Topic : Breaking Up

yah i know there is more in this story but i didn't think that someone will be  

Interested !! 

i'll tell you about her ( she is cheating on me and she think's that i am blind , she is  

Greedy and Selfish and she love's only her self and the most important she dont respect me as she should ) i only wanaa her to act like someone in LOVE ..... 

i talk to her a hundred times but always she do the same mistaks...im confuse??? 

cuz i really love her...im thinking all day and i don wanaa talk about my grades ???????? 

i hope u will understand .... and i respect ur opinion thx alot :-) 

hi all....i'm new at this, but i'm just looking to get some insight about a situation that is happening to me right now.  

i was with a guy for 4 years, and he just graduated in june.  he received a job offer in chicago back in the winter, and decided to take it.  he told me that if this job didn't work for us, then it didn't work for him.  he also told me that he would be waiting right there for me when i graduated (i'm still in college right now).  anyway, he moved in june, i visited him several times throughout the summer, and we had some long talks during those times.  he told me that he was going to marry me, asked me what kind of wedding i wanted to have, how many kids i wanted to have, that type of thing.  (and please realize that he is saying all of this and he initiated the conversation).  then, about a month after that, i get a phone call from him and he says "i need to figure out who i am and i don't want to be with you".  i could not have seen this coming from a mile away!  it also hurts so much because we lived together for 2 1/2 years and i supported him financially and emotionally all the way through school.  and when he moved to chicago, i moved back home so that i could save money and he took all of my furniture and everything to his apartment (to keep it for us).  he hasn't given me any other explanation other than "he needs to find himself", he has shipped most of my belongings back to me, wouldn't even talk to me in person.  however, he has a few other items of mine which he did not ship back and he said that he would bring them to me when he comes to town...  

i am just so confused.  i don't understand why he is dragging this out so much, why this even happened after everything he said to me and promised me, and how i can move on.   it is just such a slap in the face to dedicate yourself to someone for so long and be so excited about spending your life with them, only to be given a 10 minute phone call after 4 years and have someone be so cold and heartless when they're talking to you.  

so that's pretty much my story.  any insights or advice about how to get through this are appreciated!  

Well now you are telling the whole story. 

I think if you talked to her many times and she doesnt understand than you should just break up as hard as it is , but you dont need to give your love to a cheater, only if you are pretty shure that she is doing that. 

If you for sure know that she is doing that and you didnt talk to her than you should talk to her and tell her how you feel, if she doesnt understand than you should leave because no one deserves a cheater. 

thx alot you helped me alot !!!  

but you know i didn't understand the Psychology of the girl's..i gave her through my love every thing and i know that im pretty somehow ???  

wt a girl need from aguy???   

i'll never get this point and i don wanaa...cuz she was my first ?? and i dont think that i love again cuz i think there is no another one...i cant give my heart to someone knowing 

Deeply that i was in love i think that im cheating...i cant forget and act like nothing happend then im cheating my self?? but that is another story :-)  

Hi,
I need some advise, i am in the relationship with the most wonderful and the
most loving man in the whole world, we been together for seven years and we got
engaged couple of monthes earlier.So one day couple of weeks later after we
moved in he told me he thought that we needed some time apart, i was so crushed
i felt my heart just braking, but since thats what he wanted i decided to do
that, well after while we started talking and dicused many issues and started
going out together just getting us back on track and i was so happy because we
were going up and just taking it easy and just trying to get back. Well after a
while my parents decided to interfier to see whats going on and to try to help us  

and one day they couldnt handle it
because they were upset that we are engaged and that we are supposed to no
metter what work through everything and not go back home, well they told him things and he
called me couple of minuts later and told me its over between us bc your
parents, i was so shocked and crushed i didnt know what was going on, i didnt
understand how can a person hurt me so badly because of someone else. And i
dont understand how can a person tell me how much he loves me and all the
wonderful things just the other night and then just say bye to me in a minute like i meant
nothing. I know he is hurt and i called him so many times but he didnt bother
calling back or picking up the phone. I am so crushed and heart broken by what
he did, that i dont know what to do. I undertand he got hurt but why does he
have to hurt me i didnt do anything. I am scared he doesnt understand how much
he hurt me that he hurt me double because of someone elses mistake.I love him
so much, and i just dont understand how he cant just call me , he knows i am
sitting here crushed. I tried calling again after couple of days but he wouldnt respond, i am just crushed how can a person that tells you i love you and asked you to marry him would just push me aside in a minute. 

