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February 27, 2006, 5:21 pm PST

Breaking Up

Quote From: rn2007may

I am a single mom, I work part time and am a full time nursing student at college. My husband of seventeen years left the home when I was in my first semester at school. His main objective is to cause me to fail, and I totally refuse to quit. My grades are better now than ever and I think its in part to my determination to "show" him I can do it without him. I hurt so bad that the marriage fell apart, but it was due to the fact he got us so deep into debt and caused so many financial problems for us. He see's now he made a mistake and wants to come home...I refuse to let him come back, I don't have a swinging door policy. After a six month separation, we finally have a court date this week. He is claiming he is broke (was self employed and made 300,000.00 last year) He took on a blue collar job to prove to the court that he has no money (temporarily closed down his company). So....his support will be based soley on the job he currently has. He makes 600.00/week. IF my court ordered support is not enough for me to financially survive, I have thought about letting him have his boys until I finish school. I would move in with my sister. He has agreed to take the boys if he gets away with not having to "dish" out alot of money in support. I will finish school in a year, be a Registered Nurse and be able to financially support myself and my boys. I have always been at home with my children, and chose to begin something new for myself by going to college and HE wants me to fail....Am I wrong for wanting to finish, am I wrong for letting him have my boys until I finish school. I feel selfish at times, but I will have a career in a year. The boys would live about 6 miles from me while I finish school. Please someone tell me what you think.

That's a really hard thing to do having lots of turmoil and going thru school for RN. Can you prove he made all the $$? How is he as a father? I don't have any advice for you but my heart is with you. I'm in 3rd semester Pediatrics after Med/Surg Hades!

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blondie35

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February 27, 2006, 5:29 pm PST

Confused

I'm hoping someone can give me advice. I met a guy through a co-worker right after New Years. I am 35 never married, no kids. He is divorced with 2 kids, and 40. We live in the same state just about 1/2 hour away. He would drive to my house every weekend so we could see each other and go out to dinner, bowling, etc. We always had fun! Then we planned on going away for a weekend and I got upset with him because he brought up his ex-wife and how he didnt want me to "fall in love" with him. But then he tells me, he likes me alot, has fun with me, enjoys being with me, that I am "real", not a moocher (I can support myself), and has a connection to me. After that weekend and with our little discussion, I have talked to him but I havent seen him in over two weeks.! I am so confused! If someone likes you then why disappear for two weeks? I know what I want to do and that is drop him like a hot potatoe because he just wants to date, no strings! I'm done with that with men. He thinks all I want is marriage and children, and yes I do one day but not in 2 months~He likes to tell me who he flirts with or who he likes. I told him I dont care what he does just dont use me. I want to tell him that I dont like how he treats me but I dont want to do it over the phone but then I dont want him to come here and then we get into an argument. Help!

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rn2007may

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February 27, 2006, 6:14 pm PST

I've had it

Quote From: marihop60

That's a really hard thing to do having lots of turmoil and going thru school for RN. Can you prove he made all the $$? How is he as a father? I don't have any advice for you but my heart is with you. I'm in 3rd semester Pediatrics after Med/Surg Hades!

He is good to the boys (3 of them) 16, 11, 8. I've always been the "glue" of the family. I have given 17 years to the marriage and my children...All I wanted to do was obtain an education so that I could begin a career of my own. I can't prove the $$, and I am worried that after court this Wed., he will come out ahead. He has always been sole supporter. I would've done my part financially after I finished. I only have one year left, I have been working on this for 3 years already...I can't see throwing it all away. Gosh, if only I knew what to do. I want what is best for my children and I know if I move them in with their father, they will be upset but will adjust. I would not be absent and they would be close by (six miles). It's not my idea of the perfect situation, but one year will fly by and I will be financially set and could take care of them. School is tough even when living in a stable environment, but I tell you, I am more determined right now and want to see this through. Thanks for your thoughts. If you think of anything, let me know.

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jenoc99

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February 27, 2006, 7:28 pm PST

Vindictive almost-ex

Quote From: rn2007may

I am a single mom, I work part time and am a full time nursing student at college. My husband of seventeen years left the home when I was in my first semester at school. His main objective is to cause me to fail, and I totally refuse to quit. My grades are better now than ever and I think its in part to my determination to "show" him I can do it without him. I hurt so bad that the marriage fell apart, but it was due to the fact he got us so deep into debt and caused so many financial problems for us. He see's now he made a mistake and wants to come home...I refuse to let him come back, I don't have a swinging door policy. After a six month separation, we finally have a court date this week. He is claiming he is broke (was self employed and made 300,000.00 last year) He took on a blue collar job to prove to the court that he has no money (temporarily closed down his company). So....his support will be based soley on the job he currently has. He makes 600.00/week. IF my court ordered support is not enough for me to financially survive, I have thought about letting him have his boys until I finish school. I would move in with my sister. He has agreed to take the boys if he gets away with not having to "dish" out alot of money in support. I will finish school in a year, be a Registered Nurse and be able to financially support myself and my boys. I have always been at home with my children, and chose to begin something new for myself by going to college and HE wants me to fail....Am I wrong for wanting to finish, am I wrong for letting him have my boys until I finish school. I feel selfish at times, but I will have a career in a year. The boys would live about 6 miles from me while I finish school. Please someone tell me what you think.

