I had to stop writing there before because it was quiting time at work, I'm home now and I had to finish. So as I was saying I felt similar to how you are feeling, I still do quite often, but thing are getting better. The advice that people gave me worked in some ways, and really I knew all of this stuff rationally, but emotionally it was totally different. My mind knew, and people told me. If he made you feel this way then he wasn't reliable anyway. If he did come back he may betray you again and the stakes could be higher. The time you spend with people who do not treat you with respect is wasting precious time from yourself, and gettting to know yourself, understand yourself clearly without the need for others approval or time.
It does sound korny, but think of it this way...What's his face comes back to you and you and go for a walk. You would have normally went down Main St, but What's his name and you walk up Maple Ave. Main was always so quite before, but the day you and What's his face(WHF) go there was someone on Main who you would have met along the way. This man on Main could have been you future husband, love, equal, who treated you better than even you have imagined. He would have loved you and you children and never hurt you as deep as WHF, but you didn't go down Main that day. Mr Wonderful left town and didn't return. You never met him, you don't miss him or really hurt over this because you were with WHF and missed your chance and you are oblivious to this knowlege.
Now don't get sad, becasuse if you believe in The LOVE OF THE Universe, God, the Life force, cupid or greek love goddessses, then you will one day meet this man another day or another time, when the time is right. But if you want to really make yourself happy, and get respect and be strong, have more stability and love, then you will decide a.s.a.p that you will not do anything that will prevent you from obtaining that love. This includes spending time with WHF and worrying about how much you miss him and need him and how much he hurts you. Spend this time in a postive way. You can do it, even practice at least a little each day, nurturing yourself. I read (Get INNER LOVER, by valerie harms, it's good on this topic, using your fantacies about people who are inappropriate or let us down, or die or runway, to heal. Dr Phils Love Smart is great too). I take bubble baths, walk, goto the gym, listen to music, doodle and journal (This really helps get stuff out too, and it's fun to go back and read what you wrote a day or a few days later. Seriously, sooner , not later and you will be able to laugh about this, even if it still hurts too, you will feel better in many ways.
Like a rainstrom and thunder comes and it down pours, you will see a rainbow and it will last longer. Even if you do see WHF more in the future, tell him how you feel, honour your feelings. I only hope I am strong enough to take my own advice! It is so much harder to do this than to write it, or it even might sound like preaching to you?) But I read your post and I was like, " I was, I am in a similar place as you are in my heart. I want someone to come back to me, say sorry and just be nice and loving and supportive to me, do the manly thing, have answers, closure, the truth, or something. "I wanted to tell you there is someone else out there feeling similar to you, and I know it is hard to function, especially with a child( I don't have, I can only imagine) and I hope you don't give up, I pray things will go better for you. I know it helped me just reading you post because I smiled and said, "That's me... I know how that feels.
Anyway, I am blabbing now, but Best Wishes! I am sure I will write updates later!