I so upset and i just cant understand why.
Please help.

 

<img src = "http://img219.imageshack.us/img219/8149/sormi3kh.gif"> 

i am living with a man who doesnt want to be here   i had major back surg in jan and he has been so cruel and thoughtless   he used to be this kind man who loved me  now that i am disabled and look awful with the scars and deformity he can not even look me in the eye   i know he sees other women?woman   i wife just knows    our sex life sucks   we had sex for the first time in 1 yr and i could tell by the way he touched(or didnt touch me) he has been with someone else  i know that sounds crazy  but i dont want pity sex and thats what it was.  i go from hating him to being so afraid he will leave me with no means of taking care of myself.   i cry all of the time and just sleep so i am sure that doesnt help him to be attracked to me  i try  but i cant even move some days 

The thing is love has to be a great part of a relationship. Love is what holds a relationship together when you go through some of the lulls that all relationships have. Love is not enough, except in the movies. There are lots of other things that can kill a relationship even when you love each other.  

Communications is a great part of a relationship. You can love each other, but if you don't communicate well, many things can go wrong. I was in a long term relationship not long ago, and even though we had the kind of love that only comes around once in a while, I could not get along with her daughter, and it, over time, got in the way, and eventually brought me to the point I was no longer willing to continue to accept the disrespect and right out bitchiness her daughter always seem to save just for me, and she, the woman I was in love with, could not  bring herself to be firm with her daughter, and stop her from treating me the way she did. So see love can not always be a sure thing. 

The thing is, something must have gotten in the way of the love between the two of you, for you to have broken up, and if you can get past things that get in the way,  I would say go for it. Nothing feels better than to be in love, and share life's wonders with someone. Even a sunset is not as beautiful when you have no one to share it with. There will always be stumbling blocks in life that will cause havoc, but overcoming those things, as well as having someone to be there to help you through those things, are worth the effort of taking that step in faith, and being with the one you love. 

I hope this helps, good luck, and keep us posted how things turn out. 

I can understand what you are going through to a point. I am a disabled Vietnam veteran, and I too have major back problems. The first sensation I am aware of in the mornings is pain, and the last sensation I remember as I finally drift off to sleep is pain, so see I do know what you are going through as far as the medical issues with your back. I am on heavy medication on a  daily basis, and this only brings the level of pain to a point where life is bearable. I am sure your scars are worse in your eyes than in others, as we are all self conscience of our own maladies, and scars. Without clothes, due to other medical issues I have dealt with in the past, I feel l look like some sort of Frankenstein, but I go on. 

Two years ago when I was at the pain clinic in Nashville's Vanderbilt Hospital, the doctor in charge told me, after looking at my MRI's,  she didn't know why I was not in a wheel chair due to the problems I have. I told her, I could give up, quit, and wallow in pity, but I would still have the same problems, and that would bring just that much more problems to what I already deal with. I too have good and bad days, and I am more accurate with when rain comes in than the weather people, but I deal with it, as I have no choice, other than what I said above. 

I think one of your major problems right now is depression, and I think you need to talk to your doctors about it and see if there is not something they can give you to help you with it. Depression is something many deal with, and others seem to be ashamed to admit to. It is no different than diabetes, as your body is needing a chemical that your brain is not producing enough of like the insulin that the body is not producing in a diabetic. Medications are there to help fill that gap, and it takes time for it to get in your system, but it could help you deal with your maladies if you would give it a chance. Again talk to your doctor about it, and if he/she feels it is something you may need, go for it. 

As far as your husband goes, he may very well be having an affair. In this area, maybe you need to go see a lawyer and see where you stand from a legal point of view. If he has been the sole bread winner since you have been married, there are ways, (alimony/spousal support) to help you in this area. I don't know what your situation is, but there is Social Security disability as well as SSI, which may wind up being an option for you as well. 

If the two of you can't work things out, then you have options and only you know what direction you want to take, but people only treat us the way we allow them to, and you don't deserve to be treated with disrespect, and you should not allow him to get away with this treatment!  

First and foremost you need to do some straight talking to your husband, ask direct questions that he can't answer just yes and no to and find out what is going on in HIS mind, and then it will help you decide what you need to do at this point in time.  

I hope this helps, good luck, and do keep us posted. These boards are a great place for support, even just to vent if that is what you need to do.