First of all, I wouldn't believe a word this guy has to say!! You should know by now that he is full of sh*t. Look at what you wrote: " He took on a blue collar job to prove to the court that he has no money (temporarily closed down his company)." and then you say: "He has agreed to take the boys if he gets away with not having to "dish" out alot of money in support." I urge you to consider this decision very carefully... why would he allow you to have your children back after willingly giving them to him? Wouldn't he want to punish you by keeping them and possibly making up terrible things about you.. since he is obviously capable of doing whatever it takes to "win" in his eyes. I know that getting through school is important- I agree that it is very important! However... have you considered that if you don't get much support, putting off finishing your last year of nursing school until the kids are older? Its just such a risk to allow him to take your children.. he doesn't sound like the kind of person you can trust. I know that its easy to want to believe the good things that he says... but remember who you are dealing with!! Watch your back.

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autumn70

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February 28, 2006, 7:10 am PST

I know how you feel

Quote From: jennl50

I know this may sound harsh but once a cheater always a cheater...you shouldn't have taken him back....it's only going to get worse....You need to leave this guy and don't take his crying or begging or anything...You don't need this and are better than that...Cheaters deserve Cheaters....

I know how you feel , I walk in on my man too but I said I'm going to try and get over it but if it ever happens again it's done over, you know what they say the first time shame on him if it happens a second time and you take him back shame on you . We as women don't need that crape we are better then that and we have to much going for us to livea unhappy life. Life is to shot to live unhappy and their is no way you can be happy with someone treating you that way. I would rather live happy and alone then unhappy with someone . I know it happen to me and I will take a long time to trust him again but right now I'm going to treat him like the dog he is and worrie about me and my children and if I didn't have children with him I would have bein gone right away.
you desever better hun! You can try to work out if it was only the one time but he went back again after two weeks? That's just wrong .the pain does go away in time .if you take him back you are giving him the best of both worlds and you know what he doesn't care about it at all. Respect yourself and move on .

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autumn70

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February 28, 2006, 7:46 am PST

what to do and how to feel !

I am a 35 year old lady and a mother of 4 children, I was married with the father of my three children and we were together for 17 years hight school sweet hearts, I never thought it would end until the day I found out he had a drug problem I tried to deal with his drug problem for 5 years and I couldn't do it any more we ended up divorced , he's now clean for 2 years and we remain friends . After all that I never thought I would find love again I mean who's going to want a lady with three small children , I got my crape together and went to college and started my business while I was trying to get over my divorce, My X and I owned the home together and tried my best not to lose the home I work three job's and finished school and got the house in my own name it took me three years to get over the divorce . I ended up finding love we have Ben together for 3 years and we had a baby together 4 months ago, we got along really well and things seemed fine until last Sunday night We had friends over and the baby was teething so I had to tend to him and I was tired so I went to bed and everyone was still down stairs after all the friends were leaving I was waiting for my man to come to bed , he came upstairs to see if I was sleeping and I acted like I was because I didn't feel like talking . After 15 min I was wondering where he was I went to look for him and I found him he was having sex with the neighbor across the street in my house , I didn't know what to do I told her to get out not that nice and I told him to pack his stuff and get out of my house .I never said so many bad words in my life and I had to keep my cool because the 4 children were upstairs.
Well the next day I called the girl over and told her she better tell me everything because I already know everything I wanted to hear her side , she said the first time they had sex was in December , a month after we had our son,they had sex 3 times in my home while I was upstairs sleeping , How dumb am I ? To top it off the girl is my best friends daughter. I feel to dumb because they played me, I thought everything was fine with us he was like my best friend we had no problems ! I guess I was wrong . Now I have the problem of trying to pay bills and keeping the house because we've done allot of work on the house and I went into dept. everything is in my name go figure . He wants to try and work things out. What to do please tell .

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autumn70

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February 28, 2006, 9:59 am PST

just happened

can anyone tell me how a man can have sex with someone three times and say it just happened or we were drunk, It didn't mean anything. that's what I got when i found my mate f______g someone in my home while i was home sleeping. I'm really trying to figure things out here. please help!

