Topic : Breaking Up

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 yrs. This is not the first time i have caught him doing suspious things.I have checked my boyfriends vm on his cell. He does not know I know the password. There have been quite a few nights where he has went out partying and I have tried to call him no response. He gets in or may not even come home(we do not live together). IAny how to the point I have listened to his messages and there is a girl he I believe he is talking to and more leaving messages on his phone. Things like mf your scared of what I got, I am waiting on you.... I am ready to confront him but do not know the right way. Should I tell him I can check his vm??

I really need advice. Any help is greatly appreciated. It's a little long but please read anyway.

 

I met this girl online last September. At first things started off weirdly. We talked online for a bit. Then we decided to meet. For one meeting, we decided to meet in front of a local Best Buy. I stood in front of the store's windows so I was clearly visible. She 'couldn't see me'. There is no way she couldn't have unless she wasn't there. And another, she was suppossed to meet me near a Target store, again, in public. She conveniently went to the wrong enterance suppossedly. These were just 2 instances out of a few that seemed weird. We did eventually meet, in a bank parking lot. It doesn't even matter where. Fact is we did eventually meet and we pretty much fell hard for each other.

 

There's more though. Her father passed way a few years ago. So she is a bit clingy because of it. Her mother could care less about her father's death, she could care less about her daughter and doesn't show any signs of love toward her daughter. She's physically and emotionally abusive. And it shows in my gf's personality. She's isn't sociable, very shy. After almost a year relationship, my parents STILL don't know her. I don't like that. Don't get me wrong. I love the girl to death, and I really care about her. But she doesn't feel right for me.

 

I'm also sexually not happy with her. i'm considering breaking it off, but I know itll break her heart. She loves me a lot and is absolutely crazy for me. But i've tried talking to her about being a little more outgoing, less shy. But our relationship feels very secluded. The relationship just doesn't feel right. What should I do? I dont want to break her heart but i dont know if i should go on feeling like she isn't right.

 

 Recently I applied to a job I really wanted. She told me a week later that she 'thinks she stole a job from someone who deserves it more'. I told her dont feel quilty, then I realized she applied to the same job I did 2 days after I did, kept it from me. She deliberately kept it from me and was dishonest with it. Now the bigger problem, i got the job, and so did she. So if we work at the same store, it'll complicate things if we do break up. I dont know what i should do. Please help.

There is one sure way to blow a good thing, and that is to lie. She lied to you. She witheld information from you. She is not being honest with you. She is antisocial and controlling. Don't mistake shy with controlling. Many are shy "conveniently". it is an attention grabber. It attracts people who like to feel important, need to feel imporant (you) need to feel confident. You fell for someone that is needy because you need someone to need you.

 

A lot of guys fall for the shy girl because at first it seems like the best case scenerio. A shy girl won't stray, right? A shy girl won't flirt, right? A shy girl needs you , right? She is getting everything she wants, even a job that "her shyness" is making you feel she should just get the job. Why? Oh, yeah. Because she's shy and antisocial? I would take the job, despite the fact whether you break it off or not. She lied to you. She is the one that should be looking for another job.

 

I have worked very successfully with people that I dated. Its a little wierd, but with time, it becomes normal again. Tell your supervisor what is going on so that in the event something does happen, you went to them with the truth. I wonder if she would do the same thing? Probably not. Not an honest person.

 

The last time I didn't break off with someone because I was careful not to break their hearts?????? Well, a month later they found another girl to date and a year later got married. Sometimes letting someone go frees them to find what is meant to be. It is a very unselfish thing to do to b reak it off with someone. Think of all the time you are wasting  and time you are allowing her to waste, by staying. It not good you need to take a deep breath, deal with initial tears, then go and treat yourself to dinner and a movie, or sporting event :)))))) and call it a day.

 

Good luck.

I dated the most amazing girl last year for about 6 months, lets call her Sam.This is the only girl I've ever told her that I've loved and I've let meet my entire family. It ended mostly because Sam wasnt sure what she wanted. We still bump into each other on campus quite regularly, same class. I've tried to stay friends with her since and have had little success.  Sam's very shy and opens up only to a few people. I've txt her a few times since, letting weeks, sometimes months pass before contacting her again, just as friends. For the most part its been me making the first move and Sam would reply back almost immediately or even several days after the fact.  She had txt be a few times on her own, such as my birthday. She also has a habit of appologizing about her attitude towards me since the breakup. How she's not mad.

 

Since then I've dated one other girl, whom I'm no longer seeing since she went off to another college. A few weeks after that breakup I decided to txt Sam about her summer. Last message from her was how she was sorry she fell asleep. This was over a month ago. The out of the blue I get some message from Sam appologizing about how she lied about a guy she saw before we were dating. It didnt bother me since it happened before us but she was completely torn up, crying, about not telling me the truth.

 

Sam broke up with me, twice. Appologizing several times after for how she thought she made me feel.  Is it possible that Sam might still have feelings for me but be too afraid of hurting me?