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Topic : Breaking Up

Number of Replies: 5114
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:06:14 pm
Author : dataimport
Is it time to end things with your significant other? Or, have you just been handed a relationship pink slip? Share your stories.

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August 12, 2005, 11:32 am CDT

don't know what to do?

I have been with my boyfriend off and on for about three years.  For some reason we just can't seem to get it right.  I love him and he does love me, but after a recent trajedy that he went through we are trying to things good between us.  He came to me very intense about us getting back together and I was scared and stand offish because he broke my trust.  Since then he said that we should slow things down.  so that's what we are doing right now.  He tells me he wants this to work out and that he wants to be with me but feels that it is good for us to slowly get back into things.  He is probably right, becuase there are things that we need to work out between the two of us.  The thing is that it's very hard to go from a serious relationship to something a bit more casual.  Neither one is seeing anyone else, and don't plan to, but gradually moving in towards seeing each other more and talking more.  I am a very impatient person and just want to work on things, when he would rather take time and see where things go.  How should I handle this situation??
 
August 14, 2005, 8:23 pm CDT

I think your Boyfriend's idea, is the right thing

Quote From: hun911

I have been with my boyfriend off and on for about three years.  For some reason we just can't seem to get it right.  I love him and he does love me, but after a recent trajedy that he went through we are trying to things good between us.  He came to me very intense about us getting back together and I was scared and stand offish because he broke my trust.  Since then he said that we should slow things down.  so that's what we are doing right now.  He tells me he wants this to work out and that he wants to be with me but feels that it is good for us to slowly get back into things.  He is probably right, becuase there are things that we need to work out between the two of us.  The thing is that it's very hard to go from a serious relationship to something a bit more casual.  Neither one is seeing anyone else, and don't plan to, but gradually moving in towards seeing each other more and talking more.  I am a very impatient person and just want to work on things, when he would rather take time and see where things go.  How should I handle this situation??
I think your Boyfriend's idea, is the right thing. You have not mentioned the things that have gone wrong between the two of you, but taking it slow, and when the time comes to share those things, and get them out in the open, IN TIME, so take things slow, be patient, and remember that good  things come to those that wait. Take it one day at a time, and rebuild that relationship, and one day, because of the trials and tribulations, it will wind up being stronger than before. Good luck, I hope this helps
 
August 14, 2005, 8:47 pm CDT

Lisa, I don't know if you are still wanting help, but if you are,

Quote From: lisa162

In 1983 at 20 years old, I had a two month relationship with a man during training in the early months of my three-year military tour of duty. After training, we ended up being stationed in different places (him near the east coast, me in the southwest). We had an emotional parting, however, as we settled into our new lives, we lost touch. Thirteen years later, he contacts me. He is still in the military and married. We talked on the phone a few times about old times, but we didn't keep in touch. Eight years later in March 05, he contacts me again. He is atttending military school in the state I live in just two hours from the city I live in. He was now divorced. He visited me several weekends. It was a great joy to spend time with him. I began to fall in love with him. After he was finished with school in July 05 and was visiting me before he returned home, I told him I wanted to pursue our relationship and see what may develop. He said that though he liked me alot, he did not want a committed relationship. I was hurt, but I tried to be 'just a friend'. We kept in touch after he returned home and I quitely hoped that we would become a couple, but I was more hurt when it became clear that he had no desire for that. I ended our communication. Now I'm sad and depressed. Someone please help me! 

Lisa, I don't know if you are still wanting help, but  if you are, what are you looking for? We are all on here, due to injury, of some sort or another. Please be more specific in what you are attempting to desire. If it is to get over this guy, time truly heals most wounds, and  it will take time. It sounds like you can't just be friends with this guy, and if what the two of you want out of a relationship is different, then maybe you need to rethink the relationship. I hope you are still around, and I apologize for not answering your post sooner, or someone else did not, but you have one now, and if this doesn't cover what you are looking for, please be more specific.
 