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rn2007may

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February 28, 2006, 11:09 am PST

I've had it...

Quote From: jenoc99

First of all, I wouldn't believe a word this guy has to say!! You should know by now that he is full of sh*t. Look at what you wrote: " He took on a blue collar job to prove to the court that he has no money (temporarily closed down his company)." and then you say: "He has agreed to take the boys if he gets away with not having to "dish" out alot of money in support." I urge you to consider this decision very carefully... why would he allow you to have your children back after willingly giving them to him? Wouldn't he want to punish you by keeping them and possibly making up terrible things about you.. since he is obviously capable of doing whatever it takes to "win" in his eyes. I know that getting through school is important- I agree that it is very important! However... have you considered that if you don't get much support, putting off finishing your last year of nursing school until the kids are older? Its just such a risk to allow him to take your children.. he doesn't sound like the kind of person you can trust. I know that its easy to want to believe the good things that he says... but remember who you are dealing with!! Watch your back.

Well, first of all, I would never allow him to take custody of the children unless I had legal papers drawn up by my attorney and went before a Judge to "seal the deal". I don't want to treat my boys as if they are game pieces, but my ex's main objective is to try and keep me dependent on him for as long as possible and see me fail at reaching my goals and dream. If I quit school now with only one year left, when and if I ever returned, I would have to start all over from the beginning. I am starting to see the "light at the end of the tunnel" and I just know the next year will fly by and I will be an RN (a major dream and goal of mine). I definitely would NOT proceed with anything without legal documents in place stating that once I am finished with school, I will resume Primary Custody. It is really a touchy subject and tough decision to make. My court day is actually tomorrow on March 1st. It will tell the tale and I will better know how the next year of my life will play out once the Judge makes her ruling. Thanks for your advice, I will keep you posted.

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jenoc99

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February 28, 2006, 11:33 am PST

Soon to be ex and custody issues

Quote From: rn2007may

Well, first of all, I would never allow him to take custody of the children unless I had legal papers drawn up by my attorney and went before a Judge to "seal the deal". I don't want to treat my boys as if they are game pieces, but my ex's main objective is to try and keep me dependent on him for as long as possible and see me fail at reaching my goals and dream. If I quit school now with only one year left, when and if I ever returned, I would have to start all over from the beginning. I am starting to see the "light at the end of the tunnel" and I just know the next year will fly by and I will be an RN (a major dream and goal of mine). I definitely would NOT proceed with anything without legal documents in place stating that once I am finished with school, I will resume Primary Custody. It is really a touchy subject and tough decision to make. My court day is actually tomorrow on March 1st. It will tell the tale and I will better know how the next year of my life will play out once the Judge makes her ruling. Thanks for your advice, I will keep you posted.

I wish you the very best with your court date- you are a very smart woman to do everything the legal way! You are so right to get every agreement in writing and legaly binding- from your other post, I thought you were just taking his word for it.

I know how difficult it is to get through school and become an RN- my husband did it a few years ago, it was also a long time wish for him. He now is in a job that is so fullfilling to him and life is very happy- you deserve that, too. It is so awesome that you are fullfilling your life long dream and I congratulate you for now allowing this jerk to drag you down!! It can be difficult even with a supportive family environment, so to have someone working against you instead of with you must be draining.

I also want to point out that you are setting an excellent example for your children by finishing school- you are the strongest female roll-model in their lives, and you are setting the bar for the type of woman that they will seek out later in life as a mate. You are so strong to have the courage to get out of this toxic relationship now, I know it isn't easy, but you know its the right thing to do. My thoughts are with you, keep us posted!!

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newlife01

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February 28, 2006, 1:01 pm PST

thank you

Quote From: divorcedma

Please follow your heart. I am in a similar situation where I truly believe my child is making the right decision for me. I swear children have a good sense of human beings with their innocence. If you have doubts then it is not the right thing and they will prove it.

thank you so much for responding to my message. Its so comforting to know that there is someone else out there who understands my dilemma. I have obtained a therapist and am talking with her about my doubts.She has even had a session with me, my significant other and my daughter. The outlook looks positive but as you said i am watching for my daughter's reaction and using those to make my final decision. Because above all else, all i have in this world are myself and my little girl.Once again thank you for taking the time to reach out to me, it was much appreciated.

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Message Boards

Topic : Breaking Up

Breaking Up

Confused

I've had it

Vindictive almost-ex

I know how you feel

what to do and how to feel !

just happened

I've had it...

Soon to be ex and custody issues

thank you