Topic : Breaking Up

I have done a really stupid thing and now it's causing me pain - and I knew it would.  I am single and a guy I work with who everyone really looks up to and has an excellent reputation for his work ethic propositioned me.  He's married.  I don't really remember what he said to me, but here we are.  His wife calls him worthless, stupic, etc.  Some other people at work know her and say it's true - she treats him really bad and he is unhappy.  We see each other and talk several times a day since we both work in the same department.  We also talk on the phone when he can call me when we are not at work.  Sex is involved.    

   

My problem is that I have really grown to care for him.  He has never made me any promises about leaving his wife and I haven't pressured him.  I feel so happy after we talk - he is so sweet.   I know I could probably never trust him - since he is cheating on his wife.  Even if it is with ME!  I feel like I am going to get hurt someday because he will find someone else or get tired of me and throw me to the side.  Now he tells me he is going to be transferred to another facility about two hours away soon and will be there for about 9 months.  He said he will come visit me on weekends and I told him "no, you will be going home to visit your wife and kids."  And he said he could stop by on the way to and from home.  I thought "for what?  a quick romp in the hay?  Even now I already feel trashy after we meet for sex.  I also know that he volunteered to transfer.  What should that tell me about how he feels about us?  I think sex is the only thing he wants from me.  

   

I don't trust him, but he swears he has never had an affair before, but he was so smooth when he came on to me that it's hard to believe.   I do have issues with insecurity and I am sure that I am a large part of the problem.  He is a very loving person - as far as I know him anyway.   

   

Should I tell him I am worth more than this and I won't see him anymore?  Would it be better not to see him at all or keep seeing him and keep wondering when he is going to dump me?  Should I take the pain now or take it later when it will be much worse?  It already hurts like hell and I know I will miss having him in my life.  Help me.  

I'm not going to judge you because of what has happened but I am going to state the facts.  You started dating a married man whom you knew would never leave his wife; you knew you were starting a relationship that was going to go nowhere.  You got involved with someone knowing you were always going to take second place to his family and never get what you really deserved in a relationship. 

 

You stated his wife treats him horribly and that other people have stated that this is true as well.  If it is that bad, he is adult enough to leave this situation before starting a relationship with anyone else. No matter how bad it is at home, it's no excuse for him to cheat on his spouse.  He said "for better or worse" and if it's worse, then he has to do what he can to make it work or leave.  Instead, he chose the cowards way and decided to have an affair.  He wanted someone to stroke his ego, make him feel desired and wanted - it was all for purely selfish reasons on his part. 

 

You are right that if he left his wife for you then you would always wonder if he was cheating on you.  I would say that the chances of that are pretty high.  This is not someone you want to be involved with any longer - even if he did get divorced.  He swears he's never had an affair before?  He also swears to his wife that he's being faithful.  You figure it out.  

 

It takes two to make an affair happen - and if you had turned him down, there would have been someone else.  Now you can do the right thing and end it.  If he does move onto someone else, at least you know that you are no longer contributing to this problem.   

So, yes, I think you should tell him it's over.  You should tell him that you deserve someone who can put 100% into the relationship and be with someone that you know is only with you.  You deserve someone that you can have a future with, have a home with and raise a family with.  This man is getting his cake and eating it too while you are simply getting the leftovers from his table. 

Thanks for your comments.  I knew all of this but just needed to hear it.  You are so right, but it hurts anyway.  Thanks for your help.

hey everyone, i need your advice,  

 I was with my boyfriend for 3 years and at first it was great. We went places together, laughed together, and we were both really happy. About a year and a half into our relationship we found out that his mother had been diagnosed with cancer and everything went down hill from there. He became really depressed and pushed me away from his emotions and had set a communication barrier. I helped out his family tremendously by helping his mom around the house, going shopping for her, bringing her to the doctors, and helping with some minor bills.   

