend has lied to me, but insists that he was honest.   

-He told me one night about 6 months ago that he was having his brother and sister law, his friend and his friends girlfriend.  I was not there because I was home with my kids and his family hadn't meet me yet, because of a recent divorce.  Anyhow, I just thought it was weird that they would all  get together on like a Wed night, when one of them lives an hour away.  It just didn't sit well, and I told him that but he said, that they came over to see his new place.  Well this was at the same time I found some text messages from a girl that said, "sorry i missed your calls, phone sex".  And she also tried to call him 4 times that same night.  Anyhow, now that I am friends with all these people, I found out that the couple that he said was over has never been to his place before!  Since I have a good memory, I remembered him telling me that night, that this couple was the ones coming over.  So I have confronted him about this lie, didnt tell him anything other than, I know they weren;t there, so you lied and I want to know why you lied and who the hell was there that night!  Was it that stupid girl that "accidently" called you.  He got mad at me, and said that I should trust him and that he didn't lie that they "the couple" did come over that night.   

I told him to be honest with me, as we are moving in together in a few months.  Which is a HUGE step for my and my kids.  He insists that he is not lying.  But I know he did and still is about that night....... 

Should I care?  I know it was 6 months ago?  But we have had our ups and downs because of his lies before but never comes clean until I have solid proof.  I am not sure if I am making a deal out of something that was 6 months ago.  But we were together back then, so I am hurt.  

  

Dr. Phil says this saying all the time: Past behavior predicts future behavior. I believe that this is true, and based on what you have explained in your post regarding your boyfriend's lies... it sounds as though it applies to your relationship with this guy. Sure, this incident was 6 months ago, however-- in the grand scheme of life, 6 months really is not that long ago... and, as you said, you have caught him lieing about other things, too.  

If I were you, I would not move in together... give this relationship some more time!! When a guy is lieing to you, and then he says that you should "trust him" there is definatly something fishy!! Sorry, but a person who lies and lies and lies and then tells you that you should trust them definatly has issues. You should listen to your instincts- you KNOW that he isn't being honest because you have a memory like a steel trap and he doesn't. I urge you to trust yourself on this one!! Don't make yourself more vulnerable to his lies by moving in together. Also, think about the example this would set for your children.. you want them to grow up to be honest people, so you need to surround them with honest people. Best wishes. 

My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years is leaving in a week for Kuwait.  He'll be gone for a year.  We have had a lifetime of great in our few years and a couple of bumpy ones in the past year.  We love each other very much but since he got notice 3 weeks ago that he was leaving, he's been distance and cold and hasn't wanted to talk to or see me.  I've been a bit pushy and am trying to back off.  Anybody else ever go through this and have it work out or not work out?

I've overreacted in the past with my boyfriend and the only thing that helped him give me another chance was showing him over time that I meant the changes I said I'd make.  

I just broke up with my boyfriend, I kicked him out by changing the locks.  Now I know that was wrong should of talked things out first.  He knows I want him back.  What can I do to make him realize that I won't hurt him like this again.  Or that we will be in the same situation 1 month from now.  I know I over reacted and now I am paying for it.  Please help me.  I have looked at some books online that might have some answers.  Has anyone read " How to stop your breakup, a guide for the rest of us", anyway if anyone good help I would appreciate it.

First of all, we don't just break up with someone and change the locks for nothing.... If you did it, something was not working well for you.  You should spend some time relaxing and and thinking things over alone as to what you really want.  Is this guy really the perfect one?  Why did you over react? Insecurity?  Is he the righ person for you to reassure you when time is rough?  It is much easier to be the dumpy than the dumper... because as a dumpy, you are the victim and you have to live with someone else decision....  You can feel sorry for yourself and etc... As to when you are the dumper, you have to live with the responsibility fo this decision which is always full of doubt.  Being alone again is tough....  but you MUST take some time before you take him back...just so you are certain of your decision and that this one is not based on the fear and doubt of a good life alone.