August 17, 2005, 8:39 am CDT

move on

Quote From: lisa162

In 1983 at 20 years old, I had a two month relationship with a man during training in the early months of my three-year military tour of duty. After training, we ended up being stationed in different places (him near the east coast, me in the southwest). We had an emotional parting, however, as we settled into our new lives, we lost touch. Thirteen years later, he contacts me. He is still in the military and married. We talked on the phone a few times about old times, but we didn't keep in touch. Eight years later in March 05, he contacts me again. He is atttending military school in the state I live in just two hours from the city I live in. He was now divorced. He visited me several weekends. It was a great joy to spend time with him. I began to fall in love with him. After he was finished with school in July 05 and was visiting me before he returned home, I told him I wanted to pursue our relationship and see what may develop. He said that though he liked me alot, he did not want a committed relationship. I was hurt, but I tried to be 'just a friend'. We kept in touch after he returned home and I quitely hoped that we would become a couple, but I was more hurt when it became clear that he had no desire for that. I ended our communication. Now I'm sad and depressed. Someone please help me! 

juballs reply was a little off.  sounded a little rude to me.  anyway, sounds to me like all he wanted was a place or a person to rest his head on while he was in school.  and im sorry hun, but it seems to me that he just used you.  men are such jerks.  i do have to give him credit for being honest which is a rarety in most men.  you did the right thing by ending it and probably saved yourself more grief than you know.  good luck and youll be ok. 
 
August 17, 2005, 8:49 am CDT

update

Quote From: white8

i recently divorced my second husband after 10 years of hell.  7 of them living with him off and on, 3 trying to get rid of him.  Which I finally managed to do May 27,2005 at 1:14pm officially.  

2 of those last 3 years I've been seeing someone and I think I want out.  No, I do its just hard to explain.  Let me try.... He is almost a carbon copy of my ex.  We fight almost non-stop and I'm just tired.  Ive waited the entire time for him to grow up.  He's 31, Im 47.  He's insecure and immature, and jealous.  He breaks up with me every other day and he's been caught in numerous lies.  He knows about my past relationships and the difficulty I have had in them from being abused to cheated on.  He keeps me though by dangling money in front of me.   

I know I don't love him and sometimes he gets so possesive it scares me.  He buys me things, gives me money and has recently moved here to be with me.  My kids dont like him, so he's not allowed at the house.  I will not allow another man to ever treat me like my ex, but yet i let this one cross way to many lines.  If I lose him it will be upsetting because I will miss him but why?  I mostly know what needs to be done and I think all I need is support for when I do it.  Are there any online groups or a someone that could help me through?  Any advice from anyone male or female would be greatly appreciated.  thanks. 

thought id give yall an update.  things are coming to a close.  he really is such a loser.  and after what he did on monday, well, ive had enough.  he still wont be up front and tell me the truth he continues to "omit"  and im just tired.  money or not, its not worth it.  so, by the end of the week, i hope to have another update.  thanks. 

 
August 17, 2005, 1:26 pm CDT

Breaking Up

Hi.... well i been with this guy for almost a year and i love him so much that i cant even put it in word .... we broke up before 4 weeks or so after he told me that he's not sure how he feels about me.... couple of weeks pased after out break up n he told me he loves me like always but we just cant be together because he wants 2 go 2 school n if i am with him he might fell all of his classes ... i realli love him and im willing to wait as long as i have to.... but will he stop loving me?
 
August 17, 2005, 2:03 pm CDT

Breaking Up

Quote From: maida_d

Hi.... well i been with this guy for almost a year and i love him so much that i cant even put it in word .... we broke up before 4 weeks or so after he told me that he's not sure how he feels about me.... couple of weeks pased after out break up n he told me he loves me like always but we just cant be together because he wants 2 go 2 school n if i am with him he might fell all of his classes ... i realli love him and im willing to wait as long as i have to.... but will he stop loving me?
I don't want to seem harsh but I think that his excuse for failing his classes, is just that an EXCUSE, and if you asked me not even a good one.  If he needs space and time then you need to give that to him.  I understand that you want to wait and do that but make sure that he is being honest with you.  I don't know you, but from the way it sounds, you deserve much better than that.  If he does stop loving you, then that just means it wasn't meant to be.  Even if you can't see it right now, like all things this to will pass, and like they say "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be."  But the worse thing you could do right now is smother him.  Give him the space he needs, and then if he comes back it willl be that much sweeter.  Make him miss you!!
 
August 18, 2005, 11:53 pm CDT

I went through a few girlfriend's while in college..

