Topic : Breaking Up

Hello,   

I wanted to know how do you get through this. My boyfriend for 6 half years just left me for another women. I thought he was the love of my life I wanted to be with him forever. Now I am to the point, is how can he do this to me what did I do to devise this. I had done everything for him. He told me that I was the best thing that has ever happen to him and than he does this to me. I am trying get over but the more I think about it the more it makes me very mad. This is the first bad break up for me. I feel so empty and lost with out him I do not know how to get through it. I leave in the home we got together so I think that has a lot to do with it, but I just don’t what to walk away from my son’s home.  

Have been dating a man for the past 10 months or so, there are a few things bothering me about the relationship that I would like some feedback from what others think.  I find that he is not very generous which I have a tendency to be, i.e. for his birthday I gave him a really nice watch, 2 months later for my birthday I did not get a present, I did get a nice card, with a lotto ticket inside (not a winning one).I felt kind of hard done by over this, though I did not bring it up in conversation.  How do you say where's my present.  Another thing is this guy goes  out to singles clubs dancing on a weekly basis, I have told him that I am not totally comfortable with this, he says he only goes there to dance.  He tells me he loves me, sex is great, he says that he would eventually like us to move in together, I have my reservations about this.  

When you say "dating"... do you mean exclusively? If he is going out dancing, then why can't he go to clubs that are not single's clubs? It is a bit odd that he goes to singles clubs!! Also, why doesn't he take you when he goes out dancing?  

When you gave him the watch for his birthday, was he happy and accepting of it? Or did he tell you that you shouldn't have, etc., things like that? I'm thinking maybe he just feels its soon to be spending a lot of money on one another... or he might just be a cheap-O... Giving you a card with a lotto ticket inside is something you do for a neighbor or sibling.. not for the woman you "say" you love. I guess the bottom line is this: listen to your instincts!! Don't ever dismiss your own instincts or second guess them. You are seeing red flags and you are trying to dismiss them or make excuses for them, when you really should be paying close attention to them. Maybe he says those things about eventually moving in, etc., just to keep you hanging on. Listen to yourself!!! you know the right thing to do, you just don't want to accept it at this point, but you would be better off if you don't waste anymore time. 

Old habits die hard! 

Maybe your high school sweet heart's self esteem is so low that he thinks, deep down, that he only deserves this woman who is toxic for him. There aren't many other reasons why he would go back to her. It sounds like after 15 years of this treatment, he has come to be either addicted to it, or to believe whole-heartedly that he deserves it. He is addicted to the chaos that this woman supplies for him, and that you can't supply for him. This is his loss.  

I know that you are hurting very much right now, but with time you will heal. Maybe you were high school sweethearts, but people change a lot over time. Please know this has nothing to do with you, it is all about his own lack of self esteem. You deserve to be happy!! Its hard not to contact him, but you are better off this way. 

When someone tells you that they need space or time alone, it really means: 

1. That they want to break up with you, and instead of saying: "I want to break up, they say, I need my space". 

2. They want you to give them their space because they are looking for other "opportunities". 

3. They found something, or someone else., and they dont want to hurt you by telling you. 

4.  They are not interested in a relationship with you at this time. 

There is no need to sit around and wait on someone who needs their space, because they are not sitting around waiting on you, they are continuing to live their life. Maybe if you started seeing other people then she might realize that she does want you. OR, give yourself a deadline date, like maybe 2-3 weeks of no contact, and if she hasnt made up her mind by then, then you need to just let her go and go on with your life. Hope this helps some. Good luck!