Quote From: benna1I met this guy on a dating site. we clicked right away. we had everything in common form sports to cooking. everything. even our children shared similiar interest, both very passionate about animals. we started chatting. we talked everyday on the phone, online everyday. i ididnt join the site really looking for a relationship. he also told me the same thing. initially he joined the site to meet women with similar interest, like biking, rafting, sports. then he said if he happened to be in the state they were from, then he would look them up and meet them. platonically. i then he said he met me, and we were so comfortable it was so easy, effortless talking. it was, like id known him all my life. we talked and decided that he could, would come to meet me. he drove 10 hours. we spent 5 wonderful days together. we had so much fun, enjoyed everything together, but we talked about how it wasnt the real world and he'd have to go back to work and his hectic schedule of working , taking care of his 15yr old son, whom hes raised since he was 2. he is divorced if i didnt mention that. anyway he said too that he ended his last relationship of 5 years because of her pessemistic attitude and his lack of time to spend with her, that she complained about. so he said intially he wasnt going to get into another relationship for at least 3 years when his son was out of high school. then he met me and thought this could work. so after he went back home we talked again everyday, he said he was crazy bout me and wanted to try a relationship and he wanted his next relationship to be his last. to me that was ours. he talked, we talked about moving me to his city, moving into his home becoming a family all of that. we then made arrangements for me to go sprn time with him and his son (in the real world) i arrived on friday, we had a great weekend. i met his mom and spent all day momday with her. he had to work. he picked me up that affternoon, we went home. he said he was stressed from work so i gave him some quality private time. tuesaday was his birthday so he went in half a day for that afternoon. i stayed home and baked cake and cookies and did some work on computer. initially when we were planning my trip it was to be from friday till wednesday, but he said he wanted me to stay thru the 5th. after i arrived that was never mentioned again. anyway he came home tuesday, we took a walk together, his mom came over for cake and we cuddled on the couch till late that night. i was to fly home the next morning wednesday. we had a great time while i was there. he was very affectionate and i was so relaxed and at home there, i git along great with his son. then on wednesday morning we're lying in bed and he says, my schedule is so hectic. i didnt have time to take off and spend it with you. on monday when i got home from work i was so stressed i didnt want to be around people. ( we had discussed thind early on online chatting. how he knew his world was hectic and sometimes he just didnt want to be around people and thats part of the reason he broke up with his last gfriend of 5 yrs) i thought we, i was ok with that. then he tells me.. I DONT HAVE TIME FOR A RELATIONSHIP....so this isnt going to work. i dont have time to fit you in. of course this was devastating to me because i thought all was fine. i sayed u lied to me you said jump ill catch you...thatd didnt happen. he says IM SORRY I HURT YOU. he takes me to the airport. im a crying mess. he holds me close says he call me later and i look at him and hes crying.
he calls me that eveing and i said what now? he says id like to keep talking to you if youd like. what do we talk about now? i said i understand the not having time now, but is there a future for us. HE SAYS NO...i dont understand this. hes crazee about me he then says. but no future. then i get an email stating he said that cos he doesnt know if he has a future with anyone. thats what he was trying to say. so now he says since i know im not relationship material, i can be a really great friend. i feel in love with him and things were so great, tell me how can it go wrong so quickly, how can he stop caring about me. i cant stop crying. how do i get over this. i still hope for a future with him. tell me someone how i get over this. do i wait? how can i be just a friend? i want him in my life but its so painful. im afraid if im not a friend ill never see him again. which if problably going to happen anyway. someone please help me with this............thank you...heartbroken and hurting
The best thing for you to do is get busy. Don't waste anymore time talking to him. If you feel there are things you want to say to him, write it down in a letter, then rip it up or throw it away.
If it is painful for you to have him in your life, then you DON'T want him in your life.
But most importantly, you need to get a clean break. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years, 2 months ago. At least you weren't told that he's known motorcycles longer than he's known you.
But for the past 2months all I can do is think about him, if I would have given him more time, etc. etc. But all that has accomplished is me feeling lonely and depressed. Today I am taking the letter that I have been writing for two months about all my anger, and frustration, and love towards him, and all the pictures of us together and burning it all.
I know that I am the one that broke it off tihs time, but it's a long history of things with him, on & off again, etc. But I still think that I'm in love with him despite what he has said and done, or not done.
Don't be like me and keep this man in your life because you think you love him. You will be stuck where I was for 3 years. Then at the end of it you wonder why the hell you did it.
Cut it off, no more calls to him, no more emails, nothing. He is NEVERgoing to give you want you really want. And you can't be friends with him because of how strongly you feel about him.
And don't worry about being afraid of never seeing him again, I've been terrified of not seeing Jim ever again, but I'm slowly coming around to realizing that it's ok. Soon he will just be someone I used to know.
Start a list for yourself of the qualities you want in a man, and what you don't want. I call it my deal breaker list. BUT DONT FORGET ABOUT IT!!! I wrote mine after my divorce, then 2 years later forgot about it, then met Jim and "fell in love" with him. It wasn't after I broke up with him that I pulled the list out, andwhat do you know....out of 20 deal breakers, he had 15 of them!!!!
But the best thing you can do for yourself right now, is no more communication with him. Everytime you do that you bring yourself right back down, because he has told you there is no romantic future for you.
I'm not going to lie and say it's not hard. It's hard as hell, and you will have good days, but then you will fall back into crying and missing him. When you have those days, call a friend, call afamily memeber, hell call QVC. Just don't call him. I wish you much luck, it is a hard road to go down, but trust me, you will be a stronger person for it.
also heartbroken and hurting, and right there with you girl.