Quote From: maida_d

Hi.... well i been with this guy for almost a year and i love him so much that i cant even put it in word .... we broke up before 4 weeks or so after he told me that he's not sure how he feels about me.... couple of weeks pased after out break up n he told me he loves me like always but we just cant be together because he wants 2 go 2 school n if i am with him he might fell all of his classes ... i realli love him and im willing to wait as long as i have to.... but will he stop loving me?

I went through a few girlfriend's while in college, and the main reason was because of lack of patience for when I needed that study time.  

  

It sounds to me, like the other person's post, this is just an excuse because he is not man or mature enough to just say it is over. Just stop and think for a moment, if it were turned around the other way, would you ever break up a relationship with the person you love because things might go wrong down the road? NO! Again, things could go wrong, but giving up before the first sign of trouble, I don't think so! 

  

It sounds to me the guy wants to move on, and I think you should as well. You don't need a mate that has not got at least the character to stand up and look you in the eye and say, hey it 's been fun, but I want to move on and see what is available at school. 

  

I am sorry for your pain. I hope this helps. Good luck 

 
August 25, 2005, 3:45 pm CDT

It wasnt always like this.

She used to not talk to him. Well, you are so right, what do you think of this plan and how do you think it could pan out? OK, well right now she is staying with the baby's dad's aunt, and the dad actually stays there occasionally. I have some weight to lose and some issues to resolve within myself. Maybe untill I get comfortable with myself, and she is comfortable being with me, we can try again. But one of my biggest fears is that she will be or already has been with the baby's dad again....SHould i go out and find someone to hang out with while she is gone???
 
August 25, 2005, 9:13 pm CDT

I don't know what to do anymore..

 Hi all, first time poster.

I'm a 21 year old male from the great state of Michigan.  I was in a relationship for over 4 years with whom I thought was the love of my life.  From the start of the relationship we had issues (I would say a combination of me being jealous and her not being able to let go)...Needless to say we had many of issues with her ex boyfriend. 

Years went by and I kept finding out she was being unfaithful, persay, in that it was per a verbal agreement not to talk to our exes (we both had one in particular we each needed to stay way from).  I would find out she was either talking to him or having phone sex, either way very hurtful.

We would break up or take time and end up back together.  So let's cut to last December.  I discovered she had been talking to him again, behind my back. More phone sex.  I found this at the same time I was looking at rings and we were looking for an apartment. I promptly dumped her. The next day I had a death in the family and quickly fell back into her arms.

We fought and were unhappy for several months until 4 months ago she wanted a week apart to see if we would appreciate each other.  I went to a party, met some new friends, and she saw pictures. She freaked and it went down hill from there.  I personally went downhill, and became addicted to some prescription drugs (valium or xanax, and vicodin) with alcohol.  Still to this day I am addicted,  but it helps relieve my anxiety; which I've always had issues with. I just cannot fix this issue at this point and have accepted it for what it is worth.

During this past few months she has changed so much. She met someone new, quickly lost him, and is infatuated with him.  Being typical for herself, not being able to let go. So now SHE drinks heavily and parties hard and it just is not the girl I fell in love with.   Not to mention she talks to her ex all the time now and he is engaged to a woman.  She seems very interested in him and that situation is going to be nasty.

Now we are attempting to be friends (have so much in common), but both have expressed not being interested in each other at this point in time.  We talk nearly daily and recently have started cuddling,  kissing, and hanging out a lot.  One night I spent the night at her new apartment..Big mistake, we made love, and I woke up in her arms. But she continually asks how I feel and ensures that I know she doesn't wish to date me. She keeps getting everything she wants from me, I just cannot say no.  No reason she doesn't want to date; I'm no challenge.

I am here numb and don't know what else to type. She's the complete opposite of who I fell in love with, and I am so angry with her. I think of getting back with her and having to worry about her ex all over again and everything else.. But yet being in her arms and kissing her feels so right.  I don't know how to say goodbye, or if I should.  I don't know if I have hope for the future but I really don't know how to approach her with this situation and I really cannot take much more.  Between the drugs and alcohol and depression this path cannot get any worse. One of these times i'll end up without a pulse or in a coma....

Thanks


 
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