Topic : Breaking Up

I was with this girl for about a year & a half and everything was goin great, we never had any problems or any fights. this is sombody who I can see spending the rest of my life with. We had talked about getting married and starting a life together.  And both of us were in good hopes of a life together. I love her more than anything, and she loved me the same. But one day im on my way home and she calls my cell crying and said to call her when I get home. At this point I don't have any idea what is goin on.  So I race home and call her only to hear her first words..."We need a brake"...I thought I heard her say somthin to sombody else in the house but she was talkin to me. I asked her what was wrong and she said "I dont know. i just think we need a brake. i don't know what i'm fealing right now and I dont think i,m in love with you any more." well I talked to her for about two hours and she tells me that she doesn't want to have to worrie about a boyfriend and that it would distract her from her collage courses. The whole time she is crying her eyes out and sayin that she lost that spark, that excitement when she see's me anymore. Eventualy it gets to the point where im crying to hard to talk on the phone so i hung up. The next day I saw her and she was in such of a depression I couldn't talk to her. That night I couldn't talk to her on the phone so i waited till the next day. when she saw me she ran up to me and grabed me and was crying and said "Im sorry I can't leave you I dont know what I would do im so sorry please don't hate me." I had a class to go to that only lasted an hour and when i got out i went to see her and she had changed her mind, she need "More time",at this point im about to scream NO! Because i want her to thing about what she was doin. Four months later we are still best of friends but still just about every nighti cry myself to sleep. She was talkin to me in six days like i was just an old friend. When i can't think about her without starting to cry. Now its not so bad cause im looking at waiting however long it takes and trying to get her back, but for a while she was telling me she wanted me to find sombody else and start somthing new. i know she still loves me she even said so. she just is not in love with me and doesn't want to be in any realationship right now. 

What shoud i do? please sombody help! 

My problem is a bit larger. My boyfriend of three years is the man I think I've always been looking for. He treats me like GOLD, more honest and genuine than anyone I've ever known, is supportive, caring, etc. Has great friends, even greater family. However-he is an alcoholic. Never abusive, let me assure you of that. In fact, he can be sickly sweet when he is buzzed. But I grew up with an alcoholic father who left when I was 10, and whom I have only in the last several years re-formed a relationship with. Clearly, this has left me with many issues about men and alcohilism, to name a few. My first relationship also didn't do me any favors. He had more issues than you could shake a stick at, was manipulative and verbally abusive for way too long, ended up leaving me for some skanky chick after putting me through absolute hell for several months. I have a poor view of men sometimes, but this guy is just so sweet and so freakin normal compared to that other jerk, I keep feeling like if I broke things off, I would be losing the one person I thought I was looking for. We are looking into couples counseling and trying to work things out, but my "fight or flight" instinct is on overdrive sometimes, and I just want to take off.  

So anyway, any insights would be helpful. Believe me- I know he can only do it for himself, I can't make him want to quit, etc, etc. But I just keep trying to be the one to inspire that change in him-it's a lonely feeling when he doesn't really see a problem. Maybe I'm not being fair, since he does work, doesn't abuse me...maybe I shouldn't hold my problems against him. But I can't help it.... 

I am so glad you ran into that guy again!!!! Good for you! You deserved to feel like that again-just what the doctor ordered! Hope it works out, and if not, that you at least have a great time figuring it out! Thanks for the reply- hope to talk to you soon. 

I say kick that jerk the hell out. You obviously are a self-sacrificing person and he can't appreciate you. I dissagree with the last person, sorry. I think that you will never forget the betrayal of him cheating on you and throwing this other person in your face. And you shouldn't forget. You sound like a very caring person and we don't deserve that kind of treatment! 

Remind yourself of this when you feel down-don't let him have the upper hand of making you feel bad and not in control. Don't give him the satisfaction. You sound very sweet and you deserve better!! 

If you need to talk-I check the boards every few days or so and I will look for you. Don't do anything drastic-you are better than that. Take care. 

I think she has moved on, and maybe you should as well. I am sure you are totally confused, and I would think you don't have all the information. One does not just wake up one day and fall out of love, it takes time, and what is going on in her mind, she seems to not want to share with you anymore. 

I hope this helps. Good luck 

Hi. I too started writing my problems on here and it has changed my life, not only that I sought help for my problems but just talking and not being judged. People are truly caring about others. Ha this world is worth living in. I read your story and I was in a similar situation a few years ago. My ex would frequently break up with me and expect to still live in the same house. During this time he would treat me worse than normal and act like it was me that was causing both of us such pain. I know how bad it hurts to be dismissed by the person you love. Let me tell you from experience that there is someone out there that will love you just as much as you love them, call it soulmate, whatever it is there is someone out there, maybe this new guy is the one for you. God blessed me and introduced me to the most wonderful man in the world. He is so loving and I know would never do anything to hurt me. I know that one day you will feel this same feeling (if you aren't already), and it is sooooo worth all the hell you went through with your ex jerk!!!! That is truly what people are that intentionally cause pain to others. Trust me it does get better cause it can't get worse eh? 

Anyways, I am always checking these message boards, call it no life or call it wanting to help others, I enjoy talking to people. So take care and oh yeah is that your kitten? It is so adorable. I just adopted an abandoned kitten from the humane society, aren't they the best. It sounds stupid but pets are the best things to vent to when you are upset they know it and they will try whatever they can to make you feel better. My cat bites my arms when I am crying and the harder I cry the harder she bites. They truly know how we are feeling anyways good luck and hope to talk to you soon.  

hi, 

  i just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday and im a wreck. we would have been dating for 3 years on 11-13-05. i broke up with him because i have hit my fed up point. i know in my heart that if i stay with him that i will be unhappy for the rest of my life. i love him so much and that is the problem. i would give the whole world to him with out being asked twice. as im writing this im crying because im scared to let him go i just love him so much. but at the same time he never had time for me or showed me any affection and when i asked him about it he would just get mad. so i guess im asking for advice how to let go of someone who you love with all of your heart? 

tara 

It is not easy letting go of a loved one when you realize that it is not going to work. This is not something that will be easy or quick. If you know it  is not going to work, be happy with the wonderful memories you have when things were good, and try to not think of the sad times. 

Time heals most wounds, and in time maybe you will find someone that will give you what you need,  and respect your feelings. When one door closes, in time, another will open. Just look at this as a life lesson, preparing you for something great! We can't appreciate the mountains without the valleys. 

My heart goes out to you, and I hope this helps. Keep us informed, and these boards can be a great place for support.