 On our second christmas my boyfriend and I were together I had bought him a dog to get his mind off of all the pressures he had been dealing with, not to mention that his father was an alcoholic. Things started to get a little better, but shortly after giving him the dog things started to go down hill again. He was no longer interested in sex, smoked pot perfusely, and distanced himself from me even further. I was doing everything i could to try to make him happy and always let him kno that i was there for him if he needed to talk about his mom's situation and the problems with his dad.   

 Half way through our 2nd year of dating i had found out from a mutual friend that my boyfriend wanted to end things with me but didn't know how. When i confronted him about it he denied it and i believed him. A few months after that, we both found out that his mom's cancer had matastisized and she didnt have very long to live. Because of this, his dad went on a binge and got arrested for O.U.I which i bailed him out of jail for. That same day i bailed his dad out, my boyfriend had gone on a fishing trip with his friend and cheated on me.   

 I was devestated. I couldn' t understand why he would do this to me after all I have done for him and his family. He told me the next day and said he would erase her number. I told him not to bother in a heated agruement and ended things. That same week he started dating the girl he cheated on me with, which broke my heart even more. His friend told me that he said he didnt want to be alone, but if that was the case why didnt he call me and try to work things out? Was i not good enough for him? And what was so special about this other girl?   

 His friends tell me she isnt half as good looking as me and is all about herself, but if this is the case why is he still with her? Why hasnt  he called me? A part of me wants him back so i can be there for him when his mother passes away and i still love him very much. The other part of me is telling me that im too good for him and deserve alot better than that (which his friends tell me the exact same thing). What should i do? Wait for him to call me? Call him? Will he regret what he did to me? I just need some advice that will lead me into the right direction without looking as pathetic as i sound.   

   

Thanks,   

Snugglebums XOXO  

 

Is it Over Already? 

I am trying to understand as I am beyond confused and so very sad. Two weeks ago, I was introduced to a wonderful man. He and I are in our 40's. We hit it off fabulously for two middle-age career people scared to even date! 

We are both professionals and travel during the week but we were already planning our weekends and future trips. The second night we dated we were so comfortable together we fell asleep on the couch watching tv. We were having FUN! I felt like I had known him all my life! 

  

On the 7th date we spent together we drank way too much. I was emotional about my career stress and then I just basically asked him why he had not kissed me when he had been teasing me about waiting awhile before having sex. Abruptly, he left my house not under the best of circumstances--basically stating that I "didn't know what he had been through." Both of us went through heart wrentching breakups where we were dumped for others...........it was painful for both of us.  

  

Anyway, the next day, he called me (8 DAYS AGO) and stated that the last evening we spent together was "awkward and strange".............I appologzied for drinking too much and for anything that I said to upset him. He said he would call later in the week (this week ). I have not heard from him. I left a very cute 20 sec message Wednesday on his cell phone-the "hi how are hope you are well talk soon" type of message. I have heard NOTHING! 

  

I guess I am so worried that I have really screwed this up. I am so afraid that he won't call and that I will not have the chance to rectify what went wrong. I have never ever written to this kind of thing but for once since my breakup I was totally smitten by a man and I think he was to. For the first time in such a long time I don't want this to be over..............please advise and many thanks. 

  

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Hello everyone,   

    

Let me start first by saying that I have depression. All my life I have wanted to be loved by someone (b/f) and it finally happened. We broke up but then I found the love of my life, "bill."   

    

Bill is the best in the world. He doesn't smoke, drink, do drugs, nothing. He is a hard worker and always takes the best care of me. For the past (almost) 2 years I have been treated like a queen. I never once had any doubt that we wouldn't be together forever. We moved in this past Feb. and I was as happy as ever.  Last week Thurs. we were talking and i told him that I wasn't as happy as I used to be b/c we had been fighting a lot lately. I thought that he would say "OK how do we fix this?" but instead he said that maybe we shouldn't be together. My heart has never been more broken.   

