Topic : Breaking Up

It depended on the reason they broke up. If he cheated on her and she is able to forgive him, and he is able to forgive himself, then of course it can work. It never pays to put our egos before our happiness.

Do people change? Yes. If they believe it is something that needs to be changed. But who the person is does not change, its more their choices and actions reflect that of change. Behavior is possible to change. Who we are, its not possible to change but it is possible to work on things that need to be changed, so in fact,yes we can change.

I have bumped into exs all the time. Past, present, and if there was anger or fear attached to that relationship, then do not go back because that is how that relationship will be. But if there was respect and admiration, just a change ofheart, then yes, it can work because it ended not due to emotional and /or physical abuse, but due to an outcome of a choice we may have made, and now see, it was not a good choice.

If your friend accepts her ex back, tell her to honestly look at why it didn't work. Then see if that will be diferent this time.

You need to stop trying to figure out "why" this relationship does not work, and start figuring out "why" you are able to stay within a situation that is so torturous.?

Why do you feel you should be treated with disrespect? Why do you feel you don't have what it takes to walk away?  Because that is what you have been handed.......but it does not mean it is the hand you have to keep.

You have probably been neglected and rejected by some very powerful figures in your young life. The ones that let us know, yes, we are safe....or no, we are in danger.  You have the ability to stay with someone that you know is unhealthy because that is what you feel you deserve, even one more, you are!

This is the victim mentality and at one point, it was true, to someone else. But it does not make it true for us! For you.

Remember, you deserve to be happy as much as anyone else does. It is your right. You do not need to feel guilty because you found something that is not good for you, and you want to reject it. You know the pain of rejection,  am sure. That is why your tolerance is higher then most. Remember, most people would not stay in the situation that you are in. You need to start thinking like a healthy, functional, self loving person and you will see these things, these people, become less and less in your life, or you just become better at keeping them at arms length.

Ok, so for 2 years I dated a guy who was a total jerk. He never treated me right, and I ended the relationship about 6 months ago, resulting in a restraining order. During the time I was dating this jerk, I met another man who has been a good friend of mine for almost 3 years now. We have also had feelings for each other since we met, even though its been a long time. There were three times when I was dating "jerk" that I had the oppurtunity to be with this other guy, but I didn't take the oppurtunity, I stayed with the other guy instead.

After "jerk" and I broke up, I was single for a short period of time, but then I met this guy who was friends with my brother, and a few of my other friends. We hit it off great, we were really good friends for about 4 months before we started dating, but now we are dating and have been for 3 months. He makes me happy, and he's a good guy. I know he wants to be with me, and I know he cares for me. He does have a bit of a temper, but its not anything serious and he doesn't treat me badly. Lately, my current boyfriend and I have both been experiencing a lot of problems financially, and other things with our friends and family. None of the issues we have, have anything to do with us as a couple, but when we get frustrated with the things in our lives, we tend to get frustrated with eachother.

About 1 month ago, my guy friend of 3 yrs starts texting me more and more frequently, saying things like "i miss you," and "i want to hang out too when you're free." Well as we've been talking more and more, he has been more honest about his feelings. Well this guy friend told me upfront a few days ago that he loves me, and that he has been in love with me for 2 1/2 years now. He said I'm the only girl he wants to be with, and he doesn't want to see my fall in love with my boyfriend now, because he doesn't want to wait forever for us to be together.

To be honest, I've always had feelings for my friend of 3 yrs, we practically dated. I do love him, he means a lot to me and I care about him. Maybe because we've known eachother for so long, I have thought about marriage with him before. I'm almost positive that him and I would end up engaged if we ever did start dating. The thing is, this guy has changed a bit since we almost dated 2 yrs ago. A lot of the things that we used to have in common, we dont any longer. Of course, deep down, he's still the same guy I've known for 3 yrs, but dating wise, we would have some disagreements.

My boyfriend now and I tried talking last weekend about our relationship. Because we had been arguing a lot, and I was stressed out with everything in life ( college, family, bills, work, school, adn then on top of all that, my friend telling me he's in love with me.) I tried talking to my boyfriend about taking a break. I told him since we both have a lot of self issues right now, we should take some time apart to figure them out, and figure out if we can make our relationship work or not. But my boyfriend "does'nt take breaks." He told me if we take a break, then we are broken up for good. Of course that hurt my feelings, and I decided to stay with him. But now, a week after that conversation, I tried talking to him about a break again, and his decision won't budge. He does not want to take a break.

My dilemma here is that I care for my boyfriend a lot, and part of me wants to be with him. I'm scared to lose him, if I were to take that break. Part of me wants to try and give my friend a chance, but I don't know if it would work out because of some of the differences we have. And then, part of me just wants to be single. I have been waiting 3 years to have another chance with my friend, and he keeps popping up into my life, which makes me think that this being the 4th time we've had a chance to be together, that I shouldn't let it pass.

I am so confused, and have no idea what I want. I can't take time to myself without my current boyfriend never giving me another chance... so I am kind of stuck in the middle. Someone please help!

What you need to do is take a break from all of them.

Seriously. That is the only honest way you can see how you feel. If you keep going to different people without dealing directly with the problem (and the problem is you) you are going to keep bumping into the same kind of situations, just different people.

So what you need to do, and you probably won't because you don't want to let go of of your need to have someone in the backburner at all times, is due to your inability to trust that people will say and do what they say they are going to say and do. Basically a trust issue.

So you will manipulate many to fit into the belief that people can't be trusted, by picking guys with tempers, guys that rejected you at one time, guyes that don't respect your feelings . When a person says they want a break and the comeback is "well the break will be forever". That is his pain but it is a truth. Once we move away from someone, the chance of getting them back are much slimmer.

If you want to get out of being stuck in the middle. Remove yourself from the center of this. How do you do this? Be honest with what you want and then be brave enough to share that with the people in your life, despite the fact that it may hurt them or ruin your chances of their availability for you when you want it. You want peace???? Create peace. Its that simple, yet difficult. I told you. lol

I have been friends with this guy for a year now.  I fell for him as soon as i met him.  He has feelings for me too.  I also know his girlfriend, and know that she cheats on him.  Their relationship is on the rocks, on again off again.   He has asked me if she has cheated and i have been less than honest.  I know that if he knew she cheated, he would be done with her, and him and i would finally be together.  Do i tell him??