    

Since then, I have hardly eaten a thing. I've lost 7lbs in 5 days and I am just depressed beyond belief. He says that he is sick of fighting and he just wants some time alone. He didn't kick me out, but I volunteered to leave b/c he said he wants to be alone and I cannot live under the same roof with him, it's too painful.   

    

He still hugs me, kisses me on the forhead, holds me at night while we sleep, etc. (i'm not out yet) I know that there are other people in the world who have been through worse heartbreaks, but right now it feels like I am the only one. I have devoted my life to him, he is everything to me and still is, and now my everything is gone. I have nothing, absolutely nothing. Part of my depression and the reason I go to counseling is because I don't know how to handle my problems. Also, because I have always been so focused on having someone to love me, once I finally had it, i gave up on everything else that ever made me happy. Nothing else makes me happy anymore other than being with Bill.    

    

He says that he still loves me and always will. He told our friends and family that he wants to get back together eventually....but he also says that he doesn't know if it will happen and when. He says he doesn't want another g/f because he just wants to be alone. My friends and family tell me to just give him his space and let him come to me. I believe that he wants to get back together and that he still loves me,  but I don't wanna wait and I don't want anyone else but him. I have never been happier in my life. I love him and I know that he loves me. I believe him when he says that he wants to get back together because he still acts like we are together (except for sex and kissing on the lips) but I'm worried it won't be soon....or at all.  He says that he just needs a lot of time to think about stuff. He won't tell me what that stuff is. I am worried that he will like being alone more than he will like being with me. He said that he is scared to come home to an empty house and not have anyone there with him and I believe him.  He said that he will still call me every day on his lunch break and we can still hang out. But I am scared to not know where he is or what he is thinking. I am scared to think that he isn't thinking about me and that he might one day be over me and not tell me, while I sit around waiting for him to come back.    

    

I need help. Please help me.    

Hi, I had posted here before about my ex common law husband.  We have a little girl (she's almost 7). We've been together for 4 years and been separated more than 4 years.  We were on and off during separation.  He now have a girlfriend (the second one he treated as a girlfriend).  I believed they have been together for 8 months now.  Just saying these again for those of you who did not see my post and I believed that post is still in here.  

  

  

So, here is the story:  

  

Last Friday when I got up in the morning just after 9:00 am.  I noticed that I had my phone flashing (that means I have a new message)  When I checked the call display it was an unknown number.  When I checked the message, it was my ex talking on the background and his girlfriend on the background giggling or laughing and said 'bye and I love you! to him.  And then probably a couple of minutes just after the girl or whoever left, someone pick up and hung up the phone.  I don't know which one of them purposely dialed my number because the number was block to appear as private number.  Now, I wonder why he had to that to me.  I think he is sick!  Undescent.    

Well it could be that he actually needs his space, but too many times, it is due to another woman. I can't say, but if things were going wrong, it could have been due to his attentions going elsewhere. IT would be difficult for someone in a relationship that has so much time invested, and when you mention things are not going well, the other gives up so quickly without it being something more than just the present argument. 

 

I think you need to look deeper and harder and you just may find that there IS someone taking his interest. It could be someone that he has kept from even his closest friends, but it sure sounds like another woman has come into the picture, and he is not man enough to come clean. I hope I am wrong, but I still think you need to look deeper. 

 

I hope this helps, and please keep us posted to how things go. Good luck 

Hi... 

Im Waseem...i need help for my problem im in a relationship with some girl i know for 4 years and i love her more than any thing in this life even my self...BUT IM NOT HAPPY ! 

i wanaa breakup with her really but i don know how??    

I dont get it why do you guys think its fine to just through around I Love you like its just an every day word. 

If you love the girl why do you want to break her heart? 

Listen its seems like for you i love you is just empty words, because a person that said i love another person and more than anything in this life doesnt want to break another persons heart. 

I dont know maybe there is more to this story maybe she cheated or something else. 

But if you are unhappy and dont want to be with her dont just through around i love you's. 

You been with her for 4 years , just think what you are doing before you make a very bad choice and than regret it.